Losing Pieces of Me (9 page)

   I focus on his words because he is right, there has to be something more than this throbbing pain.  I highly doubt that men have started wars over women that didn’t enjoy sex and weren’t willing to give them more.  There has to be more than just this, and I want to find out what this whole thing is about.

   “You ready?” he asks, wiping some of the tears from my eyes.

   I nod my head up at him, “I think I am.”

   He waits until he has my permission and then he’s lifting both of my legs off the bed and dragging me closer to him so he can bring my legs up to rest against his arms.  This leaves me wide open for him.

   I wince a little when he starts to pull out of me, but I feel myself begin to tense up so I breathe out calmly and focus on what he’s doing.  His eyes are closed and I tilt my head to the side as I watch him.  When he pushes back in, I am forced to throw my head back and look away from him.

   “Oh my God,” I gasp as he repeats the same movement again.

   “You like that?” he asks, suddenly halting his movements.  When he doesn’t move I look up at him, “tell me you like it, Mireya.”

   “It feels so good Jayden, please don’t stop,” I moan again as he repeats the same movement again and again, picking up his pace as he pulls out and pushes back in.  He holds my legs out further away from my body and this seems to push him in deeper.

   “God, you are so tight Mireya, I’ve never felt anything so tight in my entire life,” he announces bringing one of his hands down between our bodies.  “Please tell me you are close, I want to see you cum for the first time.”

   He does something with his hand that has my back arching off the bed in pleasure and suddenly I feel this warmth fill my entire body.  I gasp when pleasure skyrockets down my entire body and hits all the way down to my toes.  I’ve never felt anything like this before, and it just continues and continues until suddenly the feeling subsides.

   Seconds later Jayden lets out a roar and pushes into me one last time before he goes completely still.  I stare up at him in shock to find his head tilted up, his eyes closed, and a vain straining out of his neck.  He looks like he’s in pain, but when his shoulders relax and he looks down at me, I see he actually looks happy and satisfied.  I find myself smiling back up at him as he brings himself to lie down next to me in the bed.

   He doesn’t say anything at all after that as he gets up from the bed and goes to clean himself up.  I then take my turn going to the bathroom to try and clean myself up after he’s done and lies back down in his bed.

   When I come back out, I stand there awkwardly looking at him, as he appears to sleep in his bed.  I bend down and begin to gather up my clothes and put them back on.

   “Where do you think you’re going?” I jump when I realize he’s watching me.

   “Back to my room?” I ask him questioningly as I raise an eyebrow at him.

   “I’ve been thinking, we are man and wife and we have to play the part all the time, so why don’t you just stay here and we can share a bed.  I promise not to touch you, unless you ask me to,” he says, patting the space next to him.

   I throw my dress back onto the floor as I walk over to the bed and climb in next to him.  He immediately kisses me on the forehead before he settles himself back into his space.

   “Thank you,” he says as he snuggles in.  I turn to look at him over my shoulder and find he’s already well on his way to falling asleep.  I take the chance and turn to face him so I can watch him while he sleeps.  Who knows when I might get this chance again, if I ever do.  I find it odd that he just thanked me, shouldn’t I be the one thanking him?  After all, he did me more of a favor than I’ll ever be able to do for him.

   As I watch him sleep, I think about what they say.  They say that you’ll never forget your first.  No matter how much time passes, the memory of your first time will stay with you forever.  Staring at Jayden I realize that even if we never do this again, I’ll still never forget him because he’s the one and only man to ever see me out of a room full of people.

Chapter Fourteen

   I don’t see Jayden after that for a few days.  According to Bridget, he had to go to Seattle on business.  Why couldn’t he have just told me that himself?  This
really
makes our marriage look legitimate now, since the wife has to hear about her husband going out of town from the housemaid.  I think Bridget suspects what is going on here, but at least she’s nice enough to not say anything and blow my cover.

   I just knew his method of not getting to know one another was going to catch up with us eventually, I just wasn’t expecting it to be so soon.  The doorbell rings through the house and I’m close to the door, so I go to it and pull it open.  I’m not worried about a thief or stranger being at the door, this place is heavily guarded outside and you’d have to be really stupid or desperate to try and bang the door of this house down.

   I stand there like a gaping fish when I open the door and see who I would assume is Jayden’s mother.  She’s a beautiful older woman who has some of the same features as Jayden, namely their eyes, they are identical.

