Lost (28 page)

“Why would they want me?” I asked, ignoring his sarcasm.

He didn’t answer. Maybe he was too much of a gentleman to state the obvious reason why a man would buy a woman.

We left the market and walked to a quieter part of the neighborhood with bigger houses with more than a few inches between them. The roads turned from dirt to broken concrete.

A woman leaned out of her window. She was much cleaner than
Kiya
and her husband. “No trading on our street, Nathan,” she said.

“Yes, ma’am. I’m just taking the shortcut to the forest. Have a good night.”

“You too,” she said, skeptically, watching me as I dangled and cried on his back. But she made no moves to help me.

Nate pulled me down from his shoulder and draped me over his arm. He stood in front of a gate lined with barbed wire. He rubbed his fingers across a jagged edge and winced. Drops of blood sizzled on the wire, then streamed to a keyhole. The gate opened, approving of his blood, and he licked his finger to heal it.

The door slammed behind us, closing off the rest of this new world. The seclusion crumbled me. “I missed you,” I whispered.

“Excuse me?”

“I missed you,” I repeated.

“You’re nuts.” Hanging over his freakishly strong arm, I cried for a minute.
A long, quiet minute of crazy.
“I’m going to let you walk. Don’t run away.” He lowered me to the ground. “If I had shoes, I’d offer them to you, but I don’t. You’ll just have to deal with it.” I shrugged my shoulders. I had on shoes he couldn’t see, so the ground didn’t bother me. “What happened to your tags? I don’t even know what section to bring you to.”

“What?”

“Your tags. Your IDs.”

I slushed through the high grass at his side. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I just came from my house, and I need to just sit somewhere until tomorrow. Then I’m going to fix everything.”

He sighed and looked over his shoulder to me. “Look, I know things are hard. We’re all having trouble, but it’s no reason to turn to drugs. You’re an attractive girl. You can do a lot better than getting high in the forest. Do you know how hard it would be for your parents to get you back if someone would’ve sold you to the wrong person?
Especially without tags.
Do they know you’re on drugs?”

“I’m not on drugs. I’m in a parallel universe where my parents are nuts and my boyfriend dates redheads. You, by the way, are
my
boyfriend. And you just kissed a girl right in front of me. I’m being punished.” He laughed, and I glared at him. “Laugh away, Nate. I’m not kidding.”

“I’m sure you believe that. Are you going to tell me that your name is Shannon next? And that I just broke up with
you
, and not the other way around for the first time?”

We came to a stream cutting through the forest floor. He hopped it and held out his hands to help me over it.

“She breaks up with you a lot?” I asked, when we reached the other side.

“You’re my girlfriend, aren’t you? You should know.” He laughed. “Man, you must be on some pretty strong stuff. Is it human grown or magic? Either way, you need to lay off for a while.” The branches hung lower on the trees. He held the dangling ones back like a curtain so I could step through.

“I don’t. I need to fix my mistake, Nate.”

He chuckled. “Why do you keep calling me that? Do you always make up names for people when you’re trashed?”

“No. Just my boyfriend.” He seemed to know his way around the forest well, ducking under branches and leading me through flowery caves. It felt like a date, a weird one that was about to end in him trading me for food. "The border thingy you're bringing me to ... is it far?"

"Uh ... yeah. But we're taking a shortcut."

"Could we ... not go at all? Could you just let me stay here?"

“Against the law,” he said, absently tugging flowers that didn't budge.

The flowers didn't budge!

I paused as I remembered something from my real life, talking with Mom in the sacred forest.

“Are we in the Congo?” I asked.

He laughed. “No one has called this place the Congo in years. I’ve never met someone as strung out as you. It’s funny, in the saddest way possible.”

The rain slacked up, and he removed his hood. He tousled his hair, and I pouted. God, I missed him. “You’re American. You sound American. Why do you live here?”

Why did
I
live here?

“America?” He shook his head and started walking again. “You can’t be older than eighteen, so you’ve lived here most of your life. I came on the first trip after the war. You’re probably richer so you came later when things didn’t work out in the wealthier countries.”

We trekked through a patch of beautiful flowers, a rainbow of colors around me. My head pounded as I started to realize the magnitude of what I’d done.

“What do you mean?” I asked, cautiously.

“We have a bit of a walk, so I’ll humor you. After the war, many of us migrated to the empty parts of the world, the poor parts where the humans didn’t last long during the first war. Rich people stayed in the better parts of the world until they went to hell too from fighting and all the other things rich people do to destroy things. Now we share the last continent. What’s left of the world, remember?”

