Look After Me (4 page)

We pull up in front of Ava’s house, and if it weren’t for the mere fact that it’s my daughter’s birthday today, I’d be telling Grace to speed the hell out of here. But I can’t. So instead, I grow a pair and act like the adult that I am.

We get out of the car, and I grab the huge bag full of gifts from the trunk. Closing the trunk, I begin my pursuit up the pathway, my heart picking up speed with every step I take forward. I approach the door covered in pink balloons with caution, but before I can psych myself up to knock on the door, it suddenly swings open. Thankfully, I’m greeted by Caleb, and I sigh in relief. It stalls the pending heartbreak of seeing Ava for just a few more moments.

“Hey, Sebastian!” I barely manage a smile as he pulls me in for a brotherly hug. He steps away with a smile. “Come on in.”

Grace and I walk through the entryway and up a small flight of stairs with Caleb following behind. We walk through a door that leads us to an open plan living room/kitchen. I expect a party full of screaming toddlers, but instead I’m greeted with the sight of Ava and Ashton kissing in a loving embrace. The sight slices painfully through my barely beating heart. I drop the bag of gifts to the floor with a loud clang and cough angrily, alerting them to my presence. They pull apart, and Ava’s gaze meets mine. Her face instantly pales, and she nervously wipes her mouth with the tips of her fingers.

A blush deepens against her cheeks. “Um, hi,” she says as she makes her way over with a smile. Her smile falters as her gaze falls on Grace’s scowling face. “Hi, Grace.”

Instead of responding, Grace turns and follows Caleb into the kitchen. It takes Ava a moment to recover from the blatant snub of my sister. Her gaze flickers up to mine. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Well, I wouldn’t miss my daughter’s birthday for anything,
Ava.
”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Sebastian. I—”

“You know what? How about we skip the pleasantries? I didn’t come to see you. I came here to see my daughter. Where is she?” I ask, unable to cool my anger. As long as I’m in her presence, the anger will continue to run through my veins.

Taking a shuddered breath, she answers, “Caleb’s mom is just changing her diaper. She’ll be down in a minute.”

Unable to stand near her any longer, I pick up the bag of gifts from off the floor and head to the kitchen area. Caleb watches me warily as I stand beside him.

“You okay?”

“Fucking perfect,” I mutter as I place the gifts beside my feet. He gives me a sullen look, and I hate how his eyes sink with sympathy. I don’t want fucking sympathy. I just want my life back; the life where I get married to the woman I love, and we live happily ever after . . .

Fuck.

I used to have it all, and now I’m left with nothing but a hollow space where my heart used to be. Well, that’s a lie. I have Lily-Mai, but she doesn’t ease the pain of my hurt.

“Do you want a drink?” Caleb asks, shaking me out of my angry stupor.

“I’ll have water.”

My gaze flows in the direction of Ava, specifically on Ashton’s hand as it strokes attentively against her forearm. She asks him to bring Lily down, and I flinch when he replies with, “Sure thing, baby.” The words feel like a slap in the face. I focus my gaze back on Caleb.

“You better make it a beer.”

He looks at me hesitantly. “Are you sure?”

I can’t help but roll my eyes. Not only am I the poor bastard who got my heart broken, but I’m also the poor bastard who spent the last three months in rehab because I couldn’t deal with the pain.

Yep, I’m one poor bastard.

“Jesus, I’m not going to fall off the wagon if that’s what you think. I went to rehab for drug abuse, not because I had one too many beers, so I think one will be just fine,” I snap.

He quickly nods, then walks over to the fridge to retrieve a beer for me. The moment the amber liquid reaches my taste buds, I realize I’m being an absolute asshole. Pulling the bottle away from my lips, I look at Caleb.

“I’m sorry, man. I’m being a dick.” I take a quick glance in Ava’s direction, then return my eyes to Caleb. “Today . . . seeing them together . . . it’s just
hard.
”

“I know it is. I get it. But you know something that might cheer you up?”

“And what’s that?”

“Ada! Ada! Ada!”

I turn and smile when my gaze finally stops on my daughter, ignoring the fact that she’s in the arms of
Ashton.

“Yeah, she’s been screaming ‘Dada’ all morning. She’s excited to see you. I’m hoping now that you’re here she’ll stop shouting because there’s only so much my eardrums can take,” Caleb says with a chuckle as Ashton brings an excited Lily over to us.

