Losing to Win (20 page)

“Mm-hmm.” I undulated under him, feeling overwhelmed by the sensations and emotions he was drawing out of me. I wanted to reach for him, return the favor, tantalize him the way he mesmerized me, but I could only lie open to him. I was waiting, edgy in anticipation for him to come inside me.

“There's nothing I won't do for you. All you gotta do is ask, babe.”

I bent my knees, grabbed his hips, and urged him closer. “Love me, Mal.”

He slid only the tip of himself in and paused. “I do, you know.”

I wriggled in impatience before it registered that he was trying to tell me something important. The intensity of his expression caught my attention. “You do what, Malachi?”

He sank all the way inside me as he answered. “I do love you, Carissa Melody Wayne.” He withdrew with tantalizing deliberateness before driving back as far as he could go. “I love you.” He repeated with another measured, thorough stroke. With each stroke, he whispered it again. “Carissa, I love you.”

Awash with rising tides of ecstatic delight, I blinked as his words registered and took hold in my mind. My eyes opened wide and I locked eyes with him. The truth of his words was right there. “Oh my God!” I screamed as the sensations crested, flinging me into the most intense climax I'd ever experienced. I held his gaze as the tumult took him over and he shattered inside me.

The experience left me shaken and raw. It had never been like that. We'd always connected on a chemical basis, but this had been otherworldly, taking us to a place where our souls were speaking to each other. I'd be lying if I said it hadn't rattled me to my core. I had no protection against that kind of connection. When it was friendship and sex and laughs, I could keep my guard up. But this? There was no way to fight this.

Malachi Knight loved me with everything he had. I was very much afraid I felt the same way about him. As we shuddered through the aftershocks together, I tried to open my mouth and say something to respond to the intensity of his declaration.

He placed a finger over my lips. “Don't say it right now.”

“You don't know what I'm going to say.”

“If you're going to tell me you love me, don't say it because I said it first. If you're going to tell me something else, save it for later. Let's just have this moment.” He lifted me up and we headed for the bathroom. He started running the shower and drew me inside with him. “Let's just let the night speak for itself. Tomorrow is soon enough to deal with the rest.”

I leaned against him with my arms wrapped tightly around his waist as the warm water pelted us from all sides. “When did you become the mature one in this relationship?” I wondered aloud.

He kissed my temple. “Guess I grew up when neither of us was paying attention.”

“I like the new Mal.”

“He likes you too.”

We stood in silence for a few moments before I asked a question. “So do you think Tay and Mac are still humping on the floor of the living room?”

He choked out a laugh. “Hopefully they've retired to somewhere more private. They have years of unfulfilled longing to make up for.”

“Can you ever catch up on that sort of thing?”

“You can have a hell of a time trying,” he offered with a grin.

“Oh yeah? You have a list of freaky things you missed out on over the past few years?”

“Oh yeah. Most definitely a list of things Carissa and I used to do and need to do again. Plus a list of things we never did and still need to do. It's a long list.”

I took a step backward and dropped to my knees. “Something tells me this is on it.”

His head hit the tile wall as I wrapped my hands around him and coaxed him toward my mouth. “Oh hell yeah.”

 

 

“Y
essir, that sounds great,” I said into the speakerphone, my calm voice and demeanor completely at odds with how I was feeling inside. “I'm looking forward to it. Thanks for calling.”

I pressed the OFF button and looked at Pierre and Carissa, the other two people in the conference room with me. Before I could fully digest it, Carissa flung herself into my arms with a shriek. “You did it, Mal! You did it!”

And that's when it sunk in. After going through a team physical and private tryout earlier today for the Houston Stars, I was back in the NFL. “It's just a one-year deal. I'll be making the league minimum for veterans. But there are a bunch of performance bonuses built in and who knows . . .”

“Who cares!?” Carissa hugged me tighter. “It's your shot. That's all you need. You're gonna be great.”

“I am, aren't I?” Her enthusiasm fed mine. This was it. We'd come full circle. Once again, I was on top of the world and she was right here with me.

“Yeah, you are!” She laughed as I spun her around in a circle twice. She hopped off of me and started dancing.

