Lost Angel (The List #1) (17 page)

Every time I’ve thought of him, the same statements
keep circling around my head like vultures; I am far from ready to get physical
with somebody as immense and intense as Jaxson.

Right now, the way I feel about myself in
comparison to the way his body makes me feel about him… Well, he is way off my
Richter scale and his fearsome sexual persona is daunting to say the least. He
is out of my league. Fact! As much as I’d be flattered if he was interested, anything
more than flirting would be sexual suicide for me. Compared to my gladiator,
I’m inadequate. This isn’t me having some self-pity party, it’s just real talk
and I’m cool with that. I’m not begrudging myself more flirting and ‘gasms, just
not the real deal unfortunately.

No – I’m not going to set myself up for a
knockdown, my esteem can’t take another crushing anytime soon. Jaxson can
remain my gorgeous gladiator and feature heavily in my imagination, which’ll
have to suffice – I’m putting him on pause until I’m ready and the moment is
right. That’s if the opportunity’s still viable when that moment arrives.

I just need to stick to men I can handle for the
time being. So for now I decide to lay it down, not wanting any more blurred
lines. How am I going to put this?

“Yep, straight and single but not quite ready
to mingle… with you anyway.” Ouch, Beth that sounds brutal. “Flirting’s okay, I
suppose—not that you’re suggesting you’re interested… I mean, um… I’m just
putting it out there—not me, I’m not putting
me
out there...”
There
you have it ladies and gents; the proof that Bethany has made the correct
decision. Sexual suicide is off the menu.

I shake my head admonishingly and take a deep
breath. “Whatever anyway, I just don’t want you to think I’m playing games.”
Way
to go. So smooth
.

His smile has been growing throughout the
duration of my waffling, whilst he’s been trying to decipher my pathetic explanation.
I’ve been doing my best not to focus on his lips and now he’s removed his
glasses, his eyes do just as much collateral damage. “O-okay—well, that’s a
shame, but I got it, I think. So you can relax now Angel.”

“Sorry. I’m not usually like this. I just wanna
avoid any confusion. Anyway, I’m glad that’s off my chest now, like I said
before, you’re spoilt for choice so I don’t wanna cramp your style or
cockblock
you—”

At the mention of my chest his gaze dropped to my
breasts with a cocky smile. Now he’s frowning back at me, miming ‘
cockblock’
.

“Loud and clear Beth. Flirting – Yes. Fucking –
No. Now, tell me, is this thing loaded?” Touching the gun around my thigh and
briefly touching my skin. Unintentionally? Intentionally? At the mere mention
of
fucking
Miss Alter Ego has shoved Miss Innocent out the way; her job
of clearing the air evidently complete. I do feel completely at ease now I know
I’ve set the record straight. I may actually be able to talk properly now!

“Hmm, that would be telling! I guess you’re
just gonna have to behave yourself Jaxson, just in case—” Then I add, looking puzzled,
“
Unless
of course yours is loaded too?” And reinforce my innuendo by
returning his gesture from the club, glancing down at his crotch for a second then
diving back into his tropical pools.

“I don’t—
Ooooh,
o-okay, there you go.
There’s the witty mouth I remember from Tricks. Welcome back and please, do call
me Jax.” With his right hand, he takes my fingers to raise the back of my right
hand to his mouth and kisses the top of it.
Lips, lips, luscious soft warm lips
.
I fixate on them, whilst biting my own, imagining sucking his and—I hear Wills’
voice over the speakers, announcing that the entertainment will commence in
five minutes.

With a purposefully nonchalant tone I say, “Well
Jax
, I could stand here chatting all night but I’m afraid there’s some talented
men over there demanding I go and fangirl all over their choreography, so it’d
be rude not to.” I flash him a killer smile, utterly aware that he’s still holding
onto my hand. “You coming?” I purposely smile too sweetly and flutter my
eyelashes innocently.

