London Falling (19 page)

“I distracted you? I was there to do some stargazing and you know, I can’t remember seeing a single constellation.”

He started tickling my sides until I was erupting with laughter. “Beau, stop! Russ is out there.”

“He’s a zombie if you haven’t noticed. He probably didn’t even see you walk in here. Chip’s the one I have to worry about it and he’s at his girlfriend’s house.” He assaulted my stomach with his fingers. “I didn’t know you were so ticklish.”

I was almost in tears. “Ok. Stop. Stop.”

He sat up, straddling my hips. If he started undressing me with his eyes, I knew I would forget my whole mission in the surprise visit. I needed to stay on target. His eyes flared with mischief.

“All right, go ahead. What do we need to talk about?” He reached backward and caught my thigh with his hand.

“Uh-uh. I can’t talk to you like this. Go. Sit at the desk.” I tried to wiggle out from under him.

“Seriously?”

“Yes, go.” I shooed him to the other side of the room so I could breathe again.

“I’m ready. Lay it on me.” He motioned toward his chest.

Being in the same room with him made my freak out seem silly. I wanted him closer, back on the bed, but Professor Garcia wasn’t going to forget about the research request. We needed to come up with a better plan.

“Ok, on Tuesday, the day you drank your way out of coming to class, Professor Garcia pulled me aside after the lecture. She said that our project is getting lots of attention among her professional colleagues.”

“So?” Beau was wheeling his chair across the room, inching closer to the bed.

“So, she asked me if she could publish our research. She wants to present it at a conference in Orlando this summer.”

“Oh.” He was halfway across the room. “Not good.”

“Exactly. We can’t give her fake research to present at a conference. This is turning into an ethical nightmare.”

“Then, let’s tell her the truth.” His wheels hit the corner of the bed. “We’ll tell her the hypothesis failed.”

“What? Are you crazy? We have lied all semester. We’ll get an honor code violation and we’ll fail. I can’t fail the class. I need this A.”

He had climbed on the bed next to me. “Would it be so bad if you didn’t get an A? Let’s just tell her and then I can do this anytime I want.” He reached for the side of my face, and I swerved to avoid his kiss. “I would risk standing in front of the stupid honor court to be with you.”

“I don’t even know what you’re saying right now. Not get an A? I’m a straight A student. And go in front of the honor court? Oh my God, this is getting worse.” I wish I had paused long enough to listen to what he was saying to me, but the panic I felt was spiraling me into a tailspin.

Beau’s expression changed from playful come hither to cool and distant. “Right. You need the A so you can go to L.A. Movie star dreams.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” I didn’t like what he was implying and I regretted not letting him kiss me.

He exhaled. “London, you’re so focused on getting out of here. Why are we even doing this?”

My heart landed in my stomach. I scrambled for a way to turn the conversation in a different direction.

“I needed to ask you about the research. We have to give her an answer in two days.” I had no intention of going near his question. Maybe I could steer him back to the kissing or his feelings.

He had stopped inching toward me. “You’ve been running the show since the beginning. What do you want me to say? You can’t have it both ways.”

Why was he so annoyed all of a sudden? I wanted him to keep moving closer. The two feet between us felt as big as the football stadium.

“Beau, what is going on? You’re making me nervous.”

He sighed. “There is a way out of your moral dilemma.”

My stomach flipped again. This couldn’t be happening. “You’re not serious.” Tears were pushing their way to the corners of my eyes.

“Let’s go back to being group partners. It makes it simple. Take me out of the equation. You don’t have to worry about lying anymore, we hand over real research, and then you get your damn A. Win-win.”

It felt like he had punched me.
No. No. No.
“That’s not win-win. How can you say that? That’s not what you really want to do.” The room was spinning. My eyes burned.

“What did you think was going to happen? We graduate in less than two months. You’re going to California. I’ll be in law school. Let’s just get this over with now and you can finish out the semester taking the moral high road. Deal?” His voice was cool.

I couldn’t hear him talk anymore. Through a blurry haze, I ran out of his room and passed Russ. I didn’t care if he saw my tears. I wasn’t going to be back.

***

“London, slow down. I can’t understand you. Here, blow your nose or something.” Nina handed me a tissue as I buried my face in my pillow. “Do you want me to call your mom?”

“No!” I sniffed. “I’m fine. I just need a minute.”

“You’re not fine. Your face is all puffy and red and you’re crying—clear signs you’re not fine. You’ve been in here for three days. What happened?”

It didn’t make sense what had happened. I wanted a way to undo what Beau said on Sunday, and undo my stupid idea to show up at his apartment. Was he thinking about this all along? Was he thinking about this Saturday night on the football field or during spring break? Because I’m moving, he thinks we’re destined to break up? The tears welled again and I sunk into the covers.

“Ok. If you don’t tell me what happened, I’m calling your parents. You are really freaking me out. You missed class yesterday; you never miss class.” Nina was sitting at the end of the bed with a concerned look, cell phone in hand. “Three days is long enough to scare me. You can’t exist on Saltine crackers and soda. You’re definitely missing some food groups. This—whatever it is—isn’t good for you.”

It didn’t matter anymore. The secret wasn’t even a secret. “Beau and I broke up.”