“Come on!” She snapped her fingers and grinned infectiously. “You know you want to shake your ass!”

I did, I really did. I started doing a super soulful version of the Snoopy victory dance. She joined in and Pierre came around the table too.

“Let me get in here.” He pulled out his iPhone and pressed a few buttons. An old school rap song started reverberating around the room. He raised his arms up and started swaying them from side to side. “Hip hop hooray, ho, hey, ho!”

The three of us were in full jam-session mode when the doors swung open. In walked Meshach, Niecy, my mom and dad, the other contestants, and the production staff.

“I guess all this booty shaking means you got your day job back,” Henry teased. I picked him up and twirled him around too, before grabbing my mom up and swinging her into a dip. Meshach put his fist out for a bump. We tapped fists.

“Yep, looks like I'm a Houston Star again,” I announced. I reached out and tucked Carissa by my side as I accepted congratulations. I didn't want her to slip away. She deserved to be a part of this.

Bliss came over with one of the network executives. “When are you headed to Houston?”

I glanced down at Carissa. She was looking determinedly unconcerned. “They want me to play in the home preseason opener a week from Saturday. I've got to get to the front office to sign papers and start working out with the team next week. I'll probably head out tomorrow.”

“We'd like to take the show on the road for the next two weeks to close it out,” Bliss announced. “We're going to follow you. You won't be competing every day, but you and Carissa are so far ahead in the point totals that the outcome isn't really a mystery at this point.”

“Okay.” I nodded.

“I have to start getting ready for the school year. School starts right after Labor Day. That's about three weeks from now,” Carissa said quietly.

“We've talked to the administrators and they need us off campus anyway, so they are okay if you start a little late this year.”

I could tell without even looking that Carissa was not feeling that at all. But to her credit, she just nodded and crossed her arms.

“We're all going to Houston?” Suzette asked with a scowl on her face.

“Yes, but we're putting you up in a rented mansion near River Oaks. No more dormitory living.”

“Seriously?” XJ asked, looking excited for the first time in weeks.

“Seriously,” Ren confirmed. “It wouldn't be fair for Mal to be in his house while the rest of you are in dorm rooms.”

Niecy slapped me on the back. “Good going, Blue Streak. Looks like you're useful for more than eye candy.”

“Wow. Ringing endorsement. Thanks, Niecy.” I smirked at her.

“We're almost at the home stretch: a few more weeks and we'll be in postproduction. As a matter of fact, we're going to go ahead and break down the sets here, so if you all want to clear out of the dorm, you can sleep in your own beds tonight. We'll fly down to Houston tomorrow night,” Marcy added.

“Yes!” Jordan said, pumping his fist. Everyone was sick to death of these accommodations. Finding out we were on the home stretch of this competition was celebration worthy.

“Sounds like you guys deserve a party,” Pierre said.

Again, I glanced at Carissa. She was remarkably subdued. I tapped her shoulder. “What do you think? You wanna pack up and get outta here? Just the two of us. Chat a little?”

She blinked as if surprised I suggested it. I realized that she still expected me to turn back into that self-obsessed guy who put her last and everything else first. She didn't completely trust me yet. But I was determined to change all that. Now that everything I wanted was within reach, I wouldn't settle for less. And that meant doing whatever it took to get my ring back on her finger and her last name changed to Knight.

Carissa looked around and then back at me. “We can talk later. Let's hang out tonight.”

“You sure?”

“Yep.”

Pierre looked back and forth between the two of us and then shook his head as if he had something to say. “So it's a party?”

“It's a party,” I agreed. “Everyone's invited to my place in an hour.”

“Everyone?” Bliss asked. “Cast, crew, all of us?”

We didn't hang out with the
Losing to Win
folks after hours too much. They just couldn't help being a little too interested and intrusive. But tonight was basically our last night in Belle Haven as a group; might as well do it up. “Sure, everybody's invited.”

“But no cameras!” Carissa announced. “One night without sound bites, please.”

“Agreed,” Bliss said with a smile.

