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Authors: Brooke Davis

Lost & Found (17 page)

BOOK: Lost & Found
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millie bird

M
illie sits on the bench seat in the common area of the carriage and rests the back of her head against the window. Across from her, a lady reads a book to a little girl. She’s littler than Millie. The book doesn’t have many words to it, and asks really easy questions.
What does a cow do?
says the mum, and prompts the little girl,
Moo
, and the little girl just mimics the mum, like an echo, and the mum congratulates the little girl. As if she invented cows. The little girl sits with her head up high, swinging her legs, and the mum leans in and kisses her on the head. Millie closes her eyes and wishes so much that it was her head, so when the mum says,
What does a horse do?
, Millie says,
Neigh!
in her best horse voice, she even lifts her head back like a horse does, and looks up at the mum, hoping for something, but the mum looks at Millie like she has done something wrong.

And suddenly Millie is filled with hatred for this tiny girl.
You know
, she says, jumping off the seat and looking straight at her,
you could die today.
And she walks into the next carriage.

Sandwiches

What?

and curtains

read this

potatoes

Millie wanders into the restaurant carriage and slides into a booth. The vinyl seat sticks to the backs of her legs. She watches the world go by through the train window, and if she puts her hands around her eyes like goggles, the whole world is red and green and yellow streaks, moving so fast. There is something terrifying about that, but also something exciting. It is both things, and she thinks,
Everything is always both things
. She is sad to say good-bye to Stella but she is happy to go with Karl and Agatha. She is sad her dad died but she is happy his body isn’t hurting anymore. She loves her mum but she hates her too. Can you love and hate the same person? If you love them more than you hate them, will they forgive you? Will they let you find them? She takes off her goggles, leans back in her seat, and surveys the length of everything out there, and it feels as if nothing will ever, ever end, or begin.

A lady wearing the Indian Pacific uniform walks down the carriage toward Millie. She has long blond hair and eyes that
shine when she smiles.
Excuse me
, Millie says in her most polite voice.
When will we get to Melbourne? I need to be there in two days.

The lady smiles sympathetically at Millie.
Oh, love
, she says.
I know it’s a bit of a trek.
She reaches into her pocket.
Here
, she says, and hands Millie a Caramello Koala.

Millie squints at the Caramello Koala in her palm. She looks up at the lady.
I need to be there in two days
, she repeats.

The lady laughs.
I’ll bring you a coloring book
, she says, and walks off.

Millie bites into the koala’s legs just as a man’s voice comes over the loudspeaker.
Good morning, everyone
, it says.
If you’ve just joined us at Kalgoorlie, welcome on board the Indian Pacific. We trust you’ll enjoy your journey. I’ll be using this PA system to not only make a few announcements along the way but to also give you a few facts about this glorious country of ours. We’ll soon be traveling through the Nullarbor Plain. “Nullarbor” derives from Latin and means “no trees,” but the plain is covered with bluebush and saltbush plants, hardy shrubs that are drought-resistant and salt-tolerant. The plain is the world’s largest single piece of limestone, is twenty to twenty-five million years old, and is twice the size of England. It is also a former shallow seabed, and is mostly made up of seashells.

Millie presses her face against the window.
So this is what the bottom of the sea looks like
, she says. She’ll have to remember to tell Stella. She puts it in the part of her brain that remembers things for later.

At the next table, a boy about her age reads a comic. On the front is a picture of a cartoon man wearing a cape, his arm thrust high in front of him, the wind in his hair, a person tucked under his arm. A building burns beneath them. He has a wristband and it has lights and buttons all over it.

Millie looks down at her dad’s beer cozy on her forearm. She imagines herself with a cape, flying down the aisles of the train, hovering over everyone, and saving them. Flying right out of this train and straight to Melbourne. Her mum would have to forgive her because she will have been so Good. She locks eyes with the boy over the top of the comic. He seems to be egging her on.

So Millie sneaks into the first-class carriage—

then I took the apple

was firstly understood as

how did that

Nova Scotia?

—and steals a white tablecloth. From her backpack, she pulls out her Funeral Pencil Case, writes
CF
on the tablecloth in thick black marker, and ties it around her neck. She takes off her gumboots and writes
C
on the right one and
F
on the left one. She writes
IN HERE MUM
on one forearm and
SORRY MUM
on the other. She gathers up all the menus in the restaurant carriage and, next to the
Welcome to the Indian
Pacific
heading, writes in her very best writing,
You are all going to die
. Underneath, in bold letters,
IT’S OK.
She draws a happy face.

She watches a lady carefully apply lipstick on her lips, and then, when the lady’s not looking, Millie reaches into her handbag and takes the lipstick.
Borrowing
, Millie says. She uses it to write her message on the bottom of windows, on the mirrors in the toilets and on the tabletops in the restaurant. No one seems to notice.

She walks down the aisles of the carriages, feeling her white cape billow out behind her, feeling like her gumboots have springs on the bottoms. People look at her. She smiles at them. Her smile feels as though it could provide all the world’s electricity. She propels herself down the aisle, her arm up high in front of her body, her hand balled in a fist.

An old lady puts her hand on the seat next to her as if she is imagining the warm of someone there. Millie gets down on her knees and slides on the ground toward her.

You’re going to die someday
, she says.

The lady looks down at Millie.
I hope so, dear
, she says, patting Millie on the head.

A girl sits on the floor of the lounge carriage brushing the hair of a Barbie.

You’re gonna die someday
, Millie says, standing over her.

The girl doesn’t look up.
YOU are.

I know
, Millie says.

A dad feeds a toddler while trying to stop two other boys from punching each other.

