Loose Ends (30 page)
Authors: Electa Rome Parks
“The next day, he sent me a dozen red roses, and I pushed that night into the dark recesses of my mind. Brice got his wish and was satisfied. So I was happy. That night was never mentioned again. Months later, when he asked me to marry him, I accepted. I didn’t even hesitate for a second. I married him,” she said with no emotion, and then burst out crying.
“Kree, don’t cry. It’s going to be okay. Don’t cry. You didn’t deserve that.” I rubbed her back through her thin robe.
“I’m sorry. I guess I never allowed myself to think about that night. I blocked it all out, and Brice never took me back to that bar and I didn’t see Jade ever again. I guess what I’m trying to say is that Brice has this hold on women and gets them to do whatever he wants. They—we—want to please him. So I can understand how Mia got caught up with him.”
When I was sure Kree was really okay, I let myself out after thanking her for an enjoyable and enlightening evening. Kree left me with much to think about.
Another two weeks had passed since my dinner with Kree. I finally made my decision: I was going to see Mia. It was time. I couldn’t hide from her forever. It was time for some closure in my life. Actually, Mia’s moms had asked me to check on her. Apparently, Mia wasn’t doing well; she was sinking deeper into a depression and finding it harder and harder to take care of Lyric.
I pulled up in front of the brick, ranch-style house which used to be my home. It hadn’t been that long, but everything looked different. The lawn needed cutting and the hedges needed trimming. Mia’s rosebush was dead. I had planted that for her when we first moved into the house. It was supposed to be symbolic of our love.
After a few minutes, I slowly walked up the driveway, not knowing what to expect behind the closed doors. I rang the doorbell and held my breath as I mentally prepared myself.
Okay, here we go.
Mia opened the door on the third ring. She stood there for a few seconds and just stared at me like she was seeing a ghost.
Okay, here we go.
Mia opened the door on the third ring. She stood there for a few seconds and just stared at me like she was seeing a ghost.
“Hi, Mia. May I come in?” I found my voice again.
She kinda nodded and turned to walk into the living room, expecting me to follow. Walking behind her gave me a moment to compose myself and check her out. Dressed in sweats and a gray T-SHIRT, Mia had changed. She was still beautiful, but she seemed more mature. She had lost a lot of weight. Mia had always been petite, but now she was just flat-out skinny. Her hair had grown out some and wasn’t as short as before. It wasn’t really in a style; it just hung from her head. It was funny, because Mia and Kree looked even more alike now.
Mia sat in the recliner across from the sofa, hands primly folded in her lap, and stared at me without uttering a word. She hadn’t cracked a smile.
“How have you been? Did you get the money I sent?”
“I’m okay. I’m taking a leave of absence from Fairfield until . . . Yes, thanks for the money,” she said in a monotone voice.
“Yeah, no problem. I couldn’t have my daughter living on the streets.”
“No, you couldn’t have that.”
“Where is she?”
“Sleeping.”
Mia answered my questions with as few words as possible, looking down at her hands. She was afraid to look into my eyes. Something in my heart lurched forward.
“Listen, Mia. I’m not going to lie; your moms is worried about you. Why aren’t you eating? You’ve lost a lot of weight.”
“I wish Mama would leave me alone about eating. I don’t have an appetite. I can’t keep anything down most of the time,” she said, shrugging her bony shoulders.
“Well, you haven’t had one of my famous omelets, bacon and toast in a while.” I smiled at her.
She didn’t smile back. “I guess not.”
“And your moms is concerned about you.”
Mia just shrugged her bony shoulders.
“Listen, go and do what you were doing; don’t mind me. I’m going to take a quick peek at my baby doll and then I’m going to whip you up one of those omelets.”
“Christian, you don’t have to . . .”
“I know, Mia. I want to.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
As she started to walk up the hallway, I called out her name. She turned.
“Your hair. Are you letting it grow out for him?”
“No, I’m not. It was over between me and him before it even started. I haven’t seen Brice in weeks; I told him to leave me alone, and, surprisingly, he has.”
“Yeah, now that everything and everyone is fucked up.” I felt my temper rising.
Mia quickly left. I guess she didn’t want to see me lose my temper again. I heard her moving around in the bathroom as she took her shower and changed into her pajamas. She shyly entered the kitchen just as I was finishing up. She resembled a little girl, with her hair pulled back in a ponytail. Mia started to clean up the kitchen, which was in disarray. In fact, I had a chance to look around, and the entire house was not too tidy. That wasn’t like Mia.
“No, you sit down. I’ll take care of the mess. Eat.” I placed a full plate of hot food in front of her, along with a big glass of cold milk. For the first time, I saw a hint of a smile.
When she finished eating, I had washed the dishes in the sink.
“Thanks, Christian. I’m not someone for whom you’d want to do any great acts of kindness. I know you are doing this for Mama. Thanks for the gesture.”
“No, actually I’m doing this for me. Because I want to. Come sit down, Mia; we need to talk. Really talk for once.”
I held out my hand and she took it with hesitation. I felt chills when our hands touched. Mia was so fragile; Brice had done a serious number on her. She was an emotional basket case. I almost felt sorry for her. Almost.
