Little Battles (16 page)

Then I wondered if he was panicking right now and just disguising it really well, so I stood up and walked over to him. His breathing increased. When I was near enough, I gave in and threaded my fingers through his hair, closing my eyes as the silky perfection tickled my palms.

“You have to answer, Elliott,” I whispered. “Otherwise I’m going to assume that the answer is yes.” He nodded. “Is that yes I can kiss you, or yes you’ll answer?” I was pushing him and I knew it, but he relied on head nods and shakes far too much, and I enjoyed his voice, regardless of his stutter.

“Y-yesssssssssssssss,” he dragged out the word, his voice shaking.

He said I could kiss him, but he was sitting and I was standing, and any way it went down, it would be awkward.

So I took awkward and ran with it.

I sat down on his lap, my body angled away from his, my hand never leaving his hair. He was freaking out. I could tell by his rapid breathing. I felt a crazy amount of tension in myself as well. I’d kissed him before. Three times in fact, although that first time shouldn’t count.

I leaned in and breathed deeply, savoring him before I would taste him again. I brushed my lips lightly against his at first, and I couldn’t help the involuntary shiver. Our lips moved together and eventually my bottom lip was between his. Opening my mouth a little wider, I slipped my tongue out and traced the bottom of his top lip until he took in a deep gasp of air.

The kiss clouded my mind, making it hum with intensity.

The hum swiftly transformed into a pulsating drum and the beat of it spurred me to want more of him.

I shifted until I was basically straddling him. He smelled so good and tasted like an orange cupcake. Then both of my hands were running through his hair and I pressed myself closer to him as if his body could just open up and swallow me whole.

I needed his warmth.

He grew hard beneath me and the thought played in my head that he was probably a quiet lay and Tom would never know. I could be a silent rider. I would be careful with him. I wouldn’t make him scream or shout. Moan, maybe, but I’d be good and keep his mouth busy.

His whole body went stiff as his grip on my hips tightened. It felt wonderful. His hands were strong, and that made me want him all the more.

Before we went any further, he stopped and pulled away, moving his neck until his lips were no longer accessible.

“What?” I asked in between pants of breath.

“W-w-w-w-we sssssshould sssstop, SSSSSSSSSoph-ph-phie.”

No, I was pretty sure we should continue and progress. “Why?” Couldn’t he see that I wanted him? Couldn’t he feel that I needed him?

“B-b-bec-c-cause yyyyyyyour f-f-f-f-faaa…”

I immediately rubbed his scalp with the tips of my fingers as he closed his eyes and I sighed, my brain finally working. I was still very aware that his hard-on was pressing up against the places that I wanted it to, but I forced myself not to rock on top of him. He was upset and I had been the one to make him that way.

“Tom’s downstairs.” Shit. That wasn’t what I wanted to say. I didn’t want to make him feel like I was pushing him on this, but I
really
wanted to do him and my mouth was speaking automatically. Control was not something I did well. “He won’t know.”

“B-b-b-but I-I-I c-c-can’t.”

I tried to lean back into him and kiss him again, even though the logical side of me told me that it wasn’t going to happen. “But I want you,” I whined when he stopped me again. “And I know you want me too.”

“I-I d-d-do, S-S-SSSSophie.” He sounded out of breath and I knew that I needed to get off of him so he could be comfortable, but the pouty little girl in me wanted to stomp my feet and hold my breath until I turned blue and he gave in to me.

I thought about Megan. He could bang her, but could barely kiss me.

I moved off of him quickly, ready to be done with the entire confusing thing. “Are you staying for dinner?”

He didn’t answer as I walked over to the door.

I had my hand on the doorknob.

“D-d-don’t b-b-be mmmmad.”

“I’m not mad,” I answered after a momentary pause. I wasn’t. I was incredibly disappointed and felt foolish, but I wasn’t angry at him. I needed another pill to chill out. Everything that just happened zapped the buzz away. “Are you staying for dinner?” I asked, and again he took the easy way out and nodded. “I worked all day, so it’s not going to be awesome or anything.”

Chris was incredibly annoying. He was singing at the library table about his dick in a box and I wondered,
not
for the first time, why the hell I sat at this table. Yeah, Andrea sat here and so did Megan, but I could take or leave Megan, and I was about to leave Andrea on her own. Before I could grab my bag, someone asked Chris a question, to which his reply was, “I’ll be doing a lot better once my balls are resting on Sophia’s chin.”

There were a few “oh’s” and a couple of stifled giggles. I turned to look at him, and he had one eyebrow raised as his disgusting tongue licked his disgusting lips. His ridiculous hair was so artfully crafted into a disorganized mess and it pissed me off even more. I wanted to tell him exactly how much that would never happen, but since he wanted to play public games of sexual harassment, I smiled at him

“Why would they…?” I pretended that I had no idea what he was talking about. “Oh, you want my mouth wrapped around…” I took the faux-shocked look off my face and steeled it. “Actually, Chris, I have a six inch minimum,” I glanced to Megan and then back to him, “and from what I hear, you’re about four inches off the mark. Sorry.”

