Lipstick Kisses : A Sexy, Standalone Contemporary Romance (11 page)

My life is an utter mess. I’ve never felt so out of control, spiraling downward. I’m scared, I’m depressed, and I’m emotional. No one can help me feel any better. I should be happy. I’m having a baby. Every woman wants to have a baby with a man they love, and I know I do. And I have that right now, but the timing is so wrong.

After Chandler got over the shock of it all, he has been trying to reassure me day in and day out that he loves me. I believe he loves me. I can tell by the way he looks at me and the way he holds my gaze, as if he can see into my soul. But I have to tell you, I never, ever wanted to be one of those girls who would resort to trapping a guy into marrying her. You know I am too damn independent and self-sufficient for that kind of nonsense. I’m determined to prove that this is not what I’m doing here. I’ve worked extra hard to be a self-supporting, successful businesswoman. And then I go and screw it all up—literally, right? I refuse to look weak and like some damsel in distress.

I wake up first this morning. Chandler looks so peaceful sleeping next to me. I gently raise my head off his chest and try to crawl out of bed without waking him. He rarely starts his workday early. He’s not a morning person.

I, on the other hand, like to get in early and get shit done, pardon my French.

“Where do you think you’re going?” my handsome lover drawls.

“Chandler, I need to get into work. I have orders to get out and deadlines to meet.”

“Don’t you have some time for love?” he asks in his husky bedroom voice, pulling me in close against his hard, warm body. Some parts are harder than others at the moment.

“Please don’t tempt me. I really need to get in the shower and start my day.”

“How about you start your day underneath me?” he asks wickedly, covering my lips with his.

I kiss him back, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“Now that’s better. I don’t want you rushing off before I’ve had a chance to thoroughly love you.”

And so my morning begins, with Chandler making the sweetest love to me. Slow, tender, gentle love.

“I love you. You know that, right?” Chandler murmurs softly against my ear after our session of lovemaking.

“Yes,” I reply, looking up into those eyes of his. I lovingly stroke his cheek with my thumb.

After he brings me to the edge of ecstasy and back down, he holds me close in his arms.

“What am I going to do with you?” he asks.

“What do you mean?”

“Marry me.”

“I gave you my answer already,” I reply, shifting my gaze to my fingers, which are lightly stroking his chest.

“We love each other. What’s stopping you?”

“I told you before that I won’t trap you into marrying me just because I’m with child.”  I quickly roll out of bed, leaving Chandler sighing out in exasperation. I won’t do it. I don’t want him to feel trapped, smothered into marrying me, and so I won’t agree to it. I want him to stay around because he loves me, not because of some obligation or just because I’m having his baby.

I step into my bathroom, my sanctuary. I turn on the shower and wait for the water to heat. I sense a pair of eyes on me and look out the door, which I left ajar. Chandler is watching me from the bed with the oddest expression. I hold his mesmerizing gaze as he throws the sheet off his naked physique, and I bite my lip. He strides into the bathroom.

He can tell me all he wants to that he was planning to ask me to marry him, but I’m not buying it. He never talked about marriage before, and I was totally fine with the way things were. We’re happy together, no pressure for anything other than just being together when we both wanted to be. So what if it meant every night of the week? That’s how we seemed to both want it. The feeling was mutual. Neither of us was tugging for more. At least, I didn’t think so. Now, it’s just gotten all muddled up with me being pregnant. He feels some sense of urgency to get married, although, like I said, he never alluded to it before the pregnancy. So nope, not going there.

When and if I ever get married, I want it to be for all of the right reasons, because we love each other unconditionally. Certainly not because there’s a bun in the oven.

I’m not showing yet, so I haven’t told my parents. They are going to freak out, with my Catholic upbringing. They’re going to insist we get married, as if it’s any of their business what we decide to do. We’re both grown adults.

With a heavy heart, I drag myself into the office this morning.

“Why so glum?” Kelsey asks, walking into my office with my morning latte and placing it on my desk.

“Close the door.”

