Lost (Captive Heart #1) (7 page)

F
ucking asshole
.

I slammed my way out of my house and started down the driveway, pissed off and seeing red.

That prick. Why did I have to get stuck with such a prick for a father?

“Second rate college,” my ass. I’d worked my ass off in high school to get where I was today, and UConn was a damn good school with a damn good football program. Sure, it wasn’t Texas or Ole Miss, but there were so many players in the NFL who came from schools no one had ever heard of. Or seen play in a BCS bowl game.

It didn’t matter what he said anyway. UConn was one of the only Division I schools that wanted me, and I’d made my decision. I was verbally committed. I wasn’t changing my mind now. He always accused me of being a quitter, why wasn’t he pleased with this decision?

Because he was never fucking pleased.

I walked aimlessly through the neighborhood, pacing the sidewalk until I decided to head over to the playground. I stepped into the Morsey’s backyard, thinking about a time so long ago when I’d sat with Char on the back steps. Now we were all but strangers. My fault really.

Something rustles in the grass as I walk through their lawn. Staring out into the middle of it, I see Char there, lying flat on her back with a book held up over her face. She was reading.

My sneaker must scuff on something in the grass, because Char glances up, her expression turning from calm to irritated in two seconds flat.

“What are you doing?” I don’t miss the annoyance in her tone.

“Just passing through. What are you reading?”

She looks like she might not answer, but a couple of seconds go by and then she does. “This book by Chevy Stevens. You’ve probably never heard of it.”

I walk closer to her. I always forget how hot Char is until I see her. With her quiet personality and nerd status, it’s easy to pass her by. But when it’s just us, I remember how, just … pretty she is.

“Mysteries, right? You like mysteries? I remember when you used to read um … Nancy Drew, wasn’t it?”

Char sits up, placing a bookmark in her book. “Yeah, when I was like eleven. Since that was probably the last time you ever spoke to me, it figures you’d remember that.”

I’m not dumb enough to miss the hurt in her voice. I drop down to the ground next to her, not close enough to touch but close enough that I can see the outline of her features in the slowly setting sun.

“I say hi to you in school!”

She scoffs. “Yeah, right. Pigs will fly before that actually happens.”

Now I just feel like an asshole. “You’re right. I’m sorry. School is, well …”

I can’t tell her that I feel so much pressure from every aspect of my life that I might explode. I can’t tell her that if I had one normal thing for myself, it would be crushed under the expectations from those around me.

“School is hard.” There. That sounds more normal.

Char’s jaw drops open. “School is hard? For who? You? Give me a break. You’re Tucker Lynch. Prom King. Football Star. You have no idea just how hard high school is. You don’t even have a clue.”

I can see this discussion is going to get us nowhere, and I don’t feel like leaving just yet. I don’t feel like being alone. “So what are your plans for after graduation? Only two months left, have you picked a college yet?”

She sighs. “I’m going to Bryn Mawr. To study business and accounting.”

“Double majoring? Damn, that sucks.”

“Yeah.” Char looks away when she talks, and I get the feeling the double major isn’t exactly her choice.

“Do you think you’ll come home often?” Bryn Mawr is only about an hour or so from Conestoga. I’m so glad I’m getting out of Pennsylvania, I could practically shout it from the rooftops.

“I don’t know. I hope not.”

Char is cryptic, like she’s been since that night at Camp Marsh when we kissed. I didn’t know what to do after we got home, and she seemed so stand-offish when I tried to approach her after our first week of high school, that I just kind of stopped trying altogether.

But now, sitting so close to her, I couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss. I’d had kisses, blowjobs, sex … and still sometimes I thought about that innocent make out session under the obstacle course.

I don’t think before I gently grab her chin and make her look at me. Her beautiful brown eyes fill with confusion, so sweet and innocent. Things with Char, every encounter, has always been so easy. There is no pressure here. I can just be who I am with her.

I move my head in, puckering my lips and laying them on hers. Testing. I swipe across her mouth once, twice … and feel the sparks of lust and excitement course down my spine, landing in my balls and causing my dick to start swelling. I don’t pull back even when Char makes a tiny noise of hesitation, like she might put an end to this.

