Live to Tell (15 page)

“Are you going to see your Mum and Dad over the holiday,” I asked.

“No, I’m not! Don’t even think about suggesting it. Last year I buggered off abroad, went skiing, didn’t even ring them. I might give my sister a call; she’s done nothing wrong.” He aimed the remote control at the TV set. “Damn it, there’s never anything worthwhile on. Like me, she left home as soon as she could. She’s married now. Her husband Tom’s quite a nice bloke.”

Annoyed, he turned off the television.

“I didn’t know you had a sister.”

“Well, she’s six years older than me, and although we always got on, our paths didn’t cross much. We went to different schools, had different friends. Her name’s Guinevere, but people call her Gwen. The reason there’s such a gap in our ages I think, is because my mum left my father for a while and then she went back to him. That’s when I came along. He’s been a bit of a swine to her over the years, not the best husband. I don’t know how she stuck it.”

I took hold of his hand. “What about your mum? Wouldn’t you like to see her?”

“When I told them I wanted to join the Army and my father said he’d wasted all the money I’d cost him, not just on my education, but books, clothes, bikes, that sort of thing, she backed him up, and said I was a disappointment to them. It was like they wished I’d never been born. I’m her child, her only son and she backed him up. I don’t want to see either of them!”

I was afraid I was going to cry. How could Danny be a disappointment? Although the chances of my ever meeting his mother were extremely slim, I knew that if I did, I would tell her what I thought of her. For some reason I felt more emotional at Danny’s outburst than I should have. He squeezed my hand tighter, holding the fingers together but I gritted my teeth, determined not to complain.

“If I had had family support I would probably have gone to Sandhurst, the military academy. You know, got a commission, become an Army officer. I could have been an infantry officer,” he went on. “As it is, although I enjoy what I do, and I love the way of life, I’ll never have the earning capacity I should have had. That’s what he cost me, the sod.”

With his free hand, he punched the sofa arm while I extricated my bruised fingers from the other and kissed his cheek. He hugged me roughly to him.

“I know that when I have children,” he said, “I’ll treat them with respect, not like him. He’s just a bully, a total bully.”

I stroked the back of his head.

“I love you,” he said, kissing me.

I kissed him back. “It makes me realise how good my mum and dad are. Even Aidan’s parents always had his best interests at heart. I was just thinking, it’s so nice being alone, here with you but in the New Year I’ll have to look at the situation with the apartment. Now Aidan’s gone. I’ll have to get a new house mate.”

“But you’ve got me.”

“I know.” I kissed him again. “But the reason that I had to take the job in the pub was because when Jurgen left, Aidan and I couldn’t manage without
his
rent. How can I manage without Aidan’s?”

“God, I’m sorry. I never thought. I didn’t think about the money at all.
I
can contribute. Then you won’t have to get someone else.”

“But you pay to live in the barracks don’t you?”

“Yep, but, when I’m on exercise, living under canvas I don’t pay anything. So the money I save doing that, can keep us here.”

“But you pay every time, when we go out.”

“It’s alright, honestly. You’re a student and I’m working. Now stop worrying. Also, it will be nice for me to have a bit of space to keep a few things in. Sharing with five others blokes is hell. There’s no room for any personal kit, let alone enough power points. Having my own room here will be nice. Do you mind if I bring girls back?”

I was so shocked, that for a moment I thought he was serious and went cold inside. Then he smiled at me and started to laugh.

“You should see your face, Miss Disgusted of Maida Vale.”

“I hate you,” I said. “For a minute, I felt sick when you said that. I was going to make you a cup of coffee but now you can get your own. Ugh,” I shuddered.

“I’ll tell you what, I’ll make us both one.”

I pushed him away, still feeling upset and he went out chuckling. I followed him through and leaned against the work top, watching him measure out the coffee. He turned and smiled at me and held out his arms.

“Come here! You’re an idiot. Am I forgiven?”

“Perhaps,” I said. “When you said what you did, I realised how terrible I’d feel if you wanted someone else. God, being in love is horrible. Anyway, the reason I asked about Christmas, is because Mum has invited us to spend the day there and I didn’t want to accept until I know what you want to do.”

“I’d rather be on our own, seriously,” he said, “But I guess if you want to go, I’ll fall in behind you.”

“Shall I say we’ll just go for lunch? Then with a bit of luck, we’ll be home by about four?”

“Whatever? I’m not going to die in a ditch over it and I quite like your dad. I’ve already given him an early Christmas present.”

“Oh?”

“Yes, I asked him if he’d mind having a soldier for a son-in-law. That day, when we went over there. I think he was OK about it.”

“You didn’t! Oh, what on earth will my mum think?”

“Probably glad to get rid of you, I shouldn’t wonder.” He turned back to the kettle. “That reminds me. We never talked about how you felt about your course, did we? Are you still worried about it? Have you ever thought of a change of career? You’re a pretty smart girl. You could do anything you wanted.”

I felt a bit taken aback. I had wanted a career in fashion as long as I could remember.

“I don’t know.”

“Also, if I was posted somewhere else, there may not be many openings in the fashion industry. Signallers don’t get sent to Paris. If, say, you trained as an accountant, like your dad, you’d be in demand everywhere. Could easily get a job, if you wanted, assuming you’d be willing to travel with me. Then you could do your art as a hobby.” He saw my expression, and put his arm around my shoulders again. “OK. I can see you’re not impressed. But if worst comes to worst, you have a lot of other options open to you. More than most of your friends, I should think. So if you do decide to leave the course, it won’t be the end of life as we know it. I’ve proved that.”

“I suppose, but even thinking like that makes me feel like a failure.”

“’Cause you’re not a failure. Do you want to stay out here in the kitchen, all day? Or shall we go back to the sofa where it’s cosy?”

