Little Rainbows (6 page)

“If I’m going to be here then, and that
is
the plan, I’d better be prepared to talk about him. And about losing him.”

Jason could have sworn he saw the exact moment she made up her mind to find the strength somewhere.

“I’ll have to get used to talking about him.”

A weight he hadn’t known he’d been carrying lifted from his chest when she smiled rather ruefully.

“Do you mind if I use you as a guinea pig? If I get used to talking about Darren with you, it might make dealing with all those people who knew us as a couple, easier.”

“Not at all, I’d be honored.”

He looked at her, trying to figure out what her real feelings were. She might be pretending to make him feel better. It worried him that he couldn’t tell for sure.

“Yes, Karl?”

Jason looked up at his manager who had succeeded in approaching their table without being noticed, despite his size.

“You asked me to warn you when Hector was ready to proceed, Jason. He’ll be starting in about fifteen minutes.”

“Thank you, Karl. I’m not sure if… Never mind. You go back to what you were doing.” He saw the curiosity in Heather’s face and knew he had to explain. “I know I said we’d postpone the party planning until tomorrow, but I did want to show you one thing tonight, because I’m not sure we’ll have another opportunity.” He rushed on before Heather could ask questions. “Hector is my best Dom. He and his sub Amber are about to start a demonstration. They’ll be doing one or two during the weekend as well and I thought you should see what I have in mind.” He nearly didn’t say the next few words but forced them out anyway. “Now I’m not so sure though.”

This time he had no problem reading her facial expression as she thought about his words. Excitement, probably at the thought of a demonstration, almost immediately followed by fear as she realized watching it would bring her closer to her past then she’d been in over a year. He could only hope he’d managed to disguise his relief as he watched her take a deep breath and make up her mind.

“I appreciate your concern, Jason. But I think I should bite this particular bullet now. If it turns out to be more than I can take, I’d rather find out tonight than during the festivities.”

So brave
.

She amazed him and herself as well by the looks of her. Since he was still holding her hand, he used it to help her up.

“If it gets too much, just let me know and we’ll go, okay?”

The gratitude in her eyes as she nodded her head almost broke his heart. He had to live up to the trust she’d just placed in him. He had to protect her from getting hurt, even if it did mean denying the feelings growing stronger inside him. He’d find a way. He wouldn’t let her down.

He held a tight grip on her hand as he led her out of the restaurant and down the corridor to all those other play areas.

“You know this isn’t
just
a BDSM club.”

Of course he did get a lot of customers—the majority if he had to take a guess—from those who lived the lifestyle. He wasn’t aware of other clubs operating as a resort, not in Ireland. But quite a few of his customers were the sexually curious, those who wanted to find out what exactly was possible and available in a safe environment. He’d seen his fair share of bored couples arriving in the hope that a few days on the west coast of Ireland would reignite the fire in their relationship. He liked to think that most, if not all of the time, he delivered exactly what those people were expecting.

He led them through double doors into a wide, dimly lit hallway. “This first part of what we call the Recreational Area is reserved for our less adventurous visitors.” Pointing to the doors on either side of them he continued.

“Those rooms are all available to our guests to use as and when they please. They do contain some toys but nothing suggesting either bondage or pain.”

He shrugged. “Guests can request any other toy or implement they want from the staff, of course.”

He watched Heather as she took a good look around her, observing the few couples making their way to the free rooms, most of them so engrossed in each other they were barely aware of anybody besides themselves.

“Guests can, and most often do, close these doors if they want privacy, but none of the doors lock and all rooms are monitored by cameras.” He watched Heather switch into her professional persona. He’d been right to end the personal talk. She was far more at ease, now she could concentrate on her work rather than her memories.

“Through there”—Jason pointed at another set of double doors—“things get more adventurous. All the guests are allowed to enter, but they do so in the full knowledge they may see things that will make them uncomfortable. Just as they know they can’t object to anything they may encounter there.”