You’re all going to die someday
, Millie says, standing proudly, the beer cozy high above her head.

The dad tries to cover his kids’ ears.
Rack off
, he says.

The mum, reading a magazine nearby, rolls her eyes.
She’s just a kid, Gerard.

So was Charles Manson once!

I’m not just a kid, Gerard
, Millie whispers as she walks away.

There is a baby in a pram. Millie lets him grab her finger. She moves in close to his head.
You’ll die too
, she whispers.

He smiles at her, farts, and smiles a little more.

That little kid’s a bloody weirdo

I know

She finds a door with
Derek Fauntleroy: Head Conductor
written on it. She pushes the door ajar and sees a man sitting at a desk with his head in his hands and a phone up to his ear.

Dad I can’t, I’m working

This is my real job

God, Dad

Why don’t you ask Golden Boy

Well, it’s the bloody truth

Don’t hang up

Dad

Dad

Shit

Millie uses the lipstick to write on the window opposite his office.
IT’S OK
. The letters seem to fly along the line of the horizon.

Millie sits under one of the tables in the restaurant carriage. Every single person is sad and either showing it or hiding it, and some have been sad for too long, and some haven’t been sad for long enough. And the thought of helping everyone is very, very exhausting.
Is this what a superhero is supposed to feel like?
she says, pressing her face into the chair cushion.

A boy pokes his head underneath the table and shimmies in next to her. It’s the boy she saw before with the superhero comic. His hair is brown and his eyes seem to take up his whole face. He and Millie stare at each other.

I’ve been on this train thirty-seven times
, he says to Millie eventually.

Good for you
, she says.

I know everything about it. Ask me anything.

I’m busy.

You’re a superhero
, he says, pointing to her cape.

Yeah
, she says.

So am I.

Which one are you?

He sighs, leans on his elbow, and rests his chin on his hand.
It’s a secret.

I’m Captain Funeral.

He sits up.
I’m Captain Everything.

What do you do?

Uh, everything
, he says. He rolls his eyes.
Duh.

Oh.

What do you do?

Nothing yet.

Some sneakers and thongs and bare feet walk past.

Do you like feet?
the boy says.

Millie considers this.
Mostly
, she answers.

My mum says never to touch anyone’s feet. She says that after doorknobs, handrails, and hairy backs, they’re the most disgusting thing.

There’s more disgusting things.

Like what?

Boys.

Girls are more disgusting.

Poop
, Millie says.

Poop on your face, maybe.

My grandma had warts all over her eyelids.

Maybe she was a witch.

You’re gonna—

Die someday, I know.

How do you know?

Everybody knows.

You were eavesdropping!

No I wasn’t.

Yes you were.

He sits back against the leg of the seat.
Want some of my muesli bar?

Millie shrugs.
Okay.

They chew loudly together. Millie eats the portion quickly. The boy watches her. He reaches into his pocket, pulls out some crackers, and hands them to Millie. She eats them gratefully.

Where are you going, anyway?

A trip.

The boy rolls his eyes again.
Obviously. Where?

She takes a deep breath.
We’re trying to find my mum. She forgot to pick me up. Then all her stuff was gone from the house. And before that, Dad was at the hospital. And then he died. And I think that’s why she forgot to pick me up and why she wants to go far away and all I need to do is find her before she goes far away.

Oh.

Is your mum nice?
Millie says.

She’s okay.

What kind of stuff does she do?

Mum stuff.

Like what?

Get me stuff. Pick me up from stuff. Make me stuff. That sort of thing.

My mum’s taking me to Movie World
, Millie says.
On the Gold Coast. You know, when we find her.

Went there last year.

We’ll probably go to Sea World after that.

The dolphin show there was okay, I guess.

My mum’s in the dolphin show
, Millie says.

I didn’t see her.

You wouldn’t know her.

Your mum isn’t in the dolphin show.

We’re probably going to outer space after that.

You can’t go to outer space
, the boy says, crossing his arms.

Who says?

Everybody says.

Mum knows a guy that can go to space.

An astronaut?

He’s just rich.

Oh. You know rich people?

Some.

I know lots of rich people.

No you don’t.

Yes I do. There’s a girl at my school who buys lunch every day.

So
? Millie says.

Every day.

Can she go to outer space?

Probably.

Where will she buy lunch?

She’ll buy it beforehand
, the boy says
. Obviously.

What’s your real name?

Not telling. What’s your real name?

Millie Bird.

Mine’s Jeremy.

Jeremy what?

No, Jeremy Jacobs.

I like your name.

Thanks. Yours is okay too.

Thanks.

They hear a voice from the other end of the carriage.

Excuse me, sir.

Jeremy’s eyes widen.
That’s Derek
, he whispers.
The head conductor.

Derek walks past them. Millie can see only his feet. Black, shiny shoes. A straight, fast walk.
No breathing on the windows, sir
, he says.

Mum says he used to be a parking inspector
, Jeremy says.
But
, he leans in closer to Millie,
he got fired. He used to fiddle with the parking meters so he could give more tickets.

Millie crawls out from under the table to get a look at him. She can only see him from behind, but can tell it’s the man who was on the phone. His shirt is tucked in and his trousers don’t have any creases in them. He wipes down the tables and
the seats and the walls and any surface there is. He seems to be in a race against himself. A child with Vegemite all over her face sits at one of the tables while her mum lines up at the food counter. Derek wipes her face with the cloth roughly, and she sits there stunned for a few moments, and then starts to cry. Derek passes the mother as he walks away from the screaming child.
No crying in the restaurant carriage
, he says.

BOOK: Lost & Found
12.21Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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