Lost Heartbeats (Alexander & Maya Book 2) (26 page)

“Did you buy your ticket?”

“Yes, for Monday. You’ll still pick me up from the airport, right?”

“Right,” she answered. “Then I want to ask, are you ready to come back?” Linn asked on the phone as I sat alone, nursing a cup of coffee in Helen’s kitchen.

“As ready as I can be.”

“Did he come?”

“Not since I left the hospital. He was there when I was discharged, though. He wanted to drive us, but we took a cab instead. Since then, only phone calls, but I don’t answer them. I’m not ready to talk yet and more than that, I don’t know what to say.”

“Maybe you should let him do the talking then.”

“Maybe. But I’m not sure if I want to hear his excuses or empty promises.”

“You really love him, don’t you?” Linn asked after a moment of silence.

“Yep. But it doesn’t matter anymore. Not after all that happened.”

“Ok, I’m gonna get back to this topic shortly, but are you sure you are okay after what happened with Jackson? I’m not saying physically, so don’t give me the crappy answer.”

“It was scary, but I’m really okay. If it would’ve ended differently, if he would’ve…I’m not sure I could say the same thing, but I’m fine. I’m not fine enough that I think I could be okay with seeing him or being in the same room with him, but since that will never happen, I’m more than ready to forget about it. You don’t have to worry about me.” I fidgeted in my seat. I was more sad about the ending than the beginning of that night.

“The baby?”

“Can’t we talk about all this when I get back? And do I have to remind you that you’ve been asking the same questions on every phone call, and you will be getting the same answers this time too?”

“I’m worried about you, so we’ll talk about this until I’m at least a little assured that you are okay. Now, the baby?”

“The baby, what?” I snapped. “Am I sad that I lost it? Of course I am! As much as I was scared about the whole pregnancy thing, I was excited about it too. And I know Alexander would have been just as excited. I thought we’d be okay. I thought that he would want us to be okay.”

“Maya…” she sighed on the other end of the line. “Maybe you need to hear his excuses. If you come back here without talking to him, it will eat you up inside.”

“What am I supposed to talk to him about, Linn? I already know why he ditched me that night. Natalie called and he ran to her side. There is nothing more to it. I don’t know what you are expecting to hear exactly.”

“I’m not expecting anything. I’m just saying, if you love him, how do you expect to get over him? You lost your baby, Maya. A baby I believe you very much wanted to have with him.”

“I didn’t even know I had him for 7 weeks, so I can’t really get that upset about it, can I?”

“You don’t believe that, so stop giving me that crap,” she snapped at me. “You already had a gender in mind, for god’s sake.”

Hearing the front door open and close, I said, “I’m sorry, I need to go. Someone is at the door. We’ll talk again soon.” I ended the call as Linn was yelling at me not to hang up.

“Hey, Maya,” Helen greeted me as she entered the kitchen with her hands full of groceries. “You’re up. How are you feeling?”

“Still sore, I’m afraid,” I answered, slowly getting up to help her.

“You sit down. I got this under control,” she ordered, gently touching my shoulder.

With the way I was moving, she would empty every bag by the time got to her side anyway, so I sat my ass back down.

“When did you leave? I didn’t hear you go out,” I asked, watching her check the bags one by one.

“I checked on you, but you were sleeping,” she answered, smiling at me. “I didn’t want to wake you up. You’re already having trouble sleeping because of that arm.”

Yeah, sleeping with an injured arm was the worst possible thing in the world. I was used to sleeping with my face buried in the pillows, so sleeping on my back was very much like a cruel torture specifically designed for me.

“I can’t wait to take it off. It’s actually better, but I don’t think I could do without the sling yet.”

“You have a few more weeks before you get rid of that.”

She reached for a bag and took out a big tiramisu cheesecake, planting it right in front of me. Then she reached in again, this time coming out with a package of Danishes. “These are for you,” she said, disposing of the bag they came in.

“Umm,” I said, my eyes big, “thank you? Do you want me to go into a sugar coma or something like that? Because I gotta say, I just came back from the hospital and it was no fun.”

She laughed and started to empty the other bags that contained healthier things, like vanilla yogurt, rye bread, almond milk, and coffee.

“Danishes are for you. The cheesecake is for Stephanie, I’m afraid, but I’ll make her share with us.” She opened the fridge and started to fill it with the rest of the groceries.

“Stephanie is coming?” I hadn’t seen her for the last three days, and I had to say I was starting to miss her trying her best to cheer me up.

“She’ll join us for lunch. I don’t think you should go out yet, so she’ll come here after her shift.”

“Helen,” I said, suddenly feeling bad for all the trouble I was causing her. “You’ve already done so much for me, I don’t know how to thank you. I don’t even know what I would do here if I hadn’t met you.”

She placed the eggs in her hand back on the counter and came to my side. “We talked about this, Maya. You and I are family now. Contrary to what you believe, your uncle would’ve loved to meet you. Yes, he was angry at your father, but it was his folks who kept feeding that fire. Trust me when I say, if he hadn’t thought it was too late, or if he hadn’t been so stubborn, you would’ve met him much sooner. If he’d been alive when you came here four months ago, he would’ve been thrilled to meet you. I love having you around, and I wish things would’ve worked out for you and Alexander so I could have you closer to me.”

She was fishing again.

They all did. Stephanie was the worst of them, then Linn, and the last of course Helen. At least she was more subtle about it and didn’t push me for answers like those two did.

Still, I nodded and stayed silent as she finished organizing everything.

