Lizzie's List (6 page)

I am secretly ecstatic about the evening activity and let me tell you why. This information I am about to divulge is not in a conceited or over-confident way, but I am simply being honest. I am absolutely exceptional at map-reading. This skill is something I have inherited from my dad.

Over the years, during many family holidays, Dad has frequently been asked for directions from tourists who assume he is a local (it’s the way he dresses) and to our amazement, he always knows the way. We were always surprised that he’d know, but as I got older, I used to watch him study maps of the area that we were staying in. His most recent car, has a built-in sat nav’, however, dad refuses to use it, preferring his trusty map. I think he secretly collects maps, because he seems to have a map covering every area of Great Britain. Anyway, much to my amazement over the years, I have realised that I also have this skill and fascination for maps. In fact, if I’m honest, you could say that I also have a small map collection – is 18 a collection? Yes probably. Although I am desperately trying not to let the collection increase, with each year, I find myself drawn to maps in shops, which I can’t help but buy. You are honoured, because not many people know about this or the fact that I can easily spend an evening pouring over my maps, appreciating local topography with a chocolate digestive. Some evenings, the TV is just not good enough!

Before the orienteering starts, we are split into groups of four and set off from the centre with two minute intervals between each group. I am in a group with Tabitha and two of Mark’s work colleagues, called John and Owen. My aim is to get control of the map, then hand Tabitha the clipping grid to keep her busy. John and Owen seem quite happy with this for the moment, having already consumed several beers. Looking at the map, I quickly establish that what appears to be the fastest route is not the best one. This is because there is a stream running through the field, which looks as though it can only be crossed on one side. My insight totally alters the direction in which we should go. “Okay, we need to head along this wall,” I say as I point the direction out to the others.

“Are you sure?” asks Tabitha. “The others all went off in the opposite direction to the wall Lizzie.”

“Trust me on this one, Tabitha – I promise we’ll be back with a fast time. You just keep clipping that grid” I reply somewhat forcefully, so Tabitha accepts this and we move on quickly.

As we approach the half way mark, we pass loads of teams coming in the opposite direction, all with jokey comments about our going in the wrong direction. Tabitha questions my map skills again, whilst John and Owen don’t seem to care. As we approach the next point, it becomes clear to Tabitha why I chose this route, because the other teams cannot access a particular point due to the stream, so then have to head all the way back that they came to get round to the point. Of course, we’ve already clipped this point that the other teams are trying to access. This gives us an advantage, so now we must be in the lead. “Well done Lizzie, I can see having you in our team is of benefit,” says Owen. Tabitha remains silent as she slowly realises we are winning.

On clipping our final point, we are aware of Mark’s (we know this by his voice) team being not too far behind us, so we run like a hurricane, darting this way and that way, in order to find the best possible path through the field. Even Tabitha’s cool demeanour is melting away as excitement builds with the possibility of us being first. We even have a bonding moment when we helped each other over a style. I finally start to see who the real Tabitha is and I much prefer this one to the facade she usually hides behind. I don’t understand why she uses this disguise, when her own self is much more fun.

“Quick Lizzie–run!” Tabitha shrieks with the delight of a child on Christmas morning. This is so refreshing, that I decide to try to pull the fun out of Tabitha this weekend. When she’s like this, I could honestly be her friend. Finally reaching the centre door, we are greeted by James’ cheer and announcement that we are in fact the winning group. He hugs Tabitha and me and pats John and Owen on the back. “Well done, that’s a brilliant time. In fact I have to admit that it’s three seconds faster that the time Peter and I got when we tested the course out before you came, so that’s some great map reading!” James says enthusiastically.

“Well we can all thank Lizzie for her map-reading skills. I have to say, I did doubt you at first, but you were fabulous out there, and of course, we’ve beaten Mark’s team. He will never live this down during the next Sunday lunch at your parents’ house,” gushes Tabitha. I am amazed, but secretly pleased that she has said this, especially in front of James.

“Here are his team now and that’s a huge 45 seconds lead on them – you’ve destroyed them!” laughs James.

“Gosh you’ve taken a long time Mark, we’ve been here ages,” Tabitha giggles like a school girl -she’s in her element.

