Lizzie's War (16 page)

‘Thank you for caring for her too, Sebastian –I love you more than I ever thought possible…' Lizzie felt the ache of desire inside as he kissed her and held her tight. What was she going to do when he left her, as she knew he must?

No, she wasn't going to think about that; she would think about the wedding and the happiness yet to come.

‘I'm so glad for you, Lizzie,' Beth said as she looked at her, dressed for her wedding to Sebastian. ‘It's time you were looked after and I know he cares for you – you can see it in the way his eyes follow you wherever you go.'

‘And you're sure you can manage at the showroom until I come back? We're only having four days away and this time we're taking Betty with us. Sebastian says he's looking forward to discovering what family life is like, but he's told me I should employ a housekeeper or a nurse to look after her when we're back to normal.'

‘Are you going to live in his house?'

‘No, not until he comes home,' Lizzie said. ‘He's let it out for the time being as some sort of private office for a member of the War Department, a friend of his I understand. I shall continue to live here for the time being – but I shall take his advice and look for a housekeeper to care for the children and keep things straight here. After all, we couldn't expect your mum to do it for ever.'

‘No – and I shan't be here much once you're back to work…' Beth drew a deep breath as Lizzie stared. ‘I'm going to marry Bernie. I shall stay on for a while and give you time to replace me, Lizzie – and I'll visit often, but it's best this way.'

‘Are you sure, Beth?' Lizzie asked.

‘I made up my mind while you were away,' Beth said. ‘I've told Bernie I'll be his wife, so I can't change my mind – and I'm fed up with trying to manage on my own. I know you let me live here and share everything, but I feel I shouldn't let you give me so much – especially now…' She stopped short of saying that she felt in the way now that Sebastian was sharing Lizzie's bedroom. ‘We'll always be best friends – but I think this is the right thing.'

Beth had felt she was contributing when Lizzie was in the same boat as her, but now it would be different. Lizzie was marrying a wealthy man. Even if he didn't come back, she would be taken care of for the rest of her life; Beth would have felt like a hanger-on and she would rather marry again. Bernie seemed generous and kind and she believed that he sincerely loved her and the twins. It made sense to marry him – didn't it?

‘Well, if you're certain,' Lizzie said. She was tempted to change her mind, to tell Lizzie that she didn't really want to be Bernie's wife, but then her mother entered the room to tell them the taxi was waiting and the moment was lost.

After that it was all excitement and laughter as they piled into the cars that took them to the Registry Office where the marriage was to take place. Lizzie was wearing a pale blue suit that she'd managed to buy with Sebastian's coupons; it was the regulation style with an almost straight skirt and a fitted waist to the jacket, but although it wasn't what Lizzie would have chosen for her wedding if there were more choice in the shops; it looked wonderful over a lovely French white silk blouse Sebastian had given her and teamed with the stylish hat she'd made herself, she looked beautiful.

Sebastian certainly thought so. Standing beside Lizzie as they were showered with confetti after the short service, he looked very handsome, much like one of the Hollywood stars they liked to watch at the flicks. Beth felt a twist of envy as she looked at Bernie. He was as tall as Sebastian but thicker set and his face was very… well, ordinary, she thought. Bernie wasn't good-looking, neither was he ugly – just boring: the traitorous thought shocked Beth, because she realized it was wrong to feel that way about the man she'd promised to wed. It wasn't fair to Bernie, but she just didn't fancy him – she didn't feel anything much for him, except gratitude. He'd been so good to her. She would try to be a good wife to him. She had to, because she didn't know what else she could do.

Beth had given her heart twice now and in both cases she'd been hurt – Tony had seemed to be more interested in setting up his shop than courting her; they'd quarrelled and stopped seeing each other and then she'd fallen for Mark, her handsome Merchant Navy officer. Beth knew that if he'd lived, Mark would have married her – even if his family disapproved and she was sure they would have – but they never got the chance.

No one but Lizzie knew that she'd written to Mark Allen's parents after his death. She'd received no reply to her letter and guessed that they either thought she was lying about having Mark's children or didn't want to know her. Marrying Bernie was the way forward. It might not be what she truly wanted, but at least the twins would have a father and a home of their own.