I place my beer on the counter. Unable to look Ashton Douchebag Bailey in the eyes, I focus on my daughter. She’s dressed in a pink tutu skirt with a t-shirt that says, ‘birthday princess’ across the front in sparkles. Ballerina flats cover her tiny feet, and a pink headband adorns the top of her chocolate colored hair. She beams a huge smile when I take her into my arms.

“Hi, baby. You look beautiful.” I press a delicate kiss on the top of her head. “Look who came all the way from Charlotte to see you. Your Aunt Grace . . .”

Before I know it my daughter has made a new best friend, and I’m soon forgotten as Grace sits on the floor playing with her. I watch from afar and smile on the inside as Lily’s laughter echoes around the room. It’s still hard to physically smile. It’s hard to feel anything other than rage, especially now when the reason for my rage is only ten feet away, laughing at something Ashton said. There used to be a time when I made her laugh like that. My inner smile fades away, and I let the anger battle through me as my thoughts run away . . .

I’ve spent the last six hours in this hospital waiting room, and I haven’t said one word. I just continue to stare daggers at
him,
hatred radiating from me. I’ve spent the past six hours trying to come to terms with things—things I don’t understand; things that make no sense. Within minutes, my whole world came tumbling down on top of me.

I’m angry and confused. The abuse and the kidnapping are what I feel confused by, but the cheating . . . That’s what has me physically raging with anger, an anger I didn’t even realize existed. It’s a feeling so foreign that I’m afraid of what I could be capable of.

I’m just so fucking angry.

I’m angry with Ava. She’s deceived me in the worst possible way. She cheated on me, the one thing I never thought she’d be capable of.

I’m angry with Caleb. The guy I call one of my closest friends has deceived me. He knew Ava was cheating on me, but he never fucking told me.

I’m angry with Ashton. He went after Ava, knowing she was a taken woman; knowing that she was my woman.

I’m angry with Avery. He did the most sickening act ever known to man. I want to kill him with my bare hands. Sick fuck . . . Sick, sick, sick, fuck!

Anger doesn’t even cut it. The explosive ammunition that fills my veins is indescribable.

“Okay . . . It’s been six hours and you still haven’t said a word, and the death glare you’ve been sending me obviously isn’t working, so give it to me. Whatever it is you want to do to me, just do it.”

The sound of Ashton’s voice startles me. As much as I want to drive my fist into his face again, I don’t. I’m using too much energy trying to work through the burning pain of my thoughts and the excruciating fire that chars a hole through my heart.

“Well, if you’re not going to speak, then I will. I’m sorry you had to find out the way you did. Ava . . . She wanted to tell you in person. She definitely didn’t want you finding out this way.”

Why is he talking? I don’t want to hear what he has to say. He’s known Ava for five fucking minutes, but I have a history with her; four years’ worth of happy memories. I stare daggers at him as he continues speaking, my knuckles cracking from the intense grip of my fists.

“I can’t really speak for her but none of this has been easy. She’s been an absolute wreck. I know what we did was unacceptable and I take full responsibility. So if you want to kick the shit out of me, have at it.”

My body trembles as each word comes out of his mouth; each word wearing down my resolve.

“I’d prefer you to take the anger you have for her out on me. She’s been through enough and I don’t want to see her hurt anymore.”

My eyes narrow at his moronic words. I understand his protectiveness; I would wrench my own heart out of my chest if it meant protecting Ava from ever getting hurt again. But his protectiveness also feels like a slap in the face.

I charge at him like a raged bull, gripping him angrily by the collar and spitting into his face. “Shut the fuck up! You don’t get to tell me what to do, okay? And if anybody is going to protect Ava, it’s me, her fiancé!” I’m breathing heavily as I allow the anger to rattle through my veins. “In fact, I don’t know what you’re still doing here. I’m back now, so she sure as hell doesn’t need you anymore. I get that she was lonely while I was gone, but this . . . This thing between the two of you is over. So how about you do us all a favor and leave?”

He doesn’t even flinch when I tighten my grip on his collar, pulling it aggressively against his neck. “I accept whatever punishment you lay on me, man, but I’m not leaving her.”