   She eyes me up and down as she walks into the house uninvited.  “Who are you?  Some new employee I don’t know about?  Where’s Vanessa?  Please fetch her at once,” she orders with a snap of her fingers.  I almost reach out and swat her fingers out of my face.

   “Mrs. Leopold,” Alfred just has to pick this exact moment to decide to have an issue with dinner and bring it to my attention.  Bridget is right behind him writing furiously in a notebook.  When Alfred sees the woman before me, he stops short causing Bridget to run right into him.

   “What did you stop for, Alfred?  I almost dropped the notebook,” she states, looking up in confusion.

   “Oh, Mrs. Crawford what are you doing here?” asks Bridget nervously.  She looks at me in horror before looking back at the woman before me.

   “Where’s my son?” the woman asks, stepping around me like I’m not even standing there.  So this is his mother.  Shit, I am in trouble now, I barely even know her son, how am I supposed to pull off making her believe our marriage is legitimate?

   I watch Bridget shift nervously from foot to foot, so Alfred steps in, “He’s in Seattle for a couple of days.”

   When he doesn’t elaborate, I speak up, “He said he had some business and wanted to speak with his father.”

   She snorts, turning her attention back to Bridget and Alfred.  “We both know he didn’t go to Seattle for that, he went there to hide.  He usually does that when Vanessa isn’t fulfilling his needs.  Speaking of Vanessa, where is she?”

   Now Bridget looks downright petrified as she stares blankly back at Jayden’s mother.

   “She’s gone, ma’am,” announces Alfred.

   “Gone where?  She was here the last time I visited.  This his new tramp of the week?  We all know he’ll be running back to Vanessa in no time, no offense,” she says, turning to look at me with a look akin to sympathy in her eyes.

   “She won’t be coming back, Mrs. Crawford,” I supply when no one speaks up.

   “And who the hell do you think you are anyway?  Shouldn’t you be packing up your shit before my son gets home?  He doesn’t like to come home and find women in his home after he’s left town.”

   I blush as my turn arrives to shift nervously from foot to foot.  “I’m not going to be leaving,” I state.  She starts to interrupt so I hold my hand up in front of me, “I won’t be leaving because this is now my house, and I’m Jayden’s wife.”

   If a person could actually turn white, she’d be as white as a ghost as I watch all the color drain from her face.  She recovers quickly though, and becomes a completely different person when Bridget and Alfred nod in confirmation.

   “I’m shocked Jayden didn’t tell me all about you, you are so beautiful, I wouldn’t hide you away from the world if I were him.  I’d tell all the world about the wonderful woman I met,” she declares pulling me into a hug.  I can tell this is completely fake, but the last thing I need is to make an enemy out of his mother.

   “Nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Crawford.  Jayden talks about you all the time,” I lie flawlessly.  I don’t dare tell her that Jayden’s never breathed a single word about her to me.  I’m going to kill him when he gets home.

   “Oh please dear, call me Jeanette.  We’re mother and daughter now, the least we can be is on a first name basis,” she states pulling me over to the living room so we can sit on the couch.

   She looks me over and I can almost hear her thoughts, she’s wondering how long it will take to get rid of me and replace me once more with Vanessa.  Unfortunately, his mother doesn’t seem to realize how much Vanessa has hurt her son.

   “So, tell me all about how you and my son met,” she declares, throwing herself back against the couch as she settles in to grill me.

   I know she’s trying to make me feel more comfortable, but I don’t because I know she’s trying to fool me into feeling secure enough to tell her I’m lying.

   “We met through Hayden and went out a couple of times before we became serious and here we are now,” I decide that giving her the short version makes it harder for her to grill me on inconsistencies in my story.  Lucky Jayden didn’t tell her about me or this would be nearly impossible.

   “Through Hayden you say?  That’s interesting,” she says, straightening like she senses a rat.

   “Why is that interesting?  They were in Hayden’s new club together, why is that so hard to believe?” I’m dying to know why she doesn’t believe that.  The story is one hundred percent true, so there has to be something going on between those two.  This is my first shot at getting closer to Hayden.

   “It’s interesting because they can’t stand one another.  Or I should probably rephrase that, Jayden doesn’t like Hayden, he says that his morals are too loose and he’s going to catch himself a gold digger one of these days,” she eyes me critically and I have to fight against the wince that almost gives me away.  In a way, I’m not much better than a gold digger, I did marry her son for money, the reason why is irrelevant.

