Loose (21 page)
Authors: Coo Sweet
“I’m joyful and blessed, Mom. Better than I’ve been in a long time.”
Hearing those words, Sonnet raised both eyebrows.
“Really? Well sit down and tell me all about your joyful blessings, baby girl.” Sonnet laughed and steered Jasmin toward a chair.
Chapter 22One month later Nadine tugged on the sleeve of Sage’s t-shirt.
“You don’t have to do this by yourself, baby. I could go with you. Or wait until your father’s home, and we could all go together. That woman is crazy, Sage.”
Sage clasped his mom’s shaking hands. He gripped tight to steady them. He looked into her eyes and could tell by the way they glistened that Nadine was on the verge of tears. Sage pulled her to him and hugged her so hard he could feel the thump of her heartbeat against his chest.
“It’s going to be fine, Mom. I swear. I need to do this alone. Besides, if Raven’s grandmother is home and she sees you with me she’ll just get all defensive. Who knows what might happen then?”
Nadine squeezed her eyes shut so tight it hurt. No doubt she was replaying the ugly scene on the phone with Celia a few weeks earlier.
"Your bougie asses will regret the day that trifling son of yours took advantage of my grandbaby!" Celia had screamed at her, before slamming the phone so hard Nadine imagined it must have shattered to pieces upon impact.
“But she could go off on you, too. I don’t want you taking that chance. Hell, it’s probably not a good idea to see either of them in person. Let’s just let the attorney handle this. He could put everything in a letter, and we can be done with them for good. You’ve already been through so much. Please, son. Don’t go over there.”
Nadine shook in Sage’s arms. The tears she’d been holding in ran down her cheeks. Sage threw his head back and sighed deeply. The struggle inside him was evident by the mask of heartfelt pain that muddied his face.
“I know you’re scared, Mom. Trust me, I am too, but this is something I have to do. It’s the only way I’m going to feel like I’ve settled this on my terms. I’m tired of being pushed and pulled by forces I can’t control! Can you understand that?”
Something in the tone of his voice resonated with his mother. Nadine had a blip of clarity where she realized Sage was right. She had to let him handle this his own way. He needed to feel some kind of power over the circumstances that impacted his life. She couldn’t block that, because if she did, she knew she ran the risk of thrusting him right back into a situation like the one with Serenity.
Sage knew he needed to free himself from everything that was holding him back, and his parents had to trust him enough to let him do it his way.
Sage and Jasmin parked in front of Raven's house. They held hands and kissed, more for comfort than anything else.
"Be back soon," Sage said.
"I'll be right here," she answered.
Sage stepped out of the car. He patted his pocket like he was armed with some serious ammunition for what he was about to do. And he was. A corner of a white envelope peeked out of that pocket.
Raven had called him every day since he’d gotten home from the hospital. He hadn’t called her back. That’s when the calls from Celia started. She wanted to know when he was going to take responsibility for the mess he’d gotten her granddaughter into.
Nadine and Halloran were livid at Celia’s harassment of their son. They’d wanted to call the cops on her. But Sage had been more level-headed about it. He asked his parents to give him a little time to start healing from Peyton’s death before they tackled the situation with Raven.
Just to be safe, the family consulted an attorney who felt Raven had little ground to stand on if she ever decided to pursue a paternity claim against Sage. They jointly decided the pregnancy test results Jasmin had stolen from Raven’s locker was a minor detail, and they’d deal with it when, and if, Raven spun it into a bigger issue.
Now the time had come. Sage finally felt strong enough to confront Raven about her scheme, and he aimed to blow her lies to pieces.
Raven sat on the couch in her living room. She crossed her arms over her newly expanded chest. A cantaloupe-sized bump was visible beneath her t-shirt.
"You should have called first, Sage," she said.
"This isn't a social call. The game is up, Raven. I'm here to tell you to stay away from me, my family, and Jasmin. That baby's not mine. I can prove it. I don't want to have anything else do with you."
He took the envelope from his pocket and tossed it on the coffee table. Raven barely glanced at it, but she leveled a steady gaze on Sage. There was little sign of surprise in her eyes.
"Really? So it was you who broke into my locker? Or maybe it was her? Okay, now you know. End of story. Bye, Sage."
She waved him off like he was a pesky fly.
That was it? She was going to make it that easy?
But Sage wouldn’t go away so quickly. He couldn’t. Not without some answers.
“Why, Raven? What made you do this? Why me?” he asked. He dropped to the couch beside her. “I tried to help you…we had some good times. Why would you try to screw up my life like this?”
Raven stared straight ahead. Tears trickled down her cheeks. She didn’t bother brushing them away.
“You always had everything, Sage. Big shot daddy who was a principal. Smart, pretty mom. Nice home. Everything I wanted. Everything I thought I deserved. Who wouldn’t want to be part of that? Nothing bad ever happens to you. I figured you could handle your life being shaken up a little. I knew you and your folks would want to do the right thing.”
Raven shrugged. More tears fell. Her shoulders heaved under the weight of all the sadness and self-pity she finally unleashed. Sage pulled her to him.
“You’re right, Raven. You do deserve those things. And I’m sorry they escaped you. This wasn’t the way to get them though. You can’t lie and cheat your way to a brighter future. Don’t you see that?” he said.
Raven shook her head, shrugged again.
