Lord Protector (36 page)

He shrugged. "I didn't know I was."

"Gods, Blade, you vanished for three years! Geran just showed me this. It arrived today."

He eyed the missive. Geran, the estate manager, avoided speaking to him as much as possible, and he surmised that he made the man nervous. "What does it say?"

"It's just a request for a report on the estate, but it means she doesn't know you're here. She inherited your estate when you died."

"But I didn't."

"Everyone thinks you did! How can you let your poor wife continue to think you're dead?"

Blade put down the book and rose to wander over to the window, gazing out at the forest, where the trees were almost bare. "Easy. I just don't tell her I'm alive."

"Why would you want to do that? What's wrong?"

"It's none of your business."

She moved closer to see his expression, but it was unreadable. "Of course it's my business. Damn it, Blade, don't try to shut me out. Tell me what's wrong."

He sighed. "I don't want a damned wife. I never did."

"Oh, I think you do. You're just afraid."

"No."

"Then what?"

He shook his head, his lips compressed into a grim line.

Lilu gazed at him. "You've changed. I can see it, even if you can't.

"It's not enough."

"Let her be the judge of that."

"I'm no use to her."

"You don't have to be a cold-hearted bastard, you know."

"That's what I am."

"That's what you want people to think you are. I know better. Why did you visit Jayon's grave?"

He frowned. "I was curious."

"No, you were sad." She glanced at Rivan, who slept in a patch of sunlight. "You have feelings again, and you're afraid of them. She loves you."

"She should hate me."

"But she doesn't. You're hiding here. From her, and from yourself. Your injuries are healed now. Go to her."

He shook his head. "It's best if she thinks I'm dead."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to live in that damned viper's pit of a palace, and if I leave again it will only make her miserable."

"She's miserable now, thinking you're dead. You want to go, I know you do. You'll find a solution. Aren't you the Lord Protector of Jashimair?"

He snorted. "For all the good it does me. It's just a stupid title."

"No, it's not. It means you have power, so use it. Queen Minna-Satu was a wise woman to give you so much, yet you scorn it. You were even Regent for a time. You ruled Jashimari."

"I was a damned figurehead, nothing more."

"Because you didn't want it. But you could use what you have now to have the life you've always wanted. Why don't you? I'll wager no one will stand in your way, and Queen Kerra will take your side in all things. She dotes on you, I've heard."

He sighed. "She's a child."

"She's the Queen, and, although she can't rule yet, she can help you."

He shook his head. "Maybe so, but..."

When he lapsed into gloomy introspection, she dug in her apron pocket and drew out a woollen pompon. "Here, I made this for you."

Blade eyed it with a wry smile. "What am I supposed to do with that?"

"Play with Rivan."

He looked puzzled. "Why?"

"Because you've forgotten what it is to be happy." She reached up to stroke his cheek. "It's high time you felt it again. Play with him." Lilu pressed the soft toy into his hand.

Blade gazed at it, then glanced up as she left the room, closing the door behind her. Walking over to the cat, Blade stroked him. Rivan purred and stretched out, watching his friend with a vaguely expectant air. The assassin threw the toy across the room, and the cat leapt up and bounded after it, caught it and tossed it into the air with a flick of his paws. Blade smiled as Rivan ran back with the pompon in his mouth and dropped it at his feet, gazing up at him with eager eyes, his tail lashing.

The assassin threw the toy again, and Rivan gave chase, sliding under a chest of drawers with a crash. Several expensive ornaments rocked on the shelves, and Rivan emerged with the pompon, covered in dust and cobwebs. Blade chuckled as the cat galloped back to him and dropped the toy at his feet again. Rivan was still young enough to be quite clumsy, and his third chase took him under a chair, almost upsetting it.

When Lilu peeped into the sitting room two time-glasses later, it was in shambles. Broken ornaments littered the floor, and several chairs had been overturned in the ruckus. The play had apparently escalated beyond all recognition, and she gaped at the mess. Blade's posterior protruded from under a tall ironwood sideboard, where Rivan had taken refuge, while the assassin tried to steal the shredded pompon from his jaws. The cat swiped at his friend with razor-sharp claws, forcing Blade to yank his hand away.

