Lisbon: Richard and Rose, Book 8 (6 page)

And now I saw for myself how happy he had made her.

I took the last two steps at a faster pace and abandoned Richard to throw myself into her arms. I cared not that I should behave with more circumspection in public. Her warmth enveloped me, and I gave her a kiss on each cheek, which she returned. Then I stepped back to hold her at arm’s length, laughing and crying at the same time. “You look so well!”

She opened her mouth and closed it again.

I smiled. “You don’t have to say it. But I’m much better than I was and recovering all the time.”

“You always wanted to lose weight.”

I shrugged. “It’s coming back.”

“For which I am very thankful,” Richard said from behind me.

Like most men, Richard preferred curves on a woman, but he would have to wait for me to regain mine. I’d had no appetite as I recovered, not surprising since I’d spent most of that time in bed, but with movement my hunger returned and I could satisfy it once again. Unlike my other hunger.

Lizzie gave me another hug and I turned to greet Paul. I had learned during his sojourn with his mother in England that his notions of correct behaviour weren’t as rigid as some of his compatriots, so he was unlikely to condemn me for greeting my beloved sister before him. Richard grew up understanding the nuances of behaviour at the highest level of society, but I had to learn it, and I had discovered there was always something new to trip me up. Richard probably knew exactly how to address the King of Portugal, should we meet him. I had no idea. I relied on my sister to tell me.

Paul stood over six feet tall. He was dressed in dark, rich garments that contrasted amusingly with Richard’s blue. But both had the air of the aristocrat, the disdain of the very air they breathed that only a lifetime’s training could instil. They greeted each other with the reserve men who liked each other but didn’t know each other very well showed. That at least I could recognise.

I curtseyed, and Paul tucked his hand under my chin to tilt it up. I smiled and he smiled back, his fine lips curving into an expression that transformed his face from the haughty lord to the amused man. A twinkle lit his eyes, and in that instance, he reminded me why Lizzie had fallen so hard for him. Once she’d met him and got to know him, nobody else would do, and he had since admitted that he was smitten the moment he set eyes on her. But unlike Richard and myself, they went through a courtship before they declared their intentions. And I had the word of my sister that they didn’t anticipate the wedding day. Again, unlike Richard and me.

“We will help you back to perfect health,” he assured me as he helped me steady my feet. “By the time you leave us, you will be fully recovered.”

“I didn’t have to come, but it seemed like a good idea. You have three new people to meet,” I reminded them.

The second boat had arrived, the one carrying the babies. Each baby had an attendant, and they carried them towards us in a little procession. Although Helen could toddle, I had instructed her nurse to carry her. I would have carried her myself, but I had the feeling Richard would have forbidden it. He rarely forbade me to do anything, with the result that when he did, I listened. And he was right this time. The planks under our feet were uneven, worn and splintered, pale from the constant application of salt water, despite the magnificence of the design of the dock. But I was glad to see my babies safe.

At Lizzie’s delighted laugh, I turned my head to meet her gaze and smiled. “I’m the mother of four. All alive, all healthy.”

Only I heard Richard’s fervent response. “Thank God.”

I didn’t let him know I’d heard his
sotto voce
comment. “Three boys and my beautiful Helen,” I said.

I waved the nurses on. They paraded past us, an exhibition of our fecundity, but so much more than that. The babies’ characters were forming already. I could have told them apart in the dark, just from the sounds they made and the way they moved. Lizzie and Paul gave admiring noises, and I knew that at least Lizzie understood my obsession.

Before I fell ill, I’d had time to touch and hold my babies. That, I think, helped to create a bond that went deep, so that even though I wasn’t feeding them myself, I could tell when they were hungry, tell when they were uncomfortable, tell when they were bored and wanted to play. Helen had been more difficult to understand, or perhaps I wasn’t as experienced in the ways of infants, but I understood my boys perfectly.

