Lost heritage (21 page)

Something about Charlotte's frown must have made her suspect doubt, for she was shaking her head. 'Oh, he would,' she assured her. 'But whatever started it, Raoul believed it, he was jealous; oh, he was so jealous!'

Like his nephew?_ Charlotte wondered, allowing her mind to wander briefly. But if you loved a man like Raoul

Menais, both the Raoul Menais, it was surely reasonable to expect a more emotional reaction from him in such a situation than from some men.

*He accused me of having a lover,' Lizette told her, *and nothing I said would convince him otherwise. He just would not believe that there was nothing at all like that with— mon dieul —^I cannot even remember his name!' She sounded so tired and resigned that Charlotte felt she should have stopped her there, but somehow it was not easy to stop something she had waited so long to hear, and the flat, tired voice went on again.

*We rowed, a real dinger of a row, arid I went back to England. It was instinct, I suppose, to bolt for home in a crisis, and I didn't know then that I was pregnant. I should have told Raoul when I found out, I know; I should have g(Mie back, but somehow I couldn't. He hadn't believed me when I said I had never done more than exchange a couple of words with that other man, why should he now? So'— she shrugged—*I left it and left it, and soon it was too late.'

*You told no one?'

*There was no one.' There was something oddly touching about the statement and it was not in the least self-pitying. *I had no family and no one from the old days knew I was back in England. I didn't pick up old acquaintances because—^well, because I couldn't face the way people have of giving sympathy with such—such relish when you've reached for the sky and it's come crashing down on your head. I had my baby and when I was able to I placed her widi a foster-mother and went back to work.'

It was hard for Charlotte to imagine a girl of no more

-than twenty going through what Lizette had been through

alone, and she wondered that she could ever have thought

Lizette weak. Still more difficult was to remember that the

baby she talked about was herself.

*You were a few months old when Michel came over to London for the firm and told me that Raoul had been killed in a car crash. I was—sturmed; I could hardly believe it.' She studied her hands where they lay on the quilt for a moment. 'I didn't tell Michel about the baby because—I think because I was half afraid that he too would not be-^ lieve you were Raoul's. Then, when I would have told liim, he began to ' j

She used her thin hands to express her meaning and twenty or more years in France had given her the Gallic abiHty to convey a lot with the simple gesture. Also Charlotte knew Michel Menais well enough to follow her meaning without words.

^*He wanted to marry me—I told you, did I not, that he was as keen as Raoul before we were married? But Michel doesn't like children. He was very adamant about us not having children and I agreed.' She looked up and there was self-disgust in the pale eyes that made Charlotte reach for her hands again to reassure her. *I thought of never having to scrimp and save again, and pgy out for all the things a baby needs, and I remembered how comfortable it had been being part of the Menais family. It was a temptation and God help me, I fell for it!'

*I understand, really I do,' Charlotte told her, and heri eyes were bright with tears of emotion as she tried to imagine herself in the same situation. She did not think. she would have taken the same step, but she could understand Lizette's dilemma and she found it impossible to be ^ too harsh in her judgment faced with those pale anxious eyes.

'You don't hate me?' In the face of such an appeal Charlotte could have done no other than shake her head, but she wondered if the Menais family would take such a lenient view of her weakness when they knew. *Tante Sophie will, when she has time to think about it,' Lizette

said with an air of jresignation, and Charlotte could not help believing it.

*But you have me now, madame?

The familiar tide had come automatically to her lips, but Lizette was shatog her head firmly, and that irresistible look of appeal was in her eyes again as she looked at her. *Could you not call me Maman?' she asked, and brought immediate realisation to her.

She smiled. *Oh, but of course,' she said. *I have to get used to it yet, Maman, but I shall love calling you Maman.'

'Charlotte! Oh, you must be my Charlotte—you must be!'

