Living a Lie (8 page)

“Do what I did and kick up holy hell. They’ll have you on your way before your feet touch the ground… with your bags packed and a label stuck to your arse saying:

DON’T CALL US, WE’LL CALL YOU.

“

Kitty smiled at that, then she giggled, and soon the two of them were roaring with laughter. Someone at the far end of the room yelled, “Shut your gobs! We can’t hear the telly!” That only made them laugh all the more and,

under orders from Mrs. Austin, they were marched upstairs.

In the dormitory they fell on Kitty’s bed, laughing so hard the tears spilled down their faces.

“I don’t think I want a label pinned to my arse,” Kitty spluttered. Georgie was so shocked at hearing her friend use bad language she erupted into a fresh bout of giggles.

When the laughter had run its course and they were calmer, Kitty remarked, “I expect you want to know who sent the other letter?”

“Let me guess.” Lying back on the bed, Georgie pretended to be thinking. Presently she said, “Is it to do with money?”

“No.” Kitty was enjoying the game.

“You’ve won a car and you’re going to swap it for a blue minibus?”

“No. But if I had won a car, I would let you have it, and you could swap it for whatever you wanted.” Lying on her tummy she watched Georgie’s changing expressions with twinkling dark eyes. How she loved it when it was just the two of them and they could tell each other their darkest secrets.

“I know! The Connors are bribing you with a trip to Disneyworld in Florida?”

“I wouldn’t go if they did… at least not until I knew them better.”

“All right then… that letter is from a tall good-looking sex-starved bloke, with dark smouldering eyes and shoulders like a bull elephant… and he’s looking for someone like me?”

“You’re wrong… and right.” Now Kitty was teasing.

“Ah! I’m getting warm then?” Georgie sat up.

“Go on then. Which bits are right and which bits are wrong?”

“He’s tall and good-looking.” In her mind’s eye Kitty could see him so clearly her heart was pounding.

“He has broad shoulders … and dark smouldering eyes.”

“But he’s not sex-starved, eh?” Georgie winked. She knew exactly who Kitty’s letter was from.

“And he’s not looking for someone like me?”

“He might be. How would I know?”

“Well, gal, put it like this… why would he be looking for someone like me when he can have a raving beauty like you?”

Kitty blushed to the roots of her hair. The and Harry are friends, that’s all,” she protested. But her face told another tale.

“Listen, gal. I’ve seen the way he looks at you on visiting day, and I can tell you that is not the look of a friend.” Georgie winked cheekily.

“More the look of a lover, I’d say.”

“Oh, Georgie. You know Harry isn’t my lover.” In her dreams he was, but she would never tell.

“Anyway, I’d need to be two years older or he’d be arrested.” She summoned the courage to mention something that had lately been on her mind.

“Does it hurt?” Blushing pink she persisted, “You know … when a man does that… is it very painful?”

Georgie was visibly surprised; she was also wary.

“You’re asking me, Kitty gal, and you know I’m not quite sixteen, so I shouldn’t have done it either.”

“But you have, haven’t you?” Lowering her voice to a whisper. Kitty leaned closer.

“You can tell me. I won’t say anything. It’s just that I’d like to know.”

Glancing up and down the room and seeing that they were still alone, Georgie admitted softly, “All right then, yes, I have done it, but I don’t know if it hurts first time because I was pissed out of my mind it was when I ran away from the first foster home and got mixed up with this bloke. A fairground helper, he was, and ooh! You should have seen him, gal… muscles like Popeye and golden hair down to his waist. He looked like one of them Greek gods.” She took a moment to savour the memory then went on, “Anyway, he took me to some party and we all got drunk. I woke up the next morning with my legs covered in blood and a used French letter lying on the bedroom floor … ‘course I knew what had happened straightaway.”

“Have you seen him since?”

“Naw. The bugger were gone when I woke up, and I ain’t seen hide nor hair of him since.” She giggled and lowered her voice until it was almost inaudible.

“I was scared stiff the woman of the house would come home and call the police … I was on the run, remember? There were people lying all over the place, some of ‘em stark naked. I washed, dressed, and got out of there before anyone saw me.”

“So you didn’t remember anything about it? I mean … with him?” Kitty was disappointed.