Lilu pushed open the door and placed her hands on her hips. "And who do you think is going to clean up this mess?" she demanded.

Blade's head hit the underneath of the sideboard with a bonk. He backed out and turned to her, his hair festooned with cobwebs and his face smudged with dust. Settling back on his haunches, he glanced around.

"This was your idea."

"I said play with him; I didn't say trash the room."

He smiled. "You try playing with a wood cat without breaking anything."

"Then go and do it outside!"

"You sound like my mother."

"Good! When you're finished, I expect this to be cleaned up."

The assassin chuckled, shaking his head, and she resisted the urge to go over and brush the dirt off him and hug him. Tangled hair straggled around his face, loosed from the thong by his all too frequent forays under the furniture, she guessed. He had stripped off his jacket as he grew warm from his exertions, and his dagger belt lay on a table. A black paw shot out from under the sideboard, and Blade yelped as claws pricked his calf. He turned to retaliate, crawling under the sideboard again. A series of thuds and bonks came from beneath it, and the few remaining ornaments rocked on the shelves. Lilu giggled and shook her head.

Rivan shot out, and Blade whipped around, grabbing him. The cat dropped the toy and turned to sink his teeth into Blade's hand, but the assassin jerked it away in the nick of time, hanging onto Rivan's back leg with his other hand. The cat feinted, and Blade whipped his hand away, but grabbed him again so fast that Rivan could not get free. After two more futile attempts to get loose, the cat succeeded in nipping Blade's hand, and jumped up as the assassin released him. Rivan bounded across the room and vanished under an overturned chair.

Blade stood up and brushed dust and cobwebs from his arms. "You need to clean this place better."

She snorted. "I have enough to do, and you're not supposed to be crawling around under the furniture."

"Then it's time I employed some more servants, I think."

Blade dodged as Rivan shot out from under the chair and leapt at him. The cat crashed onto the sideboard, sending several ornaments plummeting to smash on the floor. Lilu shook her head as shards skittered past her feet. It was just as well, she mused, that the assassin was so rich he could afford to replace whatever he and Rivan broke without any concern for the cost. Blade's smile broadened, and he walked towards her as the cat crouched on the shelf, his lashing tail dislodging a crystal figurine with another crash.

"I think I should buy another estate," he said. "This one's dull. It bores me."

"You do that, then. You can probably afford to buy several."

He inclined his head. "As many as I wish."

"Good. It's time you enjoyed what you earned."

"Yes, I think I should do that."

"When you've cleared up this mess."

He chuckled. "I'll instruct Geran to hire some servants for you to boss around. How does that sound?"

"There's plenty of work for them."

"How many would you like?"

"Four."

Blade snorted. "I think six would be better, there are gardens to tend, too."

Rivan launched himself from the shelf and reached Blade in a bound, scaling the assassin's back with a tick-tack of claws. Blade stiffened with a grunt as his familiar gripped his neck with powerful paws. Lilu left them rolling around on the floor and returned to the kitchen to finish making supper, her heart buoyant.

Blade sauntered along a woodland path, savouring the cool breeze that carried the scent of earth and water. Autumn cooled the days now, and frost whitened the land at night, melting away at dawn. Red and gold leaves drifted down in a dancing rain, covering the forest floor with a soft carpet. Slanted sunlight dappled the ground in bright patches, gilded tree trunks and softened the air with its golden radiance.

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched the cat-shaped shadow that kept pace with him amongst the trees, waiting for the expected attack. It had taken several days for the novelty of play to become habit, and now Rivan stalked him at every opportunity. His bond with the cat had strengthened considerably, and with it had come a host of emotions from his past. Gladness at Rivan's presence, as he had not experienced since childhood, filled his heart with warmth. It had been weak until the game Lilu had started. Somehow, those few time-glasses of joy had freed his soul from the shackles of pain and bitterness that had imprisoned it for so long.

