Listed: Volume IV (9 page)

Since
they were off the trail, there was no one around. He assumed if they just kept
walking in one direction, they would eventually get somewhere they could
locate. He didn’t want Emily to have to walk for miles, however, only to
discover they had miles left to walk.

He
reached into his backpack and pulled out something else.

“What’s
that?” Emily asked.

“It’s
a panic button,” he explained. “Connected to my security detail.”

“What?”
she demanded, her eyes widening in what looked like outrage. “I thought you
said we didn’t need to have security on this trip!”

“We
don’t. At least, not following us everywhere. But I’d rather be careful—my dad
still has connections in prison, you know—so a couple of my bodyguards are
staying not far from our campground. If I press this, they’ll come find us.”

Emily
rolled her eyes. “It’s not an emergency situation yet. Can we at least try to
figure it out on our own before you call in the cavalry?”

Paul
exhaled in frustration. He didn’t want to upset her, but there was absolutely
no reason for them to be lost when there was something simple he could do about
it. “I don’t want you to have to wander around aimlessly. We’re in the middle
of the woods with no obvious landmarks and no way to tell direction. What do
you suggest we do?”

“Well,
give me a minute to think.” She frowned at him, obviously unhappy with his
alacrity in calling for help. “I’m not Daniel Boone.”

“I
assure you, neither am I.”

“We
want to go north. Wherever we are, we’ll hit the coastline that way. Do you
think that moss trick really works?” she asked, after thinking for a minute.
“Does moss really grow thickest on the north side?”

Paul
made a face, trying to be patient and not just hit the panic button whether she
wanted him to or not. “I doubt it, but we could look. Do you see any moss?”

They
looked around for a minute and found a rock covered with moss. Unfortunately,
it was covered completely with moss, and they couldn’t tell one side that
looked thicker than the other.

Emily
was obviously disappointed by this discovery.

“Oh,”
she said, perking up. “Somewhere I heard this trick for telling north. If you
have a watch, you hold it out and then you put a stick over it and then there’s
something about the shadow…and north is halfway between the stick and…” She
trailed off, looking puzzled.

Paul
gave a huff of amusement, although it was mingled with frustration. “Between
the stick and the shadow?” he asked dubiously.

She
scowled at him. “Don't be snide. There is a trick. I just can’t remember it.”

“Well,
it wouldn’t matter. There’s so much tree cover here and cloud cover today,
there’s not much in the way of shadows to use anyway. If we had shadows, I
could just make a sundial.”

“Damn
it,” Emily said, shaking her head as if the most obvious idea had just come to
her. “We can’t be that far from the beach. I’m just going to climb a tree. I
should be able to see the ocean if I get high enough.”

“No,”
Paul objected, stiffening at the idea. “You might get hurt.”

“For
God’s sake, Paul, I was climbing trees when I was five years old. I’m not going
to get hurt.”

“I’ll
climb one,” he said, resigning himself to the fact that climbing a tree was the
only appropriate way for this wretched hiking expedition to end. “If someone
has to do it, I will.”

“Why
should you do it?” Emily demanded. She was bristling now as much as he was, and
her eyes flashed with indignation. “I’m a lot lighter than you. I’ll be able to
get higher up more safely. I’m not an invalid. I can climb a damned tree!”

“This
is my fault,” he said, not about to budge on this. “We’re lost because of me.
So I’m the one who—”

“That’s
crap. Paul, listen to yourself.  I’m the one who suggested we come here, so I
can play the blame-game as much as you. But that’s not the point. You don't
have to get annoyed because everything is not going perfectly, and you don't
have to climb the tree for me. You don’t have to rescue me. You don’t have to
fix everything. I’m not expecting you to do that. I’ve
never
expected
you to do that.”

Paul
froze, slammed by her words, by what they meant.

She
was right. He did want to rescue her. He did want to fix her.

And
he couldn’t do so in the way that really mattered.

“Paul,”
Emily said, her voice softening. She reached out and put a hand on his chest. “I
didn’t marry you because I expected you do everything for me. I married you
because I thought you could help
me
do the things I wanted to do.”

Paul
stared at her, breathing heavily and conflicted in ways he didn’t understand.
He loved her. She was his. To him, that had always meant wrapping her tightly
with his protection. If he was capable of climbing a tree, then he should do it
and not her.

But
he understood what she was saying. Deeply. And suddenly he realized he would
feel the same way, if he was abruptly forced into helplessness because of an
illness he couldn’t control. He wouldn’t want to give up all of his agency
either, even to someone who loved him, who wanted to help him.

Emily
was beautiful and radiant and resilient and sweet. But, in many ways that
mattered, she wasn’t all that different from him.

For
some reason, he'd never quite realized that before.

“Okay,”
he forced out, the word harder than it should have been to say. “Okay.”

She
blinked at him, her eyes anxious and somehow tender as well. “Okay?”

“Climb
the tree. Be careful.”

Her
face changed, twisted slightly with emotion, but it was so brief he couldn’t
really put a name to it. Then she looked around at the trees surrounding them.
"Which one do you think is the tallest?”

Paul
spotted a huge birch tree several feet away. It had a thick trunk and several
low branches. The leaves, unlike on the pine trees, wouldn’t get in the way of
climbing.

Emily
saw the tree too and ran over to it. “Perfect.” She reached for one of the
branches and started to swing herself up.

Paul
grabbed her by the waist and gave her a boost.  Despite the other things on his
mind, he couldn’t help but appreciate the way her lush ass appeared in her
faded jeans as she crawled up onto the first branch.