Once more she held the thin body of her mother in her arms and hogged her tighdy and reassuringly. But even while she thrilled to the new pleasure of being able to claim her own, mother, the question of both their futures caused her some serious thought. If Lizette and Michel parted permanendy and Lizette left Les Chataignes, then there could be no question of Charlotte remaining there. Prob- < ably Madame Menais would want her to stay, at least for a while, for she would want to niake a fuss of her granddaughter for sure, but Charlotte had to think of Lizette and put her needs first.

Leaving Les Chataignes meant leaving Raoul, and that was the thought that troubled her most. She could not contemplate going away from him without feeling a heavy coldness in her heart that she made no attempt to find a reason for, whether or not she had gained her object and established herself as a member of the Menais family.

*You won't leave me?' Lizette's voice broke through her thoughts and made the need for decision more immediate. *I don't think I could face losing you all over again,' she told her, holding tight to her hands. Tlease promise me, Charlotte!'

Charlotte shook her head, keeping her eyes hidden, for

it was too soon to let Lizette see that her loyalties were • already divided. *I won't leave you,' she promised.

Somehow, she had no idea how yet, there must be a way for her to stay near Raoul. He had seen her being Lizette's daughter as a miracle that could give Lizette the reason she needed to live—perhaps another miracle could be made to happen that would enable her to stay where Raoul was.

In other circumstances it would have been something of an j anti-cHmax returning to the house after the events of the ! past few hours. But to Charlotte it seemed more like the beginning of something even more exciting and she felt her heart thudding hard as she went in through the front doors to the cool formality of the entrance hall.

All the doors facing into it were closed, but there was an air of expectancy in the atmosphere that tingled along her spine and prickled her scalp as she walked across the stone floor towards the salon. Madame Menais had left the hospital for home some time before she did herself, and she had promised to tell her all about her conversation with Lizette the moment she got back, but she found herself much more anxious to see Raoul again.

The sound of a door opening brought her to an immedi- , ate halt and she stood there without turning, almost with- ^ out breathing, for she knew which door it was that had opened, without having to turn. The call, when it came, was neither unexpected nor any different from any other time he had called her to come to him, only this time her whole body and mind seemed to respond to his voice.

^Charlotte!'

She turned and looked at him for just a second before she started towards him. Standing framed in the doorway of his office he leaned against the frame with what must be an assumed nonchalance and it was impossible to see the expression in his eyes until she got right up to him. By then

he had carefully concealed them with his lashes.

*Hello, Raoui;

It sounded so ordinary that she almost laughed, realised how unwise it would be, and hastily pulled herself together. He said nothing for the moment but heaved himself away from the doorframe and followed her into his office. Sitting on the desk, he regarded her steadily once more, both his long brown hands gripping the edge of the desk as he watched her, waiting for her to enlighten him.

*I saw Madame Lizette,* she said, and his sardonic response reminded her that it had been he who arranged the meeting.

*So I imagine! * he said, and indicated the chair provided for visitors. But CSiarlotte preferred to remain standing for the moment and she shook her head. Momentarily at a loss for words, she stood with her head bowed watching her own restless fingers stroke the shiny wood surface of the desk top until she felt he was bound to lose patience with her. *Lizette confirmed that she and Raoul had a daughter?'

He must know that, for his grandmother would have already told him so, but evidendy he wanted to hear it from Charlotte herself. *Yes, she confirmed it,' she said, but hesitated about telling him why Lizette had kept her existence a secret for more than twenty years. Although he probably had his own ideas about that, and she looked up at him through her lashes, seeking his opinion. *It—it looks as if we're cousins,' she ventured.

*That pleases you?'

She was too unsure of his opinion and she still watched that dark intriguing face rather anxiously. *I was rather hoping someone in the family would be pleased beside Grand'm^re,' she said, and used the tide deliberately to sec what he would do.

He said nothing for a moment but looked as if he was trying to come to terms with her new status. Then after a

moment or two he looked up and met her eyes. *WiU you not tell me how it all happened?' he asked, and Charlotte found it impossible to refuse; as impossible as she would have found it to refuse him anything he asked.