Since Rivan's return, Blade's memories of his youth, when he and his familiar had been inseparable, were no longer too painful to bear. Until now, however, he had not dwelt upon them. He had once been a boy who had played with a cat. He had climbed trees and skinned his knees, and his mother had dried his tears and bound his scrapes. The precious recollections crept into the light again, and with them came soft feelings he had not experienced since then.

No one would take Rivan from him. Shamsara had sworn it. Doubts still plagued him, but Lilu was right. He would never know joy again unless he loosened the bonds of ice that locked his softer emotions away. His love for Rivan had never died, but he had thought his ability to feel joy had, until that game two days ago. Since then, a new realisation had taken hold. He wanted to see Chiana. Her face often popped into his mind for no reason, and he had dreamt of her several times. Somehow, the freeing of his gentler side had also fanned the frozen spark of love he harboured for her. Until now, he had refused to admit it, even to himself, but there was no longer any reason to deny it, nor did he wish to.

The cat darted from behind a tree and charged Blade, who spun aside. The feline skidded past, and Blade grinned as Rivan scaled a tree and ran along a branch overhead, trying to get above his friend. His tactics were so blatantly overt they would fool no one, and that was not his intention. Blade wandered under the branch, as he was expected to, and Rivan crouched, waggling in preparation for his leap. As he launched himself, Blade stepped aside, then whipped around when the cat landed beside him. The assassin feinted, and Rivan bounced into the air as if he had springs on his paws, summersaulted and landed on his feet once more with a rustle of leaves.

Blade laughed as the cat tackled his legs, making him slip and sit down in the mud. Life was good, and, for the first time since he was twelve years old, he was glad to be alive.

Chapter Twenty Four

Chiana wandered through the palace gardens, her black skirt brushing withered grass and brittle, fallen leaves. Although the path had been raked just this morning, more leaves covered it, blown by the cool wind that rattled bare branches. Autumn lingered, and the winter snows were late this year. Sunlight gilded the drifting seeds that spun from puffwood trees, and a lyrebird's haunting call wafted from a grove of smoke trees. The first blizzards would sweep through soon, and she made the most of the lingering warmth to partake of her daily stroll, which the advent of snow would curtail.

Dreams of Blade's death still her haunted sleep, and it seemed as if her sorrow would never end. It remained as fierce now as it had when she had received his head. The mysterious circumstances of his demise had given her hope that it was not his for a while, but that had since faded. Kerrion had reported the method of Prince Dravis' assassination, and it was not Blade's. The Cotti King had returned to Jadaya, leaving Prince Prethos in charge, and peace had returned to the three kingdoms. Her heart was a leaden lump, and when she looked in the mirror, she winced at the hollow-eyed visage that stared back at her with hopeless misery.

Rounding a hedge, she stopped, her heart thudding. An ornamental bird bath stood in a clearing, a paved area around it. Beyond it, a smoke tree grove formed a backdrop of grey branches, and soft sunlight bathed the grotto.

A black-clad man stood beside the bird bath, his back to her. He took a few light, dancing steps, his feet clicking on the stone, then turned to face her. The world spun, and she grabbed a branch. Pain filled her heart as her eyes met his.

Blade walked towards her with a slight limp. She wanted to run, but her legs refused to obey. He stopped a few paces away, a slight smile curving his lips.

"Chiana."

The sound of his voice broke her trance, and cold horror washed through her. She turned and fled, picking up her skirts. She had barely taken three steps when he appeared in front of her, his hands spread to stop her. Veering away, she ran down one of the many winding paths that honeycombed the palace gardens. He cursed softly behind her, then she rounded a corner and almost collided with him. Evading his hands, she turned back the way she had come, her breath catching in dread and anguish. As she sprinted back into the clearing where she had first seen him, he stepped out in front of her again.

This time she could not stop in time, and expected to pass through the ghostly image of her dead husband that had been summoned so cruelly from her memory. His arms enfolded her, and he lifted her off her feet and swung her around to absorb her momentum. Chiana sagged against him as he lowered her to the ground, gripping the front of his jacket. His solid reality dawned on her stunned mind like a warm sun breaking through the cold clouds of her despair. Her arms slid around him, and she clung to him. A sob tore through her as her eyes overflowed.