I looked around the group and realized that they all had a part in getting me back to where I wanted to be. This party would be my way of saying thank you. It was our last night together as the full cast of this season of
Losing to Win
. We would raise a glass and enjoy the night. Tomorrow was a brave new world for all of us. I met Carissa's worried look as I glanced down. “It's all going to be okay, babe. Trust me.”

“I don't know, Mal. It's a lot. I'm happy for you, you know that. In fact, I'm thrilled for you, but a part of me is wondering what comes next for me. Now that we're going to Houston, I have to postpone starting my school year. It's starting to feel like my stuff is slipping away and yours is taking center stage.”

“I promise you, it's not going to be like that. Not this time. I'm listening to you, I hear you, and I want you to tell me if you're getting lost in the shuffle.”

She looked into my eyes for a long charged moment. “I'm going to try.”

“That's all I can ask.” I took a deep breath and announced, “Your dad left town this morning.”

She went still. “How do you know?”

“He came to see me while I was practicing with Coach.”

“Please tell me you didn't give him any more money.”

“I didn't. I wouldn't.”

“What did he want?” She put her hands on her hips.

I rolled my eyes. “He gave a half-assed apology.”

“For what?”

“Being Blue, I guess.”

She snorted. “How'd that work out?”

“About how you'd expect. I think this was his way of giving us a heads-up that he's probably going to sell some made-up story to the tabloids.”

“I expected that. He's just not a good guy.” She shrugged.

No he's not, but I am.”

She nodded slowly. “I think you might be. I guess we'll see.”

I exhaled. It was all starting to come together. Now I needed to make it all come true.

 

 

H
e hadn't changed a thing in the house since I'd left. The step-down living room was the same casual but elegant blend of contemporary yet traditional pieces arranged with the slate-tiled fireplace as vantage point.

For a second, I was tempted to get maudlin. Here I sat in the living room of the house I'd sworn I'd never enter again. Exactly how and why I found myself here wasn't that big of a mystery. It was time I got real with myself; I was exactly where I wanted to be for now. No one had twisted my arm. I hadn't been backed into a corner. I'd gotten off the plane in Houston a few hours ago. When I had a choice to jump in the van with the other contestants or hop in the car to go home with Mal, I slid next to Mal without too much thought.

I was a glutton for punishment, a hopeful optimist, or a damn fool. I guess time would tell which. I had no idea what Mal and I were going to do long term. I wasn't ready to have the conversation, but I wasn't ready to walk away. The raw truth of the matter was that I wanted to be with Mal, but I didn't want to get hurt. I somehow wanted a guarantee that everything was going to work out in the end; some sort of promise that I wasn't setting myself up for a fall from which I wouldn't recover.

“So...” Mal said quietly from the doorway behind me.

“So,” I replied, turning to look at him.

“Here we are...back at the scene of the crime.”

I glanced around, taking note of our surroundings. I was sitting in the exact same chair I'd occupied when I gave back his ring and he was standing pretty close to where he had been when he let me leave. “Here we are.”

“It's weird, though, right?” Malachi said. “You and me, in the house you basically built for us. It's like we've come full circle.”

“We're smarter and wiser this time, right?” At least, I hoped that was true.

“God, I hope so.” He prayed fervently.

“You and me both.”

“You thinking about fleeing?” He sounded as tentative and as nervous as I felt.

The word “again” wasn't said but was inferred in the heavy silence that fell. I shook my head with a trace of a smile. “No, not gonna flee.”

He took a step closer. “Carissa, do you hate being here?”

“I don't hate it. I do wonder if I know what the hell I'm doing.”

“You're taking a chance; you're giving me a chance.”

“A chance to do what?”

“I get a chance to redeem myself and you get a chance to see if I'm worth the trouble this time.”

He had a valid point. “Okay.”

Mal laughed. “‘Okay' is your fallback when you don't want to get into it. Still not ready to have that conversation?”

“Not yet. We have a little time.” The show would wrap in a few weeks and by then I knew I'd have to decide what came next.

“I'm learning to be patient, Cari. But please don't think it's easy.”

“I know, Mal. And I appreciate it. I appreciate the time. I just don't want to make a mistake.”

“As long as you're doing what's best for you, you won't.”

“Well, that's evolved of you.” I was surprised.

