Little Black Book (20 page)

He crawled beside me and moved my hands from my neck to inspect it. I could feel the bruising and the ridges and welts from his fingers. By the look on his face, he could see them, too.

With a soft touch, he ran his fingers over my neck and shook his head with sadness in his eyes.

“I’ve never hurt a woman before. I know I’m rough in bed, but you have to believe I’d never…”

I
stopped him. “I know. I believe you.” I took his hand in mine and held it close to my chest. “What was your nightmare about?” I asked.

Looking down, his agonizing expression cleared and
the old Sebastian slipped into his place. “It’s nothing. I really am sorry I did that to you.”

Apologizing had to sting, and I appreciate
d him for it. Sebastian never apologized, and for him to do so, meant he was really and honestly sorry.

“Lay back down and get some sleep. I’ll stay until you do, but I have to get to the club and help close things up.”

I didn’t push. I’d dig deeper into all things Sebastian the next chance I got, but until then, I’d lay beside him and enjoy the moment of sweetness he was offering. His arms closed around me, pulling me into his chest and making me feel safe again, and then he rested his chin on my head. Within a matter of minutes, I fell back to sleep.

The next morning, even though he’d said he was
leaving, I woke with Sebastian watching me. With his head resting on his hand, he was drawing little patterns on my shoulder with the tip of his finger.

“I don’t apologiz
e often, but let me say it again. I’m sorry, Jessica. So sorry.”

I nodded. I barely even noticed the name Jessica anymore. I was used to it, which wasn’t necessarily a good thing.

“I forgive you.”

And I did. I’d known Sebastian for a while and never once did I get the impression that he was someone who beat women. What was becoming
obvious was he had some deep set problems—deeper than I’d initially thought.

Leaning up and hovering over me, he looked down at me with a soft expression.

“How can I feel this way about a woman if I don’t even know her name?” His fingers sifted through my hair and down the side of my face.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“There’s no hidden message. I mean exactly what I said. These feelings I have, I don’t understand how they’re possible. I don’t even know you’re real name.”

The night before was forgotten as I sat up and matched his stare.

“What are you saying, exactly?”

No way was Sebastian Black, asshole extraordinaire
, saying what I thought he was saying.

“I’m saying I want to know you.” Again, he captured a strand o
f my hair between his fingers. “The real you. Not Jessica… you.”

His
words struck deep in my chest and even though there were a million things I wanted to say to him, I kissed him instead. 

For the first time since Gran died
, I felt put together—like my life wasn’t actually falling apart at the seams. I had Kyle, who was having the time of his life doing the thing he loved the most, and I had Sebastian, who was more than I ever dreamed I could have in a man.  I’d almost forgotten what happiness felt like, but now that I had it, I never wanted to let it go.

He
broke the kiss. Capturing my cheeks in his palms, he pressed his forehead to mine. “I’m almost there—so close it scares the shit out of me. I want to know your name, but I’m afraid I’ll run when you tell me. And running from you is the last thing I want to do.” His lips brushed mine and then he pulled back and looked me in my eyes. “Give me something to call you. Not Jessica, something that’s yours.”

Pulling away, I stared up at him. The way he was smiling down at me—the way he touched me, it was almost more than I could take.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

I wasn’t going to tell him my whole name, but even giving him my nickname felt strange. I didn’t want things to change and I felt like even giving him that little bit of myself would change the way he respond
ed to me.

I didn’t know whether things
would change for the good or bad, and that’s what scared me. Maybe he was confused about how he was feeling. Maybe once I told him my nickname, he’d leave and I’d never hear from again. I couldn’t handle the thought of never seeing him again.

“I’m sure,” he nodded.

Taking a deep breath, I swallowed. “Okay then, you can call me Roz.”

His smile grew before he leaned in and kissed me again. His eyes sparkled mischievously
, like we’d just broken the rules. In a way, I guess we had.

“Roz,” m
y name rolled off his tongue. “It’s perfect for you.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“No, thank you,” he said, fingering a strand of my hair.

I fell asleep in his arms, and woke to him across the room from me
, getting dressed. Leaning up on my side, I grinned at his bare ass as he slid his pants on. Turning around, he smiled when he caught me staring.

“Is it weird I don’t want you to go?” I asked.

Coming over to the bed, he crawled over me and buried his face in the side of my neck, breathing me in.

“About as weird as me wanting to stay.”

“Then stay.”

He leaned up and grinned down at me. “Someone has to work the club
. Why don’t you come with me?”

“
What would I tell everyone when they see us together?”