Tears stung my eyes and spilled over. I fell to my knees in the field of flowers. “What’s left of the world?” I asked. He nodded and guilt crushed me. “Your side, does Dreco run it?”

“Yep.”

“And the human side?” I asked, shaking from the answer I already knew.

“Julian Polk.”

I’d changed more than my life. I’d made the world end like it would have without Mom. How many people had I killed? Millions probably.

My stomach heaved, and I lurched up on all fours as I vomited. I’d fought murderous urges for years at St. Catalina, trying to prove to God and myself that I wasn’t a bad person. Killing someone was always my worst fear. I’d done more than take the lives of horrible bullies. Much more. Another wave of vomit twisted my chest on its way out.

I’d killed millions of innocent people by forcing Mom
not
to be Lydia Shaw. How did I not see this happening when I’d jumped in the portal like an idiot? How did I let selfishness blind me and make me forget about what she did after she had me?
The thing that landed her in the history books?

I couldn’t bear asking if he knew of Sophia or Paul or Emma. Something told me he wouldn’t. And I would die, right here in the puke-covered flowers, if I knew I’d killed the people who loved me.

“I guess the drugs are coming out of your system,” Nate said. He kneeled next to me and held my hair as my shame found more food in my stomach to dredge up.

When it finally stopped, Nate pulled my collar over my mouth to clean it. I smiled. He was taking care of me, like he always did. My instincts made me wrap my arms around him.

I all but died when he jerked out of my way.

I tried to stand, but I couldn’t. I was heavy with the weight of them, all of the people I’d killed. He grabbed my arm and tugged me up from my knees.

“We have to keep moving,” he said.

I closed my eyes and cried as we walked. It couldn’t get worse than this. I just wanted to lie in the flowers, sleep away this nightmare. It was a strange feeling not having anyone to blame for my problems.
Sienna, Julian, Kamon, Mom.
None of them had ever done anything as horrible, as damaging, as I had.

Kamon’s words rushed into my head.
Oh the people you will kill, the blood you will spill
. Like he’d said, he wasn’t as dumb as I thought he was.

I rubbed my fingers across the links around my neck, my only chance at redemption.

“What’s the rest of the world like? What happened?” I cried.

 
“Duh … disease, violence. It’s terrible,” he said, like he was tired of talking to me. “I wish you could sober up and help us skip this walk. Even with the shortcut, it’s going to take us forever at this rate.”

“I don’t have powers.”

He stopped abruptly, and I bumped into his back. I probably could have stopped myself, but I wanted to touch him.

“Are you saying that you are-” He huffed and backed away from me. “Not possible. Those sort of humans don’t exist anymore.” I covered my mouth, trapping a scream inside. I’d killed
all
normal humans? I was nauseous again. “I can’t imagine what you’re worth, dead or alive.”

Just great. I needed to escape from Nate so I could fix the world. I needed to find a place to hide and make a wish under the sun like Sophia knew I would need to do.

“Must be the drugs talking,” I said, faking a smile. “I have powers.
Of course.
Just can’t use them when I’m high. Can I have my bag back? I just want to hold it. I like to … do that when I’m high. Hold things.”

He chuckled and threw it to me, looking relieved that I wasn’t a human without powers.

I let him walk ahead of me, slowing my steps as the seconds passed. When we had a few feet between us, I took off running in the opposite direction. Whether it was to or away from my house, I had no idea.

I hobbled and stumbled, jumping over roots, tripping over them too. I didn’t hear him until he passed
me, whooshing wind and rain around us
.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“I need to just stay here. Thank you for your help. Goodbye,” I said, stepping around him and running off again. He grabbed my shoulders. My feet roamed in the air for a few seconds like a cartoon character that hadn’t realized they’d stopped running. “Nate, let me go. Please.”

He threw me over his shoulder and groaned. His strong arm braced against my legs. I had to make him believe me, or else the world would be stuck this way.

“You have scars on your back. Four slash marks.”

 
“So you’re psychic. Whoop-de-do. Like every other person in your territory.”

“Powers don’t work on you. People can’t read you. I never could in our old life.”

He stopped in his tracks and pulled me down from his shoulder. The rain picked up again, drenching us both. “I’ve never told anyone that.”