He carried my coffee as well as his own back to the other room and turned on the radio, quietly in the background.

“You see, you’d be doing me a favour,” he said, sitting down beside me. “I can’t even have my own music on back at base. Here it’s like a real home, even if I can’t bring girls back. No stop it, you’ll spill the coffee.”

I hit him with a cushion and he pulled me across his body.

“Listen,” he said softly, kissing the end of my nose. “You know what I said earlier, about having children? It’s kind of important to me. I’ve always liked kids. You do want them, too, don’t you?” He looked anxious. “Would you be willing to have our babies, or am I ahead of myself?”

I felt such a surge of emotion, that I thought I was going to faint.

“I would love to have yours,” I said, biting my bottom lip. Then I hesitated. “But in a couple of years, yes? I’m only just nineteen. But what do you want? Do you want a family sooner than that?”

“Don’t worry. I want you to finish your education, if that’s what you want, and I won’t hide your pills, I promise.”

“Also,” I said, “we would need to move away from here. It’s not safe here.”

“This is Maida Vale. Of course it’s safe. It’s a beautiful area.”

“No, you don’t understand. I’ve never been able to get Aidan to open up but supposing the people who attacked him brought him back here, you know, afterwards, and know where we live. They could lie in wait for me. With a baby, we’d be so vulnerable.”

“Hang on,” he said, looking worried. “I’d no idea you felt like that. I wasn’t here that night but does it sound likely that whoever did it, knocked seven shits out of him, then gave him a lift home? No way. I hadn’t realised how scared you are or I would have said something sooner. I won’t let anybody hurt you. As long as I’m around, you’re safe, OK?”

“Now the days are so short and the anniversary of our first encounter with the men collecting in the Gladstone is so near, I think about little else, especially when I’m alone.”

“
Believe me; if I thought you were at the slightest risk, I wouldn’t let you stay here. Cowards like that, they won’t risk tangling with me.”

I undid the buckle on his trouser belt. “Come with me,” I whispered.

Leaving the half-drunk coffee behind, we went into our bedroom and closed the curtains against the gloom of the evening, shutting out the approaching night.

“Anyway, I bet they’re long gone, especially with all the police activity in the area.”

“Yes, I guess you’re right. I’m being stupid.”

CHAPTER SIX
 

Danny and I had been together for a year now and effortlessly slipped into a pattern of gentle domesticity.

My one regret was that since Aidan left England he had not written to me. I bumped into Dermot occasionally at the local shops and he had heard nothing either. Since I didn’t have Aidan’s family address, there seemed nothing I could do. But that didn’t mean that I stopped worrying about him. Despite my happiness with Danny I kept watch for the men who beat Aidan. Ever alert to their presence I dare not relax my guard for an instant.

In July my second year course results were described by my main tutor as disappointing. I thought that under the circumstances, they were much better than I could have hoped for and felt very pleased. Despite this, Danny convinced me that I should switch courses to something more practical. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that the marks I gained in my art and design modules counted in my new academic programme.

I was undertaking a foundation course in accounting and it was much more structured than my previous educational pursuit. My father was delighted that I had moved into his territory and offered to help me with any subjects that I found difficult. Despite this, deep down, I still harboured an aspiration to become an eminent successor to fashion designers Vivienne Westwood and Mary Quant.

The course I attended was held in Paddington and it was much easier to travel there by underground train than by bus but they were always crowded, and by the time I arrived home, I usually felt drained. Fridays were worst of all and, at times, the trains were so full that I had a job getting on to one.

Tonight was a typical Friday evening in late autumn, dark and wet, and I had just struggled home. I pushed open the door to the apartment and heaving a sigh, kicked off my shoes. Although I had only walked a short distance from the station, my umbrella and coat were soaking wet so I hung them in the bathroom, out of the way. I was later than usual and anxiously looked at my watch, wondering if I had time to take a shower before Danny arrived. In answer to my question, I heard his key in the lock.

“Hiya,” he said, coming in. He bent down to kiss me and waved a bunch of flowers over my head. “Got you these. Shall we get a takeaway, or do you want to go out to eat?”

“Oh, lilies, how lovely. I notice you never assume that I’m going to cook,” I said, taking the flowers.

“Well, I’m a realist. A bout of food poisoning would spoil the weekend, not to mention the sex,” he said. “And we don’t want that, do we?”

He took off his coat dropping it on the floor next to my wet shoes; then he grabbed me, sweeping me off my feet.

“Stop it. I’ve only just got in.”

“So? I need you now! Put the flowers in the sink.”

An hour later we got dressed and in order to pay for the takeaway, Danny went to get his wallet from the jacket he abandoned earlier.

“Oh, damn, I forgot. There was a letter in my pigeon hole. Wonder what… ? Jesus H Christ, I don’t believe this. What the… Oh no. Fucking, fucking army!”

“What’s happened?”

“The fucking army’s what’s happened! I’ve only been posted,” he exploded. “They’re sending me to Herford. I bet it was that sergeant major. He’s got it in for me, the prat. He’s jealous, got a face just like a pig’s arse. Probably not getting any, and he knows I’m with you.”

I gasped, surprised at his outburst. I had never heard him grumble about the Army before, even when he had to go back to barracks when he didn’t want to.

“Please don’t worry. It’ll be alright. And Hereford’s not the end of the world. We can still be together at the weekends. And it won’t be forever.”

He cut me short. “No, not Hereford. Herford. It’s in northern fucking Germany.”

“Germany? You can’t go to Germany. What about us?”

I threw myself back into his arms and burst into tears as the doorbell rang, announcing the arrival of our supper.

Danny dealt with the delivery man, holding me tight, at the same time.

“She’s had some bad news,” he explained to the startled man as he closed the door behind him. “Come through to the kitchen. We need to think what we can do.”