Look After You (15 page)

On an angry sigh, I roll my eyes at him.
“That’s not why you’re an asshole, asshole. You’re an asshole because you mentioned my brother. You’re an asshole because you’re asking me these fucking stupid questions, judging my feelings just because a guy was looking at me. And you’re an asshole for thinking less of me! Yes, he is gorgeous, it is pretty hard to miss, and just because a guy gives me some attention, you think I’m going to jump into bed with him. I love Sebastian, I wou-wouldn’t do that to him.” I hate how I stammer against those words.

“I will be honest with you though, we have developed a friendship, but in case you haven’t noticed, I don’t have a lot of
friends around! In fact, I don’t have any other friends except you. It gets lonely in this place, and with you at work and Sebastian in fucking Afghanistan, all I have are the doctors, nurses and Ashton to talk to.”

“Ashton?” he asks in a surprised tone. “You’re on a first name basis now?” He clicks his tongue and t
hat just pisses me off further. “And does Sebastian know about this friendship you have developed with another man?”

“You know what Caleb, it’s been a couple of especially shit days, to add to my especially shit week, so a bit of slack would be great!” I snap, feeling my bottom lip tremble. My eyes fill up as I lift my head back up to the ceiling, taking a moment to gather enough strength, so I
don’t have a mental breakdown.

I hear him sigh, and I can feel him edge closer to me until he pulls my frigid
body into his arms. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”

Even though I could throttle him for being such a dick, the undying love I have for my best friend is the sole reason I begin to relax my body into his.

“I just worry about you. Seeing the way he was looking at you, as if he was about to declare his undying love for you, it just concerned me. The last thing you need is confusion from the opposite sex.”

I pull my head away from his chest, while my arms remain wrapped around his waist. I want to tell him he’s a little bit too late for that and that I’ve been confused since the first day I met Ashton but instead, I lie to him and say, “I still think you’re wrong, but even if he did declare his love for me, it doesn’t mean that I would. You have to trust me.”

He presses a kiss against my forehead. “I do trust you, it’s other people that I don’t trust.”

“I know, but you can trust him. He’s an incredible doctor, and he’s amazing with Lily.”

He pulls away slightly to look down at me. “I know he’s a great doctor, and I am not disputing that, just be careful. He may be Lily’s doctor but he is still just a guy, okay?”

“Well you have nothing to worry about, we’re just friends. I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize my relationship with Sebastian. I promise.”

Later on, that evening, I find myself tossing and turning in a bed too big for one, my mind churning incessantly as I replay everything from Lily-Mai to Sebastian and when that isn’t enough, a face from my past haunts through my mind, making it almost impossible for me to close my eyes without seeing
him
.

Eventually a fatigued darkness begins to take over, and the next time I close my eyes, I am pleasantly surprised to see a pair of intense sea green eyes looking back at me and suddenly everything else begins to fade away. One look alone allows me to latch onto the tranquil surroundings that he most generously creates for me and for the first time in days, I’m lulled into a comfortable sleep, and I sleep soundlessly for the rest of the night
.

Chapter 13

I should feel guilty.

Not only was Ashton the last person on my mind moments before I fell asleep, he is also the first person I see when I wake.

But I don’t feel guilty.

Last night was the best nights sleep I have had in weeks and for the first time in just a week, I haven’t woken up in a cold sweat, screaming. Instead, I wake up to a flushed sweat, throbbing and satisfied, my body tingling from the memory of my pleasurable dream. I smile dreamily as I flutter my eyelids shut, hoping to get another glimpse, but that is quickly interrupted by the sound of Cale
b’s voice entering my thoughts. “Rise and shine, sleeping beauty.”

I peak out of one eye, watching Caleb walk towards me, freshly showered and dressed in a crisp gray suit, with a hot, steaming mug in hand. The distinct aroma of delicious coffee filling the room has me sitting up against the headboard, my bed sheets wrapped around me luxuriously.

“Good morning. I hope that’s for me,” I say, eyeing up my favorite pink and green pastel striped mug. It says, ‘The best mom in the world’ under a white love heart shape.

He s
mirks, looking down at the mug. “Not unless I have suddenly become the best mom in the world during the night.”

I chuckle as he sits down on the edge of the bed, passi
ng me the decaffeinated coffee. “Thank you,” I say softly, quickly bringing the mug to my lips, taking a soothing sip.

“So i
s it safe to say you had a good night’s sleep?”

I pull the mug away from my mouth, cradling the heated coffee in my hands.
“Yeah,” I say, stretching out my legs. “Best night’s sleep I have had in a while.”

“What and no dreams?” Only good dreams, but I am not admitting the filth of my dream to Caleb, especially when it wasn
’t Sebastian I was dreaming about in the first place.

I shake my head with a smile while taking another sip of coffee
. “Nope, nothing.”

He looks confused for a split second; his eyebrows burrow with a frown. “Huh,”
he muses, adding to the confusion on his face.