“You mean what do you tell your friend when she sees us together?”

“Yeah. I mean, I’m not sure she’d take our arrangement well.”

He laughed, making the exciting twinkle in his eyes pop before his face went serious. “If she asks, just tell her I’m yours.”

After a night at the club, and lots of goofy stares from the
employees at Clive’s, I went back to Sebastian’s apartment with him and spent the night. I woke to him watching me sleep.

“It’s weird when you do that,” I said into my pillow as I turned away.

“What is?” he asked.

“When you watch me sleep. What if I slobber in my sleep
, or something equally as gross?”

H
e laughed, and I was happy he was opening up and laughing more. I was getting used to it.

“No slobbering, thankfully, but I can’t help it. I envy the peace you get when you sleep.” His smiling eyes turned sad.

Turning in his arms, I placed a hand on his cheek. “You don’t sleep peacefully?”

“No,” he said.

“Why?” I was hesitant to ask, but things between Sebastian and I were changing and I wanted to know more about him.

“My demons hunt my sleep. They make it impossible to know what peace is.”

I stared at him, feeling my heart tug for Sebastian’s obvious pain. “I wish I could take away your pain,” I said, truthfully.

I leaned in and kissed him. He
kissed me back, losing his fingers in my hair. When he broke the kiss, he looked down at me in confusion.

“
I don’t think that will ever go away, but you’re changing me, Roz.”

“Is that a bad thing?” I ran my fingers through his hair and pulled him closer to me
.

“
I don’t know. It’s unnerving,” he said against my lips.

“Would it help if I told
you you’re changing me, too?” My lips moved along his jaw and he groaned deep in his throat, settling his weight on me.

“Let’s spend the rest of
the day in bed.” His breath was hot against my nipple, making it harden instantly.

I sighed and arched my back, allowing his teeth to close around
the nipple and then suck it into his mouth. I gasped, pushing myself closer to his heat. His hands circled my ribs holding me tight.

“I’m okay with that. Who says Sunday
’s can’t be sinful?”

He
chuckled against my fevered skin and I grabbed his head, lifting it.

“What’s so funny, Mr. Black?”

He freed himself and went to work on my other nipple. I was losing all sense of reality, until he spoke again.

“Today’
s Monday, not Sunday, sweets.”

Monday!
I panicked and pushed at Sebastian. It took him a minute to realize what I was doing and he sat back confused. I jumped out of the bed with a sheet around my chest.

“What do you think you’re doing?” h
e growled. Lunging for the sheet, he yanked it until I was no longer covered.

“Sebastian!” I squealed and dodged his hands as he tried to pull me back
in bed. “I can’t believe today’s Monday.
Monday
!”

“What is so important about Monday?”

He sat on the end of the bed, as naked as he could be, and looked intently at me. I slipped into my lace panties and met his stare through wild, sex-mussed hair.

“I was supposed to turn in my college forms today. I can
’t believe I forgot,” I scolded myself. “If I don’t turn them in by four, I won’t be able to get financial aid. I need to get back to the condo. Can you call Mr. Martin for me?”

I was in the process of pulling on my shirt when he laughed at me again.

“What exactly about my panic is funny to you, Sebastian?” I asked, frustrated because my head was stuck inside my shirt and would not come out.

“I have a computer here, baby. You can use it.
Now, come here and let me help you,” he chuckled.

I managed to slow my
movements and step over to the bed. He shifted my shirt around and my head popped out of the correct hole.

“You do
?”

He smiled
and smoothed down my ratted hair. “I do.”

I took a deep, calming breath. “
Well, in that case, I could…” I looked at him from head to toe and settled on his manhood.

“What? What could you do to me right now?”

“Anything you want,” I purred, straddling his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck.

An hour later, Sebastian let me into his office to use his computer. I was nearly swallowed by
the big, black leather chair as I sat behind his desk. I ran my hands over the smooth wood.

“
Well, I can see why you like sitting behind this desk all the time.”

He smirked, and looked up at me. “Why’s that?”

“I feel so powerful sitting here.”

“Easy, tiger
. Don’t get too comfortable.”

I laughed and turned on his monitor and a little box for his password popped up.

“I need your password.”

“H
ere let me.” He moved around his desk, leaning over me.

“
Don’t trust me with your secret evil plans?” I joked.

“Don’t take it personally, baby
. I don’t trust anyone.”

“Ouch.” I knew he wasn’t playing and I wasn’t prepared for how much it would hurt to hear him admit that he didn’t trust me.