Lion's Bride (31 page)

Selene stepped forward. “I’ll help you.” She knelt beside Ware. “Together we can do it.” She fixed Kadar with a stern look. “Go about your business and let us tend to ours.”

“Yes, my lady.” He bowed mockingly. “Should I have a favor to carry into battle?”

“If you’re clever, you won’t have to do battle,” Selene said. “So be clever. This Sinan must bear you some affection if he took the trouble to scare off Kemal. Go see if he will help us escape Kemal. And don’t come riding back here dripping blood and begging us to help you. It’s enough to have one sick man to tend.”

“I shall earnestly try to spare you that bother.” He moved toward his horse. “Your temperament is clearly unsuited for such tasks.”

“Yes, it is.”

Thea could not bear listening to them any longer. “
Help
me with him,” she said. “He could die while you stand here talking, Kadar. Does he mean so little to you?”

“He belongs to me. One always cares about one’s possessions.” Kadar mounted his horse. “Naturally, I will do everything I can to preserve his life. Don’t leave this place until I return, and keep a good watch. Since I’m going to all this effort, I’d hate to have my efforts wasted.” He turned and trotted up the mountain.

Flippancy in Kadar at this tragic moment was incomprehensible to Thea. “I don’t understand him.”

“He’s afraid,” Selene said quietly. “I think he’s seen too much death. He armors himself against feeling deeply for anyone because he fears he will lose them. Don’t worry, he will find a way to help.”

All the help in the world would do no good if Ware slipped away from her. But he would not slip away; she would not permit it.

Ware did not wake that night.

Thea sat beside him, moistening his lips and head with water. She and Selene had taken off his armor, and without that protection he looked frighteningly vulnerable. He was no longer a warrior but a man open to all harm.

Selene came to her at dawn and knelt, gazing at Ware’s pale face. “He is no better.”

“He might be.” Thea could hear the desperation in her own voice. “Perhaps the sleep is healing him.”

“Perhaps,” Selene said without confidence.

“He will wake soon.”

“And what if he doesn’t?” Selene asked gently. “You must accept the possibility that he may die.”

“I will not accept it.”

“Because he gave his life for you?”

“He didn’t give his life. He’s not going to die.”

Selene was silent a moment, studying her. “I was a fool,” she said harshly. “All this time I believed you when you said you hated him. You love this man.”

“Yes.” How simple to confess it now when she had not been able even to contemplate the idea before.

“Then why did you lie to me?”

“I didn’t lie to you. I didn’t know—I was afraid to love him.” She ran her hand wearily through her hair. “And he had no right to do what he did. I was angry and hurt.” She was still angry and hurt, but at this moment that meant nothing in light of the fact that Ware might die. She repeated, “I didn’t know.”

“You should have chosen another man to love.” Selene’s hands clenched with anger. “You should have known Lord Ware would bring you pain.”

“I didn’t want it to happen. It just…came.”

“And now look at you. When he dies, you will grieve, and I’ll be able to do nothing about it.”

“He’s not going to die,” Thea repeated. “Go away. I won’t have you here thinking bad thoughts.”

“Thoughts don’t kill. Let me help you.”

She couldn’t take the chance. She had the feeling Ware was teetering on the brink, and even a breath would cause him to fall. “I’ll take care of him myself.”

Selene shook her head as she rose to her feet. “It’s worse than the time you made the banner. You wouldn’t let me help then either, but at least you didn’t think I’d bring death by being in the same chamber.” She shrugged and strode away. “I’ll go back and stand watch. Call me if you decide I can help.”

She had hurt Selene, Thea realized wearily. She would have to make amends later. She supposed her sister was right. This desperation and obsessive determination were similar to what she had felt when she had been embroidering the banner. But the terror, the sickening fear, had not been present then.

The banner.

Asherah.

Had Ware been struck down by God for questioning the holy teachings?