‘They're leaving now, Beth,' her mother gave her a little nudge after the cake had been cut and everyone had drunk a toast to the bride and groom. Despite the rationing, Sebastian had somehow managed to provide an excellent buffet lunch and a cake that was a huge delicious sponge filled with jam and fresh cream, and dusted with icing sugar and the traditional figures on top. ‘Give Lizzie the horseshoe for good luck, love.'

Brought back to herself, Beth rushed to give Lizzie the horseshoe they'd got for her; it was tied up with blue ribbons and rosettes. They kissed and embraced and then everyone went outside, and all at once Lizzie was getting into the back of the large sleek car with Betty's carrycot beside her and then Sebastian was following her.

Beth waved like mad as the car drove off, feeling empty as it disappeared round the corner. She felt as if she'd lost something precious, as if a part of her life was over, and she was unsure about the years to come…

‘Come on, Beth love, I'll take you home.' Bernie's hand on her arm made Beth jump. She felt coldness at her nape, and for a moment she wanted to pull away; she wanted to tell him she couldn't marry him, but when she looked at him and saw the way he was smiling at her she couldn't say the words. He'd been patient and it would be unfair to let him down now.

‘Lizzie looked lovely, didn't she?'

‘Very nice,' Bernie said. ‘It's a good thing she's married. She doesn't need you now, Beth. You can start making plans for our wedding. We shall be married in church and you'll have a white dress. I'm proud of my Beth and I'll make things proper for you.'

‘Bernie…' the words of denial hovered on Beth's tongue but she couldn't say them. ‘Are you sure – I mean won't people say I shouldn't marry in white?'

‘I don't mind what they say. Besides, they won't say it to us,' Bernie said and something glittered in his eyes like ice ‘You'll be my wife, Beth. No one will say anything nasty to you or they'll answer to me.'

For a moment there was something different about him. A little shiver went down her spine. Beth looked round for her parents but they were talking to Miriam Oliver, who had come to the wedding, although her husband had chosen to stay at home.

‘I'll just say goodbye to Mum,' she said, but Bernie's fingers pressed into her arm and he steered her towards his car.

‘I've told her I'm taking you somewhere,' he said. ‘Come on, Beth – I'm going to show you our house and you can choose our room and where the children will sleep…'

Beth let him ease her into the front seat. She had the sense that her life was no longer in her control and felt a moment of panic. She wished that things were the way they always had been, with her and Lizzie living together and Mum looking after the kids – but Lizzie was married and things would never be the same. Beth knew she couldn't go back, she just had to make the most of the future…

*

Beth knew as soon as Bernie showed her the house that she'd made a mistake. It was old and dark, with heavy ugly furniture and dark cream paint with old-fashioned paper on the walls; it looked as if it belonged to the Victorian era and she guessed he hadn't touched a thing since his father had left it to him. She hated the musty smell and felt defeated, even though she tried her best to seem pleased and picked the largest and lightest room for their bedroom.

‘Good choice,' Bernie approved. ‘This was my mother's room. She slept here alone after she became an invalid – but I'll have all this stuff cleared out and you can pick your own furniture, Beth. I shouldn't want to sleep in my mother's bed.'

‘Thank you,' Beth said, though she could hardly form the words. ‘We can make things brighter and nicer everywhere – if you'd like that, Bernie?'

‘You must have things as you want them,' he said, looking at her oddly. I shall give you an allowance and you can spend it as you wish – on the house or yourself and the twins. You know I want you to be happy, love…'

‘Thank you,' Beth said, and since he seemed to expect it, she kissed him on the lips. They felt dry and his arms about her were loose. She drew back, feeling relieved. Perhaps all Bernie really wanted from her was compliance and someone to look after his house…a sort of housekeeper. ‘You've been so kind and good to me, Bernie.'

‘I care for you, Beth,' he said. ‘As long as you're a good wife to me, I'll make sure you have all you need.'

Beth nodded, glancing once more at the house before Bernie locked up. Perhaps it wasn't so awful after all. She might be able to turn it into a home with some new curtains, a bit of polish and the smell of good cooking.

