Looking At Forever (The Rock Gods Book 4) (17 page)

Wheland leaned forward and braced his forearms on his thighs. “I’m not sure what you want me to say.”

“You really like him, don’t you,” Cooper said.

Wheland nodded. “A lot,” he said. “I’d rather be anywhere with him right now than heading out on tour with my band. What does that tell you?”

“Hmmmm, sounds like love to me,” Cooper said.

Wheland lifted his eyes from the floor and met Cooper’s gaze. He anticipated seeing a teasing smile on the man, but instead he saw understanding. “I’ve never been in love,” Wheland said.

“Then this is a double whammy for you,” Cooper said.

“How do you figure?” Wheland asked.

“First time you’re in love, and it’s with a man,” Cooper said. “I’d imagine that must be totally tipping your world off its axis right about now.”

Wheland rubbed at his forehead and sat back in his seat. “If I didn’t know better, I’d swear you fucking cared.”

“I do care, asshole,” Cooper said. “If I didn’t give a shit, I certainly wouldn’t be sitting here asking how you’re dealing with it. For fuck’s sake, there’s a process of adjustment involved in order to accept who you really are, douche bag. Have you worked through any of that yet?”

“I’m not sure I understand why anyone would care who I’m with,” Wheland said. “I mean, why should I have to come out with some big declaration about my sexuality? It shouldn’t fucking matter.”

“I totally agree,” Cooper said. “You can blame society in general for that one, but it’s the way it is and I sincerely doubt it will be changing in our lifetimes, so be prepared to face it with the media. They love that shit.”

“That’s fucked up to think the media would want to print
my
story,” Wheland said.

“Are you kidding?” Cooper asked. “The media will snort your story up with a straw like it was the finest grade of cocaine ever created and blow it right back out in their newspapers and magazines.”

“It wasn’t all bad for you and Jay, was it?”

Cooper smiled. “Coming out with Jay was almost easy, compared to what Alex and Dagger went through,” Cooper said. “I hadn’t planned on ever making a public statement about being gay, but having Jay in my life made me want to do it. There was no way in hell I wanted to hide the fact we were together and neither of us gave a rat’s ass about what anyone thought, so it was a no-brainer. Jayson sort of made the decision for us by having our photograph taken at Alex’s wedding. That sure as hell ‘outed’ us after that.”

Wheland laughed. “Yeah, I remember those photographs being plastered all over social media and the music rags for a while, but you survived.”

“We
did
survive,” Cooper said. “We believed in our relationship enough to want people to know about it. Simple as that.”

Wheland thought about Cooper’s words and let them digest in his mind. He didn’t want to hide Rooster in the background, that was for sure, and if Rooster did show up at one of their performances, he didn’t want to pretend their relationship was anything other than what it was. They hadn’t been out much in public since they got together and Wheland wasn’t sure how Rooster felt about PDA’s. That being said, it was probably something they needed to discuss sooner than later.

What was evolving between him and Rooster was really good; better than anything Wheland had had in his life, and there was no way he was walking away from it. He had no regrets being with Rooster and he sure as hell wasn’t ashamed of it. How could he feel badly about something that made him feel so damn good? He wanted this
thing
with Rooster. He wanted it enough to take whatever was thrown at him by friends, family, or total strangers, and he was willing to fight to keep it, too. Wheland was secure enough with himself not to care too much what anyone had to say about the relationship. Rooster was a man, same as him. So fucking what. Anyone that had a problem with that could go fuck themselves.

“All of this is probably easier said than done,”
Wheland thought. 

“What’s going through your pretty, little head?” Cooper asked.

“I was thinking I’d rather let my actions speak for me instead of making a full-blown announcement about who I’m sharing my bed with these days,” Wheland said. “If enough people see me
with
Rooster, they’ll get the message. Won’t they?”

“Oh, they’ll definitely get a message,” Cooper said. “Loud and clear. Just be certain they get the message you want them to have and don’t fabricate their own version of it. That’s why it’s sometimes wise to give them the story on a silver platter, straight from your mouth. Doing it that way lessens the opportunities for them to make up shit.”

“Well, aren’t you a regular smarty-pants,” Wheland said with a grin.

“I’ve been known to have sudden bursts of wisdom from time to time,” Cooper said, folding his arms over his chest.

“I’ve been witness to a few of your sudden bursts, Coop,” Wheland teased.

“Shut the fuck up,” Cooper laughed. “We’ve moved beyond that part of our lives.”

“Thank hell for that,” Wheland said.

Cooper stood up from his seat and stretched. “If you need any more bits of my knowledge, you know where to find me.”