I led her over to the sofa. We sat side by side this time, and cried and talked and cried some more into the early-morning hours. A lot of words were spoken that should have been said months earlier. For once, Mia expressed her true feelings to me. Was it too late? I couldn’t say. I left knowing one thing: I still loved Mia.
Mia
I believe that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down, will be the ones to help you get back up.—Author Unknown
Christian literally saved me. His visit gave me back my life. I had given up. Lyric was the only reason I woke up each morning, but I wasn’t really living. Christian gave me the will to live again because he no longer hated me. I went back to Fairfield and did the one thing I loved to do—teach. By the way, I wasn’t pregnant. Thank God. My ob-gyn told me that many times when women are under a great deal of stress, our cycles temporarily stop.
I also contacted a psychologist to help me deal with some of my issues. Losing my dad at a young age and growing up with an alcoholic mom contributed to my lack of self-esteem. I had my first session the other day. I probably went through a box of Kleenex. I couldn’t stop crying.
Mama and Sharon have been my angels in disguise. They have been very supportive.
Mama babies both me and Lyric, and Sharon keeps me laughing over her usual antics. I’m trying to get my life back on track so I can be a mother to whom Lyric can look up to. I want her to grow into a strong, independent woman. So I have to become one.
Brice has tried to contact me a couple of times, but I won’t return his calls. There’s really nothing more to say. It’s over. The final chapter has been written for us. Well, I did leave a message on his answering machine at work to tell him I wasn’t pregnant. I know—I took the coward’s way out.
I admit that I still think about him. A lot. My psychologist, Dr. Barnett, and I are going to discuss why I still care about Brice after what happened in our past together. I remember the details of the last time I saw him, when we said our final good-bye. For some reason, it sticks out in my mind.
Christian may not love me anymore, but at least he doesn’t hate me. That means the world to me. I see him at least once a week when he drops by to pick up Lyric. He doesn’t stay long. So far, Christian hasn’t served me divorce papers, but he hasn’t moved back in either. I try to keep hope alive. That’s all I have for now.
My life is slowly moving back toward the light. But, sometimes, we have to take three steps backward in order to take two steps forward. We have to crawl before we can walk. I would soon learn the true meaning behind those words.
Christian gave me the news! I’ll never forget that day as long as I live. Once again, my life went spiraling out of control. It started out as a routine, normal Friday evening. The six-o’clock news was ending. I was drying a load of clothes. Dinner dishes were in the dishwasher. Lyric was over at Mama’s house. I was enjoying some “me” time at home. The doorbell rang and I was surprised to see Christian on my doorstep. Based on his expression, I knew something was drastically wrong when I opened the door. He pulled me into a crushing embrace.
“What’s wrong, Christian? Tell me. What happened?”
He didn’t say anything, only hung his head.
“Christian? You’re scaring me. Are Lyric and Mama all right?”
“There was a car accident, and Brice . . . Brice is dead,” he said in a trembling voice as he lowered his head again.
“What?” I screamed, frantically searching his face for the truth. “What are you saying?”
“I’m sorry, Mia. He’s gone. They say it was instant.”
“No, no, I don’t believe you! I don’t believe you! You’re lying!” I screamed over and over, pounding my fists against his chest. Christian managed to restrain me by my thin wrists. The next thing I felt was a lovely, calming blackness engulfing me as I fell to the floor and collapsed. A welcoming blackness. I felt no more pain.
Much of the funeral was a blur as I sat next to Sharon, picking up pieces of the preacher’s eulogy. I didn’t see faces, only images of color: flashes of black, shades of gray, specks of blue. I was pretty drugged up, compliments of Dr. Barnett. Surprisingly, I didn’t even cry; I was all cried out. I didn’t have a single tear left. A numbness had descended upon me. Oddly enough, I felt at peace.
The grave site was even more of a blur. Everything was surreal. The preacher was saying something about everything happening for a reason. “It was in God’s plan”? I didn’t want to hear that. Yet I desperately needed an explanation or a reason why this tragedy had happened. My mind wandered to Brice, the alive, vibrant Brice. Even in death, Brice got the last word.
I discovered that Christian, Kree and myself had received e-mails from him. He had e-mailed us before his tragic accident. I will always cherish mine; it started my cleansing process. Brice freed me. It was his final gift to me. It read:
Mia,
I’m truly sorry for all the pain I’ve caused in your life. I hope that you’ll remember the good times, too. There were many. Believe it or not, I loved you with everything I had. I know I had a hard way of showing it, but I did. Sometimes, unfortunately, we learn at our fathers’ feet.
I think I loved you the first day I saw you; you were so beautiful and still are. Every man, if he’s lucky, finds a woman who owns his heart, who gives him meaning in life. You were mine, Mia. With no hesitation, I willingly gave you my heart. You were my piece of the puzzle that fit. Know that.
I will always love you, Mia. I’ll go to my grave loving you. Now, that’s love. Your face will be the last one I see in my mind, and I’ll know I’m in heaven. Yeah, even in death, I’ll be loving you.
A lot of times when you love someone, you have to set them free, so I’m setting you free. Find happiness, Mia. Find Christian. I wish you nothing but love, true happiness and, most of all, peace.
Forever yours,
Brice
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