My mother-in-law had wanted me to leave one behind! Any one, it didn’t matter, just one that would inherit if we all perished at sea. The woman was near to mad with her obsession with family and dynasty. Worse than any pharaoh. We treated her order with the disdain it deserved.

Paul and Lizzie led the way to a pair of handsome crested coaches. Paul had brought servants who would help Carier supervise the unloading of our luggage, and all we had to do was travel to the house. Richard had hired an establishment in the centre of Lisbon. Paul had selected it and assured us it would serve our purposes. Lizzie had wanted us to stay with them for the whole of our time here, but Richard would have none of that. It wouldn’t do, he told me. We had to have an address of our own. While I didn’t understand why, he did, so I was content to abide by his advice. He understood protocol much better than I did.

“It’s a neat house,” Lizzie told us as the coaches jerked into action. “A town house much like the one you have in London. But I would like to ask you a favour.”

Richard raised a brow, but unlike most of our acquaintances, Lizzie did not allow his autocratic gesture to quell her sunny mood. Richard probably didn’t mean it, in any case. He liked Lizzie.

Lizzie gave him her sweetest smile. “I thought you could see the house, rest there today and overnight, but I’d love you to come to stay at our
palacio
for a while. Sooner than you planned. The house is in the hills where the air is fresher. We have gardens and plenty of room.”

Paul smiled fondly at his wife. “It is considered one of the most beautiful houses in the country. My grandfather built it. It is about twenty-five miles outside the city, maybe a little less. We can travel there easily in a day.”

Richard gave him a friendly smile. “We would be honoured. Rose has missed you, Lizzie, and it would give you time to catch up.” He exchanged a telling glance with Paul. “No doubt you’ll want to discuss any number of matters with each other.”

Lizzie’s infectious giggle set me off, and I only stopped when I realised we were probably behaving more like schoolchildren than the grown women we were meant to be. I hadn’t felt that way in a long time. Something lifted away from me right then. Lightness of spirit returned. I didn’t even know I’d lost it until I got it back.

The coach drew up outside the town house, and I sat back, gazing at the façade before I let Richard hand me down. By now the ground felt steady under my feet, but I took a moment to ensure it. If I fell now, or even stumbled, Richard might insist that I go to bed and rest. I’d seen enough of my bed to last me a long time, except at its proper hour.

I breathed deeply, taking in the air of this place. “I like it here.” The air tasted slightly of brine. Although I’d lived inland at Devonshire, we weren’t far from the sea, and the land ensured the tang of salt wafted over our estate from time to time. Only when I savoured it did I realise how much I missed it.

“You will recover well here.” Richard placed his hand gently under my elbow, supporting me. “It was a good decision.”

“Whose decision was it?” I couldn’t remember, but the thought of seeing Lizzie again had buoyed me in the days when I was sad in spirit.

“I suggested it and you accepted it with alacrity,” he reminded me. I had to take his word because I could remember little of that time.

A wide and airy hall decorated in light colours greeted us inside the relatively modern house. I detected the odour of fresh paint in the air, very faint, but my sense of smell sometimes seemed more acute than it had ever been before. A butler, housekeeper and two footmen awaited our presence, and to my surprise, I recognised our blue-and-silver livery. “Who arranged the costumes?”

Richard laughed. “Paul asked, and I supplied the details. I’m afraid I omitted to tell you.”

He’d done it to make me smile—a recollection of our home and something that reminded me of how very thoughtful he was. I found it so touching that if I hadn’t smiled, I’d have wept. As it was, tears filled my eyes, but I blinked them away, not wanting to enter our new abode with any kind of sadness.

We inspected the house, followed by our little entourage. I was relieved to discover that the butler spoke serviceable English. The housekeeper too, but the other servants only had a few words. No matter. My maid would deal with them for the most part, although I wondered if we would need an interpreter. No, I would enjoy learning the words I needed. Something new stimulated the intellect, and after months of total ease, my mind was begging for something to do. The prevailing thought seemed to be that during times of physical distress, the mind needed resting too. Not something I agreed with, and in the endless parade of novels and sermons my attendants allowed me, I managed to conceal a few more demanding tomes.