Instead, I coax her mouth open, sliding my tongue in and lapping it against hers. And instead of apprehension, I’m met with the sweet sensation of her lips and tongue moving in rhythm with mine. She’s slow and soft while I bring some heat to the kiss, the addicting way she ends each meeting of our mouths with a tiny suck on my bottom lip is driving me insane.

I take her head in my hands and tilt her backwards, moving on top of her, the entire time our mouths never disconnecting. I lay my body down, all hard ridges on her soft curves. Her kisses are making me drowsy, the way her tits feel pushed up against my chest is the only thing my brain is registering.

Char moans into my mouth and I finally break the seal of our lips, coming up to look her in the eyes. “You’re so hot.”

Her cheeks turn a cute shade of pink before I kiss and suck my way down her jaw and neck. At the same time, I finally move my lower half to kneel between her legs, the jean shorts she has on riding up her thighs. I connect us, pushing my throbbing hard-on against the seam of her shorts and grinding there.

“Huh! Tucker!” Char’s voice is breathy, and it spurs me to cover more territory, to feel more of her. I slide my fingers under the hem of her tank top, caressing the velvet skin of her stomach as I go up and up, hoping to God she won’t stop me before I can unfasten her—

“Stop! Stop …” Her command is quiet but firm.

I immediately sit up and take my hands off her. “What’s wrong?”

Her long brown hair is mussed and so sexy, it’s hard for me to concentrate on what she’s saying.

“I’ve never, you know … um …”

It takes me a minute before I realize what she’s getting at. “Ohhh. You’re a virgin?”

I can’t say it’s surprising, but the way she’s so embarrassed about it is kind of cute.

“Yeah. I’ve never done … well, anything.”

“Um … okay.” An awkward beat passes. “Well, do you want me to just leave then?”

“No. I’d like you to stay.”

In a bold move, that both impresses and turns me on more, Char reaches for my hand and pulls us both up. She starts for her house, letting us in the sliding glass door and moving toward her staircase. I’ve only been in the Morsey’s house for things like summer barbecues or the annual neighborhood Christmas party. I’ve never actually seen Char’s rooms.

“Where are your parents?”

“Away for the weekend.” She doesn’t elaborate.

At the left of the stairs, she pushes open a white door and pulls me inside.

Her room is not typical. I’ve been in teenage girls’ rooms—most of the time in their beds, but still—and Charlotte’s doesn’t look anything like their rooms. It’s done in lavender and gray, with a floral bedspread. There is a desk in the corner filled with textbooks, a laptop and Bryn Mawr pamphlets. On the other wall is a large bookcase full of, well, books. But also trophies. Dozens and dozens of them. This girl might have more trophies than me. There are no pictures with friends stuck to the mirror over her dresser. No life-size posters of the latest Hollywood heartthrob. Not even a bunch of clothes or jewelry on the floor. No, it’s all neat and … I don’t know. It feels like a hotel room.

“Nice room.” I don’t know if I should start trying to score again or if I should wait.

“Thank you.”

Char steps toward me and I know it’s on; she wants to do this. But I do care about her. And I’m not such a jerk that I don’t want to make sure.

“You’re sure you want to do this?”

She places her palms on my chest. “Yes. I’m sure.”

So I kiss her. I stroke my tongue against hers, twist our lips and mouths until we’re both panting. I’m so hard its almost painful, and with the way she’s writhing against me, I guess she’s ready.

I pull off her shirt, and then my own. We keep kissing, the feel of my skin against hers making my body tense up with the need for release. I move to the bed, walking her backward and toeing out of my sneakers as I snake my hands from her waist to her boobs. God, she feels good.

I lay her down, skating my hands back down her body before awkwardly trying to undo the button and zipper on her jeans. I get too amped up when I’m this close to getting inside a girl. I lose my cool.

“I’ll do it,” Char whispers.

Her hands move to her shorts, so I stand and hastily take my own off, with my boxers following. My dick stands at full-mast, hard and ready and so eager to push inside of her.

