Lisa Djahed - Bee Stanis 01- The Foolish Stepmom (14 page)

Chapter Nineteen

It wasn’t that we had done the police’s job for them. But we had done their job for them. And Officer Krumpke knew it. At first he was angry, steaming angry, and threatened to haul both Ray and Ben off to jail. But then when we gave him what my little Bear had found, he calmed down
.

Gatorade bottles.
A whole case of them. With only one missing. Sitting outside Taylor’s house. A few matching of numbers is all it took to put Taylor away for poisoning Drew with Drano. Well, that, and the history log on her searches on Google. Saved all so conveniently on the hard drive Ben and Ray had absconded with. “Kill with Drano” “Drinking Drano.” Smart Taylor wasn’t. That’s for sure.

After the evidence was in police’s hands, where it rightfully belonged, it took only a few days for Taylor to break down and confess that she had laced Drew’s Gatorade with Drano. Turns out she wanted Jesse and Jesse’s house to herself. Well, her and her baby. There was only one good part of Taylor being in jail and that was at least she was getting proper pre-natal attention. Jesse was due to take custody of the baby as soon as it was born. He was excited and scared.

Bev and Ray had settled in next door. Ray even installed a pool table for him and Jesse to play on, something that, of course, my husband took full advantage of. Overall it was a happy time in our little suburban paradise. It went on like that for months, while Pam and Taylor’s various plea deals were negotiated. Pam would end up serving eight years for involuntary manslaughter while Taylor got a stiffer 15 year penalty on her plea agreement.

I was just happy to have my little life back together.
Routine’s are a beautiful thing. Sleeping well, eating decently, taking care of things that need to be taken care of. If there were a prize given out for
simple living, surely I’d win, or at least place in the competition. I rejoined my women’s gym so I could go at lunchtimes with Bev who ended up teaching me some particular good crunches to reduce the pouch that I carried in and around my hips. She was a pro at working out, all those hours with her own personal trainer really had paid off, and now I was reaping all the benefit. Ray had even gotten my husband, the one who NEVER works out, to lift a few weights here and there. Drew’s estate had finally been settled, and just as we predicted the majority of it went to Bev since their divorce had never been finalized and the only will Drew had was from years before. Which was all fine anyhow cause Bev and Ray took good care of Jesse. Jesse had even enrolled in community college. He studied over the summer and got his GED, I had helped him fill out the application for college and gone with him to pick out his first courses. He had had to get special permission from his probation officer, but now at least he could go to school and start to work towards a future.

Jules and I even had some good times together. She was really getting into the idea of having a baby around and spent a good amount of time over at Jesse’s putting together a little nursery. We weren’t sure if her new founded interest
lie with the expected baby, with her man crush on Ray or on a burgeoning crush on Jesse, the last of which we were none too encouraging about. But at least her attitude had improved dramatically
.
She even begged out of a visit or two with her mom which was unheard of. Countess Von Stinker had even become a bit more mellow. We assumed that had more to do with her latest conquest, Sam. Sam was a recreation director for the city and was as down to earth as men came. They had met at a farmer’s market each squeezing a melon. And it was love at first site. For all her faults, Countess Von Stinker did have the free-wheeling hippy look to her. Just the kind of earth motherly type a health-conscious down to earth guy would find attractive. Good for her I thought. It was time that she settled down and the truth was, the more she was involved with her new man, the less
she would be involved in our lives. And that was indeed music to my ears.

August
8th at 8:05 a.m. little Cameron was born. We weren’t allowed to be at the birth, since she was a prisoner but as soon as was possible they transferred the newest Mr. Jones to the birthing unit at Mercy Hospital in Melbourne. That’s where we all first saw him. He was a slight little thing, born at only 6 pounds and a few ounces, but tall and kind of lanky like his granddad. He was clearly Jesse’s boy, they had the same eyes. Bev and I took turns staying the day at the hospital with Jesse while he filled out all the paperwork to get released. It was odd being in that unit, for me especially. But especially odd because there was no mother for this little baby. Just Jesse and us, his ad-hoc family. The fact that Taylor wouldn’t get to see her baby didn’t concern me as much as the fact that this little baby wouldn’t get to see his mom. Everyone needs a mother.

It was bittersweet to me. I was so glad to have a baby close by, one that I could pretend and mother to the best of my ability. I really had to restrain myself though, from completely taking over. I loved that Jesse was in school, because it was good for him, but also because it gave me a few hours on my own with little Cameron. I had taken to
delighting in every spit bubble and became an expert at examining baby poo for both consistency and smell. Oh the things you’ll do for a baby. I showed Jesse how to aspirate his little nose using that bubble thing, I showed him how to cut his little fingernails.

But then I’d have to go home, with my arms empty and my heart breaking. Cameron wasn’t mine and it was getting hard for me to keep those lines of distinction un-blurred. They were getting fuzzier and fuzzier. I just wanted to wrap him up and say to Jesse, ok, I’ll take care
of him for right now and you can have him when he’s 18 or so, mmmkay?

To be a mom but not be a mom.
Was that my lot in life? To carry the gene for motherhood but not the machinery to make it happen. How could God give me such a big heart with so little to fill it. I had really thought all these questions had been answered and put to
bed but Cameron’s sudden appearance on the playing field had changed
the game yet again. And I was back to my old wanting to be a mom self. I really had thought that through therapy and my own sense of smartness I had breezed past that particular pitfall, but here I was again, in quicksand and sinking.

Ben had seen it happening and had pulled me aside from time to time to say “babes, he’s not your kid” and I had looked at him with such resentment and hardness that he had backed off. No one was
going to deny me these precious few moments of pretend motherhood. Not even Ben.

