Live By The Team (Team Fear Book 1) (13 page)

“
Different reason behind that promise, and you damn well know it. Besides, I’m not alone.” Tension drained from Ryder’s shoulders, but he didn’t reclaim his seat. “After what happened with Mad Dog and Gault, the team deserves a break. Leave them in peace.”

“
Live by the team, die by the team. Those are the rules
you
set in motion,” Rose emphasized.

Leaning forward, Lauren rested her arms on her knees. Ryder never talked about his team, especially after the last deployment, but Team Fear was Ryder’s family. It was a comfort to know not everyone was alone. That they’d made a pledge to each other that meant more than wedding vows.

Ouch
. Lauren leaned back. She wasn’t sure how she felt about his commitment to the team outweighing his commitment to her. Her eyes stung. Under the anger, hurt bloomed full and bloody in her chest. Ryder was a team player, just not her team.

The military trinity—God, country, and family—was a load of horse manure that skewed her father’s priorities. God first, country second, family last. Such thinking had turned her mother into a war widow. A bitter single mother.

“
Not yet.” Ryder didn’t back down, but faced-off with Rose. “Leave the team in peace.”

The team came first. Reality shredded her insides. Lauren wasn’t a martyr willing to take second place in her husband’s heart.

Rose stabbed the pen into the notepad, nearly snapping the cheap plastic. “For now, it’s you and me, but if shit turns sideways, I’m making a distress call and you’ll damn sure take the help.”

Ryder shoved his hands in the front pockets of his black jeans. “We need to climb all over Smythe. Find out what makes him tick.”

That wasn’t exactly agreement. Lauren was well versed in Ryder’s avoidance tactics. The mattress gave as she leaned back on her arms. A sleepless night and her head injury made it hard to keep up. The subtext between Ryder and Rose—stuff they weren’t saying out loud—filled the small motel room with tension.

“
Let me dig into information on your townhouse and the meth house last night,” Rose said. “See if I can find any similarities. Then I’ll contact the owners of the house. Find out if they had any interaction with Smythe.”

Lauren’s eyes drifted shut and snapped back open. “Why would they talk to you?”

“
Their old house exploded this morning. They have a sympathetic journalist on the phone digging for answers. They’ll spill.” Rose smiled across the room. “You’ve got some serious academic whiplash going on over there, sweetheart. Why don’t you get some sleep? Ry and I can work in my room.”

“
Please don’t.” Exhaustion weighed on her shoulders, but— “I don’t want to be alone.” Story of her life, and completely mortifying to admit, but the idea of being alone was worse than the monsters under the bed.

“
You need sleep,” Ryder insisted.

“
I’ll sleep.” Lauren looked to Rose, who seemed more malleable than Ryder. “If you guys, uh, work in here?”

Neither man answered. Talk about hard-asses. Lauren screwed her face into a pout. The tactic might be juvenile, but she wouldn’t sleep if she were alone. “Please?”

“
Sure.” Rose stood. “I’ll bring my laptop over, but first, take another couple Vitamin M.”

“
Vitamin M?”

“
Motrin. Despite what this guy says, the Army doesn’t run on food. It runs on Vitamin M.”

She smiled. In the past, whenever she was near Ryder and his team, Rose had intimidated her. He was a big man, quiet, not unfriendly, but definitely unapproachable. Since he’d started acting as her personal medic, he’d softened. Or maybe her opinion of him softened, because he was still built as solid as an underground bunker. She swallowed the ibuprofen and Rose left.

The room went silent with the departure. Lauren would rather make small talk at a faculty mixer than deal with the uncertainty of her marriage. Ryder had no such reticence. Wordlessly, he stood and pulled her into an embrace. The physical touch connected them in a time when words failed. There was no room for anger or recrimination in the quiet cocoon of each other. The steady beat of his heart pulsed through his thin cotton t-shirt; each beat an affirmation of life. That she had survived the past twenty-four hours was something of a miracle, so Lauren held on, timing her breathing to his, her heart naturally following his cadence.