He smiles quizzically at my double entendre and
bats it straight back at me with ease. “Only if you are—”

It’s a miracle I manage not to react to the tingles.
Instead, I take his right upper arm with my free hand, give it a gentle pull
and he obliges with ease. My left hand’s lost around his bicep whilst the
other’s enveloped by his and this is just one of his goddam arms for God’s
sake. I’m pathetically clinging onto this one limb like it’s my lifeline as he takes
the lead, navigating us through the crowd. With his left arm outstretched
behind me, I fall in line, letting his colossal frame create a slipstream of a path
for me. Thankfully he takes his sweet time so I take advantage by leaning in to
breathe him in. Mmm… Staring at his huge ‘V’ back as we walk, I imagine it naked,
sweaty, with my nails running down it…

Clearly I’m horny as hell but I can’t really
blame myself considering he’s occupied my headspace for a while and now I’m in
his personal space. I look at my hand engulfed in his and I like it. Amongst
the chaos around us, I’m completely absorbed with him stroking his thumb over
my knuckles softly as we walk. Yes, I really like my hand in his.

I know it’s not intentional and it’s a
bi-product of his amazing aura and physicality but I can’t help but feel
special and protected when I’m around him. That feeling simply rockets when
he’s actually touching me. Yes, I feel so safe with him and it scares me
witless.

By the time we reach the group, he doesn’t
shrug me off as anticipated. I let go of his bicep and go to move my hand from
his but he tightens his hold subtly so we remain hand in hand. I notice a few
of the girls linger their eyes a fraction longer than necessary, but not in a
bitchy way, it’s more out of curiosity and maybe, like me, a little surprised.

Now the girls are clapping their hands excited
and I hear them saying that it’s a strip show. Wills, the sneak, left that part
out. She told me they were just dancers. As much as I love watching dancers,
right now, seeing some buff men semi-nude is far more appealing. Plus another one
off my list, albeit not quite the sex show Wills had hoped for. A girl’s gotta
do what a girl’s gotta do.

Wills then tells the room to divide again but
this time she makes a point of saying to divide by sexual preference not
gender. I wonder if a heterosexual host would’ve made the same consideration. I
try and crack a joke with Jax about staying with him to watch the female
dancers, secretly I’m genuinely tempted to so that I don’t have to let go of
his hand. But it’s like he’s eyes are having their own conversation with mine,
I don’t even know if he listened to me. He flashes a beautiful smile and
squeezes my hand before letting go. I catch up to the girls as Wills announces
the dancers onto the floor and makes her way over to enjoy this part of the
night with us.

“Hope you enjoy your surprise babe.” I give her
a big squeeze then the crowds get hyped up by the DJ some more.

The dancers put on quite a performance. The
music, outfits and routines, everything is just awesome. There’s tearaway clothing
and baby oil flying in all directions. I take a moment to watch how the female
dancers work their crowd too. They subtly manage to perform on the right side
of the line between seduction and awkward. I see Jax and the rest of the lads
but he doesn’t look anywhere near as interested as the leering men that
surround him.

Intermittently the male dancers go and work the
crowd into a frenzy letting people rub oil on their pumped up chests and backs.
I sip away at my hip flask throughout, whilst giggling with the girls. We’re
all very vocal in screaming our appreciation to the dancers and cheering them
on. We don’t behave as crass as chanting ‘Off, off, off’ but we come close.

A male dancer in a thong makes a beeline for
Shona. She’s a good sport and happily dons some handcuffs behind her back then
takes an ice cube out of his mouth and rubs it all over his chest from between
her teeth, sinking as low as his bulging thong for good measure. Good girly fun
times.

The dancers get down to their underwear and finally
the men remove their thongs and the women take off their bras, leaving their
thongs on – It’s all timed to perfection with the music as they drape
themselves in union jack flags to hide their assets. The crowd goes crazy and
Wills is beaming, as am I! That was a brilliant, well-deserved one to mark of
my list!