She would not believe it. If he died, it would be because he had given his life for her. Whatever trespass he had committed, surely such a sacrifice would not be demanded of him.

Kadar could feel the thrust of power as soon as he entered the gates. It was as strong and compelling as the throb of the ghost drums.

Time had not weakened the Old Man.

Sinan waited for him on the steps of his castle, a fierce smile of satisfaction curving his lips. “You came back to me. I knew you would.”

“I came to ask for sanctuary. I will not stay.”

“Sanctuary for those weak fools below? They would have been slaughtered if I hadn’t sent the drums.”

“But you did send the drums.”

“For you, not for them.”

“Then, for me, send help to keep Kemal from attacking them again.”

“But you are here. I have no need to keep them alive now.” He smiled coldly. “And I will make sure you soon forget them. You already feel far, far away from them, don’t you, Kadar?”

Kadar could feel the whirlpool of power draw him deeper as Sinan exerted his will.

He had forgotten how hard it was to resist that will. It took a moment before he was able to break free. “I will not forget them.” He paused. “And if they die, I will remember them always. Memories can be much stronger than a living presence. They tend to grow until they are in every corner of your mind and heart.” He could see Sinan did not like that idea and followed it quickly. “So why not send someone to watch over the weak ones and make sure Kemal doesn’t make them into memories?”

Sinan stared at him with no expression. “You were always troublesome, Kadar.”

“But you don’t permit anyone to trouble you.”

“Nor shall I. I almost had you before. Ah, how I wanted you to stay. You were without equal. The strongest always feels the pull the most and fights it hardest.” He turned and started up the stone steps. “But I have you back now. We’ll see how much you wish to save these Franks.”

Three days passed and still Ware did not wake.

Thea dropped water on his tongue, but she could get no food down. How could he heal if he had no nourishment? she wondered desperately. He seemed to be growing thinner and weaker before her eyes.

“I’m done with asking you to sleep, but you must eat.”

Selene was beside her, holding a wooden bowl filled with stew. The stew Ware had refused to swallow. She shook her head.

“You’ll eat it or I’ll knock you down, straddle you, and force it down your throat.” Selene’s expression was grim. “I’m out of patience. You persist in killing yourself for a dying man, and that idiot Kadar is probably lying dead somewhere on this stupid mountain. I’ll not have it.” She thrust the bowl into Thea’s hands. “Eat it and I’ll bother you no longer.”

It was easier to obey than argue with her. Thea quickly finished the food and gave the bowl back to Selene.

“Good.” Selene turned away and said over her shoulder, “If this is what love for a man brings to a woman, I’ll make sure I never allow myself to feel it. You’re more a slave than you ever were at the House of Nicholas.”

It was true, Thea thought dully. She was chained to Ware in ways she had never thought possible. She felt so close to him, it was as if she were a part of every breath he drew. At times she thought if that breath stopped, she would also die.

Terror iced through her. He must not die. She had done everything possible to keep him alive.

But everything she had done had not been enough. God was going to take him.

“No,” she whispered. She closed her eyes. “Give him back to me.” Why was she praying? God had not listened when she had prayed for her dying mother. She wasn’t sure God ever listened to women’s pleas. He probably regarded females as unimportant, as man did. Yet if Asherah was part of God, then there was a slim chance God might understand a woman’s desperation. She had to try. “Listen to me. This man has a good heart. He wants to live. He deserves to live. I won’t ask for any other help to save us. Just let him live, and I’ll do the rest.”

Silence.

What had she expected? A crash of thunder to signal a miracle?

Her hand tightened on Ware’s.

Live.

No stirring, no sign of waking.

She blinked back the tears stinging her eyes. It was stupid to feel disappointed. She had never been one to believe in miracles anyway. She had been right. God didn’t listen to women.

An hour later she spooned a little stew from the bowl beside her and put it on his tongue.

He swallowed it.

She stiffened, afraid to believe it.

She placed another spoonful on his tongue and held her breath.

