Living Dangerously (25 page)

...
if
he
finds
out
about
Troy’s
real
father
.

A wave of chills lifted the hair on his neck.

* * *

Julie couldn’t help but notice Troy’s reaction to something in the diary. He froze. His eyes widened, then narrowed as he scanned the page. Then he flipped back a page looking for something before he flipped forward again, his expression even more dark and serious than usual.

It was the shock in his eyes that cut straight to her heart. Knowing that something upset him made her ache. But he didn’t say anything and she didn’t want to pry. It was personal. She wouldn’t grill him even though that’s exactly what she was dying to do.

He moved off the sofa, concentrated on the words in the book, obviously scanning then going back through the same few pages. Forward and back. Finally he went to the beginning and started reading, his back to her as he stood at the slider doors, as if the smallest thing might have him running for his life.

What was she supposed to do? Pretend as if she didn’t know something was terribly wrong? Concentrating on researching her character was a joke. But still, Troy didn’t move. Not for more than ten minutes. Finally, he took a seat at the table in the dining area off the kitchen.

Julie kept her eyes on the cross-cultural psychology book, but the words didn’t register as she debated what to do. She forced herself to read the text. It took fifteen minutes to read the first page, which consisted of only three paragraphs. Battling the urge to close the book and ask Troy questions, she continued with her research. An hour and a half later, when she finished for the night, Troy was still buried in his mother’s diary, the same dark expression on his face. It was late. Nearly ten and they hadn’t eaten so Julie went into the kitchen and opened the fridge. Cooking had never been her strong suit, but she felt obligated to make something. It wasn’t as if she could call for a pizza in this small town.

Though it was summer, the temperature had dropped and the air had cooled significantly, so Julie picked something easy and appropriate for the mood. Grilled cheese and canned soup. It took only a few minutes to get everything ready. She took it all to the table.

“I thought you might be ready for something to eat,” she said pouring him a glass of water from a pitcher she’d found in the kitchen.

He barely glanced up. “Yeah, thanks.”

Okay. Well, she was starving, so she wolfed down her soup and sandwich in minutes, and when Troy had still made no move to eat she got up, rinsed her dishes and stuck them in the dishwasher. It didn’t take a genius to see where the rest of the night was headed. She couldn’t really turn on the TV because she didn’t want to disturb him. Maybe she should just turn in. She
was
tired.

She stopped behind him and set her hands on his shoulders. “I’m going to call it a night.”

“Okay. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” But his head never budged from the pages.

Still, she hadn’t expected that. “Okay.” Her heart went out to him and she saw another turning point coming their way. Either he’d include her or he wouldn’t, and it was going to define the gray area of their relationship one way or another. How badly did he want her in his life? Enough to share the tough times? She’d have to wait and see.

With one last squeeze and a soft kiss on his cheek, she headed to the bedroom. It took her a few minutes to finish her bedtime routine and toss on pajamas. She slipped into bed and kept a small lamp on for Troy. His “few minutes” turned into twenty, then thirty, and Julie finally fell asleep.

She opened her eyes and checked the clock. Three-fifty a.m. Troy still hadn’t come in. The light shone in the other room. Julie threw the covers back and got out of bed, her leg stiff and sore. Limping to the door, she was about to ask if he was okay when she saw him asleep on the couch, the diary on his chest opened to the place he’d been reading.

Her heart lurched as she neared. She eased the diary out of his hands, then took the blanket from the back of the sofa and covered him. He didn’t budge. Ruthlessly, she fought the urge to read for herself what had him so upset. But, more than anything, she wanted Troy to tell her.

Time to be honest with herself. She was already halfway in love with him. He’d saved her life. He made her feel special. Made her feel like she was worth dying for. That quality alone was sexy as hell.

They had a few more days here together and by the time they left, she planned on knowing exactly where they stood with each other. If he thought she was a quickie fling then she’d do her best to break things off physically because although her time with Troy was turning out to be her
favorite
time, she wanted permanent. She wanted solid. She wanted someone she could count on for the duration, through thick and thin.