“Is it juicy, juicy gossip?” she asks.

“You can’t tell a soul, not yet,” I say.

“I promise.”

“I’m pregnant.” I gulp.

“Oh. My. God. Nikki, how exciting! Why, then, are you so glum? Oh . . .I get it.” She pauses, realizing the direness of my situation. I’m an unwed mother.

“Exactly. The timing is all wrong,” I cry out.

“How is Chandler taking it? It is his baby, right?” she asks gently.

“Of course it’s his baby.” I glare at Kelsey.

“Sorry, I knew that.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Well, I know I’m going to have it.”

“That’s good to hear,” Kelsey says with a bit of sarcasm. I’m being judged already.

“I’m born and raised Catholic, remember?”

“Have you told your parents yet?”

“God, no. I’m dreading it. They will insist we get married as soon as possible.”

“And what’s wrong with that? You’re in love. Has Chandler done the honorable thing and asked you to marry him?” she asks.

“What are you, living in the dark ages? People don’t get married nowadays just because of a baby. Besides, I refuse to trap a guy into marrying me. I’m sick about it all. Yes, Chandler has proposed numerous times since I told him. He never once mentioned marriage before I was pregnant. Now, because it’s the honorable thing to do, he has asked me, so it doesn’t count—not in my book. I said no.”

“You turned down his marriage proposal? Are you crazy?” Kelsey asks in pure astonishment.

“He’s only asking me because I’m carrying his child.”

“Has it dawned on you that he asked you to marry him because he loves you and you happen to be carrying his child?”

“Stop going around in circles. My answer is no. Let’s just try and get some work done around here, shall we?”

“You drop this bomb on me and expect me to act like nothing has changed and it will be business as usual around here? You are going to be a mother. Can you freaking believe it? I’m so happy for you!” Kelsey exclaims a little too loudly.

“Please keep your voice down. I don’t want to announce it yet.” I turn on my heel and walk to my window and stare out at the view of the city. A million people in LA, going about their business like it’s a normal day. But for me, my life has changed forever. Every emotion runs through my body. I’m happy, sad, and scared, yet determined to get through this.

“Nikki,” my friend says quietly. She’s standing right behind me now.

“Everything will be all right. A child is a blessing,” she says quietly, trying to reassure me.

I turn to her. “Those are the same words Chandler said,” I whisper. “To be honest, I’m scared to death. Scared of how my life will change, how my body will change. A baby is not in my plans right now.”

“Look Nikki, I know you like to be in control at all times, in all areas of your life. I could totally see how this is freaking you out. It will just take a while to get used to the idea. You will be fine. You’re resilient. I know you want children. Maybe the timing isn’t right, but then again, when would it ever be for the hard-working, all-business woman like you?” she says, putting her hands on her hips.

“You’re probably right. I would never think it was a good time to have kids. When did you become the voice of wisdom? Thanks for trying to put it in perspective for me and making me feel a little better about it all.”

Kelsey wraps her arms around me to comfort me, and I let her.

“Have you been to the doctor yet?”

“I have my first appointment next week. Chandler wants to go with me.”

“How sweet. He loves you, Nikki.”

“I know.”

“Then why the hell won’t you marry him?”

“Let’s get to work. I don’t want to talk about it any more. The subject is closed for now. Have all of the shipments gone out to Morgan Cosmetics?”

“Yes, the last shipment went out Friday from our main warehouse. I called and confirmed it first thing this morning.”

“Good. Morgan was breathing down my neck about it last week.”

“He sounds like I would love to have him breathing down my neck. What does he look like? Is he as sexy in person as he sounds on the phone? That British accent is to die for!” Kelsey giggles.

I tilt my head and picture Morgan, the owner of Morgan Cosmetics. “Yes, he actually is a dashing fellow. That British accent is a lady killer,” I laugh.

“He sounds yummy—that’s why I was asking.” Kelsey grins.

“You’ve never met him? He’s been in before.”

“I must have been out or away from my desk.”