He swallowed that bite also.

The tears she had refused to shed overflowed and ran down her cheeks.

Not with a crash of thunder but with an act so small, it was almost imperceptible in the pattern of life.

A miracle.

WARE OPENED HIS EYES just before dawn.

“Safe?” he whispered. “Are—you—safe?”

“Quite safe.” She tried to steady her voice. In another moment she would be weeping, she realized with panic. She instinctively sought a way to prevent that indignity. “Through no help from you. First, you rush forward and try to get yourself killed, and then you delay us by remaining out of your senses for days.”

“Should have—left without me.”

“Yes, we should have.” She patted his head with a damp cloth. “But Kadar was too fond of you to abandon you.”

“Kadar.” He tried to turn his head and then flinched. “Where is—”

“Don’t move. Do you wish to do yourself more injury? Close your eyes and go back to sleep. Everything is fine.”

His lids closed. “I seem to be able—to do nothing else. Sweet Jesus, my head…hurts.”

“Perhaps that will teach you not to blunder forward and place yourself needlessly in harm’s way.”

“Ungrateful…woman. I did not blunder…”

He was asleep. But he would wake. She knew he would wake.

She knelt there, drinking in his face as if she had not stared at it these many days. The faintest flush colored his cheeks, and his breathing was light and even.

She lay down beside him, not touching but close enough to be aware if he stirred.

She was deeply asleep in less than a moment.

“Where is Kadar?” Ware asked.

She fought her way out of the webs of sleep and lifted herself on one elbow to look down at him.

His voice was stronger and his eyes bright and alert. A surge of joy brought her fully awake. “You’re better. I’ll go get you something to eat.”

“I have it here.” Selene was beside them, handing her a bowl. “I thought you two would never wake.” She studied Ware. “I believe you may live, after all.”

“Your enthusiasm heartens me,” Ware said.

“You betrayed us. I’m not like Thea. I don’t forgive easily.” She turned on her heel and strode away from them.

“Then she’s very like you.” Ware grimaced. “No one forgives less freely than you.”

“You’re right. I’ll never forgive you for taking me to El Sunan. Open your mouth.”

“I can feed myself.”

“Open your mouth.”

He reluctantly obeyed her. “I feel like a babe.”

She scooped another spoonful into his mouth. “Then eat and grow strong. Do you think I like doing this?” She did not mind. She would not have minded anything now that he had come back to her.

“Where is Kadar?”

She could no longer evade the question. “He went to seek help from Sinan.”

“How long ago?”

“Four days.”

He muttered a curse and tried to sit up. She pushed him down. “What do you intend to do? Go riding after him when you can scarcely move? If he had been murdered by the assassins, would they not have been here in this camp by now? There’s been no sign of anyone since you were felled.”

“Kemal?”

She shook her head. “No one.”

He looked down at the bits of meat in the bowl of stew. “How have you lived?”

“Selene set traps for small game and kept watch.” She spooned the last bite into his mouth and sat back on her heels. “Are you dizzy?”

He shook his head. “And my head aches only a trifle. I could ride right now.”

“In two days we will see.”

He glared at her. “Now.”

She glared back at him. “Kadar said we should wait here for him, and I’ll not have my work ruined after all the bother I’ve taken with you. Try to get up, and I’ll tie your legs to this tree we’re under. Now, go back to sleep.”

“You couldn’t do it. I’m not so weak a woman could best me.”

“You’re so weak, a caterpillar could best you.” She could see he was not convinced, and fear rushed through her. “We’ll strike a compromise. Tomorrow, if you’re better, we’ll see if you can sit a horse.”

“Of course I can sit a horse. I’ve ridden fifty miles with a wound through my stomach.”

“Then you were very foolish. Someone should have stopped you. Tomorrow.”

He stared at her in rage and frustration. “Kadar may need me.”