Julie snuggled back under the covers and had just dozed off when she felt the bed dip, and Troy slid in behind her. He wrapped a possessive arm around her waist and tugged her closer against him.

“Mm.” He felt so good. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you,” she mumbled into the pillow.

He kissed her nape. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I should’ve been here hours ago.”

She turned in his arms. Moonlight shone through the window and showed the fatigue rimming his dark eyes. “You okay?”

He nodded slowly as if he had to think about it for a second. “Yeah. Yeah. I’m okay. Can we talk about it in the morning?”

She didn’t want to remind him that it
was
morning, but she liked that he seemed willing to talk. “Sure. Whatever you want.” She took a deep breath, smelled the undeniable spice that was Troy and kissed his lips softly before she turned and adjusted herself more comfortably against him, content to be in the safety of his arms.

But the longer they lay there, the more she felt his response to her ass against his groin. As each second passed his erection grew harder between her butt cheeks. She pushed against him—she couldn’t help herself—and he groaned, a low growl right near her ear. She nearly turned around, but the hand on her waist traveled south and lifted up her T-shirt, snuck into her underwear and landed with absolute precision on her clit. She jerked and inadvertently rubbed him hard in the process. He sucked in air. One wicked finger circled, stroked and built up sweet tension between her legs that fired every cylinder and ramped up her desire. In seconds he had her soaking wet and desperate to be filled. She moved against his hand, needing the contact, the exquisite rub of his rough finger. He sent her on a glorious ride, a climb toward blissful release.

He pulled away and fumbled with something from the bedside table, but in the next second, he returned and stripped her underwear carefully down and off her injured thigh. She heard the rip of a foil packet before he wrestled his underwear down, lifted her leg and pushed inside of her. The immediate entry made her gasp then moan.

She loved these moments, the first few seconds of having him snugly within her, hearing his rough breathing and feeling his control slip away, knowing he could find solace in her body and in their lovemaking. It took her to new heights, made her believe that what they had wasn’t so easily found.

He thrust deep inside again, stretched her sensitive skin. His devious hand went to work on her clit, making her crazy with the erotic build. Every time he pushed inside of her, he pressed on her clit, and every withdrawal had him circling that sensitive spot until she almost screamed.

Julie turned her head, needing his mouth on hers as he stroked into her over and over. She grabbed his head, but he was already there. His mouth slanted over hers roughly, taking what he wanted, what she wanted to give him, in a blind fury. She wanted to make everything all right. Wanted him to know she was there for him now and for as long as he needed. Maybe if she loved him enough this minute, he’d confide in her later.

His other hand snuck under her so he had her pinned against him. One hand still worked her clit and the other cupped her breast, squeezing, rolling her nipple, driving her absolutely insane. He never stopped moving, stroking inside her and pulling out only to push back in harder, deeper, hitting her in the exact right spot every time until she couldn’t think. Sweat slicked her skin until she burned hot for him everywhere. She hovered right there, right on the edge, skating that line between heaven on earth and heaven itself.

“So. Fucking. Perfect.” He barely got the words out between kisses, but it was all Julie needed to go over the edge. A sound emerged from her throat, a cross between a cry and howl. Her muscles clenched, quaked, as a wave swelled over her. Troy took that scream into his mouth as he kissed her hard, his hips bucking against her over and over as his orgasm exploded inside of her.

When every last wave shuddered through both of them, Troy loosened his grip, but kept her wrapped in his arms. Breathing hard, Julie collapsed on the pillow, her neck sore from turning to kiss him. But she smiled because it was the kind of sore she liked, something born out of absolute gratification on every level.

Troy pulled out of her slowly and they both sucked in air at the separation. Maybe she should clean up, but being in his arms felt too good. Too right. She wanted to stay with this man for as long as she possibly could. Not one thing could’ve made this moment better. Not one.