The female dancers strut off in nothing but
heels, a thong and a flag and disappear through a door beside the bar. The male
dancers, wearing army boots with their flag, follow after but not before
thrusting their impressive oiled up semi’s from behind the flags and taking a
bow. The sound of girls screaming for more is deafening but it dies down once
they’re out of sight and the DJ’s music kicks back in. Rest assured Wills handpicked
her dancers well.
Note to self: Reprimand Wills for not inviting me to the
‘interviews’!

Saturday 4
^th
April 2015

12:05am

I
pop to the bar and grab a single vodka and iced
coke in a tall glass, I’ve learned my limits lately so I decide to ease up and
enjoy the buzz rather than testing my tolerance too much. I’m very merry but I
can still walk straight, which is my ideal level of inebriation.

There’s a couple of missions left to go before
Wills announces the winner of the battle of the sexes and the strip tease has just
hyped everybody up even more. Mr Stryder and a couple of others are acting as
casual judges, awarding victors in each mission on a huge wipeboard. He told
Wills in the week that if the night goes really well he’ll consider making her
the permanent co-ordinator for themed nights, starting by doing a battle of the
sexes gig either bi-annually or quarterly. Plus branching this out to his other
bars too.

There’s loads of friendly banter and we’re
ready for the penultimate mission. This one involves having three volunteers
from each team on the dance floor. Wills shouts out random items and they have
to run into the crowds and come back with that item. She starts off simple with
things like red lipstick for the girls and a condom for the guys. Then they get
more difficult; a red bra and a red sock, a lacy thong and blue boxer briefs.
It was a fun game and the girls won it with ease. Us women are very resourceful
creatures!

Wills tells the room that the last mission will
be in fifteen minutes. She then gets some of her colleagues to set up four
chairs on the dance floor evenly spaced apart. She marches up to me like a
soldier with a look that tells me she’s the one on a mission.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” I eye
her suspiciously and she drags me to the side so nobody else can hear.

“I need you to help with the big finale B. Predictably,
you haven’t volunteered all night, so now it’s your time to step up to the
plate.” I’m already shaking my head before I even know what it is. “Wait, wait,
let me tell you, hold on… Okay, it’s a dance off; first four girls then four guys.
Loudest cheers wins it… The only twist is it’s a
lap
dance off…” She
already knows what’s coming.

“
What
? Are you kidding? Do you seriously
think I can do that? Come on Wills.”

“I knew you’d be hesitant, that’s why I didn’t
tell you before. I didn’t wanna give you time to work yourself up and over-fucking-think
it.
Come on B
, I told you I’m not gonna wrap you up in cotton wool. You
can do this, man, I have every faith. It’s actually the perfect mission for
you. It’s like it was
designed for you
—” She winks and nudges me, which
tells me everything.

“So you planned this all along? And my outfit,
is that why I got the hot pants?”

“Yep. Didn’t want you flashing your fairy in a
skirt and trousers aren’t sexy enough.” Unbelievable, yet not, it’s Wills after
all, expect the unexpected. “Look, with your moves, that body and this outfit...
Just look at you for fucks sake! Fuck your inhibitions, you left them at home tonight
remember.”

“Wills, how embarrassing, all these people
watching me grind up on some pervy bloke?” As much as I
would
love to
have the balls to do this—and I
do
feel pretty goddam sexy in this
outfit. Wait, is this the alcohol talking or maybe it’s Miss Alter Ego coming
out to play? Wills reads my fickle mind and goes in for the kill, throwing
everything at me.

“You really don’t have a clue how unbelievably gorgeous
you are B, it’s endearing… but it’s also fucking frustrating. Please just trust
me, you can do this. It’s a major one on your ‘Fuck It’ list. I’ll make sure
you’ve got decent music to dance to, just sex it up a bit more than usual… Plus
there’s going to be three other girls up there with you too… Pleeeeease… The
guys aren’t allowed to touch you and I’ll make sure you get a good one. It’s
just for fun, don’t take it serious—” She must’ve run out of her obviously
rehearsed persuasive points so reverts to pulling out the puppy dog eyes and
pouty lips.