And there is Char. Completely naked now, laid across her bed. She’s got her hands covering her tits, one leg thrown over the other to try and hide herself. Before I move to her, I grab the condom I always carry in my wallet. I’m a teenage boy, I’m hopeful but not stupid.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to be shy.” I run my hand down her right arm and over her hand, peeling it away from her body. She moves the other and lays herself flat, giving me full access to her body.

She’s so hot, one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever been with. Char. I still almost can’t believe this is happening.

It doesn’t take long for our kisses to turn frantic. I rip open the condom and roll it on, pinching the tip so my dick didn’t feel like it was suffocating. I haven’t really fingered her or anything, but she’s got to be horny like I am. Right?

“You ready?” I stare down into her eyes, the lust and fear mixing.

Char hesitates, nods, swallows.

I guide myself into her entrance, the warmth and wetness already making my balls feel heavy. I cant my hips fractionally, and then a little bit more.

“Ow! Wait!” Char pleads and I freeze up, immediately ceasing all movement with my cock only halfway in her.

She lets out a little whine or a sob, her face twisting up in pain while she huffs out a breath.

“Are you okay?” I feel like I have my finger on the trigger of a gun or something.

She holds up a finger, signaling to give her a minute. I hold myself still and try not to move. Try not to even breathe.

“Okay, you can move now.” Char nods, a tear leaking out that I blot with my finger.

I give her a kiss, move my hips in a tiny thrust and then feel the gasp she lets loose on my lips.

“Oh my …”

I focus on Char’s eyes, the chocolate pools melting with each move I make. It feels good, she feels so good. Like a fist gripping my dick so hard that I know I’m going to burst in no time at all.

She has to be close too, I think. She’s making sexy little moans and her mouth has formed a permanent O. And she’s grasping at my neck and shoulders, thrusting her hips off the bed to meet me every single time I push all the way into her.

My spine and balls start to tingle, the sensations in the tip of my dick feeling so good I think I might pass out. And then I’m coming, shooting my load into the condom as I bury my face in Char’s hair.

It takes me a minute or two to regain my breath and full consciousness.

“Was that … okay?”

I don’t pick my head up, but continue to breathe into her shoulder. My dick twitches, the tremors of my release still working through me.

“That was … wow.” She sounds awestruck, and I smile to myself.

“So did you … you know …?”

A pause. “Yeah … yeah I did. Um did you?”

“Yeah. It was amazing.”

I push up onto my forearms and look down at her, unsure of what to do now. All of the other times I’ve had sex, it’s been at parties or in someone’s basement with their parents upstairs. I always had an out.

“Uh … so … my parents will be wondering where I went. I should go.”

“Yeah …” I can’t read the look in her eyes.

I pull out and pull the condom off, wadding it in a tissue before sticking it in the pocket of my shorts and pulling all of my clothes back on. Char pulls hers on too, both of us going to different sides of the room and not really looking at each other and get dressed.

When I’m done, I turn to her. “So … okay. I’ll talk to you soon.”

I bend down and kiss her on the forehead before turning to leave.

I
think
I’ve read the same sentence of Great Expectations sixteen times and I still have no idea what my eyes just processed.

I set the book down with a sigh, unable to get into reading in the way I usually can. Usually, reading for me is like falling back to sleep on a Sunday morning. It feels so right and good, so familiar and even better than regular sleep. It’s warm and perfect, the whole world is cozy. It doesn’t even matter the book; assigned reading and pleasure reading are one in the same for me.

But tonight I’m on edge. Just like I’ve been for a week.

I can’t believe its only been seven days since I lost my virginity. Since I crossed the imaginary line in every female’s life, the leap that took you from being a naïve girl and into the world of womanhood.

Seven days since I had sex with Tucker. It felt like a lifetime.

I’ve replayed it so many times in my head that if my brain were a VHS tape, it would be spilling tape. The way our bodies moved together, the look in his eyes when he looked down at me. The way it felt to have him inside of me.