Everyone snickered at that, even Cierra, who was usually too big of a bitch to even smile.

The smirk was completely wiped from his face and was replaced with anger. “Well, I guess I forgot that I had to be a fucking thug or a retard to get time with you, so…consider me not interested.”

I ignored his hateful names, knowing that they were directed at Jason and Elliott. “Thank god for small favors.”

Chris’s smile reappeared. “One day you’ll beg me, Sophia.”

“I thought you weren’t interested,” I countered. “And what would I beg you for, Chris? To do the world a favor and slit your wrists? To finally get that nipple rot checked out by a doctor?”

His face reddened and his jaw tensed, and I didn’t want to wait around for him to say anything else. I mumbled a goodbye to Andrea and then headed out to the woods early to meet Jason. If ever there was a time I needed to burn, it was in this moment when I could’ve killed that idiot motherfucker.

Two days ago, Megan had invited me to a party at Cierra’s. I’d been weighing the pros and cons since then, and finally decided to go. I had no idea what a party in this little town would entail, but typically, parties made it easy to score free bud.

I brought it up to Elliott at the Friday Night Screw-Up Club. The night had been fairly uneventful, aside from Wallace pissing me off in my individual session - but that wasn’t new - and trying not to listen as Jamie Collins told everyone about how much he missed his dad.”

“Did you hear that Cierra’s throwing a party tomorrow?” I asked after he’d set his iPod down on the dock and turned the music on.

I knew that whether he’d heard about it or not, he wouldn’t go, but I really wanted him to. He could use some fun and it would be nice to spend the evening with him. Elliott’s brow creased as he came to sit next to me on the couch, and my body tingled from his nearness. “Will you go with me?”

He shook his head and I frowned. I hated that shit. I wanted him to use his voice. “Why not?”

“SSSSophie…” he said quietly, as if the answer should’ve been so clear to me. It was. He had anxiety issues and wasn’t comfortable around even small groups of people, but I still wanted him to go.

“Th-there’s t-too many p-people.”

“But you could keep me out of trouble.”

“I w-would llllove t-to go, b-but I c-can’t.”

I pouted, sticking out my lower lip a little.

“You c-could ssstay w-with me,” he offered

Dammit! I didn’t want to stay in, but I wanted to be with Elliott as much as possible. Jace was bringing Chronic. That shit tasted like blueberries - fucking blueberries! It had gotten me so fucking high from just a few hits off his water bong. It didn’t come around that often, and he was just going to smoke people out with it.

“I want to go to the party,” I whined. “Please come with me.”

Elliott looked down and shook his head as he squeezed my hand, which he’d been holding since he sat down. “P-please stay w-with me.”

I stood up, slipping my hand out from his, and walked over to study his books. He needed some new ones. I’d already memorized each and every title on his shelf.

I tried to focus on the spines of the books again, reaching up to touch the worn spots of a few. It was impossible to focus on anything other than Elliott as he got up and came closer to me again.

No matter where I went, he seemed to follow. Except to Cierra’s party.

His very presence next to me set my body alight, but it wasn’t just a physical response to his nearness; it was a warming in my mind, a softening of my thoughts. It was beautiful and real and terrifying all at once, and I felt like my head wasn’t attached to my body as thoughts swam through my brain.

Elliott’s earth and oranges scent swept over me just as the heat of his body crashed upon me like water on rock. It was insanely erotic and intense, and he wasn’t even touching me. Our eyes were locked together and the rapid rise and fall of his chest mirrored my own.

I ached for him, and yet I didn’t know how to get him.

I felt vulnerable and weak, powerless to that need.

I hated that feeling.

I moved away again, this time to study the strings of his guitar, and hoped that he’d grant me the safety of this physical distance. “Well, maybe we’ll hang out on Sunday then.” I was telling him that I wasn’t going to stay in with him. I was going to the party.

Feeling fingertips at the small of my back, I turned to face Elliott, but couldn’t bring myself to look into his eyes, so I stared at his mouth.

He licked his lower lip and again I was struck with the urge to suck on it for him. I went to do just that, but Elliott held out his hands and stopped me.

“Ssstay with me.”

The music was loud and obnoxious, but I was feeling no pain since I’d smoked out with Jason to the point of not being able to get any higher. Even though I felt safer sticking by him, I had to get up. I couldn’t just sit there while he smoked out more people. My control was lacking.

There was just no way I was going to turn down bong hits of that shit, and I really didn’t need more of it.

It wasn’t any better leaving the cramped little room because being as high as I was, I drank whatever alcohol I found. Megan kept talking and talking endlessly about one thing or another. At one point, she fell into Connor’s lap, and then shoved him when he got a little excited about it. After that, she started talking about what a profound dork he was while taking sips out of my cup.

I
hated
alcohol.

But I kept drinking.

I wished Elliott had come with me. I completely understood why he wasn’t able to, but I couldn’t help but miss the hell out of him. Anyway, he would’ve hated seeing me drunk.