“I couldn’t remember that particular time. But I can remember every single time since.”

“Tell me?”

“Well… there was the son of that second couple who fostered me. His name was Jack, and he had a cock like a hammer.” Her eyes rolled as she went on, “He was twenty70

two. a nice bloke as I recall. Trouble was, he took too much of a shine to me . began to think I was his own private property. In the end I threatened to tell the authorities. “

“And did you?”

“No. I just ran away.”

“What was it like … with him, I mean?”

“It was all right, I suppose. Same as with the one afterwards … their plonker pushes its way in and you get a kind of tickling feeling. Afterwards, you feel tired and excited all at the same time.

It doesn’t hurt, not really. Mind you, I wasn’t a virgin any more, so I expect that helped. ” She lay back on the bed again.

“I know a lot about men,” she confessed.

“I know how bad they can be, and I know how good they can be. I know they can hurt you if they want, and I know they can make you feel like a princess too.”

Kitty was swamped with memories of her parents.

“My dad was like that,” she said.

“Sometimes he made my mother laugh, but more often he made her cry.”

“That’s what I mean, gal. And if you’ve any sense, you’ll steer clear of men who make you cry… the bullies, I mean … the ones who only know how to use their fists.” She gave Kitty a strange look, “Do you think Harry would ever use his fists?”

“Never!” If Kitty was certain of anything, she was certain of that.

“How do you know?”

“I just know, that’s all.”

“Would you like Harry to make love to you?” Rolling sideways, Georgie looked up into Kitty’s blushing face.

“Tell the truth, shame the devil,” she said mischievously.

“You love him like mad, don’t you?”

It took Kitty a moment to gather her courage, but when she spoke it was with a conviction that surprised the other girl.

“If loving is wanting to be with him all the time … if it means going to sleep thinking of him and waking up the same way … if loving is a feeling that hurts and makes you feel lonely and happy all at the same time, then yes, Georgie, I do love Harry. So much it frightens me.”

Georgie’s smile was knowing, yet compassionate.

“There’s no doubt about it, gal, you’re in love.” Her expression grew serious.

“But you shouldn’t be frightened of loving someone.” Knowing the roots of Kitty’s fear, she could understand.

“Look, gal… all marriages don’t end up wrong. Some last for a lifetime. If you think Harry’s right for you, and if he feels the same, then you shouldn’t let anything come between you. On the other hand, if you really are frightened and think it might all go wrong, it might be best if you ran a mile.” An old look came over her young face.

“Cause when a man and woman get together, there are no guarantees.”

“This will be the last letter I’ll get from him,” she said sadly.

“He and I might long to be together one day, but I don’t think it can happen. I’m going to live with strangers, and he’s going to university.”

“Does he say it will be the last letter?”

“No.” Kitty was already hardening her heart to the inevitable.

“But don’t you see, we’ll be worlds apart?”

“Read the letter to me, gal. Unless it’s too private?”

Kitty shook her head.

“It’s all right.” While she unfolded the letter, Georgie lay down and closed her eyes. Her sense of mischief returning, she pleaded, “I’m very sensitive, and I’ve been brought up proper, so you’d better miss out the naughty bits… like the one where he wants to rip your clothes off and have his wicked way with you.”

Shaking her head, but loving Georgie all the more for her naughty sense of humour, Kitty began:

“Dearest Kitty …”

Georgie made a loud sighing noise.

“See that? Uncontrollable passion right from the start!”

“Do you want me to read it or not?”

“Go on then.”

Kitty cleared her throat and started again. This time Georgie was silenced by the soft tremor in her voice:

Dearest Kitty, It’s been a whole month since I came to see you. I don’t mind telling you, it has been the longest month of my life, and I can’t wait to see you again.

I hope everything is well with you? I’ve been thinking about our last meeting, and all the things we talked about. I hope your Aunt Mildred has been to see you, and put your mind at rest, and I hope Georgie hasn’t left yet. She’s a good friend, Kitty, and I know you will miss her when she’s gone.

“Nice to know I’m appreciated,” Georgie muttered. Exasperated, Kitty warned, “One more interruption and I’ll put the letter away.”