And Jules and I had bonded over this little baby. Her and I nearly now only fought about who was going to hold him or feed him. For her Cameron was a little doll to dress up and coo at. For me, it was deeper, more ingrained than that. But Jules and I now spent our afternoons on Jesse’s living room floor cooing at Cameron. It was fun. It was fun to have this time and this space with her. It was hard to believe that a nearly a half year ago she was angry enough at me to move out. Now
we were like best buddies, picking out outfits and comparing cute pictures.

Throughout that first month he was home the only missing element was Bev. She kept her distance. She cooed at the baby from time to time but didn’t really participate in the taking care of the baby. She was always busy, or claimed to be, playing Farmville on Facebook, or going to the salon to get her nails done. I don’t think she necessarily wanted to take care of little Cameron. It wasn’t that she
didn’t love him, but rather that she just plain wasn’t that interested. How anyone could not be interested in every single gesture of that baby flabbergasted me. But there it was
.
Grandma was too busy making herself pretty. Not that I thought it was a bad thing, rather it was just who Bev was. She spent her years as a mom and now wanted to spend her years not being a mom. I couldn’t fault her for that. It was her choice.

And Ray was probably the most surprising of all of us. He loved picking up the little baby and cuddling with it. It was funny to see, this little baby in the arms of this large, pumped man. Out of everything that
came from Drew’s death, our friendship with Ray was probably the most surprising. I still remembered that first time I saw him in Workout World and what a jerk I thought he was. It makes me laugh now. He and Ben had really become close, as close as two grown men could be. They shared a passion for their surveillance systems, for all things computer, for pool playing. They were always a bit competitive but in a light hearted way. Ben would often come home from work, give me a kiss and grab a beer and head next door to play a round of pool with Ray or Jesse. Half the time I was over there anyhow taking care of little Cameron.

After all the brouhaha with Drew’s death and all the events afterwards and then with little Cameron’s birth, surely we would be done with surprises, or would we?

Chapter Twenty

Signing my name is not how I pictured getting a baby would be. I always imagined the pregnancy, holding the growing the baby in my belly, bonding with that still small voice in my soul. I never imagined my birthing pains would be three big stacks of papers to sign and a $3000 attorney fee. But here it was, the most momentous occasion of my life, and in four small signatures it would be over. Not the labor pains I imagined but a different set of hurdles. Only a few of which were internal.

Deciding to adopt Jesse’s baby was second nature to me. After
all, I’ve been taking care of other people’s kids my whole life, it seemed such a natural thing to do. It helped that Jesse himself was the one to suggest the idea, the minute he did, little explosions went off in my head and I had such a hard time not jumping up and down and clapping my hands. I had to wait for Ben, he had to be the one to take the lead on this. After all, we had never even considered adoption as part of our infertility journey. We just assumed, like so many couples
do, that you get married and you have a kid
.
When the “you have a kid” part didn’t work out for us, in a very harsh way, we simply just backed away from the idea that we would raise a child together. After all, Ben had his girls, I had the heart of at least one of them, we had each other. Maybe God had run out of blessings for me. He gave me Ben and that was my reward.

But to be offered a baby, Jesse’s baby.
A beautiful, healthy, smiling baby boy. It was too much for my little brain and heart to take in. Could it really be? Is this what god had intended all along for us? It took several days for Ben to think through the whole thing, meanwhile, I kept quiet and tried without much luck to keep my heart from soaring. When he finally looked at me, with a mixture of wonder and
resignation, I knew. I knew this man would take this on and embrace
this child as if it were our own. I must have cried for two days with joy afterwards. It seemed like the tears of relief and wonder would never end. A baby. My baby. In three more signatures, our baby. Little Cameron.

Jesse had been home with Cameron for a month before he came to us. It had been a year since Drew’s death, just a few months since Taylor’s conviction. In truth, I had been spending as much time as possible over at Jesse’s taking care of little Cameron since he came home. I just couldn’t resist.
This little fragile thing, born out of such tragedy into a particular unsteady environment. Naturally my heart gravitated towards the little thing. I wanted so much to care for this child, and now God and Jesse have determined that I was supposed to.

I think Jesse was counting on his mom to help him with the little baby. It is not that she wasn’t interested in her grandchild, I think, but I think she just didn’t want to raise another baby. Slowly she extricated herself from the basic of the baby care. I kept going over trying to help Jess, from preparing the bottles to showing him how to burp little Cameron. Finally after a month of struggling on his own, Jesse came over and sat Ben and I down on the couch and made his request. He wanted us to raise his son. It was such a simple and lovely request and I couldn’t even imagine saying no but I knew it would take Ben some thinking to come around to the idea.

When he looked at me with his certain look of resignation and determination I knew. I knew he had said yes in his heart and said yes to me. We’d have to juggle some things around. I’d have to work from home some, but we determined that I would stay home and take care
of Cameron. The truth was, we were doing ok financially and had a little in savings we could tap into if we had.

Jules was over the top excited with the idea, and
Yaz seemed pleased, if a little quiet (perhaps giving up the ‘baby in the family’ role was getting to her). But it was all a blur to me. Ben had insisted we get papers drawn up and petition the court for termination of Taylor’s rights, which wasn’t hard to get, and do it right. It didn’t matter to me. I think I must have held Cameron every minute I could
.
It was all a blur, the visit is to the lawyer, the visit is to the court and to jail and then back
to the lawyer, none of it, none of it even phased me. If I had to sign legal documents every hour of every day for the next forty years I’d do it if it meant I could have Cameron with me.

Sitting in the makeshift nursery we had put together (Jules had even given up her room for this, now that was a big deal) rocking little Cameron, I was cooing blowing little spit bubbles in his direction. My hair was a mess, I was wearing mismatched sweats, make up long gone and I felt silly, from the top of my head to the bottom of my toes and realized I was wonderfully happily foolish indeed.