“What? You mean fake broke up? Is it some kind of twist in the project?” Nina was visibly confused.

I reached for another tissue. “No. It was a real breakup. We’ve been together this whole time.”

“What?” Nina screeched into my room.

“I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t because of the project and I agreed to keep it a secret. I don’t know what I’ve done. What did I do?”

“Hold on. You have been secretly and publicly dating Beau Anderson all semester, and I’m just now finding out?” She looked hurt.

“I’m sorry, Nina. I didn’t want to keep it from you, but I didn’t want to include anyone else in the charade. It’s bad enough we lied to everyone—Professor Garcia, the class, everybody.”

I watched as my friend scanned her memory bank. “You didn’t go see your grandparents during spring break, did you?”

“No. I have grandparent guilt too.” I made a mental note to schedule a visit with them soon.

“Wow. You’re more adventurous than I thought.” Nina sounded impressed.

“You aren’t mad at me?”

“If I could date someone who looked at me the way he looked at you, I would do it in a second. I’m not mad.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ve known all along there was something going on between you two. It was sort of obvious that night I walked in on you when you were supposed to be watching
Love Match
. Beau looked at you like you were the only girl in the world. It was sweet. He was obviously crazy about you.” She smiled.

I sighed, thinking about what he said to me in his room. “He’s not crazy about me anymore.” I hadn’t heard from him since I left, running teary-eyed from his apartment.

“What happened between you?”

“It’s such a mess. I screwed the whole thing up with my moral high road, as he called it. Professor Garcia wants our research to present at a conference. I told him I didn’t think we could give her research that was a lie. So, he said we should tell her the truth, but I totally freaked out. Then, he gave me the only other option that exists—give her real research and call off the relationship. We can just go back to being group partners.”

“What? He said that? Who does he think he is? That’s just stupid.” It made me feel better seeing Nina get all worked up over Beau. “You’re in an impossible situation.”

“He’s not completely wrong. I am leaving in two months. This was bound to end at some point. He took care of it before I was ready to.”

“Are you hearing yourself? You’re actually defending him. Defending the guy who just broke your heart.”

“But, Nina, do you know what else he said? He told me it was worth risking everything to be with me. And what did I do? Ignored him—totally ignored those words, as if he didn’t tell me how he was feeling. How could I do that to him? I would break up with me too.” I could feel the tears running down my face.

“Awww, he really is sweet. He said that?”

I nodded between puffs into the tissue.

“London, we need to turn this around.”

“What do you mean?”

“Wait, first do you care about him? I need to know what I’m dealing with here.”

I nodded in agreement. Care wasn’t even close to the level of feelings I had for him.

“Then, we help him see what a colossal mistake he just made.”
Uh-oh
. If she was planning anything like her tactics to get closer to Derek, I was in for a disaster.

“Nina, I don’t know about that. I think I’ll try to call him later tonight and talk to him. He was probably spooked. That’s what guys do when they start getting close, right? They freak out and come up with some lame breakup excuse.” It sounded reasonable, but I wasn’t sure if that’s what really happened with Beau. “It’s been three days. He’s probably cooled down by now.”

“No, haven’t you read
Cosmo
? You can’t call him. You need to get him to come to you.”

I had a sinking feeling. “But I don’t want to play mind games with him. No games at all. That’s why this imploded. I tried to cheat. We lied about us from the beginning and now there isn’t even an us.”

“It’s not a game if you’re helping him realize his true feelings. It’s not a trick, London. He is crazy about you; he just needs to be reminded.”

She was starting to sound sane. “Let’s say whatever little plan you have cooked up works, it still doesn’t solve the problem I have with the research. The project is rigged.”

“Hmmm…I keep forgetting about that shitty project.” I could see the wheels turning in Nina’s head. “Got it! I know what you can do, but you’re going to have to come clean with Professor Garcia.”

“But she’ll fail me.”

“No she won’t. She’s going to love this.”

For the first time in hours, my heart felt a little less broken and slightly hopeful. I hugged Nina. “Thank you. I don’t know what crazy scheme is going through your head, but thank you.”

“It’s nothing. I want you to be happy. Now, go take a shower and change out of these three-day-old pjs. We’ve got a boy to rope in.”

I giggled. My love life was completely in her hands.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

All I had to do was keep my composure, steady my breathing, and limit the eye contact. I could do this. I had played Sandy in my high school’s rendition of
Grease
. I could pull off badass Sandy in tight, lycra pants, strutting across a stage in five-inch heels with a packed house watching my every move. Today skinny jeans and a fitted cotton shirt would have to do, and there was only one person I needed to impress—Beau.

He was sitting in his regular spot. The top perch of the class. I entered the row from the opposite aisle and walked toward him, careful not to look too excited to see him. Nina and I had only devised this plan yesterday, and it was all I had. Beau hadn’t called, texted, or emailed since the Sunday breakup, and today was Thursday. It was embarrassing that I missed Tuesday’s class, but my broken heart needed time and distance.

I’m not sure if he watched me walk toward him. I kept my eyes on my phone and the texts I was sending Nina. She was my lifeline to the outside world and the only thing keeping me on this plan.

He’s here,
I typed.