   “That’s the truth, you could say it was love at first sight,” I tell her.  Which in a way is true, I was attracted to her son the first time I met him.  Although if my sister hadn’t disappeared, I doubt I would’ve ever seen him again after that first night.

   “And his money had nothing to do with any of that?” she asks me raising an eyebrow at me.  Ah yes, this one thinks I’m a gold digger.  You would think if I were a gold digger after her son’s money I would be a bleached blonde bimbo with giant boobs, and a fake ass.  Not a small, short brunette, that’s almost a redhead who looks out of place even on her best days.

   “I signed a prenup if that’s what you are so worried about Jeanette.  I love your son, I’m not after his money,” I almost choke on my words.  I hope she doesn’t notice that I almost choked telling her I love him.  If she doesn’t buy this, she’s going to start looking further and further into our relationship and then I’ll be royally fucked.

   “Good to know.  Have you seen Hayden around?  He’s been coming around less and less, and I’m starting to worry that he’s hiding something.”

   Yeah, he’s hiding something, my sister.  I really want to shout that at her, but I refrain from doing that by clutching my hands into fists and keeping them tightly at my sides.

   “Like you said, they don’t really get along.  Other than that night and a few times in passing, I haven’t seen Hayden.  I’ll see what I can find out from Jayden; maybe he’s seen him.  Anything is possible at this point.”

   “You do that,” she states suddenly standing and taking a few steps away from me.  Clearly she’s leaving because she’s pulling her purse on.

   “You don’t want to stay for lunch, Jeanette?” I ask her hopefully.  I’m kind of hoping she can give me some insight into her son and why he ran off.

   “No dear, I must be going.  Please have Jayden call me as soon as he gets back, I need to speak with him about the investors ball that will be held next weekend.  You are both expected to be there,” she says with a pointed look in my direction.  I can read between the lines, we’re both expected to be there and on our best behavior.  I may not be rich, but I’m not dumb.

   “We’ll be there,” I tell her confidently as she leaves and shuts the door behind her.

   I just wish I were as confident as I appear to be in her eyes.  In reality, I’m royally fucked because her son isn’t even around long enough for me to get to know him.  Something has got to change and fast.

Chapter Fifteen

   “We’ve got a problem,” I tell Jayden the second he’s through the door with his bag.  He’s just arrived back from Seattle and I know I have to catch him off guard before he has a chance to go upstairs and hide from me for the rest of his life.

   “Can’t this wait until later?  I’m really tired and just want to go upstairs and go to sleep,” he announces trying to walk past me.  I look up at him, searching his eyes and find that he really does look tired.  He looks like he hasn’t slept a wink since he left.

   “We can go upstairs and I’ll talk while you put your stuff away and then I’ll leave you alone so you can catch up on some sleep,” I tell him, gesturing for him to walk ahead of me towards the stairs.

   With a heavy sigh, he starts to walk towards them and up to the top until we are in his room.  I know he’s secretly hoping that I’m going to go away and just leave him alone, but we have an issue right now and I want to know the real reason he went away to Seattle.

   “Start talking,” he gestures as he opens his bag and starts to put away some items.

   “Where have you been?” I ask him, walking over to the bed and sitting down on the edge.  The last time I was here, he fucked me.  Unwelcomed warmth floods through me as I imagine him doing just that again.  I’m forced to shake my head so the thoughts will go away.

   “Tell me the truth, Jayden.  Your mother told me that’s not why you went there, that you only go there to get away from Vanessa,” I tell him hoping mentioning Vanessa might get him to start talking.

   “My mother was here?” he asks, completely ignoring my comment about Vanessa.

   “She was and she had some interesting things to say, one of which was regarding Vanessa, the other was about the investors ball that’s scheduled for next weekend.”

   “That’s next weekend already?”

   He’s not going to get away that easily.  “It is next weekend,” I state, standing from the bed and walking over so I’m standing beside him.  He looks startled when he looks over and finds me standing there.

   “I must have forgotten,” he says distractedly like he’s suddenly lost deep in thought.

