Live the Dream (29 page)

Amy sensed his concern and was afraid. 'What is it?'

'I lied to you,' he went on quickly before he might lose his courage. 'My name isn't Ben. It's…" he hesitated, before finishing in a rush, 'my name is Luke Hammond.'

It took only a second or two to register in Amy's mind.
'Luke Hammond?
Stunned, she stared at him. 'Luke Hammond, the factory owner?' The anger rose inside her. He had lied to her! Why had he felt the need to lie?

When he nodded, she turned from him without another word. Hurrying into the cabin, she felt a pang of fear when the boy was nowhere to be seen. 'Johnny?' When suddenly her eyes alighted on him, she gave a, sigh of relief. Having wandered to the other side of the room, he was peering at something against the wall. She went across to him at a run. 'Come on, Johnny.' Taking him by the hand, she told him, 'We have to go.'

Having put the fire screen in place, Luke waited at the door. 'I'm sorry,' he said.I'll take you back now.' He cursed himself for not having told her the truth from the start. But he had been afraid to tell her. He had hoped always to keep his identity secret, because the man he was today was the man he desperately needed to be. It was not the man who ran the factory and held his life together with duty and responsibility. He had never wanted Amy tainted with all that. She was already, in his mind, a part of this retreat on the Tuesdays when the factory owner became a free man.

As they drove home, the silence weighed heavy.

No one spoke, not even Johnny, who sensed an atmosphere and instinctively curled himself into Amy's embrace. In a matter of minutes the gentle bumping of the car and the hum of the engine lulled him to sleep.

When the car drew up at the market, Luke clambered out to open the back door.

'I'm sorry,' he told Amy. 'I should never have lied to you.' Reaching into the car he helped them both out, Johnny being still dozy from his sleep. 'Will you stay a minute?' Luke asked her. 'Let me explain?'

Amy shook her head. 'We have to go.'

Luke persisted. 'It doesn't matter, does it…who I am?'

She had been doing up Johnny's coat buttons, but now she paused and, looking up, took stock of him for a minute—that mop of dark hair, those intense, sad eyes—and she felt a pang of guilt. He had been nothing but kind and hospitable to her and Johnny—and had done them the honour of sharing his private retreat with them. 'No,' she answered. 'It doesn't matter. But we have to go now.'

Visibly relieved with her answer, he asked, 'Will you forgive me?'

She nodded. That was all. A curt, hesitant little nod, but it was enough for Luke. For now.

Amy finished buttoning Johnny's coat.

'Are we going to see Daisy?' Wakening fast, he smiled up at Luke. 'I like your friend,' he said. 'She's mine too now, isn't she?'

Luke ruffled his hair. 'She certainly is,' he said brightly, 'and I hope I'm your friend too…yours and Amy's?' He turned his attention to her, but she made no reply. Instead she wondered what kind of man he was, to lie like that, even to the boy.

'Thank you for a lovely time,' she told him, for it had been wonderful—until he spoiled it, she thought regretfully.

In a minute he was in his car and driving back the way they had just come.

'You're a damned fool, Hammond!' he told himself. 'You should have been truthful from the start, especially with a woman like Amy.'

He thought about his situation and the way he was forever torn two ways. He thought about his unhappy, mundane life and the split between the man he was and the man he wanted to be, and he wondered if sometimes his fantasies got in the way of real life. He hoped not. For if that was the case, it might well be the first step to madness.

'Why aren't we going to see Daisy?' Johnny was bitterly disappointed. 'You said we could.'

'I know I did, and I'm sorry.' Having rushed the boy and herself across the marketplace, Amy had paid the tram fare

' and now they were in their seats and on the way home. 'We stayed too long away,' she said. 'It's too late to go to Daisy's.'

'Can we see her tomorrow?'

Amy recalled something Maureen had said that morning. 'I think your mammy said she was going into town tomorrow,' she answered. 'Maybe you'll see Daisy then.'

She wondered whether to tell Daisy about today, or if it might be better not to mention it at all. But then, Johnny was sure to say something. But even if he did, she mused, there was no reason why Daisy should know that the man involved was Luke Hammond himself.

The name was emblazoned in her mind. Luke Hammond. A wealthy man. A man of secrets.