Wheland waved Cooper off and watched him walk down the aisle to sit beside Alex. An hour later, their pilot announced their final approach into JFK International Airport. Wheland glanced at the time on his cell phone. It was a little after midnight. With any luck, he’d be at the Trump Tower Hotel in a couple of hours and then he could call Rooster.

Hearing the sound of the door clicking shut behind Wheland tore at Rooster’s heart. Before he left, Rooster saw the expression masking Wheland’s face as he stood beside the front door. It looked like he was about to say that three word sentence they’d both been dancing around for the last few days. Rooster himself had almost come out and said “I love you” last night after they’d made love but managed to stop himself before he let it slip.

Making love?

Rooster never understood the meaning behind that phrase, nor had he experienced it, until Wheland. Even when Wheland was going all Dom on him and acting like the power top he was born to be, Rooster could feel the tenderness when Wheland slid in to him. It went far deeper than the physical connection they were sharing, and today while standing at the door before Wheland left on tour, Rooster sensed Wheland was about to put into words what they’d been feeling for weeks. Rooster wanted to say it too, but he didn’t want it said seconds before Wheland left for months on end. He wanted it said when they both had time to adjust to it, talk it through, and say it a few more times, before being separated by a tour.

Sure, Rooster had loved his ex-wife, but it wasn’t the same kind of soul connecting love he was feeling with Wheland. What he had with Wheland felt like a whole other realm of love and as exciting as that was, it was also gut wrenching to feel so emotionally attached to one person; such as he was with Wheland. It was beautiful, exhilarating, and scary as fuck, and Rooster wouldn’t change one damn thing about it.

Chapter Thirteen

Winter in New York City sucked. There was no point in trying to sugarcoat that piece of reality. Dirty piles of melting snow lined the streets and sidewalks. Potholes were filled with icy, black water that looked like oil, and a damp drizzle falling from the sky was freezing on contact with anything it touched.

Wonderful.

“How does anyone exist in this kind of environment,”
Wheland thought. Where were the palm trees and the sunshine?

A bitter wind was blowing between the highrise buildings when their airport transportation delivered them in front of the Trump Tower Hotel at One Central Park West. The weather made their arrival as far from a warm welcome as one could imagine, but it fit Wheland’s mood perfectly.

Wheland emerged from the large, black Suburban SUV, followed by Tony, Jared, Alex, and Cooper. A fresh blast of cold slapped Wheland’s face and wrapped around his body as soon as his feet hit the wet sidewalk. He slid the strap to his backpack over his shoulder and flipped up the collar on his leather coat and hurried into the warmth the lobby had to offer.

A manager from the hotel met Wheland and shook his hand with a polite introduction for himself. They waited briefly by the wall of elevators for the rest of his band. Once they were all together, they were escorted to one of the top floors where the penthouse suites were located. Between Black Ice and Ivory Tower, the two bands and their management were occupying a large number of rooms on the same floor. Some of the suites were adjoining. Alex took the largest suite with two bedrooms in addition to the master bedroom. This suite also had two other smaller suites bordering Alex’s suite. Cooper took one of the bedrooms in Alex’s suite and Wheland grabbed the other. Tony and Jared took the two suites beside Alex’s.

Wheland stepped into a bedroom located down a short hall from the living room and dropped his backpack onto the king-sized bed. He was slipping out of his coat when Cooper knocked on the door frame to his room.

“You interested in going out for a drink before we crash?” Cooper called out.

Alex’s voice bellowed out a hearty “no” from the living room. The negative response had Cooper rolling his eyes and that made Wheland grin.

“Might I remind you, little man, we have an early start today,” Alex said, walking into the hall closer to Cooper. “You’d be wise to take advantage of those few hours we have to sleep.”

“Fuck that!” Cooper protested.

“We’ll be going out tomorrow night after the opening show,” Alex said, already dialing his cell phone and walking back in to his bedroom.

Wheland guessed Alex was calling Chase and Danni, and Wheland wanted to do the same with Rooster, but he wouldn’t do that until Cooper left his room. Cooper’s gaze hit Wheland.

“What about you, Wheland? Care to join me for a drink downstairs?” Cooper asked, using his pouty face – the look he used when he was desperate to get what he wanted.

“Absolutely not,” Wheland said. “I’m beat and I want to call Sonny before I hit the sheets.”

“I’m working in a band full of geezers and pussies,” Cooper grumbled.

“Do us all a favor, Coop, and go call Jayson,” Wheland said.

Cooper offered Wheland a middle finger salute and left Wheland’s bedroom. As soon as Cooper cleared the doorway, Wheland shut and locked the door. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and flopped onto his big and empty bed. He hit the speed dial button to connect himself with Rooster and listened to the ringing.