Next door, a couple checked in, their voices coming through, not in actual words, but mixed tones, male and female, talking. The peaceful monotones filtering through the sheetrock soothed her frayed nerves. Lauren rested her cheek on Ryder’s chest, wrapped up in momentary togetherness. It might be an illusion, but one she needed more than food.

Falling for Ryder again would be as easy as breathing his air, so she reminded herself that he would leave. He’d told her as much in the dark hallway at the bar. If the truck hadn’t flipped, he’d be gone already. Couldn’t fault the man for his honesty, so armed with the truth, it was up to her to protect her heart. Stepping back took every scrap of strength in her bone-weary body. The last week had been a killer. She’d lost her home, had a car accident, and gotten kidnapped. Ryder showed up at her work after six months of silence. The last twenty-four hours were surreal. Nowhere felt safe, except in his arms, and that was an illusion. Next to Ryder was the most dangerous place to stand.

She trailed a hand from his solid chest down his center. His breath hitched and hers followed. He felt as good as a cold pillow on a hot summer night, but like that cool pillow, he wouldn’t last. When her touch reached his hard abs and wanted to dig in, she pushed away. Leaving first, staying strong, refusing to backslide into his easy embrace.

Rose returned with a quick rap on the door as warning, so Ryder didn’t have a chance to test her resolve. Probably a good thing as she needed sleep more than she needed another confusing encounter with her husband. The Southwest style comforter on the bed called her name. She lay on her back and shifted her head to a spot that didn’t aggravate her injuries. Once comfortable, she stared at the only artwork in the place, a quasi-modern piece in swirls of turquoise, orange, and red. The only thing going for it was it matched the comforter, yet the colors and the swirls became her meditative focus.

In the background, Ryder and Rose plotted strategy. The words held no meaning as she drifted, only the tones different. Ryder’s low and measured, controlled—Ryder was always freaking controlled—while Rose’s deeper baritone rumbled like an ocean against the rocks. She drifted on those waves into a deep slumber.

When she woke later, Ryder gently rocked her shoulder. “Sorry, baby, I have to wake you every two hours until three in the morning.”

“
Twenty-four hours. I remember.” Lauren shoved hair off her face and lifted into a sitting position. She had been seriously out of it, the kind of sleep where drool gathered on the corner of her lips. Trying for discreet, she swiped a hand over her lips. “Where’s Rose?”

“
Picking up Chinese. I ordered your usual, plus hot and sour soup in case your jaw hurts.”

He could be sweet, which made it harder to stay emotionally detached. Daylight had faded while she slept and the curtains now closed against the night. Only the dim light from the muted television lit the small room. Sitting up brought her within cuddling distance of Ryder. Their thighs touched through their clothes and his heat warmed her front. Made her pulse speed.

Ryder brushed a knuckle gently along her sore jaw. His eyes were hooded as he watched the movement of his fingers along her skin. “Bruises look worse tonight. How’s the pain?”

Lauren twisted her jaw to test, sparking twinges of pain with the movement. “Better.” Maybe if she said it, she’d start to believe it.

“
Liar.” His knuckle trailed down her neck along the line of tendon, sending sparks along her nerves. “Feel good enough to eat?”

“
Soup sounds good.” Her voice cracked. His touch explored the sensitive skin between the collarbone and neck. A wave of desire flooded her chest. He leaned in and Lauren leaned back. Her body still responded to Ryder, but her mind knew better. “I think I’ll go clean up before the food gets here. A good soak will ease some of the soreness.”

He helped her to her feet. Lauren retreated to the bathroom to regroup, grabbing the bag Debi had packed for her. The bath filled with hot water while she brushed her teeth and cleaned the drool off her face. And why either mattered was beyond her. She wasn’t trying to impress her husband. She wasn’t going to seduce him. Lauren spit toothpaste into the sink.

Why not? They were married. “Because that kind of
rational
thinking will get me in deep deep trouble.” She braced her arms against the sink. Married or not, Ryder had the power to break her if she started to feel for him again. For Lauren, sex and love went together like bad boys and leather, and with Ryder, she couldn’t do one without the other. She could lie to herself and say she just wanted one last night of wild sex, but her heart would surely follow her body.