Johnny busied himself looking out the window. 'I saw your picture.'

Amy had been deep in thought. 'Sorry, sweetheart, what did you say?'

He turned to look at her. 'He had your picture. It was nice.'

Amy's heart skipped a beat. 'What do you mean, Johnny?
Who
had my picture?

'The man…Ben. It was a nice picture.' He grinned shyly. 'I peeped.'

'Are you sure it was me?' she asked, trying to sound calm.

He shook his head. 'Don't know.' Now he wasn't so sure, especially as Amy wasn't very happy about it. 'I shouldn't have peeped, should I?'

Amy hugged him. 'It's all right,' she assured him. 'I expect it was something and nothing. We'll just forget about it. All right?'

Johnny had been drawing, and the drawing was left behind. No doubt he had drawn her likeness, as he had done many times before. It was of no consequence.

His quick, bright smile warmed her heart. 'All right,' he said.

And it was quickly forgotten.

For the rest of the journey, Amy turned her thoughts to Luke. Why had he felt the need to lie? And why would a man like Luke Hammond want a 'hideaway'?

Deep down she understood, because weren't there times when she too would like a hideaway where she could sit and think and let the madness of the world pass her by?

And why not a man like Luke Hammond; a man who worked as hard and long as he did, and when his work was done he had to go back to a reputedly difficult and demanding woman, a woman who had cheated on their marriage? Of course he needed a sanctuary.

She had felt such a bond between them when they were at the cabin—a sense of growing friendship. She thought of his strong hands as he scooped the water from the brook with the bucket, his gentleness with the tame deer, and his delight in showing the creature to his visitors. She thought of his sad dark eyes, his handsome face and tender manner.

So he had lied about his name? But that was just to protect his privacy, and to avoid making her feel uncomfortable, wasn't it? After all, if he'd revealed that he was Luke Hammond at the outset, would she have accepted his invitation? Probably not.

It had been fun at his lovely woodland hideaway—until she'd spoiled things. Johnny was already asking to go back. But Luke Hammond would, she thought with a sudden rush of regret, not invite her to go again.

The following Tuesday, Amy, after much deliberation, decided she would go to Tooley's Cafe after she'd done her shopping. It was no use avoiding the place on account of Luke Hammond. Daisy would soon be demanding to know why she was staying away, and, anyhow, Luke might not be there at the time Amy was. They didn't always coincide.
Possibly
, she thought miserably,
he'd stay away from the cafe, not wanting to see the ungrateful girl who'd got on her high horse after he'd shared the secret of his lovely hideaway with her.

When Tuesday came round, Maureen took Johnny with her to a new part-time job she'd taken, pushing a tea trolley round the town hall offices. Maureen thought it a poor job and was already talking about finding something better; Johnny was very pleased he'd be 'giving out biscuits, like Daisy does', and was rather keener than his mother.

Amy was half sorry not to have Johnny with her and half pleased in case he saw Luke and blurted out something to Daisy.

When Amy opened the door of Tooley's the first person she saw was Luke, sitting in the window, reading his newspaper. He looked up, smiled at Amy and then glanced quickly round the cafe. Daisy was nowhere in sight—evidently in the back, wrestling with the toaster, from the smell of charred bread pervading the steamy atmosphere.

In a moment Luke was on his feet. He dug some change out of his pocket, left it on the table and in two strides was beside Amy and escorting her back outside with his hand clutching her elbow.

'What…?' she gasped, as he led her a few steps away down the street.

'Amy, I'm so glad to see you,' Luke said, releasing her. 'Sorry to drag you out like that but I didn't want to embarrass you in the cafe, and maybe make your friend curious.'

Amy saw the sense in this, and was, now she was with him, pleased at this excellent opportunity to make amends for her foolishness last week.

'I'm so sorry-' she started. 'Amy, forgive me-' he began at the same time, and they each stopped and looked at the other and laughed.

'You first,' said Luke.

'I'm so sorry I got cross and spoiled everything last week after you were so kind to Johnny and me,' she said, looking him in the eye. Now she was with him her anxiety had evaporated. The gentle expression on his handsome face was making her apologising easier. She could see he was not angry now.