“That's the kind of guy I am these days—evolved, Renaissance, patient.” He bowed from the waist, inclining his head.

“A prince among men. All of that, huh?”

He flashed a grin. “And more. I thought you knew.”

“I'm learning new things about you every day.”

Suddenly, his face turned serious. “Is your boy gonna wait? Or maybe he could just give up already. 'Cause I'm not letting go without a fight and he seems like he's antsy to make a move.”

Oops. I hadn't realized that Mal knew Jordy was in a waiting pattern. Then again, not a lot was secret when you hung out with the same six people almost all day every day for months. Without acknowledging what Jordy would and wouldn't wait for, I answered his question. “I'm here, Mal, so it is what it is.”

He looked like he wanted to press for more information; instead he nodded. “You'll tell me if you feel like you don't want to be here?”

“Mal, I have to go back to Belle Haven at some point. My job, my house, my life is there.”

“Your life is where you make it.”

“Okay. The life I had before all of this started is there.”

“You still want that life?”

“I don't know. I haven't decided what I want.”

His eyes flared with impatience or temper, but his tone was calm when he asked, “You'll talk to me before you decide? Or at least before you go?”

“Yes. I wouldn't just disappear.”

“If nothing else, I've earned the right to know what you're thinking as far as our future is concerned.”

“Our future?” I wondered aloud. Then I thought to myself: when had either of us decided for sure that we had one?

He crossed his arms. “You want to pretend we don't have a chance at one?”

“I don't want to pretend anything.”

“Good,” he snapped.

“Good.”

“Are you coming to my practice tomorrow?” he asked hesitantly. And that was another new thing making me wonder if Mal really had changed for the better. Back in the day, he would have assumed that I was going to be there and been irritated if he even had to ask.

“I'll be there right after morning workout. You excited?”

He unfolded his arms and eagerly sat on the sofa beside my chair. His face lit up with anticipation like a child on Christmas Eve. “Ris, I'm so pumped. I can't believe I'm here, you're here, we're here, and I get to play football tomorrow. It feels like a dream. For the first time in a long time, I'm actually nervous.”

“What are you nervous about?”

“This is Malachi 2.0, Ris. I've rebooted everything. This life I want is falling into place; it's all so close I can taste it.”

This
was
Malachi 2.0. The old version thought he was invincible, unbeatable, and infallible. This one worried that it was all too good to be true. “I'm right here.”

He expelled a breath. “Amen for that. As for the football part? I think I've got the new system down, the schemes and the packages. But I feel like all eyes are on me. Normally, I'm okay with that. God, I hope I don't screw up.”

I grabbed his hands, which he had clasped together. “You're not going to screw up. You were born to play this game. This is what you do. And you do it best when the pressure is high. You've got this.”

“I have to admit, I'm feeling abundantly blessed. How many people truly get a do-over? I keep wondering if there isn't some karmic bounce back still waiting to kick my ass.”

“Whatever you've been through these past few years, it's done. You're back where you're supposed to be and it's all good. It's your world, Mal.”

He shook his head. “It's our world. Ours.”

I could tell he needed reassurance. I couldn't withhold it because I was conflicted. “You're right. You're not alone. It's you and me. But you're the one who's going to light it up tomorrow. You're going to be amazing.”

He closed his eyes and bent his head. He squeezed my hands tighter. Tugging me up and over to him, he wrapped both arms around me, pulling me tight. “You can't imagine what it means to hear you say that.”

I hugged him back just as tightly. “Don't ever doubt that I believe in you. No matter what happens between us, I respect what you do out on the field and I know you can be one of the best...still. When you go out there tomorrow, you go out there knowing that you've earned your chance. Take it and be great.”

His voice was low and raspy when he responded. “God, I love you, girl.”

I drew in a quick breath and exhaled. No way was I touching that right now. He was emotional, there was a lot going on in his head, and now wasn't the time. I shifted and trailed a series of kisses along his neck. “C'mon, Big Baller. Let's get to bed, you've got a big day tomorrow. You need your beauty sleep.”

“I need a little something more than that,” he growled as I wrapped my legs and arms around him.

“Oh, I think that can be arranged.”