“He’s a little too pushy for my taste, but I guess it’s because I only know him on a professional, cutthroat level. I hear he is quite the skirt chaser though.” I laugh.

“Hmm, he sounds like the international man of mystery. I will need to be in the next time he comes for a visit.” Kelsey waggles her eyebrows at me.

“We’re meeting to discuss exclusive packaging for his chain of cosmetic stores,” I say aloud as I flip through my appointment calendar. “Ah yes, he is coming in next Wednesday morning at ten. Dress extra-sexy and wear some high-heeled f*ck me pumps.”

“Nikki!” Kelsey squeals.

“Hey, you need to make the most of your assets. Come in that day dressed to kill. You’ve got great legs. Wear a tight pencil skirt and a sheer blouse with a cami underneath.”

“That hardly sounds like appropriate business attire.”

“I’m your boss, and I am telling you it’s appropriate. And be sure to wear your hair down instead of in your usual pulled back ponytail. Curl the ends.”

“All right, all right. But I highly doubt I’m his type.”

“Don’t be so sure. I have a feeling about this one. “

“Are you trying to play matchmaker?”

“Yes, you could use some help in that department. You haven’t been on a date since you and what’s-his-name broke up.”

“Dylan. Dylan McCabe was his name.”

“Oh yes, Dylan, the commitment phobe.”

“You should talk, Nikki.”

“It’s hard to find a good man these days.”

“But you have Chandler,” Kelsey points out.

“So far, he has proven to be, yes,” I admit.

Kelsey leaves my office, and I try to stay focused and get some work done today. The problem is that my mind keeps dwelling on my predicament. I glance down at my tummy and place my hand on it. To think there is a little life growing inside me. A little Chandler, or a little princess like me. I almost want to cry. I have nine months to get my head around the fact that my baby will be born into this world. The world I create for him or her. I will be responsible for a new little person.

Nikki dropped a bomb on me this weekend, something very unexpected, to say the least.

I’m still trying to get my head around the fact that I’m going to be a father. Not sure I’m up for the task. I mean, I will step up to the plate and be here every step of the way with Nikki, but I was just blindsided by it all. Still reeling, in fact.

I call my mom at the first opportunity when I’m alone, after Nikki leaves for work this morning. I’m anxious to share the news with her, although I don’t think Nikki feels the same way about telling her family. I know she hasn’t told them yet. She’s probably dreading it.

“Hi, Mom,” I say as soon as my mom picks up the phone.

“Chandler, honey, it’s nice to hear from you. How is LA treating you?”

“Well, good and not so good.”

“Tell me what it is, Son. Are you all right?” I immediately hear the concern in her voice.

“Yes, Mom, I’m fine.”

“Is it Nikki then, how is she?”

“Actually, it is Nikki.”

“Is she all right? You two haven’t broken up, have you?”

“Nikki is fine. We’re fine. She’s expecting our first child.”

Dead silence for a moment.

“Wait a minute. I need to sit down for this. I am going to be a grandmother?” my mom whispers, but I can hear the smile in her voice.

“So it seems.”

“How can you be so nonchalant about it all, Son? Are you two going to get married?”

“She won’t have me. I’ve asked numerous times and gotten shot down.”

“How can that be? I know she loves you and you love her. I’m coming down there and talking some sense into her.”

“No, Mom, that’s not a good idea right now. Don’t you have faith that I’ll be able to work my charms?”

“I do, but I also gather that Nikki is a strong-willed young lady. She won’t be persuaded easily.”

“Give me a little time.”

“I give you three months, and then I’m coming down if she hasn’t agreed to become your wife by then.”

“Deal,” I reply, pacifying my mother and buying myself some time.

Nikki will come to her senses sooner or later.

I’ve been the ever-attentive boyfriend, catering to her every need this past week.

Tomorrow is our first doctor’s appointment, and she’s still trying to dissuade me from going with her, but I’ll have none of it.

I pick her up at her office to make sure we don’t miss the appointment. She’s very quiet on the way over, and I just let her be with her thoughts.