'I'll tell you everything Maman told me,' she promised, and used her mother's title with the same air of bravado, though it brought no visible reaction from him. *I—I don't know that you'll understand, but I did and I hold no grudge at all. I don't blame her for anything, I told her so.'

He once more indicated the chair just beside her. *If this is to be a long story,' he said, ViU it not be better if you sit down?'

But as before, Charlotte shook her head. 'I'd rather not,' she told him, and her eyes held a glint of challenge when they met his briefly. *I don't feel at such a disadvantage standing up.'

He shrugged and did not press it, but sat back on the desk and listened carefully while she told him everything that had passed between her and Lizette at the hospital. When she finished she looked up at him once more, looking for his reaction.

*She says I look like Raoul, your uncle; do you think I do, Raoul?'

He put a hand under her chin and raised her face so that he could judge more accurately, it seemed, and she bore the intensity of that steely gaze for several seconds before he spoke again, *I was barely twelve years old when he died, and it was almost twenty-two years ago,' he said. *I do not remember exactiy how he looked. But Grand'mere sees him in you and that is sufficient evidence—Grand'mere adored him as she will no doubt adore you because you belong to him.'

She was aware of the tingling pleasure her body took from the brief touching of their bodies each time she breathed, and her heart was beating so hard she could hear

it like the beat of a drum in her head. She needed something to distract her senses from the wanton desires he aroused in her, and yet she found it hard to think of anything but his nearness and her own need of him.

*I—I didn't know they were married. Lizette and Raoul, I mean,' she explained, 1 didn't realise they were ever married to one another. I thought they were just—lovers.'

She saw realisation dawn in his eyes and knew that at last he saw the reason for her secrecy. Still balanced on the edge of his desk, he seemed already less wary, she thought. His mood seemed to have expanded a little and he seemed more at ease.

*So that was why you hugged your secret so closely?' he said, and Charlotte nodded. A faint smile hovered about his mouth and he looked at her steadily. *Your only desire was to conceal the fact that you were— un enfant d/amour, hmm?'

Charlotte flushed and her eyes were reproachful when she looked up at him. *If that means I kept quiet because I thought I was illegitimate, you're right,' she told him. *But it was less for my sake than for the sake of your family that I didn't say anything. I oaly wanted to establish my identity, not cause you embarrassment by raking up old scandals.'

*Child of love,' Raoul said softly, and caught her swift puzzled frown. *It means child of love— enfant d'amour, not quite the same.'

Something in the grey eyes brought an even more urgent beat to her heart, but still he did not reach out for her as she so desperately wanted him to. It should have been enough that she had achieved what she came to France for. She had established herself as one of the Menais, a legitimate member of their family,^ut more important than anything else was what she felt for Raoul, and she no longer attempted to deny it to herself.

Standing so near him she was more than ever aware of that stunning aura of maleness about him, and even without touching him she could so easily recall the warm firioness of tanned arms around her, and the fierce, hard passion c^ his mouth. She found her eyes irresistibly drawn to his mouth . while he was speaking, and it was a moment or two before she realised what he was saying.

*I was an enfant d^amour myself, cherie; we do not deny our own, no matter what we do to suppress scandal for the sake of our good name. My birth came only six months after the marriage of my parents, and I have no reason to believe that either of them has regretted it.* His brows darkened and drew together. *Lizette, it would seem, has fewer scruples than the rest of us; she abandoned you without a qualm!'

*Not without a qualm!' Charlotte denied swiftly, and quite automatically put a hand on his arm. *Don't believe diat for one minute, Raoul; she's regretted it all her—^all my life. She loved me, but she had so much to lose and she was young '

Raoul's grey eyes swept slowly over her flushed face, then settled intently on the soft vulnerable appeal of her mouth. *Not so very much younger than you are now, ma cherey he reminded her sofdy. *Would you leave your child to strangers for the sake of your own convenience?'

'Would you make the kind of condition that Michel made when he proposed to her?' Charlotte asked swifdy. *That there would be no children?'