   “Please don’t keep changing the subject, Jayden,” I beg him, turning him so he’s facing me.  Something is going on with him and I need to figure out what that thing is.  We still have so much more time to go together and I need more time to find Hayden and get that money to save my sister.  I can’t afford for him to withdraw from our relationship now.  “Talk to me Jayden.  We need to figure this out because if we’re going to pull off being man and wife in front of the board, we’re going to need to start working together.  What aren’t you telling me?”

   He sighs and looks away from me and right then and there, I know he is hiding something from me.

   “I don’t think this is going to work, Mireya.  I just can’t continue doing this,” he says, looking away from me so I can’t see his face.

   He’s not going to do this to me, after everything I’ve been through, he’s the last hope I have of finding my sister, no matter what, I’m not going to allow him to pull away from me.

   “Talk to me, Jayden.  Don’t throw everything away, you need me for the board so just talk to me, that’s what I’m here for.  We need to work together if we are going to make this work.”

   “That’s the thing, Mireya,” he growls, slamming the drawer shut and stomping away from me and over to the bed.  He doesn’t turn back to face me as his shoulders heave up and down.  What happened to this man since I saw him last?  “I’m attracted to you and I can’t be near you without thinking about how much I want to fuck you.  I know you didn’t plan on having to be intimate with me when we married, so I can’t force you to do that.  For that reason, I think it might be best if we just call this whole thing off.  You can keep the money, I’ll just figure out what to do so Hayden doesn’t gain control of my company.”

   So that’s why he doesn’t like Hayden.  Hayden is planning on stealing everything from him, now I hate Hayden even more.

   “I know I didn’t marry you for love or because we’re attracted to one another Jayden, but I kind of enjoyed what we did and if it helps to make our story more believable, then I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen,” I tell him with a shrug.  He can’t see me shrug, but it makes me feel better.  “Is that why you’ve been Seattle this entire time?  Because you can’t stay away from me?”

   He nods his head before turning to face me.  His blue eyes are so full of emotion; hurt, pain, confusion, and a small amount of hope are in them as he stares back down at me.

   “I had to go away, I had no choice, I told you that I didn’t think one time would be enough.  Now I know once will never be enough.  Just feel this,” he says pulling my hand towards his erection, “this is what you do to me, Mireya.  I can never love you because someday we’ll go our separate ways, but I can make you very happy for the time we are together.  That is, if you’ll have me.”

   “I don’t see why not.  You want to fuck me and I want to learn what I can from you.  Besides, I don’t think I can keep my hands off of you as well, I’m so wet right now and hot that if you don’t touch me, I might explode.”

   “Oh, thank God,” he declares crushing his body against mine.  He drags me up the bed and takes off his shirt and shorts in swift movements until he’s naked and staring down at me.

   I don’t wait for him to take my clothes off as I watch him.  Instead, I remove my own clothing so I’m also naked.  I didn’t bother with a bra or panties today since it was just myself here at home, so I’m naked in mere seconds.

   “Oh the things I plan to show you,” he declares as he grinds himself against me, teasing me to the point of madness.

   He must realize what he’s doing because he quickly backs away from me and walks across the room to a drawer where he grabs a condom and rapidly pulls it on.

   “Turn around,” he orders, stalking back towards me.

   I turn around the way I think he wants me, on my hands and knees.  I doubt he wants me flat on my stomach, I’ve read enough novels to know that he wants me on my hands and knees, so that’s exactly what I do.

   I yelp in surprise when he grasps one of my legs and then the other so he can drag me down the bed.  If his sheets weren’t so soft, I bet that would’ve hurt really bad.  It actually surprisingly feels pretty good when he does it.  The coolness of the sheets are a big relief against the throbbing heat running through my body now.

   “That’s better, stay just like that,” he whispers into my ear as he positions himself behind me.

   I squeeze my eyes shut, expecting him to just force his way inside.  But I turn my head to look back at him when I feel him hesitating.  He’s not looking at me, he’s looking down at his dick as he shallowly thrusts in and out of my body.

   “Jayden?” I ask when he doesn’t move to enter me any further.

   I must’ve startled him because he looks up at me in confusion for several seconds before he regains his composure.

   “You doing okay?” I ask in concern.

   “I’m fine,” he declares with a forced smile.  I’m not about to ask what happened to him, but I’d be lying if I said that this wasn’t kind of a mood killer.  Nothing kills a mood faster than a man that’s doubting something that’s about to happen.  He doesn’t look like he regrets that we’ve decided to continue to be together, but something is clearly bothering him.

