Livvy (17 page)

“No, Mom, I wasn’t,” I explain, on the verge of tears. “James Schaeffer came by today... with a letter.”

“From Donna?” I nod. “How...?”

“It was dated early April of last year. It goes back further than that. The day she died, Mom, she had left me a voicemail. She had something to tell me, and she said it was urgent. I guess this was it.” I start crying. “Jon and I were in Mykonos, you know. We were... we ignored her call, and I feel just awful...”

“Oh, Liv.” She takes me in her arms and holds me tightly. “Shhh...” I remember the guilt again as if it just happened. “You couldn’t have known. You couldn’t have changed the outcome.”

“I know,” I tell her, trying to be logical. I force myself to breathe normally, stopping the tears. “Anyway, in the letter... well, I had asked her a long time ago if Nate could have been my dad–”

“Livvy–”

“It was back
then
, Mom. Listen to me, okay?” I wait until she nods in assent. “She had told me no, but I think she had doubts in her answer... I don’t know why. Maybe because she really felt like I was her actual grandchild or that she saw how similar Nate and I were in how we worked. I’m not sure.”

“It’s a ridiculous notion, though,” Mom says. “Isn’t it?”

I nod. “It’s not him.” She sighs, but I can’t tell if she’s relieved or disappointed. “He’s a sculptor in Hartford. He was alive when Granna wrote the letter... I haven’t found out yet if he still is.”

“You’ve looked him up?”

“Online. I found an article... and a picture. Mom, I have his eyes. I’m sure it’s him.”

“Oh, sweetie,” she says, holding me again. “Are you okay?”

“I’m confused,” I tell her. “I haven’t really wanted to know, you know? You and Dad are everything to me. You know that.”

“I love you,” she tells me. I tell her the same, letting her wipe a lingering tear from my cheek. “I’m so sorry you’ve had to handle this alone.”

“Well, that’s where Jon comes in. Literally.”

“You called him?”

“No. He showed up. I was reading the letter in the hallway... I mean, when I got it, I assumed it was a card, so I opened it right away...” I continue to tell her about Jon’s arrival, his refusal to leave me while I was so upset, and how he helped to remind me that the information may include something I’ve never known, but it doesn’t have to change anything in my life. When I remember that, I let it sink in again. I didn’t have to tell my mother... and maybe I shouldn’t have. I can’t make her hide this from Dad.

“It sounds as if he’s taken advantage of your vulnerability, Liv.”

“Let’s go back to the listening part, okay?” I ask her, wanting her to withhold judgement until she’s heard it all. “Mom, he
had
read all of my letters. And when I confronted him about how selfish and hurtful he’d been, he picked the paintings out by name. He knew which one each letter corresponded to, and he had an apology for all of them.”

It’s then that she notices the necklace is back in my possession. “He gave it back?”

“It’s my birthday present.”

“It’s just all too easy and convenient, don’t you think?”

“He was crying, Mom. It wasn’t easy for him. I know in my heart it wasn’t. And if it’s convenient for me that he showed up when he did, I’m okay with that. He was a welcome sight to see, and I feel... safe. Assured. Cherished and loved.”

My mother laughs lightly.

“What?” I ask.

“We rode up the elevator with Emmanuel,” she says, and I freeze. “Here your father thinks he was grilling your new boyfriend... I could tell he didn’t know what to think about him.”

“Oh, God, he’s here?!”

“I left the two of them in the hallway when I snuck into Matty’s place... and he and Finn filled me in. Jacks and Emmanuel were still talking when I came upstairs.”

I swallow hard. “And you sent Jon down there... this is kind of a volatile situation, Mom. Jon’s not going to like Emmanuel, Dad’s not going to like seeing Jon, and Emmanuel’s not going to have any idea what world he’s just stepped into.”

“And Matty’s going to be supplying the popcorn,” Mom adds.

“We have to get downstairs,” I tell her urgently.

“Liv,” she says, holding me back. “I can’t keep this secret forever. It’s too much.”