“One more day won’t matter to him, and it may mean a great deal to you. You aren’t going to face murderers when you have no more strength than this. Go to sleep.” She rose to her feet. “You might as well do as I say, for you’ll have no horse. I’m going to take all of them down to the brook and groom them.” She grimaced. “And myself. I’ve not left your side since you were wounded, and I badly need a wash. I must smell as you did when you wore your sheepskin drawers.”

His anger disappeared. “You stayed by my side for four days?”

“You were most uncooperative. You would not wake.” She started toward the tree where the horses were tied. “But that was not your fault. The blame will lie with you if you do something stupid now.”

“Four days?”

She did not answer. She could feel his intent gaze on her as she gathered the reins and started down the incline. She kept her back very straight and did not look at him. She had never experienced such melting tenderness. She wanted to run to him and gather him close and tell him everything would be all right, that she would do whatever he wished. Even in their moments of passion she had not felt like this, and it frightened her. Much better to keep him at bay with harsh words than let herself flow into him and lose herself.

“I’ll help you.” Selene was beside her, grabbing her horse’s reins. “Why did you not ask?”

“I’ve already allowed you to do too much.” She paused. “And without thanks.”

Selene did not look at her. “When have thanks been necessary between us? And you did not allow me to help much.”

And denying her that service had hurt her, Thea thought. “It is not—He was hurt and I was afraid. You didn’t understand.”

“No, I didn’t. I still don’t.” Selene’s words came haltingly. “I’ve been thinking about it, and I see no reason why you should let yourself love Lord Ware. We would be much happier off by ourselves.”

“It’s not a question of letting myself.”

“Fate? Magic? You never believed in it before. Have you lost your senses?”

Perhaps she had lost her senses. She had certainly changed. “Lord Ware has a good heart. He saved my life.”

“So? You don’t have to give it to him. Reward him in some other way.”

Such a simple solution. “It’s not a reward. You don’t understand.”

“You keep saying that. I do understand.” Thea could almost see Selene withdrawing into herself. “Well, go ahead. Love him. Go to him. I don’t need you. We’re all alone, anyway. We just like to pretend we aren’t.”

“You’re not alone.” Thea lovingly touched her arm and flinched as Selene stiffened. “I’ll always be here when you need me.”

“It won’t be the same.”

“Don’t be stupid.” She lost patience. “Nothing is ever the same, but that doesn’t mean it’s not good. You’re my sister and my friend, and I’ll neither forget nor stop loving you. You’re the one who is pushing me away.” She grabbed Selene’s shoulders and shook her. “I won’t have it. We need each other and I won’t lose you.”

Selene stared into her face for a moment before saying gruffly, “Perhaps you haven’t quite lost your senses. You may yet get over this madness.” She shrugged off Thea’s grasp. “I suppose I’ll wait and see.” She reached into the pocket of her gown and handed Thea a bar of soap. “I’ll tend the horses. You bathe and wash your hair.”

“We’ll both tend the horses first,” Thea said with firmness. “We do things together.”

“Only some things.” Selene grimaced. “For I will have nothing to do with this strange malady that’s overtaken you.”

Ware was still awake when she returned to the camp two hours later.

“Why?” he asked.

“You’re supposed to be asleep.”

“It appears I’ve done nothing but sleep for the past few days. Why did you not leave my side?”

She tied the horses to the tree. “You needed my care.”

“To that extent?” His eyes were fixed on her face. “That you could not leave me for even a moment?”

“It’s one of my faults that I can do nothing halfway.” She shrugged. “But now that you’re on your way to health, I can take time to help Selene.” She added, “If you’ll be sensible and not make more work for me by trying to do too much too soon.”

“I find it strange that you’d work so hard to save a man you hate.” He paused. “You did say you had not forgiven me?”

“And it’s true. What you did was unforgivable.” She ran her hands through her damp hair to aid it in drying. “But you saved my life. I couldn’t let you die.”

“Why won’t you look at me?”