“Well you had the unfair advantage of my dad’s map-reading genes being passed on to Lizzie in abundance, much more than I inherited anyway. As much as it pains me to say it–well done!” answers Mark.

“How did you know I was good with maps?” I ask him curious that he remembers this.

“Lizzie you always have been. I’m your brother, so I just know you are, and I was very much hoping you’d be in my team tonight,” he answered with a warm smile and also a friendly punch.

“Thanks for that,” I reply with a beam on my face. Maybe I am too harsh on Mark or perhaps I see don’t see enough of him these days to see his true nature. As much as he mocks me, he has always supported me and aren’t brothers meant to mock their little sisters?

During the next twenty minutes, the rest of the groups trickle in full off sparkle, all laughing, and in various states of cleanliness or should I say dirtiness. Kate and Ruth arrive back, literally dripping, but in hysterics. Apparently Kate fell in the stream and Ruth tried to get her out and ended up in the stream with her. Just the squelching sounds of their water-logged boots each time they take a step sends everybody into fits of laughter.

After well-needed hot showers, we all meet down in the lounge area for a hot chocolate, complements of Pete again. Mark is handing out bottles of wine and cans of beer to everybody. “Lizzie, what would you like?” he asks as I enter the room with Ruth and Kate.

“Are you sure Mark? I’d love a bottle of red if you’ve got one. How much do we owe you?”

“Of course, help yourself, there’s plenty to go around and this is my treat,” he replies without any fuss. Again I am left to evaluate my thoughts on my brother. I think back to family holidays and times we spent together before he went off to university and never returned. Remembering a time on a family holiday when I lost my pocket money and he gave me half of his, I realise that Mark was always generous. I recognise that, although we have different lifestyles and he can come across as pompous at times, in actual fact, he is a decent and fun person. Perhaps I have mistaken his confidence for arrogance, due to my own lack of confidence. Could it be that my list is increasing my confidence enough to view Mark through different eyes?

The evening starts with a boisterous and witty atmosphere and continues this way. I am having a tremendous time giggling with everybody now that we have achieved camaraderie amongst the group. A gentle hum of conversation and laughter resonates around the longue area.

As Tabitha drinks more wine, she remains care-free and I warm to her personality, even scoffing at some of her more snobby remarks, but she is willing to laugh at herself. I also discover she is quick witted and responds to teasing with some hilarious one liners. Kate seems to like her too, so my improved view of her is not just due to my own wine consumption. During the evening, I notice Ruth and Pete chatting across the room, slightly apart from the rest of the group and what’s more apparent is that they are mirroring each other’s body language. I nudge Kate and point to them; she rolls her eyes in mock surprise.

After three glasses of red wine, I decide to dilute it with a glass of water from the kitchen or I will pay for it in the morning – and not with money. On entering, I notice James inside making huge quantities of toast. “They’re not all for me; I want you all fresh tomorrow. Help yourself,” he says in response to my alarmed look at the enormous quantity of toast I thought he’d made for himself.

“Thank you, this is just what I need and a glass of water,” I answer as I fill up a glass. “The centre is great James–we’re all having a great time.”

“Thanks for coming. Having you all stay has been just what the centre needed before opening. There are a few things that I need to address, but on the whole I feel much more confident about the first group arriving soon. How do you feel about tomorrow Lizzie? Have you thought any more about it?” he asks.

“To be honest, I haven’t thought about it yet, because I’ve been enjoying myself so much. I really want to do it, but I am scared, so I’ll just take a look tomorrow and decide then.” I look up at him and find his intense, dark eyes searching my expression, and for a moment neither of us says anything until a loud cheer from the lounge brings us out of the trance. I suddenly feel aware of the tension between us and feel my face do its usual trick of flushing, but for once, I find some words. “I’ll take this in for you, shall I?” I ask pointing to the heaped plate of toast.

“Oh yes, thanks, that would be great,” James replies hurriedly and turns to add more bread to the super, industrial-sized toaster.

After handing out toast, I excuse myself saying I’m too tired to stay up longer, but in reality I need to head off to my room to think about what just happened in the kitchen. I am sure I did not imagine the thirst in James’ eyes, but then I’ve had some rather large glasses of wine and am not in a position to be sure of anything. Did I imagine the electric current between us when our fingers touched?