“Is there anything I can do?” I asked when she started to take out the pots and pans.

“You can keep me company if you have nothing else to do. Other than that, I want you to relax and not move around too much.”

“I can do that,” I said, relaxing into my chair.

A few minutes passed in a comfortable silence. “I bought my ticket,” I said.

She was cutting onions for the meat sauce she was preparing, and when she heard me, the knife stilled in her hand for a second. Then she resumed her task.

“I’m leaving Monday.” I gave her more details even though she chose not to ask. “I can walk around easier, and I’m actually anxious to get back home. This was like a long vacation for me, and it’s time to go home now.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Just bought the ticket this morning.”

“Does Alexander know?”

“I haven’t talked to him since we left the hospital, but I’ll call before Monday and let him know I’m leaving.”

“Okay, Maya,” she said, sweeping the onions into the pot. “If you think this is the right thing for you.”

“It’s the only thing to do, Helen.”

After that, we were silent for quite some time, both lost in our own thoughts.

***

The doorbell rang, and I slowly pushed up to my feet, trying not to wince as I rounded the couch to get the door.

Helen was in the shower, and apparently Stephanie had decided not to use her key to get in.

I checked the watch on my way to the door and thought it was still early for Stephanie to be there.

When I heard the bell again, I yelled, “I’m coming!”

Opening the door with my left hand, I came face to face with a perfectly put together Alexander.

He didn’t speak.

When my initial shock finally wore off, I softly asked, “What are you doing here?”

Damn you, Alexander Ross for affecting me this way. Damn you for making me fall for you.

“You’re leaving.”

“How did you… Who told you?” I managed to ask.

“It’s true?” he asked, avoiding looking into my eyes.

“Monday,” I nodded, shifting on my feet.

He shook his head once, and fell silent again.

Then he cleared his throat but didn’t speak. Actually, when I looked closer he didn’t look like his usual self. There was a haunted look in his eyes, dark circles under them. He looked worn out. Sure, for someone who didn’t know him, he would look okay. He was still as handsome as the first night I’d seen him. Still just as captivating. But now, something seemed to be missing.

It made me sad.

It made me so sad to know that I couldn’t throw myself into his arms and cry for hours while he whispered to me that everything would be okay.

Before I did something stupid, I asked, “Alexander? Is everything okay?”

Finally, he looked up at me. “Nothing is okay, Maya.”

We stared at each other, two lost souls. Two pieces of a broken heart that made sense only when they were together.

“You said we’d talk before you left. I need to do that now. I need you to come with me.”

“Where?” I asked hesitantly. I didn’t know if I could handle being alone with him for a long period of time.

“I need to show you something.”

I glanced back inside Helen’s home. I couldn’t hear the shower, but she wasn’t in the living room either. I looked back to Alexander, and said, “Okay. Give me a few minutes to talk to Helen, and I’ll come out.”

After I let Helen know where I was going and did my best to avoid looking at her hopeful face, I gingerly walked toward Alexander where he waited for me, resting against his car with his arms crossed against his chest.

Our car ride was surprisingly silent. I expected him to maybe ask me to stay in New York again, but he didn’t even look at me, let alone talk to me. He never once looked away from the road.

When he finally parked the car and took the key out of the ignition, he got out and came to my door to help me out.

Unfortunately, I was still having trouble with sitting and getting up, walking up the stairs, lying, did I mention sitting? Practically any time I was breathing, a part of my body was hurting.

As he opened my door, he hesitated, but then offered me his arm. I scooted to my right in my seat and reached for his arm with my left hand. Leaning down, his hand gently touched my waist and helped me out of the damn car.

When I was standing upright, he was standing inches away from me, his head tipped down. He took a deep breath, looked into my eyes, then let me go and took a step back.

I blinked back my tears and followed him to stand in front of a beautiful two-story brownstone. In fact, the entire street was beautiful. The trees, the flowers, the buildings, the lights. A beauty tucked in a corner in New York.

Alexander took the first step up the stairs and offered me his hand. Reluctantly, I grabbed on to his forearm and made my way up with his help.

Taking out a key, he opened the door and we walked into a big, spacious room. It was completely empty, and it smelled like the walls had been coated with fresh paint very recently.

“Another construction zone?” I asked, taking a few steps in. “I feel like we already did this part.”

“This is our home,” he said, and I blinked at him.

No. He won’t do this to me. He won’t hurt me like this.

“What are you talking about?”

“I was in England for two days. I looked everywhere for Jackson. I visited every company my father ever did business with, but I couldn’t find out where he was hiding. I couldn’t make it right.”

“Alexander,” I whispered, taking a step toward him. “What were you thinking? What would you have even done if you had found him?”

I stopped walking before I reached his side. He stood completely still, his eyes burning into me.

“I was going to kill him,” he said like it was the most obvious answer.

I groaned. “Have you lost your mind? Please don’t look for him. I don’t want you to get yourself into trouble because of this. I will never see him again, and he won’t be able to come back here. He couldn’t do what he intended to do, Alexander. I’m…I’m fine.”

“You are not fine,” he said hotly, his hands gripping my hands. “Do you see these?” he asked, lifting them so I could see the lighter bruises—as if I didn’t look at them as a painful reminder every day. “You call this being fine? Because I’m not fine. Not even close to it Maya, and I don’t even have one fucking bruise on me.”

He released my hands and turned his back to me, his fingers raking through his hair in a nervous way.

“He is nothing,” he continued. “He touched you, he bruised you, hurt you. He deserves more than just fleeing the country and living like nothing happened.”