“
What do you mean by, huh?” I ask suspiciously.

He shakes his head
immediately. “Nothing. I’m just happy that you’ve finally had a peaceful nights sleep.” He smiles as his hand affectionately massages up and down the right side of my sheet-clad leg. I know there is more to that than he is letting on, but I decide to let it go. It is too early to argue with him.

“So what’s on the agenda today?” I ask casually, taking another drink.

“Just meeting after mind-numbing meeting. Honestly, I wish I could stay tucked up in your bed all day. It looks awfully comfortable,” he teases while his fingers crawl inside the bed sheets and his cold hand causes me to jump when they latch on to my bare leg.

“Get off me, your hands are freezing,
” I shriek through laughter, thankful that the mug of coffee is already half empty, or it would have spilled everywhere.

He chuckles as I hastily finish the remainder of my coffee in one gulp before it ends up a
ll over my white cotton sheets. “Well, if you weren’t such a tight fisted bitch with the heating bill, I would be toasty warm, instead of freezing my ass off and my penis the size of a cashew nut.”

I burst out laughing at the vivid image my best friend just conjured, no doubt ta
inting my already chaotic mind. “That isn’t even possible, and if you don’t like it you know where your own apartment is. In fact,” I begin to say, all joking aside, “you don’t have to stay here with me every night. I’d probably manage on my own, you know.”

“Are you saying you’re getting tired of having me here?” he says, humor laced through his voice.

“No, of course not, I love having you here. I just...I don’t want you to feel like you’re babysitting me all of the time.”

He moves closer to me.
“I don’t feel like that at all, I would prefer to stay here. You’re going through a lot and as your best friend it is my duty to look after you. Plus, I promised Sebastian, so you’re stuck with me, kid.” He leans over and drops a sweet kiss on the top of my head.

“I’ve been thinking,” he starts as he sits back, his hand continuing to caress my leg through the bed sheets, “we haven’t been out in ages. In fact, you haven’t been out at all in over six weeks, except to and from the hospital, and I don’t think it
’s healthy. You need to start taking your life back. So tonight, me, you, what do you say?” I cringe at the thought of continuing everyday things, when my daughter is fighting for her life in hospital. It feels wrong, as if I am abandoning my responsibly of being a mother if I am out gallivanting.

“No, Caleb
, I can’t. I’m a little pissed that you would even suggest a night out, considering the current predicament I’m in,” I snap, staring daggers at him.

“No, I’m not talking about clubbing, what do you take me for?” He shakes his head in exasperation as he continues, “I meant like dinner and maybe a movie, just a couple of hours to take a time out from everything, my treat. It would do you good. What do you say?”

Oh. Well I suppose a couple of hours wouldn’t hurt. In fact, it would be nice to eat a proper meal that I haven’t destroyed myself or comes from a plastic cup in the form of noodles.

“Okay.”

He blinks, as if in shock at my quick answer. “Okay? I thought it would take much more convincing than that.”

“Well, I haven’t finished. I have one condition. If Lily hasn’t improved I
’m not going anywhere, but if her condition has improved by the time I get to the hospital, then yes, dinner and a movie would be great. Oh, and we’re having Mexican,” I state confidently as I set my empty coffee mug on the bedside table, then crawl out of the warm quilted sheets, heading over to the closet to get dressed for my day ahead.

“Whatever you want.”

I pull out a pair of skinny gray sweatpants, tossing them lazily onto my bed before I continue my closet search.

“And Ava?” I turn to look at him, noticing him holding the pair of gray sweatpants I just tossed onto the bed.
“No, sweats. We might only be going for dinner and a movie, but please, no sweatpants.”

I only just refrain from rolling my eyes as I reach into my organized wardrobe, taking out a cute sheer mint-green pullover.
“Fine. I’ll take a change of ‘Caleb approved’ clothing with me to the hospital. Happy?”

He stands up
from the bed, and walks over to me, placing yet another sweet kiss against the top of my head. “Very. I’ll pick you up at seven-thirty.” Then he leaves the room, leaving me to get changed.

When I arrive at the hospital a little later on, I am pleasantly surprised to find that Lily has had a really good night. She is responding brilliantly to the antibiotics and if her breathing continues to improve she should be able to come off the CPAP machine in the next couple of days.

I spend the rest of the day just sitting with her, talking about anything and everything, even reading to her.

When I notice the time has just gone seven I say an emotional goodbye to my daughter; then leave the NICU. I almost called Caleb to cancel when the daily panic of having to leave Lily’s bedside consumed me, but then I remembered what he said about staying cooped up in the hospital and how unhealthy it is. He is right, of course, my life outside this hospital is bordering on none existent. It would be good to have a moment when I can just be myself, not just Lily’s mother. Plus, I did promise him I would go out if her condition had improved, which it has. Therefore, I don’t qualify for any excuses.