Chapter Twenty-One

Sunlight streamed through the window and woke Julie. Still wrapped in Troy’s arms, she breathed in his scent and the sex that lingered on the sheets. She stretched and snuck out of bed to brush her teeth and run a brush through her hair. Just because he’d seen her at her worst in the hospital and on the road during the trip here didn’t mean she liked it. After a quick freshen up, she tiptoed into the kitchen and made coffee for Troy and tea for herself. Then she grabbed the doughnuts they’d bought yesterday and took everything to the bedroom.

Troy stirred under the sheets and after setting everything down on the night table, Julie pounced on him. Literally. She felt the immediate twinge in her thigh and didn’t care.

He grunted and laughed as his hands slid around her waist.

All she wanted to do was lighten his mood. There was nothing she loved more than making this man laugh. Although ogling his muscled chest ran a close second.

Straddling him, she sat back gingerly on his thighs. “I brought you breakfast in bed because I’m a rockin’ hot chick in more ways than one.”

His hands skimmed beneath her T-shirt, which happened to belong to him. She loved his devilishly arched eyebrow when he noticed that she hadn’t managed to put on the underwear he’d stripped off her early this morning, and his eyes darkened and sparked at the same time. It made for one hell of a sexy look.

First order of business. “Breakfast,” she said, reaching for the doughnuts. She had to stretch over him, and he snagged and sucked on her nipple through the T-shirt. Julie gasped and squealed. “Hey, no fair. That’s cheating.”

“Not my fault,” he muttered when she pulled away. “You said breakfast, then presented one of my favorite meals.”

“You’re such a sweet-talker.” She grinned as she pinched off a piece of glazed doughnut and fed it to him. He licked the glaze off her finger and Julie felt the immediate response in the pulsing between her thighs. He looked so absolutely sexy with the dark stubble on his chin and his eyes heavy-lidded and loaded with desire.

“I’m not sure if that look is for the doughnut or for me,” she said unable to keep a straight face.

“I’m not sure either,” he said. His grin widened.

She could eat him up. Maybe she would after a doughnut.

“Why are you smiling?” he asked.

“Because I like when
you
smile.” She fed him another piece and this time he sucked her finger. Julie inhaled sharply and watched his eyes darken. It would be too easy to go another round right this second, but she wanted to talk. “I made you coffee. Want some?” She reached for his mug and he sat up against the headboard.

His gaze landed on the small pink book on the end table and he lost the smile. Julie sighed as she handed him the coffee and sat back on his thighs.

“You know you don’t have to tell me what had you up all night. But if you want to, I’m here to listen.”

Troy took her hand, linked their fingers and studied her. “You...are...”

She waited, not sure what he had on his mind. “What? A pain in the ass? A godsend? A missing member of the Avengers? There are so many things to choose from.”

The smile came back and Julie’s heart rolled over.

Yes, it was official. She liked him a whole lot. Serious, serious like. She’d have to tell him too, because she didn’t like hiding her feelings from him. She wanted everything out in the open. No pussyfooting around. Now if she could bring herself to open her mouth...

“You are not what I expected,” he finally said.

She was used to that. People were bound to have preconceived notions of her. She was nothing like her television character or the characters she played in the movies. She was a regular woman with regular issues. She just happened to have a crazy public job where people thought they knew her or had a right to know her. It was part of the territory, but skewed nonetheless.

“I’m afraid to ask what you expected.” She took a bite of her doughnut and waited, watched him think about that. She remembered his words from that night on the balcony when she’d gotten so angry with him, angry enough to make her turn on him, which had ultimately saved her life.

“I guess because I’ve been around so many people in entertainment, I expect selfish and pampered. I haven’t come across too many strong, intelligent and natural people. You’re the first.” He sipped his coffee.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

His contagious smile had her grinning back at him. But she sobered because something weighed heavy on his mind and she wanted to help. She grabbed him a fresh doughnut and handed it over before sliding under the sheets next to him. For a few minutes they ate in silence and sipped their drinks. When the doughnuts disappeared, Julie linked their hands again as she twisted on her side and faced him. She didn’t plan to ask him again. Either he’d confide in her or he wouldn’t.