“Hey, Mick,” Rooster said when he answered.

“Were you sleeping?” Wheland asked. The clock on the bedside table said it was just before three in the morning east coast time; which made it about midnight in L.A.

“I was waiting to hear from you before I crashed,” Rooster said. “Are you at the hotel?”

“Yeah, management thought it’d be a great idea to get us suites all connected together,” Wheland said. “Cooper has already been in my room trying to drag me and Alex out for drinks.”

“That sounds like Cooper,” Rooster said. “Did he get any takers?”

“Alex and I told him to fuck off, and hopefully Tony and Jared will do the same,” Wheland said. “I’m exhausted and I wanted to talk to you before I crashed.”

“I’m not surprised you’re tired,” Rooster said. “We were up late last night and you had to get up early today to finish packing.”

“We were up late fucking,” Wheland said in a low, sexy growl.

“It was time well spent,” Rooster said with a laugh.

“Not enough time,” Wheland said, rolling over onto his side. “I wanted to play with my ropes; show you what I can do with them, and maybe hang you from the beam like you wanted.”

“Next time you’re home, babe,” Rooster said. “We’ll have plenty of time after the tour ends.”

Wheland sighed loudly. “That seems so far away, Sonny, like an impossible prospect to even think about.”

“You okay?” Rooster asked.

“I was talking to Cooper on the plane,” Wheland said. “He was explaining how I need to think about coming out. Is that something you ever think about?”

“I’ve never hidden who I am, Mick,” Rooster said. “But, I’ve also never made a public statement about it, either. Why are you asking? Are you thinking of making some kind of official announcement?”

“Cooper said it would be better if I outed myself before the media does it for me,” Wheland said. Silence hung between them and Wheland rubbed at his forehead fearing Rooster wanted to continue to keep their relationship under wraps. Shit! It’d been a few months. How could Rooster still want to hide this?

“Don’t worry. If I decide to make some kind of an informal statement, I’ll be sure to leave your name out of it.”

“Jesus, Mick, I’m not worried about having my name connected to you,” Rooster said. “I’d be happy if people knew we were together, but make sure you’re ready for what that will mean.”

“Cooper said the same thing,” Wheland said. “Honestly, I don’t know what to expect or what the fuck I should be doing. I’ve never had someone in my life I cared to acknowledge as a lover, and I’ve certainly never had a relationship with a man.”

“I think we’re both learning as we go with this,” Rooster said. “Since my divorce, I haven’t been with anyone long-term. There was a guy up in Vancouver, but he was more of a friend with benefits. I saw him on and off for a while, but I wouldn’t have considered anything permanent with him.”

“This is all new for me,” Wheland said. “All of it and it’s a little overwhelming.”

“Second thoughts?” Rooster asked.

“None,” Wheland said. “I love what we have.”

“Me too,” Rooster said.

Wheland made a humming sound and smiled to himself. “You in bed?” Wheland asked.

“Yeah, I am. Why?” Rooster asked.

“I’m trying to visualize you lying naked between the sheets of my bed.”

“Naked, yes, but I’m not in your bed,” Rooster said. “I’m in the guest room,” Rooster said.

“What? Why would you be back in there?” Wheland asked.

“It doesn’t feel right to be in your bed without you,” Rooster said.

Rooster wasn’t lying about that. At first he thought he could do it, even got to the point of lying down on Wheland’s bed, but then the scent of the man swirled around his head and filled his nostrils and his heart shattered. There was no way he’d be able to sleep alone in a bed that now held so many memories of them together. The fact that Wheland’s side of the bed was empty only drove home the fact Wheland was gone and he wasn’t coming home anytime soon. Rooster wasn’t a crying man, but when he felt the tears threatening to spill from his eyes, he got out of Wheland’s bed and went back to the guest room. Staying in this room was the only way he had even a remote chance of surviving being without Wheland.

“Fuck, I wish I was there beside you right now,” Wheland said. He pressed his palm to his growing erection trying to calm it, but it was no use. The texture of Rooster’s voice was enough to raise the fine hairs on his arms, never mind his dick. “I’m horny again for you.”

Rooster’s low chuckle coming through the phone finished hardening Wheland’s cock. He adjusted himself through his jeans, then decided to undo the button and zipper to make it more comfortable.

“You hard?” Rooster asked.

“Like Stonehenge,” Wheland said.

“I thought so,” Rooster said. “I can hear it in your voice.”

“Is that right?” Wheland asked. He pushed his hand beneath the elastic waistband of his boxer briefs and wrapped his fingers around his shaft. “What is my voice telling you right now?”