‘I wish you didn't have to go,' Lizzie said and clung to her husband, lifting her face for his kiss. Their honeymoon had been a perfect interlude, but now it was over and they had to face reality. They'd had just ten days of married life, and now he was leaving again on a mission he couldn't tell her anything about, but which she knew would be dangerous. ‘I love you so much, Sebastian.'

‘I love you more than life,' he said and kissed her deeply with such need and longing that she knew this parting was costing him every bit as much as it was her. ‘Take care of yourself, my love, and believe that I shall return to you. I promise I'll come back and next time I'll settle for a nice safe desk job.'

‘Promise?' she said on a laugh that was more a sob.

‘Cross my heart,' he said and smiled down at her. ‘I've left money available for you should you need anything – and I've done what I can to mend fences with Oliver. Hopefully, you won't get any more trouble, but if you do – go to this address and ask for Jack. Tell him what's been going on. I've spoken to him and he'll help if necessary.'

‘What do you mean help – and who is Jack?'

‘Just a useful man I know,' Sebastian said. ‘Jack is what they call a caretaker and if you're bothered again, tell him at once. Promise me, Lizzie. I don't like the sound of whoever was hanging around your place, so don't delay if you get more trouble – and make sure you're not out late at night on your own. Remember that you're important to me.'

‘All right, I promise,' Lizzie said. She drew a deep breath, knowing that she had to say goodbye with a smile on her face. ‘I'm fine now – go on, I know you have to leave.'

He kissed her briefly once more and left. Lizzie gulped the tears back. She wasn't going to cry. The few days she'd had with Sebastian had been the happiest of her life and she would cling to the memory and the promise he'd made to return. In the meantime, she had Betty – and the business, which she'd neglected for the past two weeks or so.

Ed had kept the orders going, but she needed to work on the summer and autumn lines for the showroom, and she wanted to pop into the newsagent and advertise for a housekeeper. It would be best if the person she chose could live in, because otherwise she'd be alone here after next week. Beth's wedding banns were being be called in church and she was getting married the Saturday of the first week in June, which was a good thing for her, Lizzie supposed. She'd been staying with her mother for the past few days, but was coming back to stay with Lizzie that night.

Lizzie wondered what to give her friend as a wedding gift. There wasn't much new to buy in the shops these days, though it was possible to buy a few pretty bits in junk shops, and Lizzie had discovered a silver coffee pot, with some other bits and pieces in the attic, together with some old photos and trinkets that had belonged to Lizzie's parents. Her aunt had put them up there and forgotten about them.

Lizzie considered giving Beth the coffee pot, but somehow a piece of antique silver didn't seem of much use to Beth. Besides, Bernie had a house filled with furniture and most things she would need and Lizzie suspected that her friend preferred modern things if they could be found.

Lizzie already planned to make her a pretty hat, but she wanted something better for her. She would have liked to give Beth a share in the business or something substantial, as she'd intended to do when things picked up, but something held her back – a vague unease concerning Bernie Wright. If Beth had asked Lizzie she would have told her about the feeling she'd recently had concerning her husband-to-be, but she seemed to know what she wanted and so Lizzie kept her thoughts to herself. She suspected he resented her influence with Beth and had a feeling that if she gave Beth a substantial gift Bernie wouldn't like it… but that was silly, of course he wouldn't mind.

It was time she went to work, but first she had to feed Betty and dress her. Her daughter had just started whimpering. Lizzie hoped she wouldn't miss her Daddy too much. Sebastian had fallen completely under her spell and had been trying to teach her to say Daddy but more in hope than expectation. Betty wasn't advanced enough to speak or walk yet, though she was like lightning on her bottom and could be across the room if you turned your back for a second. She had laughed and clapped her hands and seemed delighted when Sebastian made a fuss of her, and she made unintelligible sounds that he fondly supposed were his name. Beth's twins were that bit older, approaching their first birthday in the second week of June, and were already making sounds that did resemble Mumma and Lizzie, though Matt was far ahead of his sister who tried to walk but fell down at every other step.