“You told me!” He studied me, gazing from my feet to my head then down again. “My name is Christine Gavin. You know me as Christine Grant. You are a shifter. Canine. Your parents are John and Theresa Reece. You don’t like them very much. You think you were born with those marks on your back, but I don’t believe it.” I wiped my face of tears and rain. It was soaked again in another moment. “You are my boyfriend, and the world is not like this. If you just let me go, I can fix it.”

He circled me in the rain; the girl who was awed by it tugged at me still. To keep her weak, I stared into his eyes, remembering the moment I saw them first. In New Orleans with Sophia – the woman I couldn’t forget.

“I think you’re crazy,” he whispered, rain cascading from the lips I’d kissed a million times.
For hours.
Many times until the sun had come up.

“I sort of am,” I said. I was more than sort of crazy. It wasn’t my history with depression. It wasn’t possibly inheriting another dose of it and a pinch of psychosis from my mother. It was the fact that I was deluded enough to think changing the past would give me everything I wanted.

“I never take my shirt off in front of anyone. Ever. How do you know about the scars?”

“I’ve seen them. Countless times.” I smiled. “You hate wearing shirts. You feel better out of one.”

He smiled slightly then it melted away, faded as the rain trickled down his face. “I could get a lot of food for you. Days worth.”

“Close your eyes and let me walk away. I’ll just disappear. Please.” I held out my bag. “I have food. You can take it. Just let me walk away.”

I threw the bag at his chest, and he caught it.

I took off running again. I didn’t get far before he caught me. His beautiful eyes locked with mine. He squinted for a moment then shook his head.

“I can’t just leave you. You won’t last a minute out here by yourself. You’re high. You might fall or something again. I’ll just watch you for the night. But after that …”

“I just need tonight. Tomorrow, everything will be okay again.” He took off his raincoat and threw it over my shoulders. He was still staring into my eyes, like he was searching for my soul, as he pulled the hood over my head. “Thanks, Nate.”

“No one calls me that,” he said.

“Not even
Shannon
?” I asked, whining her name like a five-year-old.

He chuckled and helped me over the stream again, or it could have been a different one. I had no sense of direction, completely lost and at the mercy of my soul mate.

He seemed to relax more and more as we walked around the enchanted forest.

“So what is it that you’re on again?” he asked. I glared at him, and he laughed. “Just saying … you might know some stuff about me, but you’re obviously high. You don’t even seem to know where you are.”

“I
don’t
know where I am. Well, other than that we’re in the Congo.”

He laughed. “Please, stop calling it that. You sound ridiculous. You know what? I’m going to show you where you are. I bet that would sober you right up.”

He made a sharp left turn, looking up at the stars as if they were guiding him. The ground grew steeper and harder under my feet. Soon we were full out climbing up a hill. My foot caught on a vine, and he grabbed my arm before I fell. He pulled me up to his back and carried me the rest of the way.

I closed my eyes, resting my nose against his back. Tears streamed slowly. I had to fix this. This could not be the last time I held him.

He had to pull me away at the top of the hill.

“Okay. That way,” he said, pointing to our right. “That’s Julian’s territory that he won from Dreco. That’s where you live when you’re not getting high.”

I chuckled. “You honestly think I’m a drug addict?”

“You honestly don’t remember just confessing that?”

I hunched my shoulders, and he pointed to our right again. In the distance, lights flickered, the signs of a vibrant city. “His territory stretches to the ocean. I’ve been. It’s incredible.
Not nearly as crowded as our side.
Only five million people live there, the last I heard. They did well with their land. You know … it reminds me of old pictures of … what was that place called?”

“New York?” I suggested.

“That’s it.”

From here, the buildings looked like they were made of glass, reflecting glowing lights. But it was silent. Impossibly silent to say we were so close. It sounded like there were no cars or buses honking or rumbling. I shook my head, realizing they wouldn’t need those things. They moved around with their minds.

“I hear it’s not as fun as that place was since Julian has a major stick up his butt.”

As fun as that place
was
?
I willed my heart to keep beating and my legs to not give out. This battle to stay upright and not fold under the crushing guilt was the hardest thing I’d ever done.

“How’d he win it?” I asked.

“WW Four,” he said, looking up and letting the
rain wash
over his face. “The inevitable clash between the human freaks and magical kind. No offense.”

“None taken,” I said. “Do you mean WW as in World War?” He nodded. “And Julian won?”

“It was a draw so they split the part of the world they hadn’t bombed to death. The two men fighting over world domination were only left with a piece of that world to rule. Isn’t that funny?”

It wasn’t funny. He wasn’t laughing either.