“
Arggghhh
! You are
so
annoying
Wills. It’s a good job I fucking love you and I’m a little drunk—”

Her excited face takes over. “Say it, say it!”
I start nodding in agreement.

Then in unison we shout “
F-fuck It!
”

“Wait, one condition, I want the men to dance
first, I need to see what I’m up against!” My inner tag team are already in a
huddle discussing choreography and tactics.

“Done.
Thank-you-I-love-you-you’re-my-hero
…
Kill it B, let go, no holding back. Promise yourself that and you’ll feel
amazing afterwards.” She gives me a swift kiss, yanks my jacket zipper down and
disappears to announce the final mission before I change my mind. My heart
starts pounding and nerves creep up on me, reminiscent of my Uni exams.

Four team players for the men happily volunteer,
as do the willing recipients of those lap dances, who take their positions on
the chairs. The DJ plays the obvious “Pony” by Ginuwine and I pray they come up
with something similar for the girls because I could totally work with this.
There’s lots of teasing at first, subtle movements that quickly build up to
blatant grinding and thrusting. They all take their tops off. I look down and
completely zip my jacket back up. A couple get down to their briefs; they
straddle the girls and gyrate, the girls are absolutely loving it. One guy
must’ve done it before because he’s got a whole routine down, working it like
it’s an audition. Jeez, how am I going to beat this? It’s a good job I’m
competitive, I quickly plan some sultry moves and down a shot from Shona to
help banish these nerves. Time to get my tipsy temptress game plan together.

Three or four minutes later and the crowd
whoops and cheers as the men encourage them to shout louder whilst they grab
their discarded clothes.
Shit, shit, shit
. Wills asks for a show of
hands for female volunteers and when my hand gradually goes up the girls slap
my back cheering and push me forward. Jax has his back to the action chatting
to Craig, too pre-occupied to notice.

Wills points to three other girls and then me
so I cautiously take my place beside the final chair in the row. The four of us
look at each other with encouraging ‘come on!’ gestures. My nerves aren’t bad
now I’m up here with them, the lights are low and the crowds are mostly drowned
in darkness so I don’t feel totally exposed.

But still I have to pinch myself because this
is
actually
really happening. I block out the silhouettes of the crowd
and quickly give myself a pep talk, reciting my mantra. As Wills asks for our dance
recipients she marches in and out of the crowd, allocating the first three
seats. I trust her to follow through with her words and pick me a good one,
actually maybe I’d feel more confidence with a not-so-good one…

As that thought crosses my mind I focus in on
where Wills is heading. She marches towards our group who I can only see
because the DJ is lighting Wills up with a mobile spotlight. Every one of our
lads has his hand stretched up high with massive grins on their faces. My
shoulders sag in relief when I don’t see Jax’s hand in the air but not for long
because as Wills gets closer to him he turns slightly and I see that his hand
is casually half raised with an arrogant look plastered on his gorgeous goddam face.

I’ll kill her, I will kill her! She wouldn’t—but
I already know she totally would and as if in slow motion she points at Jax who
swags his way to the dance floor towards me with an egotistical expression that’s
begging to be wiped off his handsome face. I roll my eyes and catch the envious
looks on the faces of the other three girls… In fact, the more girls I can make
out in the crowd, the more I see that distinct look of envy. Some look at me in
an excited fangirl way and some in a finger snapping bitchy way.

