Lockdown (14 page)

“Oh God,” he muttered.

She could feel every muscle in his body clench with the force of his impending climax. “Baby, I…  fuck… I need…”

“It’s okay,” she whispered. She didn’t need him to push her off that cliff again, she’d already plummeted too many times, without benefit of a parachute, and she had the emotional scars to prove it. 

Chapter Eleven

Jake knew before he even reached out to pull her into his arms that she’d be gone. He saw it in her eyes last night when he tried to convince her to open up to him.

He was still trying to come to terms with her absence when the phone on his bedside table rang. He prayed it was her, ready and willing to give him another chance to plead his case.

“Hi, Daddy.”

His heart always clenched at the sound of his little boy’s voice. God, he loved that kid. “Hey, buddy, what’re you doing?”

“Can you come get me, Daddy?”

Jake sat up in bed. It wasn’t his weekend to have Jared. Had something happened to Diane? “Um sure, if your mama says it’s okay.”

“I already asked her. She has a date, so she says it’s okay if I go with you.”

It struck Jake that he couldn’t care less that his ex-wife was going out with another man, but it damn near shredded him when he had to hear about Jess going out with Phil. “That’s great, buddy. Yeah, I’d love to come pick you up. We’ll make a day of it.”

“Can we go to Jessie’s house? I wanna see her.”

He squeezed his eyes shut. What had he done? If Jess chose to leave Brant, he would have to admit to his son that it was his fault because he hadn’t been man enough to acknowledge his feelings for her. “Um, I’m not sure, buddy. We can’t just invite ourselves…”

Jared giggled. “Did you forget, Daddy?” 

Lord, what had he forgotten now? A birthday, anniversary… “Um, what do you mean, kiddo?”

“They’re havin’ dinner today, not ‘omorrow, ‘cause Nan Lorna hassa go visit her mama at a home.”

Of course, Lorna mentioned that she and Merle were going to the nursing home to visit her mother on Sunday. They were having a get together at their house today instead. “I guess it must have slipped my mind, Jared.”

“Nana and Papa are gonna be there, too. Nana said so.”

Great, his parents were going to the Carltons’ house as well. His mother could read him like an open book. She’d know inside of a minute that something was going on between him and Jess and would no doubt announce it to damn near everyone else. He loved his mother, but subtlety was not her strong suit.

“Uh, you were talking to your Nana? When?”

“Just now. I thought if you were busy, Papa could pick me up and bring me.”

“I’m never too busy for you, you know that.”

“Cool, see you soon, Daddy.”

Jessica came down the stairs to break the news to her parents. She packed her suitcases in the car before they woke up, but her conscience wouldn’t allow her to leave the note she’d scribbled on a scrap of lined paper. They deserved more. She couldn’t give them the whole truth yet, but she could tell them enough to put their minds at ease about her hasty departure.

“Hey, darlin’,” Merle said, pointing to the chair beside him. “You’re just in time for your mama’s French toast.”

“I’m not very hungry, Daddy.”

Lorna wiped her hands on her apron as she turned around to look at her daughter. “You haven’t had much of an appetite lately, sugar. You feelin’ okay?”

She forced herself to look her mama in the eye. “Yeah, I’m feelin’ fine.”

Merle pointed his butter knife at her. “I heard you went through with that damn fool stunt at Dixie’s last night. Thank God Jake had the good sense to drag you out of there before things got out of hand.”

“How did you know I left with Jake?”

“Your brother told us. He knew we were worried about you.”

Her mother cleared her throat delicately. “You got in pretty late. Were you with Jake all that time?”

God, they knew. They knew she was sleeping with Jake. This was humiliating. “No, I left his house and drove around for a while. I needed some time to think.” At least that much was true.

“Think about what, honey?” Her mother took her hands. “Does this have something to do with Jake?”

“No, this is about me, Mama.” She would never forgive herself if her parents blamed Jake for her retreat. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t love her. “I just need to get away for a while.” She didn’t feel the need to mention it might be a good long while. She would have to come back for Craig and Ava’s wedding. She would tell them then that this was a permanent move.

Her father frowned. “What the hell are you talkin’ about? Where are you goin’?”

“Um, I’m going to visit some friends from college.”

“Which friends?” her mother asked, folding her arms.

“I’d rather not say.”

Her father scowled. “You think we’re just gonna let you leave without knowing where the hell you’re headed?”

“I just need a little time, a little space to sort things out. I need y’all to respect that. Please, don’t try and stop me.” She didn’t want an ugly scene. For once, she just needed her parents to trust her judgment and support her decision.

Merle slammed his palm down on the table hard enough to rattle the flatware resting on his plate. “I, for one, am not going to stand by and
—
”

Lorna held up her hand to silence her husband as she looked into her daughter’s eyes. “I understand, honey. It breaks my heart to see you go, but I understand.” She pulled her into a tight embrace. “All we’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy. He’s out there,” she whispered fiercely in her ear. “He may not be here in Brant, but I know your soul mate is out there somewhere just waitin’ for you to find him.”

“Thanks, Mama,” she whispered, blinking back the tears. “I hope I’m not leaving you in lurch at work?”