   “I’m going to take this slow,” he says as he grabs my hips a little tighter and pushes his way inside.  “You are still a little tight from the last time and I’m sure you feel a little uncomfortable right now.”

   I want to lie, but that won’t serve any purpose other than the upset him, so I turn my head and nod up at him.  Tears well in my eyes as he pushes all the way inside, but I don’t regret the feeling of fullness I feel once more when he’s inside of me.  I knew I was missing something since he left, and now I know what that thing is.  I missed having him here inside of me.

   I arch my back when he pulls out and thrusts back inside.  I can feel him adjusting his legs behind me to widen his stance.  He’s standing behind me on the floor while I’m up on the bed.  That’s how short I am compared to him.

   He continues to thrust into me at a steady pace, but his hands don’t stay on my hips for long before they are on the move.  He moves them down my hips, causing me to throw my head back and moan as his hands continue down my legs until he’s got both hands on the inside of my upper thighs and is using his hands to push my legs even further apart.

   I expect him to move his hands back to my hips when he’s done, but he doesn’t, instead choosing to leave his hands right where they are.  This pushes him directly up against my ass and I love the angle change, as he seems to go deeper and deeper inside of me with every thrust.

   Too soon he’s moving one of his hands away from my thigh and allows it to travel up my body, past my center and to my stomach where he gently applies pressure so I’m forced to sit up straight.  I think that’s as far as he’s going to take me, but he continues to press against me until I am pressed against him.

   “Oh God,” I moan when he hits some spot deep inside of me that feels incredible.  “Don’t stop,” I beg turning my head to the side so I can look up at him.  His eyes blaze a darker shade of blue than they normally are as he brings both his hands up so he can cup both of my tits and squeeze them between his fingers.  He applies just the right amount of pressure so as not to hurt me.

   “Tell me you’re close, baby,” he growls into my ear as his breathing escalates, I can tell he’s about to lose it.  This is only the second time I’ve heard him speak like that.

   “I’m going to- Oh my God!” I scream as he pounds into me from behind and sets of a powerful orgasm from deep inside of me.  Warmth spreads through my body as he continues to pound into me, adding little aftershocks as he continues to pump in and out of me.

   “Mireya!” he shouts before stilling inside of me.  He stays like that, his body tense against mine before I feel him begin to relax.  He doesn’t let me go as he holds me hostage against him, so I’m forced to sit on my knees and wait for him to decide he’s recovered enough to let me go.  Instead of stepping away from me, he continues to slowly push in and out of me, causing my body to jerk in response.

   Finally, he lets me go with a kiss on the cheek and goes into the bathroom to clean himself up.  I wait until he’s done, leaning awkwardly against the bed behind me as I wait for him to come back.  This is the part I don’t like, just waiting here for him to finish so I can go into the bathroom.  It doesn’t feel right to me, if this was a real marriage, I would’ve followed him in there and cleaned up at the same time, but I don’t know what the boundaries are between the two of us, so I’m forced to just sit outside and wait.

   Finally he comes back out and walks past me without a word and gets into the bed.  I guess that’s my queue to go into the bathroom to clean up?

   As I clean myself up, I feel a little bit of sadness creep into my heart.  I feel like after sex there should be something more than this.  I feel like something is missing.  No, I know something is missing, but I won’t find that something here with Jayden. I’m sure I won’t find that for a long time –if ever.

   As I walk back out of the bathroom and towards Jayden, I stop and stare at him for a few moments.  He’s fast asleep so he won’t notice me standing here.  I’m going to have to be careful around Jayden.  I have no problem with us continuing to have fun and get to know one another, but I have to remind myself that I came here to find my sister and not pine after a rich man who can never love me the way I have the potential to love him.

   I walk towards him before he opens his eyes and notices me standing there and crawl into the bed beside him.  I’m content to pull the covers around me and just take a nap, but he has other plans as he pulls me into him so he’s spooning me and groans in contentment.

   “I can’t wait to show you all the things I can do to you,” he mumbles in his sleep.  I’m not even sure if he’s awake or not, but if he has more things planned for us, this is going to be a long time I have left with him full of sex, lust, and more pretending than I can probably handle.

   Sex just made this thing a whole hell of a lot more complicated because as much as I don’t want to admit it to myself, I’m attracted to Jayden, and being attracted to him will only lead to heartbreak at the end of this journey we are currently on.