He pointed to our left to the city lit by fire. “We just came from the edge of
Dreco’s
territory. Lower side. We have more land than you, but it’s not as nice as yours. Dreco is stricter than Julian on what we can build and create.” Like my Nate, he made me laugh in a serious moment, sticking out his tongue farther than necessary to taste the rain. “You laugh a lot. The drugs?”

“Maybe it’s the bathrobe you’re wearing,” I said.

“A jokester. Okay. I like that.” I copied him and tasted the rain too. “Are you sobering up?”

“Yep.”

“Good. Do you remember if you stay in one of those shiny buildings? Do you have electricity?” I didn’t answer because I couldn’t. To keep myself from crying, I kept collecting water in my mouth. “You must. Look at you.” I glanced over at him. He was staring at me, and when I let myself look at him, I couldn’t stop. “I’m not
too
jealous. I suppose we live similar lives minus the hot water and television.” He sighed and whispered, “And food.”

“You don’t have food?” I asked.

“Not every day.” So that was the problem his girlfriend –
ouch
– had mentioned.
And the little fairy-thingy, Olivia.
“Sometimes Shannon’s magic is on the fritz, or she stays out late. Or I’m watching Corey and he takes it all. It’s just something about kids, even if they’ve eaten already that
day,
you still want to feed them. I have friends I could eat by but…”

“You hate mooching,” I finished. He looked down at me with narrowed eyes. He took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. “You don’t have money or anything to trade?” I asked.

“I do okay. The taxes are outrageous, though. You know, we pay Dreco because we live here, then a portion to Julian to keep the peace. What’s left over is just enough for court fees.”

“Court fees?”

“Yeah. Shannon and I were caught trying to use a spell to create shelter a few years ago. It was really
her
, but I was there. So ... we owe the court a few tons of gold.” He laughed and shook his head like he was ashamed of that. I was the one who needed to be ashamed. I’d done this to him.
To everyone.
“I could be eating like a king if I’d turned you in, you know?”

“There’s meat in there.”

“I’d feel like a jerk if I took your food. You’re like a stray cat you just want to help. A really high, stray cat.”

I laughed. Because he was so
him
right now, I risked it and asked, “How about we share it?”

He smiled and bent down in front of me, telling me to hop onto his back. He held my legs tight around his waist and jumped down from the hill. I leaned my head back as we sped to the ground, and the imprisoned girl smiled. She felt so free with this stranger –
no
Nate. I was with
my
Nate.

The boy I loved. The boy Sophia introduced me to. I held the memory of her close to my heart, hoping it would guard it.

He ran, turning the beautiful forest into a blur of colors, and stopped in front of a shed.

“My house,” he said. “Welcome, uh …”

“You remember my name.”

“Christine,” he said, letting me down and flashing his sneaky smile.

He stepped in first and struck a match. Soon, the shack glowed from the flames of countless candles. Multicolored wax covered the surfaces of his home from years of burning them for light. It was easy to be in love in a place like this. It was the perfect night. Rescued by a stranger, not turned in, and now we stood in a cozy cabin with light dancing around us.

Not
a stranger. I cringed. My memories were fading faster, flickering on and off like a dying light bulb.

We dripped on the floor that had gaps between each wooden board. I could see the soil
underneath us and the little plants growing up to
fill the openings. I sat down and rubbed the leaves of a plant that looked a lot like Sprout. To test where I thought I was, I yanked at the leaf. It didn’t snap.

How my parents managed to build a house inside of a rock in the Congo, I couldn’t even begin to understand.

“So tell me about this parallel universe your drugs bring you to,” he said, rummaging through a cabinet in the kitchen. He pulled out a towel and pitched it to me.

“How many times do I need to tell you that I’m not on drugs?”

“Actually you told me you weren’t, then that you were. Look, I’m not judging you. Everyone does it. Not me. Not yet, anyway. My friends say it’s easier looking at this world when it spins around you. I’ve given myself a year and a half before I become an addict. Twenty is a personal goal of mine.”

Twenty?

“Right, your real birthday wasn’t a few weeks ago,” I mumbled. “When was it? When did you make eighteen?”

He hummed. “Shouldn’t you know your boyfriend’s birthday?”

“John and Theresa told you the wrong day.” He arched one eyebrow. “In our life you don’t know when it is.”

“January 24
^th
,” he said.

“I’ll tell you tomorrow.” He laughed and jumped up on the rickety countertop surrounding a rusty sink.