It feels as if my veins are about to burst with the anger pumping through them. “Excuse me?”

His eyes darken with frustration, but surprisingly, the rest of him remains calm. “I said I’m not leaving her.”

“Like hell you’re not,” I growl as I pull him out of his seat and slam him against the wall, causing him to grunt at the forceful impact. I clasp his blood stained shirt within my fist, my heart and head pounding with sheer adrenalin as the urge to kick this fucker’s ass multiplies. “I’ll tell you what you’re going to do. You’re going to exit this hospital, walk away and never set eyes on her again. You two were a mistake, and she‘ll realize that when she wakes up. She can’t love you because she loves
me
.”

I know I sound like a child, but I don’t care. He can’t break up my family. I know the words that are coming out of my mouth are a delusion, but I have to fight for her because if I don’t I’m going to lose her, and I can’t lose her. I can’t. But the look in his eyes tells me that I already have.

“With all due respect, Sebastian, the only way I’ll walk away from Ava is if she asks me to. So until then, there’s no way in hell I’m leaving. And I know this is not what you want to hear right now, but I love her. And even though she loves you, she loves me too.”

My inner-self stumbles backwards, shocked to the core by his words.

“What the fuck is going on!” Caleb suddenly pries my hands from Ashton’s hold, anger evident on his face as he pushes me a couple of feet back by my chest. “Jesus! Don’t you think Ava’s been through enough? She’s been kidnapped, beaten and possibly raped yet all you two can do is brawl with each other outside her room.”

He pauses for a brief moment as he looks between us, then returns his gaze to me. “I know a lot of shit has happened and I get why you’re angry, Sebastian, but now is not the time to let your anger rear its ugly head. I don’t want Ava to wake up to you two at each other’s throats. So can you please be at least amicable just for a little while. The nurse said you can come in, so if you can both act like grown-ups, then you can sit in here.”

Without a word, Ashton rushes into the room, and after biting back the anger at his eagerness, I follow Caleb. For the second time in six hours, I’m halted to a stop at the sight I see before me. He’s sitting at Ava’s bedside with his hand encased tightly in hers, brushing light kisses against the skin. Unable to cope with the excruciating piercing feeling to my chest and the overwhelming pounding of my heart, I turn and rush out.

I run through the corridors until I’m greeted with the light rain in the February chill. It’s only when I come to a complete stop and I drop my exhausted body to a wooden bench that I realize I might have lost her to a cruel game I didn’t realize I was playing. One I didn’t know existed until this very moment.

Or when I walked into my own version of hell six hours ago.

“What’s the beer bottle ever done to you?”

I blink when I see Caleb’s mom standing in front of me, pointing to the bottle that is encased around my fingers in a tight vise-like grip. Usually, I’d greet her with a warm hug, but today all the warmth has left me and I just stand on the spot, unmoving. I ease my hold on the bottle and give her a gruff smile. When no words leave my mouth, she speaks, this time without humor to her voice.

“You looked like you were battling with some demons just now.” She doesn’t ask if I’m okay, and I appreciate that. I don’t need people feeling sorry for me, asking if I’m okay when clearly they know from one look at me that I’m not. I haven’t been okay for a long time.

I glance in the direction of Ava and Ashton before looking down at my bottle. Picking at the label, I feel the tiny clumps of paper breaking apart within my fingertips. “You could say that.”

The dark memories linger on, creating a spiraling effect of self-destruction, the same spiraling effect that landed me in rehab. Lifting my beer to my lips, I finish the rest in one mouthful, wanting the alcohol to instantly numb the pain. But just like the drugs, it doesn’t matter how much I consume, it’s never enough for the pain to disappear. I’ve learned that the hard way, to the point it almost killed me. Standing here, wishing for the pain to disappear with the magic of alcohol, doesn’t leave high hopes for me. The thought leaves a bitter taste in my mouth and I can’t stop the haunted laugh from escaping.

“Jesus . . . I’m barely a day out of rehab and I’m already contemplating drowning my sorrows with a crate load of beer. What kind of person does that make me?” Shit, I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I want to be able to deal with the pain without the urge to use narcotics. I thought that urge had gone, but being here today, witnessing what was once mine, is taking a larger hit than anticipated.
I wonder if the three months in rehab had any effect on me at all.