Now I could read what I pleased and temper my usual fare with the accounts and histories that I felt heightened my knowledge. I had always read a mite indiscriminately, and I would prefer to continue in the same way. I was delighted to discover a well-furnished book room, with books and bound magazines, all in English, rather than carefully tooled and bound volumes of tedious sermons and the like. Some maps of the country made me vow to study them further.

Of course, Lisbon was the destination of many ailing British people. It had a reputation for mild winters. Our good friend Henry Fielding had died here last winter, a subject Richard had assiduously avoided mentioning recently. But people still travelled here to convalesce, so perhaps this house was previously hired by a British person, which would explain the library.

We had a suite of rooms. Two bedrooms, as usual, but Lizzie must have seen my face fall because she asked me, “Have we forgotten anything?”

I pasted on my brightest smile. “No, nothing. The bedrooms are beautiful. Facing the garden, and in colours I enjoy.” This I knew was where the scent of fresh paint had originated because the room was decorated in an ivory and blue that would become me. “Were they orange before?”

Lizzie laughed. “Not far off. A strange shade of peach. But it was a small matter to change them.”

“How thoughtful, thank you.”

But Lizzie would not be put off by my effusive thanks. As soon as we’d finished our tour of the house and settled the children in the nursery, she bore me downstairs, back to the small sitting room attached to the bedroom suite, and ordered tea. The maid brought it to us, and I was charmed when she gave me a sweet “My lady,” as she placed the tray on the low table.

“Paul will take your husband out of earshot,” my sister assured me. “I’ve been watching him. He is so solicitous I don’t know how you stand it.”

I spun around to face her, my skirts whirling. “Exactly!” As usual, she had hit the matter dead centre. “He cares for me, Lizzie. Every minute of every day. Well, except at night.” I hadn’t meant to add that last comment. I knew how perspicacious Lizzie could be.

“Ah!” She paused, frowning, probably wondering how to broach the subject. But I knew what she must be wanting to ask.

Since our time here was limited, I made it easier for her. “We no longer share the same bed.” I got up and walked to the window, staring out blindly at the street below. “He won’t touch me intimately.” The scene in the yacht came back to me in vivid detail. The memory was enough to heat my blood, though I fought to get the vision out of my mind of Richard kissing my throat. I was starved for such memories.

Lizzie broke the silence with an exclamation. “But I’ve seen you—” She bit off her words but not before I knew what she was about to say. She had unwittingly witnessed the extent of our intimacy, both before and after our marriage. She knew how close we’d been, how we slept naked together every night, made love with the abandon of illicit lovers, though she hadn’t seen that part.

She wouldn’t see it now, no matter when she chose to interrupt us. “It’s only been four months. Three since the doctors declared you out of immediate danger.”

“I know.” I turned around again, my agitation making me as restless as I used to be. Silk swirled against my legs, and almost without conscious volition I straightened the skirts over my panniers with a deft twitch. “I’ve been patient, Lizzie. I’ve waited. I didn’t expect to resume—” It was my turn to break off, more in respect for her feelings than for mine.

I could not share this information with anyone else in the world, not even Martha, my sister-in-law. I couldn’t do it out of respect for Richard, but I needed to talk to someone so badly, and I knew Lizzie wouldn’t tell anyone else, even her husband, unless I told her she could. “Not right away, anyway. But barely a kiss. As if he can’t bear to touch me. His every touch is solicitous, and he doesn’t linger. It makes me feel like a leper. I know he doesn’t mean that, but every time it chips away at what we had, and what I want back. He won’t discuss the matter with me, either. I’ve tried several times in the last month to talk it over with him. He won’t. I’m at my wit’s end, Lizzie.”

She sat, her hands folded neatly in her lap, regarding me in the way I knew meant she saw right through to every nuance of what I was telling her. “What do you want, Rose? What do you
really
want?”