Lost December (11 page)

My father was just staring at me, no doubt wondering what James had to do with our conversation. “No. You never told me about him.”

“Graduation night he was killed by a drunk driver.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“All that work and sacrifice was for nothing,” I said. “He wasted his life.”

“I wouldn’t call that a wasted life.”

“Then what would you call it?”

“Anything but wasted. A man who lives an ethical life adds to the whole of the human family—no matter how brief that life might be.”

“You’re an idealist, Dad. But the bottom line is, he could have enjoyed his life, instead of spending all those hours at the library poring over his books for nothing.” I slowly shook my head. “I used to believe that that was how life was supposed to be. But I don’t anymore. Life is meant to be lived, not sweated away. I’m not that kind of fool.”

“You mean a fool like me.”

“You’re twisting my words,” I said. “You’re no one’s fool.
You’ve lived your life the way it worked for you. I just want to do the same.”

My father didn’t reply.

“When you insisted that I leave Arizona, you said it was because you didn’t want me to have any regrets. You said that you wanted me to see the bigger picture. At the time I didn’t want to go, but you were right. I’ve seen the bigger picture. And the world’s a whole lot bigger than the biggest corporate suite. Isn’t this what you were trying to teach me? To fly? To live life without regrets?”

My father just looked at me quietly. “And what do I do with the company?”

“Sell it,” I said. “Cash in on all your hard work. You could finally be free from Crisp’s and enjoy your life.”

“You make Crisp’s sound like a prison sentence.”

“Isn’t it?”

After a moment he said: “No. And I’ve never considered selling it. This has always been a family business. For you, maybe someday for your children.”

“What if I don’t want it?”

He slowly shook his head. “I could never just walk away. Crisp’s is a family. Some of my employees have devoted their entire careers to working for me. I can’t just turn them over to someone else. I need to make sure they’re taken care of.”

“That’s part of the problem, Dad. Crisp’s
isn’t
a family. And it’s not a charity. It’s a business. If I learned one thing from my M.B.A., it’s that. When you forget those boundaries, people will occupy your every waking moment. They’ll suck you dry.

“One of my professors used to be the CEO of a major cosmetics company. He told us that he realized it was time to leave when more of his time was spent taking care of his employees’ problems than the actual business. Selling Crisp’s will be the best thing you’ve ever done. You’ll see that there’s another world out there—one you deserve before it’s too late to enjoy.”

“Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we may die,” my father said softly.

“Not
may
, Dad.
Will
. Like James. Like Mom.”

What I said pierced him. My father looked down for a minute before speaking. “What do you plan to do?”

“For now I’m going to travel with my friends.”

“For how long?”

“I don’t know. Until I’m done.”

“How will you fund this?”

“I have my trust fund.”

“And when that runs out?”

“There’s a million dollars. It’s not running out.”

“Money always runs out. A million dollars doesn’t go as far as you think.”

“It will go far enough,” I said.

He looked down at his desk. “I can’t stop you from accessing it, but I’m against it.”

“I’m sorry, Dad. But this is something I need to do.”

He looked perplexed. “I’ve spent my life creating something to leave to you.”

“And you’ve succeeded. But you’ve given me something much greater than a company. You’ve given me freedom.”

He threaded his fingers together and put them in front of his mouth, his eyes closed. He looked like he was praying. He stayed that way for a full minute before he looked at me again. He took a deep breath then exhaled slowly.

“Okay,” he said. “Follow your own drum. But be careful, son.”

“I don’t want to live careful,” I said. “That’s part of the problem, people cling so tightly to their lives that they squeeze the joy out of it. I just want to live.”

“I just don’t want to see you hurt.”

“You won’t.”

His eyes welled up, which I could see embarrassed him. “I was so excited for your return.”

“I’m sorry, Dad.”

He took a deep breath. “I can’t talk you into sticking around?”

I slowly shook my head.

“Then I suppose there’s nothing more to be said. You know how to get the money, I assume.”

“I’ll visit Mike.” I got up and walked to the door. I looked back at him. “Bye,” I said.

He was overcome by emotion and couldn’t speak. He just nodded.

I quickly walked out of his office and left the building. Whether to fly or fall, I had definitely left the nest.

Unless you’re an engineer, a doctor or mathematician,
the true measure of any decision is less result than intent
.

Luke Crisp’s Diary

I was about to pull my car out of my parking stall when Henry knocked on my window. I put the car in park and rolled down the window.

“What just happened?” he said. “I haven’t seen your father that distressed since your mother passed away.”

“I told him that I don’t want to run the business.”

Henry looked a little surprised but nodded sympathetically. “I can understand. That’s a heavy mantle.”

“That’s what I told him. But he didn’t take it very well.”

“No, I suppose he wouldn’t. He’s been planning on you taking over for years. Maybe since you were born.”

“Do you think he’ll be okay?”

“Your father? Of course he will. He’s a survivor. You don’t build a
Fortune
500 company without contingency plans.”

“Henry, you know him. Why does he do it? Why does he keep running the company? He could enjoy life, see the world, find love.”

“You know, I’ve asked him that very thing, but he’s never given me a straight answer. I’m not sure he has one. Your father came from a different place than you or me. He came from a world of scarcity—where a man fought against the
wilderness to survive. But even more than that, your father’s a do-gooder. He’s been the company nursemaid for thirty years.”

“I know. I told him that Crisp’s isn’t a charity. He should sell the company, take his winnings and move on.”

“I’ve told him that very thing, but he won’t listen—improve the P&L, sell, then really start living life. He could buy a yacht and sail around the world.” Henry cocked his head. “Who knows, maybe coming from you he’ll listen.”

“Maybe,” I said.

“So what are you going to do now?” Henry asked.

“I’m going to start living. Travel.”

“Do you know where you’re going?”

“Everywhere. We’ll start in New York, then we’re headed to Europe”

“Good for you, Luke. Just be safe. And don’t worry about a thing. I’ll take care of your father.”

“Thanks,” I said.

He slapped the roof of my car. “Don’t mention it. And don’t worry. Everything will be just fine.”

I called Candace from the road. “How’d it go?” she asked.

“Not well,” I said. “My father was planning on me taking over the company immediately. I really hurt him.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too. He didn’t deserve that.”

After a moment she said, “Hurry to New York. I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” I said.

“Sean went ahead and booked our room on his credit card.”

“Tell him thanks. I won’t have my new credit card for a few days.”

“Just a minute,” Candace said, “Sean wants to talk to you.”

“You owe me, man,” Sean said.

“I know. I’ll pay you back.”

“How’d it go with the old man? Like you expected?”

“Worse. He was expecting me to take over immediately.”

“I told you. It’s archetypical. Atlas tries to hand the world over to Hercules. Only you were smart enough to reject it.”

“I don’t feel that smart right now.”

“But he’s not stopping you from leaving.”

“No. The trust fund is in my name, so there’s nothing he can do about it anyway. I just hate disappointing him.”

“You’ll be feeling better soon enough,” Sean said, “Don’t worry about your father. It’s not what he expected, but he’ll come around. He wants you to be happy, right?”

“And if he doesn’t come around?” I asked.

Sean laughed. “You’ll burn that bridge when you get to it.”

I drove to the office of Mike Semken, our family accountant, and let him know that I was leaving town and needed to access my trust fund. He said it might take a few days to secure
a debit card for the account, but he’d have it sent to me as soon as it arrived.

Leaving Semken’s office, I stopped at a pub some of the Crisp’s employees and I used to frequent and had a drink to settle my nerves. Then I drove to Sky Harbor airport and caught a flight to New York to meet up with the rest of the gang.