“You’re not overpleasant to look upon. You have four days’ growth on your cheeks.”

His hand involuntarily lifted to his rough cheek. “That’s not the reason.”

“That’s all the reason you’ll get from me.”

He was silent a moment, watching her. He said in a low voice, “Could you not leave your hair down? I’ve not seen it unbound for a long time.”

Since the night Selene had come to Dundragon. It seemed a century ago. She had a sudden vivid memory of writhing under him, making soft, frantic cries. His hands in her tresses holding her still as his hips drove forward, again and again, filling her, stretching her until she could—

She quickly drew her hair over her shoulder and began to braid it.

He said wearily, “I shouldn’t have mentioned it.” He closed his eyes. “I should have known you’d not give me that pleasure. It seemed a little thing….”

It was not a little thing. The memory had brought to life that part of her she had buried for the last two years. She would not be able to look at him now without remembering pleasure.

And wanting it again.

Not now. Not until she could come to terms with this loving. Everything was happening too fast. She already felt too weak and needy; taking him into her body would only make it worse.

He was asleep again. Dear God, his big body looked helpless lying there. No, not completely helpless. She could already see the faint signs of returning strength. Soon he would be himself again, strong, stubborn, willful, carving his way through life, sure that only his path was best. She would have to be wary every moment if she was to hold her own.

But that moment was not now. She slowly crossed the clearing and lay down close to him, savoring his nearness. If he woke, she could use his weakness as excuse.

She cuddled closer, and a warm sweetness flowed through her. This was good. She did not have to worry about either yielding or holding herself aloof. She could lie here and know that, for this moment, it was safe to let herself love him.

She woke in the middle of the night to see him staring down at her with wonder.

“Thea?”

She was too vulnerable, too full of love. She should move away from him. She should close her eyes so that he could not see.

She did not want to close her eyes. She wanted to keep on looking at him forever.

“Why are you afraid?” he whispered. “I’ve been feeling your fear since I came back to my senses.”

She was afraid she loved him too much, afraid she would give him everything and have nothing left for herself. She said shakily, “You’re still out of your senses, if you think I fear you. I don’t—”

“Stop.” His finger gently touched her eyelash. “There’s something here, something I can almost see, if you’d only stop blistering me with words.”

She did not want him to see. Not yet. She must be more sure of herself before she let him be sure of her.

She shut her eyes. “You won’t hear me blister you with words if you don’t talk and disturb my sleep.” She could feel his gaze on her face for another moment before he settled down beside her. “Why did you lie with me?”

“To keep you warm. You must not get a chill. I’ll leave if you like.”

“No, stay.” Then he repeated in a low tone, “Stay, Thea.”

Ware straightened in the saddle. “Hand me my helmet.”

Thea shook her head. “It’s too heavy. I won’t have that metal pressing on the wound.”

“You’d rather have my head split open by one of Sinan’s men. Hand me my helmet.”

Thea ignored him. “Get our horses, Selene.”

Ware shook his head. “You’ll stay here and wait until I return.”

“We go to Maysef.” Selene returned with the horses from the trees, and Thea swung into the saddle. “I’ll not change my mind, so you might as well be silent and save your strength. You may need it to protect us.”

She rode ahead of him up the trail.

She heard his muttered expletive behind her.

“I won’t be this weak forever,” he called grimly. “Enjoy it while you may.”

She was not enjoying his helplessness, but she was taking advantage of it. He looked strong and warriorlike sitting in that saddle, but she couldn’t believe he was as well as he appeared. She would not let him go alone to that fortress where unknown dangers lurked. “If you admit to weakness, you should have the sense to take care of yourself. Since I see no sign of it, I’ll have to do it myself.” She glanced back over her shoulder to make sure Selene was out of hearing. “I believe we’ll be just as safe at Maysef as we were waiting for Kemal, but I want a promise from you.” She paused. “If there’s a choice to be made, I want you to save Selene.”