Her mother held her at arm’s length. “Don’t you worry about that. I’ll manage.”

“There’s that girl who dropped off her resume last week.” She sniffled. “What was her name again?”

“Hush. I’m gonna keep your job open as long as I can.” Her mother knew she wasn’t coming back to stay. It was evident in the tears spilling down her cheeks. “You’ll be back for the wedding? You promise?”

“I wouldn’t let Ava down for anything. Tell her I’ll call her, and that I love her, okay?”

Lorna shook her head as she wiped the tears off her daughter’s cheeks. “I sure will. Anyone else you want us to give a message?”

“Um, Tucker. Tell him I’ll email him when I get settled. And ask him not to worry about me.” She smiled through her tears. “But I know he will.”

“Of course he will. We all will,” her father said gruffly.

She’d never seen her tough as nails daddy shed a tear, and she wasn’t strong enough to witness it now.

“Does Jake know you’re leaving?” her mother asked, setting Jessica’s long blonde hair over her shoulders.

“I told him I was leaving, not when, but he knows.”

“How did he take it?” she asked quietly.

Jessica shrugged, trying to resist the urge to fall into her mother’s arms and cry on her shoulder. “It is what it is, Mama. You know Jake. He’d rather have me here, where he can keep an eye on me, but…”

“But this isn’t where you want to be anymore?” her mother said, supplying the words that were in her heart.

“Maybe someday I’ll come back, but right now I just need to experience a bit more of the world on my own, ya know?” Maybe someday when her heart healed and Jake McCoy was just a fond memory from her past, she could find the courage to come home again.

Lorna hugged her again. “Until then, you’ll keep in touch with us, won’t you?”

“Of course I will, Mama. I’ll have my cell with me. You can call and check up on me as often as you want.” She took a deep breath. “Okay, I guess it’s time for me to hit the road.” She hugged her mother one more time before embracing her father. “I love you guys so much. Thanks for supporting me and understanding why I need to do this.”

“Be safe,” her mother said, kissing her cheek. “And be happy, honey.”

She would try to stay safe, but she had a feeling it would be a while before she found happiness again.

Jake turned the radio down and glanced at his son in his rear view mirror. This conversation was long overdue. “So you like school, buddy?”

It was Jared’s first year, but Jake had been getting glowing reports from his teacher and Diane about his progress.

He shrugged. “It’s okay, I guess.”

“You like your new house?”

He shrugged again. “It’s okay, I guess.”

“You and your mama get to spend a lot of time together?”

Diane had gone back to school to be a dental hygienist and she was working part-time as an assistant in a dental office to gain experience in the field.

“Not really. She works a lot, and when she’s not workin’, she goes out on a lot of dates.”

That didn’t surprise Jake. Diane loved men, and they loved her, until they got to know her. Then they couldn’t get away from her fast enough, which meant he’d probably be paying her spousal support until he was old and grey. “Huh, so you stay with the babysitter when she’s out?”

“Yup.”

“You ever get lonely, buddy?” It killed him to think that a stranger was raising his little boy when he was fighting with everything he had to be a part of his life.

“Sometimes, but then I call Jessie.”

His heart damn near stopped. “You call Jessie? I didn’t know that.” Why hadn’t she told him? “When do you call her?”

“When I get home from school and I ain’t got nobody to talk to.”

Jake clenched the steering wheel. He was going to take this up with Diane and her attorney, but first he had to figure out how Jessica fit into the equation. “What about your babysitter, can’t you talk to her?”

Jared rolled his eyes and he suddenly looked wise beyond his years. “Nah, she watches ‘em soaps and she tells me not to bother her.” He shrugged. “It’s okay. Jessie said I can call her anytime.”

His heart clenched. Jess really did love his little boy, and he loved her. God, what a fool he’d been to let her get away. “Why don’t you call me when you get home from school?”

“I know you’re busy, arrestin’ people and stuff.”

Jake smiled. “I’ve always got time for you, you know that.” He took a deep breath. “So, you and Jess are pretty close, huh?”

“I love her,” Jared said simply.

It hit Jake with stunning clarity that his little boy had more courage than he had. “You ever tell her that?”

“Sure, all the time.”

God, he was such an idiot. How could it be so easy for a five-year-old to express his feelings while a grown man struggled to make sense of his? “Has she told you that she loves you, too?”

Jared grinned, a gap-toothed grin that melted his Daddy’s heart. “Every time before she says good-bye.”

Jake pulled up to a stoplight and closed his eyes. Jessica gave her love so freely, to him and his little boy, and he made it seem like she was expecting too much to ask for the same in return. He would have to get down on his knees and beg her forgiveness the second he saw her. He didn’t give a damn who was there to witness him groveling, her parents, his parents, her brother, his son; they were all welcome to claim front row seats. “You know, you’re not the only one who loves Jessie.”

Jared tipped his head to the side as he met his daddy’s eyes in the rear view mirror. “I know that. Lots of people love her.”

“You can count me among them,” Jake said, quietly, not sure if his son was too young to understand the meaning behind his words. “I love her too, a lot.”

Jared’s big brown eyes widened and his little mouth formed an O shape. “Does that mean you’re gonna get married?”