“You’re stroking your cock,” Rooster said.

Wheland laughed, a deep throaty laugh that had Rooster moaning; one of Wheland’s favorite sounds now. “You’re one to talk,” Wheland said. “You going to deny you’re doing the same thing?”

“I wouldn’t lie about that,” Rooster said. “What can I say? Your voice does wonderful things to my libido.”

“Ditto,” Wheland said. He squeezed his shaft and pulled the foreskin toward the wide tip. He watched the pre-come seep from the slit and roll down the side of the head in one long droplet. “I wish it were your lips wrapped around my dick and not my hand.”

“Me too,” Rooster said. “I love how you taste.”

“Fuckkkk,” Wheland sighed. He pulled off two more slow strokes; using the pre-come as a lubricant. “I love the way you suck my cock.”

“Damnnnn,” Rooster hissed in a soft tone.

“You getting close?” Wheland asked. He pressed his head into the pillows at the headboard and closed his eyes. His hand started jerking faster on his flesh and he began to see white behind his eyelids.

“Yeah, I’m close, Mick.”

“Wish I was shooting down your throat,” Wheland said.

“Jesussss, Mick. You’re killing me.”

“You like my come in your throat?” Wheland asked.

“I fucking love it,” Rooster said.

Wheland continued to work his shaft; his balls lifting snug to his body. The telltale sign of impending orgasm began to swirl at the base of his spine and spread throughout his body, all the way to the tips of his fingers and toes. Kaleidoscope patterns sparked behind his closed eyes and a thin sheen of sweat slicked his forehead.

“Blow with me,” Wheland growled. “Now!”

Wheland’s mouth fell open and a moan rumbled in his chest and out through his throat. He heard Rooster’s heavy panting and a string of curses come through the phone and Wheland grinned; knowing Rooster had in fact released with him. He only wished he were lying beside the man when it happened. There was nothing he loved more than the desperate expression on Rooster’s sexy face when he chased his orgasm. Then the reality they were both on opposite coasts had Wheland’s chest constricting. The feelings he had for Rooster bubbled to the surface and those three perfect words dangled on the tip of his tongue, dangerously close to flying free.

“Sonny...”

“Shit, that was good,” Rooster said, gulping in air.

“It was, but...”

“Something wrong, Mick?” Rooster asked.

“Yeah, there is,” Wheland said. “We’re both lying in different beds, twenty-five hundred miles apart.”

“Temporarily,” Rooster said.

“Easy for you to say,” Wheland said.

“Once the tour kicks off you’ll be too busy performing to think about me,” Rooster said.

Wheland slid up against the headboard. “Is that what you think will happen?” His tone was tight and edged with anger.

“Fuck, Mick. It was a joke,” Rooster said.

“If you had any idea of how I felt, you wouldn’t say shit like that,” Wheland said.

“It was a stupid thing to say, Mick, and I’m sorry.”

Wheland sighed loudly. His fingers rubbed at the tension in his forehead. “I’m so fucking tired,” he said. “I need to get some sleep.”

“Same here,” Rooster said.

“Will you see what you can do about joining me on tour for a bit?” Wheland asked. “Otherwise I’m going to lose my mind.”

“I will,” Rooster said. “I promise. I don’t want your sanity on my conscience.”

“Funny man,” Wheland said. “I’ll call you after I get some sleep.”

Rooster said good-bye and as soon as their call ended, the empty feeling inside Wheland’s chest returned. He didn’t like feeling this ache and he knew Rooster was the only one who could ease it. Feeling needy hadn’t ever been part of his DNA makeup, but here he was feeling like a stupid kid without his special security blanket. He wondered if Rooster felt the same way; if he was feeling just as lost and lonely without him. He doubted it, since Rooster always seemed to have his shit together way more than him; as if Rooster had these types of relationships all the time. He was curious to know how deep Rooster’s feelings went, too.

Lying in bed with Rooster last night and holding on to each other while they waited for their breathing to ease back to normal after their intense orgasms, Wheland could see the emotion flickering in Rooster’s warm eyes. It was shimmering right there in those amazing brown depths and also in Rooster’s soothing touch. It no longer came as a surprise when Wheland saw it. This non-verbal exchange of emotion between them was beginning to happen more frequently, but it still rendered Wheland speechless. When it did happen, Wheland held his breath in fear he’d say the wrong thing, or perhaps the
right
thing, if he admitted he was in love. Instead of using words in those moments, Wheland would kiss Rooster deep enough to touch his soul, and Wheland hoped to hell that would somehow translate into what he was feeling.