“I had to try. Hustling is what I know, Sage. It’s in my blood.”
Sage shook his head sadly. “I don’t believe that. Your grandmother works hard to take care of you. She’s not perfect, but she must love you a whole lot or you wouldn’t still be here. Right? She’ll help you get through this, Raven. I know she will.”
"But that’s exactly what I was trying to avoid, Sage. Granny’s already done so much. She’s sacrificed a lot for me. Now she’s got me and this baby to think about. I don’t know how she’s going to do it.”
“What about the real father? Make him help,” said Sage. “He’s responsible for this, too.”
Raven pulled away from him. Wiped her tears. Her mouth settled into a hard line.
“I’m not holding my breath on that one. He’s a jerk. I was easy. Not likely he’s going to be much help,” she said.
The desperation that colored Raven’s voice and etched itself on her face scared Sage. He sighed and squirmed in his seat. His hands wrestled each other while he tried to decide if he should open up more. A glimpse of Raven’s earring and a flashback of Serenity’s bloody body made the decision for him.
“You really think I’ve never experienced bad things in my life, Raven? Well you’re wrong. I saw the first girl I ever loved bleed to death in a pissy-smelling park restroom. She’d tried to give herself an abortion, because she was too stubborn or…too ashamed to ask for help. That still haunts me to this day, Raven. She still haunts me. Don’t assume you know me based on what you see.”
Sage balled his fists up. His entire body tensed. His pulse pounded in his ears like a heavy drum beat. He blew out shallow breaths to slow the rhythm of his heart.
Raven just stared at him with shock in her eyes. She swallowed hard against the tears pooling in her throat.
“I’m sorry you went through that. Sorry I took you for granted. But I’m scared, Sage. I don’t know how to deal with this mess I’ve made,” Raven confessed with in a whisper.
“You let people in. That’s how you deal, Raven. Don’t put up walls. Don’t let your past dictate your future. You’re not your mother. You control the path you take,” said Sage.
He squeezed Raven’s shoulder, rubbed her back until the tension that gripped her relaxed a little.
“Forget what I said about staying away from me. Okay? If you really want help, and you loosen up that anger thing you’re always dragging around, I’ll be there for you, Raven. Think you can do that?” Sage said.
Raven considered his words carefully before she answered. She examined her hands; the hands that had lashed out so many times to beat away whatever ate at her. She ran those hands over her hard, round stomach. Could she really change? Was she even worth it? Was she up for the challenge of all that work?
“I don’t know, Sage. I honestly don’t know.”
In that moment, looking back on what she’d been through, Raven wasn’t sure if she could ever change. She just didn’t know if she was strong enough to be somebody different than who she already was.
Sage sagged under the burden of what he considered a failure on his part to make a difference for Raven right then, and he bristled at the feeling of losing control over another seemingly beatable situation. He didn’t trust himself to speak anymore, so he didn’t. Instead, he plucked the envelope from the table, threw up a peace sign to Raven, and walked out the door.
Raven watched him get into the car and drive away. When it turned off her street, she backed herself against the nearest wall. She let herself slide to the floor. She landed in a position eerily similar to the death pose Sage had found Serenity in.
When Sage climbed into Jasmin’s car, they shared another kiss, but no words. It wasn’t until Jasmin put the car in drive and pulled off, that Sage spoke.
"Mind taking me somewhere? It’s important," he said.
"Yeah, sure," said Jasmin. She tried to smile, but it came out more like a grimace.
Sage pointed straight ahead and fiddled with something in his pocket.
That afternoon in the cemetery was impossibly sunny. It was capped off by sky bluer than robin's egg. A warm breeze tickled the flowers and leaves...making them shiver in the sunshine. Sparrows chirped and twittered in a game of tag on the lush, perfectly manicured grass.
A squirrel peeked from around a huge oak. It turned an acorn over in its tiny hands.
A squirrel peeked from around a huge oak. It turned an acorn over in its tiny hands.
Sage and Jasmin stood nearby, at Peyton's grave. There were fresh flowers near the elaborate headstone and stuffed animals, balloons, even a box of gourmet chocolates.
“Miss you, man. Things aren't--" Sage started to say. He choked up before he could finish. “Things aren’t the same. But you know what? Maybe that’s not such a bad thing. I’m trying to keep it moving...not dwell on stuff. Just like you always said I should. So you should be proud of yourself. You changed me, Pey. And I love you for that.” Tears rolled down his face.
Jasmin wiped them away. She squeezed his hand.
Moments later they stood in front of Serenity's headstone. Sage pulled the little wooden box from his pocket. He set it at the foot of the headstone, pressed a kiss to his fingertips, and touched them to the grave’s granite marker.
"Hope you'll rest in peace someday, Serenity. But I have let you go now…let us go. It’s time for you to cut me loose, too. Please, look out for my boy,” Sage whispered.
He stayed there, still for a while.
When he got up from the grave, he was dry-eyed and tranquil. He turned away from the grave and smiled to himself. He took a good, long look at all the beauty surrounding the final resting place of the two people who’d made such an imprint on his life--in spite of their very short-lived lives.
Jasmin reached around him from behind and squeezed him tight. Sage closed his eyes and savored the feel of her arms on his body. When she let him go he faced her, reached for her hands and kissed each palm.
“Thank you for bringing me here,” he said.
Jasmin nodded. “You okay?” she asked.
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