Again it hit Jason that his guests’ comforts weren’t the only ones he had to worry about right now.

“Are you certain this is what you want to do Heather?”

He looked at her, relieved to see her giving his words the attention they deserved.

“Yes, I am. I need to know for sure.”

He heard a strange combination of courage and fear in her voice.

“Having doubt lingering in my mind will only make things worse and blow this out of all proportions.” Uncertainty flashed in her eyes before disappearing again. “If I can’t do this, you deserve to find out now, while there’s still time to find somebody else to help you.”

He almost laughed out loud. There were no other BDSM party planners in Ireland. He needed an insider, someone familiar with the Irish scene, to steer him right. If Heather couldn’t do this, he’d be on his own.

Because he knew what she meant, he stifled the laughter and appreciated what she’d said. She had to be worrying she would end up wasting his time and money and had no way of knowing he wanted her to stay, even if she didn’t contribute anything to his party. He’d no intention of telling her that either.

“Promise me you’ll let me know if it gets too much, Heather.” He knew he was about to take a risk and used the words anyway. “Consider it a safe word scenario. You reach your limit, we go.”

He saw her hesitation at the mention of a safe word and cherished the smile that crept across her face as she looked up at him.

“I will, Jason, I promise. My safe word is black.”

Chapter Five

Safe word
.

It had been a while since she’d had to think about using one of those. In fact, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d used one. Darren had known her so well and had been so tuned into her body language, that she’d rarely come close to even considering hers. It did emphasize the risk she was about to take. This decision might well be what would make or break her. She wasn’t sure where she’d found the courage to tell Jason she wanted, needed, to do this now. Of course every word she’d said was true. If she wasn’t up to this job, both of them were better off if she found out sooner rather than later. Still, to voluntarily walk into a confrontation with everything that had brought her such delight in the past, everything she feared she might never enjoy again, scared her. She wasn’t quite sure if she’d label herself brave or insane. On the other hand, she couldn’t deny that lately she’d become aware of a longing she’d been reluctant to investigate.

She listened to Jason as he told her he would show her all the rooms they were passing tomorrow morning.

“They’re mostly occupied now, and while these rooms have cameras too, we try not to interrupt sessions unless it can’t be avoided.”

The smell of sweat, leather and almost tangible lust in the area invaded her senses. The sounds of floggers hitting flesh, moans of pleasure and shrieks of pain, all of them brought back memories. Everything she saw, heard and smelled filled her with a great sense of loss, as well as an unexpected rush of arousal.

A crowd of waiting people filled the large area Jason steered her toward. She could feel the anticipation in the air and couldn’t escape the excitement buzzing through the room. A path cleared in front of them and Heather followed Jason to a spot, just outside the exhibition area, allowing her a clear view. Her first instinct was to turn around, look away, close her eyes, do anything in her power not to see the scene in front of her. She couldn’t.

It had been so long, she could barely remember the sensations displays like this aroused in her. She knew it would hurt later, but right now she needed to experience those feelings. She’d dealt with the pain for almost two years. She could deal with it for a while longer.

Her breath caught as she watched a man dressed only in dark denim pants lead a naked and blindfolded woman to a bench. Heather studied it more closely. This didn’t look like a standard spanking bench. A big dildo was fixed near one end.

The man brought the woman to the purpose-built piece of furniture and made her place one foot on a small step before helping her to straddle it. With her other foot positioned on the step on the far side, the woman’s crotch hovered over the phallus. Of course, deprived of her eyesight, she didn’t know that—yet. When the man took the woman’s hands and pulled them forwards to the other end of the bench where two pieces of ribbon were waiting to tie them, her body lowered just enough. Heather recognized the moment the woman became aware of the dildo between her legs. Her face tensed then relaxed into a lazy smile.