Troy grabbed the book and rubbed the cover with his palm. “This is straight out of a soap opera.”

She thought about making a joke out of it,
As
the
Stomach
Turns
, but managed to bite her tongue because it was obviously serious stuff. Instead she waited for him to say something else. It took him a full minute to find the words.

He shot her a glance. “I almost don’t know where to begin.” He shook his head. “My mom was seventeen when she started this,” he said, referring to the diary. “She was in high school. She talked a lot about the Mills brothers. My dad and my uncle. They were only a year apart and my mom was in the same class with my dad. Apparently my mom really liked my uncle. She went so far as to arrange to be lab partners with my dad so she had an excuse to call the house or go by on the pretense of homework. I guess my uncle didn’t pay too much attention to her because she was younger and he had a girlfriend. Turns out it was my Aunt Celia. I didn’t know they’d been high school sweethearts.” He paused, shook his head again. “Celia broke things off and my uncle was devastated. My mom took the opportunity to make a move. My uncle accepted her invitation. They spent one night together. One night,” he whispered.

Julie gently traced a faded scar on his arm as she listened.

“She found out she was pregnant soon after and was about to tell Zach, but then he and Celia had gotten back together. My mom wouldn’t consider abortion. She loved Zach and wanted his baby. But she had to do something. She was afraid her parents would kick her out or the town would think she was a slut.”

“Or both,” Julie added.

Troy nodded. “Or both.” He shook his head. “So she did the next-best thing.”

“She went after his little brother.” Julie didn’t need to make it a question. She knew the answer. The girl was underage and afraid no one would support or help her.

“She wanted a name for her baby and what better name than the one he’d have if she’d married the baby’s father?”

Julie took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Wow.” Zach Mills was actually Troy’s real father. It explained the man’s behavior yesterday. Explained the hug and the fact that he’d built this place and left it for Troy. “So your uncle found out about this when he discovered the diary.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Troy nodded again and leaned back against the headboard. “It explains so much.”

“Do you think that’s why your father treated you both the way he did?”

“It seems logical, but I don’t know. Maybe he was just a vindictive son of a bitch, but maybe he found this—” he lifted the diary, “—and discovered whose son he was raising. In some ways it would explain why he moved us away. He didn’t want his brother finding out he had a son. Zach and Celia tried for years to have children.”

Julie sat up next to him. “Wow. Did your mom think he found out?”

“Thinking back on it, I’d have to say, yes, she was suspicious.” He paused, wiped a hand down his face. “It was right about the time she died.”

Julie turned toward him. “Oh, Troy.” What was she supposed to say? “So where do you go from here? Are you going to try to find your father?”

* * *

Julie had asked the million-dollar question that Troy had been asking himself since he’d read the diary. He’d wanted to get away from his father as fast as he could and he’d sworn he’d never go back. He didn’t care what happened to the man. The child in him had taken his father’s word that his mother had fallen because the alternative scared the shit out of him. He hadn’t reached his full height when he’d left home at eighteen and his father had still been able to knock him down. That wouldn’t be the case any longer, not that Troy imagined his father trying to hit him at this point, but talking to him now might give Troy answers to questions he’d had for years.

He’d always wondered what he’d done to deserve his father’s wrath. Now he knew. He’d simply been born another man’s son.

“I could help you,” Julie said now, bringing him out of his thoughts. “We could do some searching on the Internet. Or worst-case scenario, we could hire a private investigator.” She looked so damn earnest sitting ramrod straight facing him.

It was all Troy could do to keep a poker face. She’d given him the perfect opening to tell the truth and he should take it. But she’d be pissed as hell and he didn’t want her mad. Not when he needed her support. Dealing with this bombshell of his life was more than enough at the moment. He didn’t want to fight with Julie on top of it.

He’d never thought of himself as a coward until right this second. More than a coward, he was being selfish. No wonder he’d stayed to himself for so many years. It was harder to disappoint people if there was no one around.

“What do you think?” Julie asked. “I’ll bet we might be able to come up with something. If not, I’ll ask around and we’ll get professional help.”