'Dear Amy, please don't apologise. You were quite right. It was wrong of me to deceive you. I should have known you would never condone even an innocent deceit. I meant…' he looked down, suddenly struggling for the right words, '…when I invited you and Johnny to come to see the cabin I didn't want you to be
put off if
you knew who I was. And I suppose, in a way, I didn't really want to be Luke Hammond then. I just wanted to be someone you saw at the cafe, a man from Blackburn who lives in a cottage in the woods and wanted to show you and Johnny that cottage. Does that make sense to you?'

Amy saw the truth of this in his anxious eyes. 'Of course,' she smiled. 'Let's just think it was a simple misunderstanding.'

'Quite right,' Luke agreed eagerly, also smiling, 'and if you'd like to come out to the cabin again sometime-' he raised an eyebrow questioningly—'today, perhaps?—then I shall know I'm forgiven.'

Suddenly Amy realised this was exactly what she had been hoping for but had hardly dared to think. He really was a very nice man—and rather a lonely one too. There was no doubt that he genuinely wanted her to accept this invitation.

'Thank you,' she beamed. 'I'd love to come, but just for a little while or Mam will be worried.'

'Is Johnny not with you?'

Amy explained about his new job as Maureen's assistant and Luke laughed as he led her to the car. This time Amy sat in the front seat next to him.

The journey, under winter sun, seemed to her shorter than before, and soon they were jolting up the final lane to the cabin. The little house in the woods really was exactly like something from a fairy tale, Amy thought, especially with the veranda.

'Come in, come in. I'll make us some tea as you've missed your elevenses.' Luke unlocked the door and swung it wide to let her go before him.

He lit the log fire, and they both went to collect water for the kettle.

By the brook he pointed out a mistle thrush, the weight of red berries on a dark-leaved holly bush, and the patch that, in just two months, he'd expect to be covered in the first snowdrops. He knew how to share his enthusiasm for the countryside and for this particular place, and told a couple of stories about his childhood holidays here that made Amy laugh. By the time they had drunk their tea, Amy was thoroughly relaxed.

They put on their coats again and went to sit on the veranda steps to see if Velvet would visit. Just when Amy, but not Luke, had almost given up hope, she appeared tentatively and walked slowly towards them. Amy saw how the little deer trusted Luke, and she was enchanted by it.

So this is the real Luke Hammond, she thought, watching as Luke hand-fed the deer. This is the man with a good head for business, who employs so many people in Blackburn Dad, Jack and Roy included—and who has such a troubled life at home.

How could she have thought there was anything odd in having the hideaway and anything other than a wish to be more a part of this other life in his reluctance to reveal who he really was?

Velvet trotted away and Luke turned and smiled at Amy. It was a smile that lit his whole face and she could see that he was truly happy.

'That was beautiful,' she said, recalling how the deer had fed so trustingly from his hand.

'Beautiful,' he agreed, but it was her he was looking at. A moment passed between them and then Amy looked away. I have to go now,' she said.

'Amy…not yet, please?'

Something in the tremor of his voice, or it could have been the lonely look in his eyes, made her hesitate. Before she knew it he had wrapped his arms around her and the warmth of his body was pressing against her. At first his kiss was hesitant; then, when she did not reject him, his arms tightened about her and his lips were more demanding.

Reaching up, she wound her arms round his neck, giving herself, wanting more than she should, but when the want grew to a desperate need she pushed him back.

'No!'

'Amy '

'No, Luke, we mustn't…I can't. Please, you know it's wrong.'

'No, Amy, it's not wrong. Don't you see -'

'You're married!' She raised her voice and stepped away as he made to hold her again. Though her voice had broken on the words she knew she had to go on and say what she felt. 'You're a dear, kind man. I've had a lovely time today, but now I have to go home.'

'But, Amy,' he took a step towards her and took her hands in his, 'here's where you belong. Here, with me.'

'Luke, you know that can never be,' she said softly. 'You know…'

Dejected, he swallowed and cleared his throat.

'Yes, yes, of course. I'm sorry. It was stupid of me even to think…' He looked away, out to the woods. After a minute or two in which they both stood in silence, he turned back to Amy. 'Come on, let's get you back. Your friend Daisy will have missed you this morning, and I don't want you getting into trouble with your mam either.' He smiled a brave smile and hand in hand they walked back inside the cabin to make the fire safe before leaving.