Amazement filled Heather when she felt her own face mirror the girl’s satisfied expression. The full and instant reaction of her body to the scene shocked her. Her nipples tightened and heat and wetness gathered between her own legs. She wanted to shake her head, deny the feelings. But she remained still, suddenly aware of Jason behind her, his hands on her hips. For a second she felt the urge to just lean back and find some of that physical contact she’d missed for so long. She couldn’t. It was Jason behind her, not Darren. She wanted it to be Darren. She needed to feel him behind her, pressing his hardening cock into her arse, whispering suggestions in her ear. She could hear his voice in her head, telling her all the things he’d be doing to her later, once they were alone. She felt his hands squeeze her hips.

They weren’t Darren’s hands. Disappointment shot through her body and she tensed. The hands squeezed again and some of the tension disappeared. No, those weren’t Darren’s hands, it wasn’t her husband and Dom standing behind her, but she couldn’t deny those hands were grounding her, making it possible for her to watch the scene in front of her instead of running away as fast as she could.

She relaxed further and gave her full attention to the beautiful couple in front of her. The woman’s hands had been tied to the bench now, and the man walked toward her legs. A soft but resounding slap on her arse had the woman slip down onto the waiting dildo, her excited groan almost lost in the gasps coming from the audience. Heather watched as the man talked to the woman, his voice too low to carry to the watching crowd. Whatever he was saying, the woman must have been reacting according to his expectations. He had a satisfied grin on his face as he rubbed his partner’s arse with languid strokes. Heather watched as if hypnotized as the woman started to squirm, only to stop as soon as the man murmured something else. He took something from his pocket, looked at it and pressed with his thumb. Instantly a low buzzing sound filled the room and the woman started squirming again. The man’s hand went back to her arse to keep her still and in place, victim to the vibrations the dildo sent into her core.

“You’re not to come.”

For the first time, the man spoke in a voice loud enough to carry to the audience. Heather could feel the crowd around her tensing in sympathy with the woman’s plight. Her own body stiffened, her vagina contracted. Heather’s breathing quickened and she could feel herself getting hotter. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew Jason had to be aware of all these reactions as well. His hands were still on her hips, his thumbs stroking her, his presence only adding to the need running through her system.

Again she forced her attention away from her own body and back to the scene now nearing its end. The woman appeared to be reaching her limit, moaning loudly and pleading with the man who continued to keep her arse still with his hand. After a few more minutes of what Heather knew was exquisite torture for the woman, the man gave her shapely arse another light slap then walked around the bench to face her. As the woman took advantage of her freedom and bucked herself to a long and violent orgasm, the man bent forward and took her mouth for a long and deep kiss.

Too much.
It was too much. She couldn’t do this. The heat, the love, the way the man so obviously cared for his sub. Memories rushed through Heather’s head, lights flashed in front of her eyes. She had to get away, she couldn’t breathe. Turning around, she blindly stared up at the man behind her, the man she didn’t quite recognize. “Black… Black. Please…black.”

* * * *

Shit, she safe-worded.

Instantly he turned her toward the exit. Putting his arm around her shoulder and pushing her head into his chest, he steered them through the clearly excited crowd. He felt the tears as they landed on his shirt. How had he missed the signs? There had to have been signs. He should have seen this coming, should have been able to recognize it and get her out before it got too much. He’d failed…again. He had no right to call himself a Dom. Twenty years of experience and he’d failed to see a meltdown coming. He wanted to kick himself, needed to scream, shout, punch somebody, be punched by someone.

Jason took a deep breath. He had to look after Heather, make her his priority and stop his selfish thoughts. Shaking and barely supporting herself, Heather sounded close to hyperventilating. Staving off his panic, he looked around and sighed with relief when he saw an empty room. He closed the door behind him and guided the frantic woman to a comfortable couch in the corner. He sat down and settled Heather on his lap, cradling her in his arms.

“It’s okay. You were so brave. Shhh now, you’re fine. You’re safe. I’ve got you.”