“I know, Mom. Give me a little time, though. I need to figure out what I’m going to do about it all.”

“I’ll do my best. Say something soon. Please.”

“Okay.”

Dad and Matty are the only two in the hallway when we get back to the 12th floor. “Happy birthday, Contessa,” he says, his arms stretched out as he waits for a hug.

“Thanks, Daddy. Where’s everyone else?”

“In your loft... where I’m sure you’re wanted.”

“Little Liv, you’ve got mascara streaks. Come inside.” Matty and my parents follow me into his apartment, and we all go to the back bathroom away from the bar and Matty’s noisy guests.

“Are you okay?” my dad asks. Mom wets a tissue with some water and wipes the roving makeup from my cheek.

My uncle digs through one of his bathroom drawers and pulls out some pressed powder that better matches my skin tone than my mother’s would. “Don’t ask,” he says with a sly grin.

“Thanks, Matty.” I apply it generously, hoping to mask the redness around my eyes and nose. “And I’ll be okay, Dad. But I’m more interested in Emmanuel and Jon.”

“As am I,” he says. “Two questions,” he starts quickly. “One. Why is Jon here? Two. What do you see in that other kid?”

“Jon’s back,” I say, answering the first plainly. I would, after all, like to enjoy the party at some point. “And Emmanuel, well... he’s different.”

“He’s the Anti-Jon,” Matty says. My mom and I both laugh. “Jacks was saying how grateful he was that Jon had been your first boyfriend–”

“Yes, I’d started saying that, seeing for maybe the first time that you could have done much worse, but then I didn’t get to finish what I was saying... which was if Emmanuel treats you better than Jon has, that I’d have to adjust the expectations I have for your future boyfriends.”

“We don’t really have time to talk about this, Daddy,” I tell him. “And plus, I just fixed my makeup. Don’t change your expectations... you
will
have to accept the first thing I said, though. Jon’s back.”

“For good?” he asks, looking leery. In fact, they all have the same look.

“Yes.”

“To stay?” Dad clarifies. “Because he doesn’t have a good track record of that.”

“To stay. Daddy, I’ll come over tomorrow and we can talk all about the seven million things that have happened... and you can come to terms with all the decisions I’ve had to make today. Maybe I’ll regret some. Maybe I won’t.”

“Jacks, let’s let her go to her party.”

“All right,” he agrees with a smile and an embrace. “I just hope you get everything you want.”

“I have,” I tell him. “And even a few things I didn’t want.” I mumble that part under my breath as I hug my mother goodbye. She looks at me, her eyes sad. I kiss her cheek and smile assuringly.

“Take these,” Matty says, handing me two cold bottles of champagne.

“It’s special, from our cellar,” Dad says. “Share with your guests... if they’re not driving.”

“Thanks, Dad.” He opens the door of my loft for me, waving goodbye to our relatives and my friends. I seek Jon out immediately, who’s talking to Lexi and Kyle in the kitchen while the rest of the guests sit around the living room area. Emmanuel approaches me and takes both bottles from me. He sets them aside, then runs his hand down my arm and kisses my bare shoulder. I squirm away from him quickly, and I can’t avoid the hurt in Jon’s eyes when I look his way.

“Emmanuel, have you met everyone?”

“I haven’t met him,” Lexi says, walking toward him to shake his hand. “I’m Livvy’s cousin, Lexi, and this is my husband, Kyle.”

Emmanuel greets them both amicably, and then stares at Jon, waiting for an introduction to the only one left.

“I’m Jon. It’s nice to finally meet you, Manny.” He holds out his hand.

Reluctantly, my friend shakes it. “It’s Emmanuel.”

“Right,” Jon says. “It’s just that when Liv first told me about you last year when you took her picture, she referred to you as Manny. It was a nice picture, by the way. Thank you.”

“You’re
the
Jon?”

“The one and only,” Jon says, commanding the conversation. “This is the same guy, right, Liv? The one who photographs nudes? The one who lured you into his studio last year for a photo op?”