“Sorry, gal. Go on.”

“Right…” Returning her attention to the letter. Kitty prepared to read.

“Go on! Go on!”

“I’ve lost my place now!” Scanning the lines she found the point at which she was interrupted. With a wary glance at Georgie, she carried on:1 never realised Wales was so beautiful. This morning we went mountain-climbing. Two of the blokes got into difficulties and we had to make a detour.

We’re shifting base soon. While I write this, my tent is being pulled down round my ears! I should be back home next Thursday, then it’s the first train Friday to London. and the dreaded interview at university. Keep your fingers crossed!

Kitty paused here, her face hot with pleasure, “Why have you stopped, gal?” Georgie demanded. Peeking out of one eye she teased, “Ah! This is where he goes crazy to throw you on the bed, eh?”

“Don’t be daft!” Curling into a little ball and hiding her face from Georgie’s prying eyes, Kitty recommenced:

hope I get a place, Kitty, because I have big plans for the future, and you shouldn’t be surprised if I say they include you.<
p>

Take care of yourself. I’ll see you Saturday week. Miss you.

Harry

XXX

They were both subdued by the warm tone of the letter.

74 I

After a while Georgie told Kitty she was lucky to have someone like Harry; Kitty assured her she knew that already.

In fact, Harry’s letters brought her a deal of comfort. She kept them close; a small bundle tied with pretty pink ribbon, never too far away that she couldn’t reach out her hand and touch them. She read them over and over, until they were dog-eared and creased. After a time she didn’t need to read them because every word was etched on her heart.

Kitty was summoned to the office.

“It’s all arranged,” Miss Davis informed her.

“From the time you’ve already spent with the Connor family, we are satisfied you will fit in very well. There are just a few loose ends to be tied up before you move in with them altogether.”

She saw the light go from Kitty’s eyes and sensed the struggle inside her.

“I realise it will be hard at first,” she acknowledged, ‘but I hope you’ll soon come to see them as family. Please, Kitty, for your own sake, give it your very best. “

“I’ll try hard.” She had already promised herself that much.

“I do know how difficult it will be for you,” Miss Davis had seen it all before, ‘and I know you don’t really want to go, but think how it would feel if no one wanted you, Kitty. Think what it would be like if you had to spend another two years in this place. You’re being offered a real home. ” Her voice softened.

“I don’t think I need to tell you, there are children here who would give anything to be part of a real family.”

Ashamed, Kitty recalled what Georgie had said: “You might as well give it a damn’ good try, gal.” Taking a deep breath she declared, “I’ll try not to let you down.”

Relieved, Miss Davis gave her some other news;

delightful news that made Kitty smile.

“I’m planning a party for you and Georgie Rogers. It isn’t often we have two girls leaving more or less together. On top of that, I thought it would be a wonderful idea to celebrate both your birthdays… your fourteenth and her sixteenth.

What do you think? “

A party! Kitty’s heart raced.

“That would be wonderful!” All her worries momentarily forgotten, her first thought was for Harry.

“When will it be?”

“Well, it will need some organising … a slight juggling of finances, and of course you’ll all have to help with the cooking.” She chewed on her lip and thought hard.

“A good day would be Saturday. The following week you and Georgie will leave here and make a fresh start in life.”

She beamed widely.

“Yes. Saturday, I think.”

“Could I invite someone?” With Harry here, it would be the best party she could imagine.

Miss Davis misunderstood.

“How thoughtful of you, my dear. Yes, I’m sure the Connor family would love to come.”

“I wasn’t thinking of the Connor family.”

“Oh?” She looked confused, then her big face lit up.

“Of course! Your Aunt Mildred. Why, yes, if she’s well enough.” She had her doubts where that woman was concerned.

“We can ask the Connors too, I’m sure it would be nice for all of you to be together for a time.”

Frustrated, Kitty blurted it out.

“I don’t want Aunt Mildred here, and I’d rather the Connors didn’t come. It’s a party for me and Georgie because we’re going away, and because it’s our birthdays.” She was angry and fright76

ened of what lay ahead; all her emotions were churned up.

“I was talking about Harry } That’s who I would like at the party, and I know Georgie would like him there as well.”