“Private investigators are expensive.” Stupid thing to say for so many reasons.

She crinkled her nose. “Uh...money’s kind of not an issue for me.”

It wasn’t for him either. He’d been working constantly for over fifteen years. Clients paid the majority of his expenses and he’d invested his money wisely. Work insured he’d never be poor again and would never depend on anyone else. He could retire today if he wanted. But what the hell would he do with his life?

Her words, her offer, registered with him. “You’d help me pay for a P.I. to find my father?”

The look in her eyes floored him. Soft and trusting. “Sure,” she said quietly.

Troy sat up, wrapped his hand around her nape and pulled her close so that his mouth was a fraction away from hers. “That’s a pretty serious offer,” he said against her lips.

“Those are the only kinds of offers I make,” she breathed. Her gorgeous blue eyes slayed him with emotion.

He pulled back, studying her, blown away at the support she was giving him. At the trust she showed him. He should absolutely tell her right this second, but right that second she got tired of waiting for him to make a move, closed the gap between them and pressed her mouth to his.

That’s all it took. The contact of her mouth against his, the soft sigh that she breathed past his lips. He was lost. Lost in the smooth skin under his fingertips, lost in the wondrous way she pushed him down to the mattress and straddled him with incredible legs.

The whole idea still fascinated him. The fact that he’d always led the way when it came to sex, yet with Julie things were different. He purposely didn’t want to rush her or make her feel used, which in turn led her to do the initiating.

It was fucking sexy as hell.

Instead of telling her the truth, he let her take him under, take him to the most incredible sensations, where nothing mattered except her response, the softness of her kiss and the way she gave so unconditionally.

He knew one thing for certain. He was falling hard for Julie Fraser. Harder than he’d ever dreamed possible. And because he had now, because he didn’t want to screw up now with the truth, he did the only thing he could do. He rolled her over and loved her until she came.

* * *

Desert landscape had faded away many hours ago and sun glared through the tall green pine trees in the state of Colorado. Allen glanced over at a peaceful Carrie Ann. She looked like an angel curled in the passenger seat of her car. But he knew better. He’d been horribly uncomfortable when he’d tried to sleep in the same spot. The chair reclined, but not enough to accommodate his legs, and he’d barely dozed as she’d taken the first eight-hour shift behind the wheel.

The sun had risen hours ago and Allen welcomed the new day with a smile. They were almost a thousand miles closer to Julie than they’d been yesterday. At this rate, they’d get to the East Coast in record time. Despite the fatigue, Allen liked this idea. He liked that he was on his way to his destiny. He’d be the perfect birthday present for Julie.

He couldn’t wait to see her face when she found out he’d been the one to send those flower arrangements. Maybe he’d even find a florist shop when they hit town and he’d splurge and buy her a similar arrangement for her birthday. Perfect.

Allen yawned. He’d been driving since early morning and needed to take a piss. Then maybe Carrie Ann could take over for a while. He wouldn’t have any problem falling asleep at this point. He was wiped out.

He pulled onto the ramp leading to a rest stop, and Carrie Ann stirred as if she knew instinctually that he’d gone slightly off course.

She lifted her head and looked around. “What are you doing?” Her sharp tone implied he was the biggest idiot in the car and his grin vanished. She checked her watch. “You still have another two hours to go before it’s my turn.”

Allen found her less and less attractive as they spent more time together. He’d had plenty of time to try to figure out what Julie saw in Carrie Ann as a friend, but hadn’t yet come up with a reason. She complained regularly and bossed everyone around constantly. A real treat to be around if a person wanted to be miserable.

“Unless you want me to pee on your upholstery, we have to stop.”

She rolled her eyes in that way his father used to when the man thought he was dealing with a moron. Allen had been the recipient of that look more times than he could count his senior year in high school. His dad never understood the importance of his video games. Who needed history and English when you could develop a game that millions of people would love—and pay—to play? It had been Julie Fraser’s comedy that gave him light and life. She’d saved him dozens of times.