When he reaches me I mutter under my breath but
loud enough for him to hear. “You have got to be kidding me.” I’m at a loss of
what to actually say to him. “Why—w-why would you—”

“Now, now Angel. Play nicely, come on, you
wanted to know if it was loaded… Now’s your chance to find out. Unless of
course you and your witty little mouth can’t handle it?” He takes a seat and hangs
his sunglasses off the neck of his tee so casually it’s as if he’s sitting down
to watch the footy. He drops his cap onto the floor and sits on his hands, as
instructed by Wills. How can he still look sexy when his smugness is at my
expense?
Dammit
.

I’m already sizing him up and not just in an
I-wish-your-body-was-my-temple
kind of way. His knobnoxious fighting talk is exactly what I need as I mentally
squash my nerves into a ball and bounce them across the floor.

Looking across at the other three girls again, it
seems like we have all dropped into a new confident persona. Fight or flight.
Sink or swim.

As we wait for the music Wills is rallying the
crowd into a frenzy again and the atmosphere is electric; girls cheering us on
and the men whistling and clapping. I zone them out, like I zoned Shona out
when I first laid eyes on Jax. I coolly turn my back to him and walk away a few
paces, swinging my hips slowly. Deep breaths. In and out, in and out.

It’s time to step up to the challenge and out
of my comfort zone. Wills doesn’t disappoint as the tell-tale piano notes
spring the speakers to life and I hear the husky, seductive voice of Usher,
it’s “Trading Places” – Now this has potential!
‘Kill it B, let go, no
holding back’
. Nobody will think I’m sexy if I don’t believe it myself.

I lock my game face down putting my faithful trust
in my inner duo. The other girls have already swung into action but I have to
do this in a composed manner otherwise I’ll panic and freak myself out. I casually
adjust my cap so it’s low and tight and don my sunglasses. Stay in control. Now
with this mask I’m able to slide effortlessly into my alter ego state.
Fuck It!

Jax

When Wills collared me earlier and asked me to
volunteer for this if Beth did, I went along with it thinking there’s no chance
this girl’s getting up here. But once again, she pleasantly surprised me, my
sweet Little Miss Contradiction. The look on her face when Willow chose me was
absolutely priceless though; like she wanted the dance floor to swallow her up.
Unfortunately, just like how things were left between us at Tricks, I’m still struggling
to figure her out. The other week, she was a feisty sexy tiger. But tonight
she’s been a timid little sex kitten. Yet she doesn’t come across as the
mercurial type, so what’s happened between now and then?

Earlier, after delighting me with the fact that
she’s straight, she made it clear that she’s not interested in me – other than
for a flirt. I respect that, I don’t fucking understand it but I’ve got no
choice but to take her lead. It’s a ball crushing shame, especially when she
was standing there against the wall, in this outfit, that is practically
screaming for me to rip it off. The fucking thigh holster was just the icing on
the bittersweet cake.

When she said that she’s not used to attention,
I could see in her eyes that she genuinely meant it. It wasn’t just a case of a
pretty girl fishing for compliments to boost her own ego. So what’s her story?

Anyway, she can’t blame me for this. She was
the one who said she’s happy to play, so there’s no way I was going to pass up
the opportunity to make her squirm. There’s something about this girl that’s got
me captivated so any chance I’ve got to peel back another layer, I’m going to
take it.

Now, let’s see if she can pull this out the
bag.

Wills, the spoilsport, has got us sitting on
our hands but that’s not going to deter my enjoyment. Beth’s peachy fine ass is
perfectly in my line of sight. She’s standing with her feet apart and hip
cocked to the side but the music’s just started and the other girls flew into
action but Beth is still standing there, with her back to me…

I catch a swift look at the other three girls
and they pale into insignificance even though Beth hasn’t even budged. Has she
bottled it?

My answer comes immediately as she swivels on
the spot to face me. Fuck me, she’s scorching… Mmm-huh… this could actually be
interesting. She’s kept her glasses on and pulled the beak of her cap down low.
I can still see those suckable plump lips though and there’s no question that she’s
completely focussed on me. My body impulsively reacts to her, she commands its
full attention.