She
grabbed a higher branch and pulled herself into a standing position, bracing
herself on the trunk. She grinned down at him. “I haven’t climbed a tree in
ages!”

He
tightened his lips, trying not to climb up there after her to make sure she
wasn’t going to fall. Restraining the impulse was harder than he liked to
admit.

Emily
was right in claiming that he had major control issues, but he usually kept
those issues under better control.

“Please
be careful,” he murmured, with what he thought was impressive mildness.

She
peered down at him, and her expression relaxed into something warm and fond. “I
will.”

Then
he had to stand at the bottom and watch her climb the tree. It was quite a tall
tree, although it looked so sturdy that there probably wasn’t any unusual
danger in climbing it. But he still didn’t like it. Particularly when she got
near the top. The leaf coverage mostly blocked his view, so he just caught
uneven glimpses of her jeans and her gold hair.

Then
he heard Emily shout down to him, “I see the ocean!”

He
let out a sigh of relief and waited for her to climb back down. She stumbled a
little as she dropped herself down from the last branch, and he caught her and
pulled her into a hug.

She
hugged him back, her body practically shuddering with excitement.

“Pretty
proud of yourself for finding our direction,” he said. “Aren’t you?”

She
laughed out loud. “Yes. Just call me Daniel Boone!”

He
laughed too. And he realized there might be some benefits to going against his
controlling, possessive instincts—if it made Emily as happy as this.

*
* *

The clouds cleared, and
the stars came out that night.

By
the time they finally returned to their SUV, the clouds were starting to break
up. They were both tired when they returned to their campground in the
afternoon. So Emily took a nap while Paul lounged in a chair and worked through
some email on his smartphone, which fortunately could get reception from there.

Emily
hadn’t wanted him to work during the weekend, but he figured it was all right
when she was sleeping.

They
grilled steaks for dinner and ate them with pasta salad. Then, at Emily’s
suggestion, they built a fire and toasted marshmallows for s’mores.

Paul
enjoyed the evening more than he’d expected. Despite the fact that camping
would never be his favorite activity, it was nice to feel all alone in the
world with Emily. They felt far away from everything—including her illness,
including the doctors, including her impending death. To his surprise, Paul
managed to relax. He was feeling pretty good when they went to the shower
facilities to clean up before bed, as they had the night before.

Since
the clouds had blown away completely, leaving the dark sky teaming with stars,
Paul couldn’t object when Emily demanded that they sleep outside tonight.

They
hauled the air mattress out of the tent and made up the bed again between the
tent and the SUV. He’d left the lights of the SUV on while they worked, so they
would have plenty of light, but then he turned them off, leaving only the fire
to illuminate the campsite.

Emily
was obviously thrilled by the effect, and she climbed under the sleeping bag
happily, looking over to him expectantly when he didn’t move. Like the previous
night, she wore flannel pajama pants and a sweatshirt, so at least she wouldn’t
get cold, despite the nip in the air.

 “Come
look, Paul,” Emily called out when he emerged again from the tent, where he’d
changed into pajama pants.

He
went to join her and got into the sleeping bag. He rolled onto his back as she
had and stared up at the sky.

“Look
at them!” she breathed, gazing up at the brilliance of the stars.

Paul
had never seen stars so bright. In Philadelphia, he could hardly see them at
all, except from the terrace of the apartment—and even then they looked rather
dim. But even in the outskirts there didn’t seem to be so many stars as this,
and they didn’t twinkle so fiercely.

He
smiled and turned his head to look at Emily. She was smiling too, and she met
his eyes. They gazed at each other in silence for a moment, and Paul’s chest
tightened with feeling.

Then
she scooted over and pressed her mouth against his in a kiss.

He
responded immediately, pulling her into his arms and rolling her toward him so
she was sprawled on top of him. The kiss grew hungry very quickly—probably
because Paul’s urgency got the better of him. His lips devoured her as his hands
skimmed over her soft curves, settling on her ass and pressing her pelvis down
against his. Even through the layers of thick clothing she wore, her body was
warm and tempting.

Emily
was soon as passionate as he was. She groaned and gasped against his mouth, and
she wriggled against his body. Her hands clutched at his ribcage and then
started fisting the fabric of his shirt.

It
took Paul a minute to realize she was trying to pull his shirt off.

He
broke the kiss for long enough to help her, yanking his t-shirt off over his
head. She made a husky sound of satisfaction as her hands started to stroke his
bare skin.

Paul’s
groin was already throbbing, and the way Emily shamelessly squirmed against it
was exquisite torture. With a moan, he rolled them over so she was on her back,
and then he hurriedly started to remove some of her clothes.

She
giggled when her sweatshirt got twisted up around her wrist. And she giggled
again when she accidentally kneed him in the gut when he was trying to get off
her pajama pants. Paul smiled but didn’t let himself laugh. He was so far gone
now that, if he let himself laugh, he was afraid he would let go completely.

When
she was finally naked, Paul slipped one hand between her thighs and was
thrilled and gratified to feel how hot and wet she already was. She gasped and
arched up when he fingered her gently.

The
night air was cool on his bare skin, and the dying flicker of the fire cast
orange light over Emily’s fair skin and rich curves. Paul stared down,
mesmerized at the hot desire in her eyes, the way her lips parted, the way her
neck arched in response as he pleasured her with his hand.

Then
the sight of her luscious breasts, bared to his sight, tipped with very tight
nipples, became too irresistible. He leaned down to take one in his mouth. He
suckled her with as much skill as he could muster as he thrust two of his
fingers rhythmically inside her.