I shake my head, nervous, wanting to remind him that’s not exactly how it seemed to me, but he always had his suspicions. “Yes, but–”

“I’m not sure I would call it luring,” Emmanuel says. “She came willingly.”

“Jon,” I say softly, hoping he’ll let it go. “He took that for you,” I remind him.

“Actually, Livvy, I
did
keep a copy. I didn’t think you’d let me photograph you like that... even if I’d told you how pretty I thought you were.” Jon smirks at me. “I still have it, actually. By my bed.”

Jon’s nostril’s flare. “Liv,” he starts, “if this is a test of my patience, I’m about to lose it.”

“Hey, man,” my friend says to him. “She’s fair game. You walked away from her. Gotta give the rest of us a taste.”

“Wow,” I say, putting myself in between them. “As appealing as that sounds–you know, giving the
rest
of you a
taste
–” I narrow my eyes at Emmanuel, hoping he catches on to my distinct
dis
taste of his choice of words.

“Maybe not the rest of us... you can stop with me.” He puts his arm across my shoulder, but I move before I see Jon’s arm reach for mine to pull me away.

“About that. Can we go somewhere private for a second?” I say to Emmanuel.

“Of course.” I start to lead him to a guest bedroom.

“Olivia.” My stomach flutters again. I put my hand over it, enjoying the feeling, and turn back around to face the man who caused it.

“I’ll be right back,” I whisper to him.

I shut the door behind me when I get inside the room. “I was hoping we’d get some time alone,” he says, handing me a box that he produces from his back pocket. “Happy birthday.”

“Emmanuel, no... I can’t–” He pops open the lid to show me two diamond studs. I can tell they’re diamonds by the way they sparkle. I smile briefly at the sentiment, but close the box. “I don’t have pierced ears,” I explain. “But thank you.”

He takes my head in his hands and angles my face away to check my ears. “That’s easy enough to remedy,” he says softly into my right one. “It doesn’t hurt any worse than this–”

“No,” I say, pushing him away before he kisses it or bites it or whatever the hell he was about to do. “I don’t want my ears pierced. I don’t want the earrings. And I don’t want to... I don’t want to see you like that anymore.”

“Like what?” he asks.

“Like, romantically. Look, this doesn’t have to be weird. I like hanging out with you, so can we just stick to being friends?”

“What changed? That dickwad out there?”

“There’s no need to stoop to name calling. We’re all adults here, right?”

“So it
is
him?”

“Jon and I are getting back together, Emmanuel. I couldn’t love anyone like I love him.”

“Who said anything about love?” he asks, taking my chin in his hand.

I jerk away and walk backwards to the door, throwing it open. Jon, Finn and Andrew are all just outside the door. Not wanting to alarm anyone, I keep my composure even though the way he just handled me evoked genuine fear. “I did, remember?” I ask him, forcing a smile. “Can we just try to enjoy the party?”

After glaring at me for a few seconds, Emmanuel finally answers. “Sure.” He passes briskly by me and the three guys. I think he’s going to leave, but instead, he grabs a plate, loads it up with food, and returns to the living room. Clara makes room for him on the couch next to her, where he’d been sitting before I came in.

“Charmer,” Finn says to me.

“He reminds me of Brandon,” Andrew says, referring to his older brother. He kind of does. It’s the cockiness, I think.

“Him, Liv?” Jon asks. “Are you in classes with him?”

“He’s the TA in my photography class.”

“Does he know where you live? At school?”

“Yeah,” I tell him.

He shakes his head. “I’m not sure I like him.”

“Would you like anyone who showed interest in me?”

“I don’t mind Finn so much,” he says, half-joking. Finn looks up after stuffing two olives in his mouth and shrugs. “Anyway. Should we pour some champagne?”

“Will you have some with me?” I ask him.

“I’ll have a glass, sure. I feel like we have something good to celebrate.” He turns to the rest of the room. “Who wants to make a toast to the birthday girl?” Jon holds up both bottles, which brings everyone to their feet and into the kitchen with the rest of us.