Tucker. Inside of me. I used to daydream of that tousle-haired, brown-eyed boy laying his lips over mine and get butterflies. He’d been the star of all of my childhood and teenage fantasies. I never imagined he’d be the one to hold me for the first time as I experienced the most painful yet pleasurable sensations. Granted, I lied when I told him I’d had an orgasm. But no one did their first time, right? It was normal.

And it wasn’t exactly fun. It hurt. A lot at first. But Tucker seemed so turned on by it, by me, that the pain faded quickly.

My skin flushed and my heart revved into overdrive just thinking about his hands on me. And then I felt my cheeks suck in as the nausea came on.

I hadn’t heard from him in seven days. He left that night, kissing my forehead silently as he looked into my eyes and said we would talk soon. And then … radio silence.

I’d seen him in school twice, in passing or from a distance. He was always surrounded by people, I didn’t think Tucker had had a moment alone in his entire life. I’d tried to work up the nerve to go up to him, or to text him, and failed miserably. For the rest of the night after we’d had sex, I harbored this small light of hope in my chest. This was finally it, all of the wishes I’d saved up on birthday candles and lucky pennies and kissing the clock at 11:11 were going to come true. Tucker had finally noticed me, we were going to be something.

And deep down, I still had that flicker, the tiny ember of expectation, but Tucker held the snuffer and he could stamp it out in a heartbeat.

So I waited.

I laid on my bed, a matching Gap pajama set keeping me warm, for what felt like hours. This was my typical Friday night, I’d never had a problem with reading until my eyes got heavy and then falling into a slumber only the weekends can bring. But tonight, it suddenly wasn’t enough.

I’d hidden my phone under the bed in an effort to not check it incessantly, and so I didn’t notice it vibrate until ten minutes later when I allowed myself to calmly reach around on the hardwood and pull it up onto the comforter in front of me.

Pushing the home button, the screen lit up. And there, I was greeted with one text. One name that flashed across my screen. Tucker.

He’d finally texted me.

I just sat there for a bit, my hands shaking as I saw his name go dark and then light up each time I refreshed the screen. I wanted to look so badly, but a part of me was preserving that tiny ember in my chest.

By the time I picked up the phone and unlocked the screen, my whole body was shaking, as if I was in bone-chilling weather and couldn’t stop my body from shivering. This is what he did to me. And he wasn’t even physically here.

I laughed outright, alone in my room, the sound echoing off the wall. I had gotten myself so worked up, and all he’d done was send a greeting. "Jeez, Char,” I muttered to myself.

I should wait the requisite five minutes, let him wait, appear to be a cool girl. Like I wasn't trying too hard.

But I couldn’t. My hands would not obey the teenage rule book.

A couple minutes later, my phone buzzed.

My stomach flipped. He was at a party. One he clearly hadn't invited me to. Wouldn’t you usually want the girl you were seeing to be at the party you were at? But he wasn’t having fun.

Flirty. That was good. I could try and do flirty. He typed back seconds later.

My parents had taken to leaving me alone all weekend, doing some trip to this or dinner to that. Since I was leaving soon, my mom called this her time to “re-establish myself in the community and on several committees.”

I didn’t mind, at least it got her off my back for a little while.

I looked around my room, shooting off my bed and clearing what little mess there was before answering his text.

I was happy he was coming to spend time with me. But I also kind of wanted to go to that party.

Ten minutes later the doorbell rang, and I was opening it to reveal Tucker.

God he looked good. His curls had been chopped short sometime this week, nothing more but little waves close to his head now. His dark brown eyes shown bright, and his olive skin was even tanner than usual with all the running he must be doing outside since the weather had gotten warmer.

“Hi.” I was breathless, my desperation probably reeked.

“Hey there.”

He walked in but didn’t make a move to kiss, or even hug, me. Hmm, okay.

“Your parents home?”

I followed him to where he stood at the base of the stairs. “Um, no. They’re out tonight.”

“Cool. Do you want to go up to your room?”

I pang of something—suspicion maybe—had me hedging for a minute, but this was Tucker. My crush. Wanting me to go upstairs with him. I’d be an idiot not to.

“Sure.”

My heart did a little flip when he reached for my hand to lead me up.