 
“Are we speaking of my parallel self?” he asked. I nodded and dried my hair. “Tell me about this Nate who doesn’t know his birthday.”

“
You
are kind. Goofy. Like very goofy. Sweeter than anyone I’ve ever met. Even Sophia. You have her beat. You are as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside.” I buried my face in the towel, losing it. “You love me. Before anyone showed me they loved me, you did. And you snore.” I jerked my head up and pointed a finger at him. “You swear you don’t but you do. Every single night.”

He laughed, and I wanted to die at the sound.

I swallowed the brick out of my throat and continued. “And you’re always in time, like in perfect timing and step with me and the whole world.
Always
, and it’s magic to see. You smile at the right time, observe silence when it’s needed. You always laugh at the perfect moment. Either from something our friend Paul says or if you fart or something.”

He laughed again and of course it was perfectly placed.

“Nate sounds great. Maybe I should take those drugs with you.” He chuckled and hopped down from the counter. He touched his stomach, his probably empty stomach, and I opened the bag. I spread the food on the floor. He sat across from me, and I built him a sandwich with my dirty hands. He didn’t seem to mind. He sunk his teeth in without giving it a second look. “So how did you get here from your alien universe,” he said, as I stacked my own sandwich.

“A portal. I changed my mother’s memories and changed the whole world without meaning to.”

“But … if Nate loved you so much, why would you do that?” he asked, skeptically, like he’d found a flaw in my story. He’d really found a flaw in me. Like Dad said, I only saw the bad.

I looked up at him, crumbling to tears again. “I’m sorry, baby. I was just trying to fix things, and I thought you’d always be there.”

“Call me Nathan.” I rolled my eyes. “Seriously, Christine. I don’t want to hurt your feelings. This guy, whoever he is, seems important to you, but I’m not him. You’ll see when you sober up.”

He lay back on the floor. I watched as his face showed what was going on inside of his head. Nate was guilty for having me here. Maybe it was too soon after his breakup or the fact that I was human.

“Why do you live in the forest?” I asked to change the subject and lighten the mood.

“I work here. It’s protected land. I make sure no one is trying to live here without authorization. I’ve been doing that for about four years now.” He wasn’t very good at his job. My parents and I lived here without authorization. He sighed and turned over on his side, propping himself up on his elbow. “And I live here because it’s peaceful. I used to run away to this place when I was a kid at least once a week. Finally,
Dreco’s
guards offered me a job. They told me I was perfect for it. They didn’t have to pay me much, I can live in any climate, and they didn’t have to fix this place up. It doesn’t bother me because it’s mine.” He smiled, eyes fixed on the floor,
like
these were happy memories from his life in this awful world.

“Is that why the guy said you were weird about this forest?”

“Ellis? Corey’s dad?” I nodded. “Yeah. He’s not the only one I know who thinks that. Everyone does. They’re wrong though. I don’t feel like I own it. I feel drawn to it. Like there’s no other place for me to be. I belong here.”

I wanted to crawl on top of him, kiss him and show him why he couldn’t stay away from the forest. “It’s me,” I whispered instead. “I live here. You’re drawn to me.” He sat up and packed the food in my bag. It felt like I was losing him. “I smell good to you, don’t I?” He packed slower and looked at me for a moment, then back at the floor. “Like cake batter and spice.”

I lost him then.

He jumped to his feet and disappeared into the small hallway without answering. In the five minutes that he was gone, I finished packing my getaway bag and tried to dry the rest of the water out of my hair.

I kissed the necklace and tucked it back into my shirt. It was my only hope.

At the door, ready to disappear into the night to stop badgering my soul mate, I looked around his little home. It was charming in a way. Like him – impoverished and severely uncared for, but sturdy and beautiful despite it all.

“I’m leaving the food,” I said, dropping the bag when I thought to do that. “Have a good night.”

“Wait. That’s dangerous,” he said, from wherever he was. “Someone will capture you and God only knows where you’ll end up this time.” He leaned halfway in the room with me, half in the hall. “I have some dry clothes if you want them.”

I nodded, and he disappeared again. I walked back there slowly. He was in a little bedroom only big enough for his worn, full-size bed.

He fished through a pile of clothes and gave me a red and blue button-down shirt and a pair of large gray sweats.

“You have normal clothes, but the people we saw … they didn’t. Why?”

“Normal?” I nodded. “These are just old. Donated. They were free because they probably came from the raids. Human ones. Sorry.”

I hunched my shoulders. It wasn’t his fault that normal humans were extinct. It was mine.