As per Caleb’s wishes, I have changed into suitable sociable clothing. I spend a good fifteen minutes in the
 restroom freshening up, applying a light amount of makeup, a small coat of mascara and a dab of coconut lip chap. I give my hair a quick brush, leaving my chocolate brown, wavy hair to hang down over my shoulders. I change into a pair of plain black leggings; my favorite tan loose-fitted short sleeve shirt-dress that has faux buttons at the chest, with a ruffled skirt that flows from my waist to my mid-thigh. I add my three-inch wedged black knee-length boots and a spray of fruity body mist.

Glancing at my reflection in the mirror one last time, I come to realize that this is the first time I have taken my time on my appearance since giving birth to Lily-Mai. I haven’t really thought about my appearance, or even cared about it. Lily has been my priority. Every morning, I wake up; throw on some clothes, brush my teeth and then I am out of the door. I don’t even think about it. Luckily I have a natural olive complexion, so I have never had the issue of vanity or had the worry of what I might look like without make up. I
’m beginning to feel a little more confident in myself, like a tiny piece of me has returned back into place. Smiling, I grab my purse, placing the rest of my cosmetics back inside, quickly zipping it up as I make my way out of the restroom.

As I approach the foyer, I feel the vibrations of my phone coming from my purse. I quickly unzip it thinking it could be Sebastian calling, but as I reach inside to retrieve my phone, I frow
n when it flashes Caleb’s name. Brushing my disappointment away, my frown quickly turns into a smile when I answer. “Hey, are you on your way?” I ask as I approach the brown sofa chairs in the center of the foyer, placing my bag in the middle of one of the cushioned seats.

“I
’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to take a rain check on tonight. There has been another fucking screw up at the office, and I’m the motherfucking idiot who has to fix it.” My heart drops slightly. “It looks as though I am going to be here all night. I am so sorry, we can go out tomorrow night, I’ll make it up to you I promise.”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” I say nonchalantly, although I would be lying if I said I didn
’t feel a little disappointed.

“Are
you sure?” he asks, concerned.

I twist the cushion from the back of the sofa, kneading the material through my fingers. I look down at my semi-casual clothing, sighing inwardl
y at my wasted fifteen minutes. “Yeah, of course. I’ll just stay here for a little bit longer, then head on home. I’ll get a take out, and then crash.”

“Are you going to be okay getting home?”

I smile at his worrying. “Yes, I will get a cab home. I promise.”

“Okay, sweetheart. I will see you when I get home. Don’t wait up though, it
’s going to be a long night,” he says with a loud sigh.

“S
ee you later.” I press end on my call, quickly placing my phone back inside my purse. I put my purse back on my shoulder, turning back in the direction of Lily-Mai. Even though I was looking forward to a night for myself, at least now I can spend a little more time with my daughter. I start to make my way over to the elevators when I stop suddenly at the sound of my name being called out. It’s a familiar voice that has the hairs stand up at the back of my neck. I turn around to see Ashton walking towards me with an irresistible smile.

“Hey.” I smile as he finally steps in front of me. My heart flutters inside my chest as he looks my body up and down, approvingly
.

“Hey
, to you,” he says, taking in another hungry gaze, before coming to a final stop to my eyes. “Wow, you look…you look…wow,” he says, almost too lost for words. His complimenting words make me blush. I smile as I take a quick opportunity to check him out. He is in casual dark washed jeans, dark navy and white striped t-shirt, a thin navy jacket, and converse sneakers. He has me in a daze almost immediately.

“What are you doing here? I thought it was your day off?” After thoroughly
inspecting him, I manage to tear my gaze away from his body and lock onto his eyes.

“It is, I just came to pick something up from my locker. Are you on your way out?” He smiles, his eyes penetrating the curves of my figure, drinking me in. I gulp nervously at his attention.

“Yeah, well I was. I was supposed to be going for dinner and a movie with Caleb, his way of pushing me back out into the real world, but he had to cancel, some kind of work emergency came up. I was just heading back to Lily-Mai for a little while, then I’m gonna’ head off home.”

He ponders on the information for a moment, then smiles.
“Well that’s just a shame. How about I take you out instead?” I jerk my head back in shock. Did he just ask me out? Almost as if he can read my mind, he quickly adds, “As friends.” An odd sensation of disappointment flows through me as his words sink in, which is an absolutely ridiculous emotion to feel, considering I have a fiancé. Nevertheless, I still feel it.

“No! I can’t ask you to do that. It’s your day off, you probably have better things to do with your time.”

He shakes his head, his expression serious. “What, better than dinner and a movie with a beautiful woman? Trust me this will be the highlight of my day.” I can’t help the smile that appears on my face when he calls me beautiful. It’s a word I don’t hear very often, especially aimed at me, but coming from him it has my heart in a heated frenzy.

“Are you sure?” I honestly can’t quite believe the words that exit my mouth. I know deep down that this is not a good idea, the worst idea ever, but I can’t seem to stop myself.