Note to Self

1. Spend more time with Tabitha and Mark – they are good fun underneath their London pretences.
   
2. Be proud of my map reading skills, rather than hide them.
   
3. Bodily hair – sort it before Ruth’s garden shears are required!
   
4. James–??????????????????????????? I am confused!
   

Tossing and turning like a lively pancake, I finally give in to my sleeplessness. Kate and Ruth’s gentle breathing, the bird’s happy chirping, the light creeping through the curtains are my excuses for waking so early, but in reality it is the fear of the event taking place later today. Rather than lying in bed thinking about it, I get up to distract myself with the final chapter of Jayne Eyre. I may even get two items from my list completed in one day.

Sitting down in a secluded spot near the river, I devour the final chapter with unapologetic, emotional tears streaming down my face. I am not sure if another book has drawn out so many of my feelings as much as this one has. Hearing footsteps approaching on the stone path, I instantly know that it’s James without looking. My heart starts to take on an excited life of its own in anticipation of seeing him again.

“Hi Lizzie, you’re up early – you okay?”

“Yes I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep, so I decided to finish my book.” I reply lightly.

“Well that explains the tears then.”

“Have you read it?” I ask surprised that he obviously knows the story.

“I have actually, but many years ago. So you can now tick off another item from your list. How many have you completed now?”

“Well if today’s gorge crossing goes to plan, then it will be four down and six to go.”

“So I have been present at three of your four tasks: the naked frolics, finishing Jayne Eyre and the gorge crossing?” James questions.

“Well, kind of three and a half really, since you know about the body chocolate.”

James eyebrows rise and he grins. “That was on your list? Well, whoever you bought that for is a lucky man, Lizzie.”

“No it isn’t for that – well not exactly. One of the items on my list was to buy something from a sex shop. When I was in the shop, I wasn’t sure what to buy, so ended up coming out with body chocolate – you happened to catch me as I arrived home.” I reply deciding there’s no harm in telling him this as he knows about the chocolate anyway.

“It seems a shame to waste it–the chocolate. Are you sure you don’t want a bit more help with that task as well as the gorge crossing?” James asks cheekily.

“No your place is helping me with this next task. This one, I will definitely need help with. James. I keep trying not to think about it, but I feel sick with nerves.”

“I’ve worked with people who have fears about such things many times before, and I will help you as much as I can. You don’t have to do anything that you feel uncomfortable with, but I think you can do it Lizzie. Would you rather be roped up with me and go across together or go by yourself if you do decide to try?”

“I’m not sure how I feel yet. Can I decide later?” Roped to James – that would be a torturing contradiction! I would be facing something I am absolutely dreading at the same time as something I am starting to fantasise about, but I am not sure I could cope with the rollercoaster of feelings that both would involve together.

“Of course you can.” James says as he sits beside me causing a shiver in my tummy. His leg touches mine and the spot it touches is burning with heat. I can’t help but wonder if he feels this too or if it’s just me. Before I can get over this, his arm is around my waist and he leans in towards me whispering gently in my ear, so that I can feel his lips brush against my skin. “You’ll be fine Lizzie – don’t worry.” With that he quickly pecks my cheek and is off up the path again before I’ve had a chance to register his comments. “Hey Lizzie,” he shouts back, “you know – I do love chocolate!” and strides off chuckling to himself.

I can’t help but feel slightly light headed from a mixture of pure fear at the task ahead and also from desire through the closeness I’ve just had with James. It takes me some time to respond to his chocolate comment and by then, he’s disappeared. I can’t help but smile as I head back up the path myself to see if anybody else is up yet. As I reach the brow of the hill, I find Tabitha sitting alone in a world of her own, but she smiles as I approach. “Hi, you’re another early riser then?” I ask.

“Not usually, but Lizzie, can I tell you something and you have to promise you won’t laugh or tell anybody?” she replies anxiously.

“Of course, what’s the matter?” I ask now curious to what could possibly cause this confident woman to worry.

“Well you see Lizzie – I’m really worried about the gorge crossing. I’m not really what you’d call adventurous in this sense, but I don’t want to look silly if I don’t go. I was even thinking of pretending I had to leave early to sort out a work crisis. Do you think I’m soft?” Tabitha rushes out with a deep breath and I realise that Tabitha is also very much out of her comfort zone as well, therefore her true personality and vulnerability is yet again revealed to me. I can’t help but feel affection for her and am please she is confiding in me.