She glanced into the mirror and saw watery eyes reflected along with a damaged face and split lip. She looked like a battered rodeo clown. Better to keep her heart safe and her body far away from temptation. The hot water of the bath lured her. She settled into the tub and let the heat lull her into a relaxed state that drained the ache from her bones. Her eyes drooped and she scooted lower, letting the water soothe her tired shoulders.

Hard knocks on the door forced Lauren’s eyes open. More drool gathered around her lips. Geez, what was wrong with her? She swished water over her face to clear the drool and cobwebs. The knocking increased, sounding frantic and loud in the small space. She opened her mouth just as Ryder pushed through the door. Words died on her tongue with one look at his intense face. Dangerous thoughts hid behind half-lidded eyes, and a red flush spread up his sharp cheekbones. Lauren’s breath caught. She couldn’t force herself to speak. Thinking was beyond her at the moment.

Dressed all in black, Ryder resembled a panther at rest. Dark and mesmerizing. All sleek muscles, he filled the doorway with six plus feet of innate strength. No one could mistake him as harmless. Here was the man who had pursued her. He was impossible to ignore. Cool air filtered in from the outer room, sending goose bumps along her skin. Hardened her nipples. Yeah, had to be the cold, not the man. “Close the door.” The words were a whisper. Not an invitation.

He stepped inside and closed the door. Not what she meant. “I thought you’d fallen asleep.” The gravel in his tone woke parts of her long dormant.

“
That might have happened,” she admitted. “What, uh—”

His thick boots didn’t make a sound as he crossed the tiled room in two steps. He landed on his knees beside the tub and trailed a finger through the water. Lauren froze like a trapped animal. Desire burned in his green eyes. With work-rough fingers, he caressed the skin at the water’s edge before plunging lower to tease circles around one nipple and then the other. They hardened painfully. How fast he made her want what his touch promised. Lauren moaned.

“
Such a pretty sound. Thinking about it keeps me up at night. I can’t fucking sleep with the memory of it in my head. Seeing you like this.” He licked his lower lip. “Baby, I’m already hard.”

That really wasn’t her plan. What happened to the lecture she’d given herself?

Ryder pinched her nipple, sending sparks to every cell in her body. Another moan ripped from her throat. The knowing chuckle shot straight to her core. His firm lips took possession of hers while his fingers caressed down her sternum and stomach to land between her thighs. He swallowed her moan.

A twinge of pain in her jaw had her jerking away. She lifted a hand to her injured cheek. Desire was stamped on Ryder’s features, but he leaned back on his heels. “I didn’t mean to—”

“
Don’t stop.” Please, God, don’t let him stop. Her stomach clenched in dread. She wanted him; wanted the fulfillment of his touch. One last time. Yeah, she knew that sad excuse as a lie. Didn’t change a thing.

A flame exploded in Ryder’s eyes before he glanced down her body from her peaked nipples to her groin. “Guess I’ll have to use my mouth elsewhere.”

The promise made her inner thighs clench. Talented fingers slipped through her folds and found her wet, and not from the water. No need for him to tease and cajole. Lauren’s legs fell open. With one touch he owned her. His fingers circled her clit while his mouth nipped and kissed along the tender flesh of her neck. The moves split her focus so she could only feel, her body feverish with the need he built. He controlled. She craved what only he could give.

His lips sucked on a tendon as a large finger pushed into her. Lauren arched, splashing water over the edge of the tub.

“
That’s it. Open for me,” Ryder said against her neck. His thumb worked her clit. Spirals of frantic energy swirled through her lower body. The capacity for thought diminished to nothing. Her body chased the orgasm pumping through her system, building, spiraling, so damned close, so quick her brain didn’t have time to get in the way.

Ryder’s large fingers rubbed against internal ridges, sparking nerves and sending her closer. Higher. She arched into his hands. “Harder,” she moaned.