“Oh Tabitha, I’m just the same. I am doing this to try and face my fears because I hate heights, so I am utterly petrified too. Let’s just go together and see how we feel when we are there. You could also mention it to James so he knows–I have.”

“Lizzie you don’t know how relieved I am to hear you say that. Thank you so much. Maybe I will mention it to James,” she says with a deep sigh.

Following breakfast, we all head out towards the highest point on the gorge. The breakfast I did manage to eat sits in my tummy like a hard, stale scone, churning and tormenting me. Tabitha sticks to my side like glue, but neither of us says very much, both deep in our own thoughts. I try to take in the unfamiliar, hilly surroundings to take my mind off the upcoming challenge.

Finally, after what seems like hours, but it is probably only 20 minutes, we reach the gorge. James gears up to demonstrate how it’s done, whilst Pete puts harnesses on the people who have volunteered to go first, Kate being one of them.

As James jumps over the cliff edge, he dangles from the ropes going from one side to the other and pulls himself across the gorge, bouncing all the way. Kate goes next and screams, with delight, as she jumps and successfully goes over to the other side laughing and shouting about how great it is. I hesitantly move closer to the edge and glance down to what seems a long, long way. Feeling worse from this, I take a deep calming breath to prevent panic setting in and wish I hadn’t bothered to look.

After about half the group have crossed, I start to feel uneasy knowing that it will be my turn soon. Suddenly a strong arm circles my waist to pull me away from the rest of the group. “I thought you were on the other side.” I gasped as I turned to James, thankful that he is here to help me.

“I was, but I wanted to check how you felt and see if you want to go over with me or on your own.” He says at the same time as putting the harness on me, before I have chance to think about this and object. Then I am distracted with his fiddling about near my bum–I am talking about fiddling with the harness in case you are wondering–nevertheless it does take my mind off the gorge. “I think I’ll try it by myself.” I’m not sure I could go over being clamped so close to him.

“Great – Lizzie, give me two minutes and I’ll get over to the other side to wait for you – I promise it won’t be as bad as you think.” He says and kisses me full on the lips with a firm smacker. His lips are firm, but soft and I can’t help think that if he promised me another kiss on the other side, I might well tightrope walk across! Is this his ploy to distract me from the actual gorge crossing?

Tabitha gives me an encouraging smile, which is kind, because she is in her own zone right now psyching herself up, and I turn towards my fate but do not look down. Glancing across to the other side, I register that James is waiting on the other side, so I focus on him entirely. Pete gradually guides me forward, gently urging me on until I am at the point of jumping. I close my eyes tightly and jump, expecting to feel the wind against my face as I plummet to a quick but painful death. However, I am surprised to find that I am still dangling in the air. Pretending the ground is just below me, I close my eyes and pull the rope to move myself across. I hear James shouting in the distance, but cannot concentrate on what he is saying. A gently tugging sensation causes me to move along slightly faster– James must be pulling me across. It seems like I have been hanging there for an eternity, so I bravely open my eyes and look down. Gasping at the descending cliffs below me, I let out a high-pitched scream.

“Lizzie, are you okay?” James asked with concern in his voice. Gradually I get used to the feeling and realise that I am secure, therefore start to take in the surrounding environment. Actually this is okay – terror seeps away slowly like water from a sponge.

“Yes I’m okay – just keep pulling me across.” Before I know it, as I am just starting to enjoy it and the spectacular scenery, I reach the other side to be greeted by James’ smiling face. He lifts me onto the cliff top and envelopes me in his strong arms gripping my tightly. As relief pours from me, I sink into him, with my head on his shoulder – it feels right, like his arms are made for my body. As my breathing calms, he gently pulls his head back to look deeply into my eyes, searching for my reaction to having faced my ultimate fear. With his unruly, dark hair and huge, brown eyes, I can’t help but bask in his hold, feeling ecstatic dizziness from the euphoria of my achievement and the closeness of his body.

“How do you feel Lizzie?” he asks.

“Amazing–fantastic!” I reply and then realise he is asking about the gorge crossing and not his hug, “I mean – it wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be, but I am happy to be on solid ground again.” Realisation starts to hit me that I’ve done it – I’ve actually done it! This recognition is enough to drive me out of his arms to leap around giddily like an excitable puppy. I shout over to Tabitha, who is about to go next. “You can do it Tabitha – you really can do it too!”

Tabitha reluctantly comes across, but beams as she steps on the solid ground, falling into Mark’s strong embrace. As I watch them both in their quiet moment, the truth of their relationship dawns on me – that they are two people in love, both supporting and caring for one another very much. Tabitha turns to me with a huge, grin on her face, clearly as elated as I am.

“I did it too!” she shouts. We both laugh enjoying the feeling of having achieved something big – we overcame our fear!

Back at the centre, after lunch, most people are packing their cars ready to leave, with hearty farewell-hugs and banter. Tabitha comes over to say goodbye. “Lizzie I’ve so much enjoyed this weekend and thank you for helping me today – it meant a lot. I really would love for you to come and stay over with us sometime. We don’t see enough of each other and I’d really like to get to know you more.”

“I’d like that too Tabitha – in fact, can I ask your advice, but this time you have to promise not to laugh?” I decide that since Tabitha has shown her vulnerable side to me, then perhaps I could ask her for help in an area I know little about – an area where I feel a little unsure.

“Of course Lizzie, if I can help, I will – go ahead,” she replies looking both surprised and flattered, which causes me to warm to her even more. Could we become true friends?

“Well do you know anything about, erm ... waxing – you know, down there?” I ask. Tabitha smiles and guides me away from Mark a little.

“What I don’t know about waxing isn’t anybody’s business – shall I set up an appointment at the salon I go to and you could come over next weekend? I’ll book myself in for a treatment so we can go together,” she suggests.

“If you don’t mind, that would be great, because I have no idea what to ask for, and quite frankly I need help,” I reply with James in my thoughts.

“Leave it to me.” She says and hugs me before getting into the car whilst telling Mark I’m staying with them next weekend. Mark hugs me too.

“I guess I’ll see you soon then Lizzie – bring some of your cake,” he says holding both my arms, “the carrot cake please, I love that one.”

“Mark you know I only make carrot cake when I’m angry – the whole conflict about carrots being healthy and cake being unhealthy; however because you’ve organised this weekend and invited me and my friends, I’ll make one especially for you,” I reply with a grin.

“Lizzie I’m always inviting you to places, but you never come. Of course, I only invite you hoping that you’ll turn up with cake of course, not because I actually like my little sister,” he teases. Like a lightening bolt exploding in my head, I realise that he does always ask me to stay, and again think that I have been unfair to him. Perhaps it’s me who had the problem.

“I’ll see you soon – with lots of cake – I promise, just so my big brother will like me!”

Kate arrives in the car park with her bags eager to depart and see how Ben has got on with The Tea Cosy. “I’ve had such a great time here Lizzie – thanks for inviting me. It has also given me a fantastic idea for the wedding, which I need to run by Ben and then I’ll see what you think too. Whilst I put the bags in, do you want to see if Ruth’s ready? She was saying goodbye to Pete,” Kate raises her eyebrows suggestively.

As I walk into the centre, I notice Pete and Ruth through the patio windows standing locked in a tight embrace, in the garden area. I knew something was going on between them – I’ll quiz her about it on the way home. Not wanting to disturb them I pop quickly into the lounge where I left my coat and notice that James is lying across the chairs seemingly asleep. I can’t help but go over and sneak a look at him. What am I doing? Normal women, leave this kind of cooing behaviour for watching cute puppies or newborn babies, not ogling grown-up stubbly men, no matter how delicious they look ... but sod it! He seems so peaceful – would it be bad of me to lean in a little and smell him – I mean his manly outdoor, natural smell, I’m not checking his armpits or anything, just in case you were wondering. I steady myself holding on to the back of the chair and cautiously lower myself down to within a few inches of where his face meets his neck and inhale deeply – hmmm ... lovely. Unbeknownst to me, Ruth and Pete walk in at this very moment. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt Lizzie –we’ll wait outside,” says Ruth clearly thinking I am leaning over James for other reasons. This causes me to jump in surprise, losing my balance, therefore landing right on top of James with a bump.