Lost in Her (23 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

H
e was coming home! Strewn over Ryan’s bed were the only clothes Charlie had at his place. Why hadn’t she thought to bring something nicer than T-shirts and jeans from her apartment, or better yet, gone shopping for something sexy?

All Maria had said when she called was, “They’re landing this afternoon at three thirty. I’ll meet you in front of security.”

Her friend had sounded so excited that her husband was coming home, and Charlie got it because her heart had gone into overdrive at the news she would be seeing Ryan soon. She had raced to his place, showered, washed her hair, and now stood with a towel wrapped around her, trying to decide which T-shirt to wear. She finally picked the one that said,
Feel safe at night, sleep with a pilot.

Although she didn’t know anything about where he’d been other than he had landed in Finland, or what was involved, she had the sense it had been a dangerous mission. She wanted him to feel safe, and the T-shirt seemed appropriate. Never mind she was dying to feel his arms wrapped around her, both while sleeping and not.

Ryan’s rabbit popped out from under the pile of clothes, his nose twitching. “He’s coming home, Mr. Bunny. He’s coming home!” The refrain bounced around in her head like the melody of a song.

Once dressed, she went into the bathroom and applied a little makeup, then blow-dried her hair. She hadn’t been this excited since she’d gotten her pilot’s license. He was coming home, and she couldn’t wait to see him.

Maria squeezed Charlie’s hand at the sight of a limping Jake walking toward them. “Stupid idiot, he went and got shot again.”

“Did you know that?” Charlie asked.

“No, ’cause he didn’t tell us when he reported in. And why not? Because he knew I would yell at him so loud he wouldn’t have needed a phone to hear me.” She let go of Charlie’s hand and headed for her husband.

Charlie searched the faces of the people walking behind Jake. Where was Ryan? They probably hadn’t been able to sit together, and Ryan must have been at the back of the plane. So focused on watching for him to appear, she didn’t notice when Jake and Maria stopped next to her.

“Sweetie, he’s not coming,” Maria said, giving her a hug.

Not coming? What did that mean? Had he been hurt, too? Tears stung her eyes at the thought of Ryan hurt and alone in some hospital in a foreign country. “How bad was he hurt? Where is he? I’ll go to him.” Jake and Maria exchanged uneasy glances, and Charlie’s heart fell, landing with a heavy thud in the bottom of her stomach.

“He’s dead,” Charlie whispered, and clutched her stomach as it took a sickening roll.

“No, no, he’s fine. He booked a flight to Boston when we landed in New York.”

Charlie stared at Jake in disbelief, and he gave Maria a look that as much as said, “Help me out here.”

There was pity in Maria’s eyes, and Charlie hated that. “He called my brother, asked for some time off. Said he needed to go home for a few days to take care of some stuff. I’m sorry, Charlie. I didn’t know until Jake just told me.”

Stunned, Charlie didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t even bothered to call and tell her not to show up at the airport. He was the one who had asked her to wait for him, and here she was waiting for a man who hadn’t cared enough about her to make one lousy phone call.

“Did he . . .” She snapped her mouth shut. If he’d sent her a message, Jake would have told her by then. She stared at the floor, wishing it would just open up and swallow her. How pathetic she must look to them, showing up to welcome a man home who had better things to do than come back to her.

“Listen, I’ve got some errands to run, so I’m taking off.” She had to get away before she suffered the ultimate mortification and broke out crying.

“I’ll call you later,” Maria said.

“Yeah, sure.” She waved a hand as she walked away. A few steps down the concourse, she stopped and turned. “Welcome home, Jake.”

“Thanks.” His smile was soft, as if he were sad for her.

He had Maria tucked up under his arm the same way Ryan liked tucking her into him. It was too much. The tears she’d been trying to hold back pooled in her eyes. She turned away to leave.

“Charlie,” Jake called.

Unable to bear seeing the couple again, nestled into each other, she stopped but didn’t turn. “Yeah?”

“I’m sure he’ll call you tonight.”

“Probably,” she said, although she didn’t believe it.

The only place she knew to go where she could rid her mind of Ryan O’Connor and the ache he had put in her heart was the sky.

Charlie adjusted her airspeed to enter a snap-roll maneuver. To do the stunt, she would have to depart from controlled flight, stalling one wing during an accelerated pull up. It was a sudden stall, roll, spin, recover heart-thrilling maneuver, and one of her favorites.

It was a beautiful day in Northwest Florida; the sky was an azure blue and the gulf below an emerald green. Fluffy white clouds floated lazily overhead as if they had all the time in the world to get where they were going.

As she set up for the maneuver, she cleared her mind of everything but her and her plane. Why she could vanquish all her problems so easily when flying was something of a mystery, but from the minute her wheels lifted off the runway, she felt like she could breathe again. It was always like that. If she was sad, she flew. If she was angry, she flew. If she wanted to get a certain green-eyed hot guy out of her head, then time to go flying. As she prepared for the stall, her mind cleansed of all the crap going on in her life, she laughed from the joy filling her heart. This! This was all she needed for life to be good.

She came out of the roll, applied the opposite rudder, and released the back pressure to unstall the wings. As she leveled out the Citabria, she saw two navy F/A-18 Hornets circling off to her left, the pilots watching her. They both tipped their wings in a salute. Charlie grinned, and unable to resist showing off, she climbed until she was above them, inverted her plane, and flew over them like Tom Cruise in
Top Gun,
her all-time favorite movie.

Although she was breaking every regulation in the book, she didn’t care, nor, it seemed, did the navy pilots. Each gave her a thumbs-up, and one blew her a kiss. As they rolled away and flew off, Charlie watched them until they’d disappeared, envious of their planes. How she would love to be behind the controls of an aircraft that flew at Mach speed.

No way her troubles could catch up with her.

Ryan walked out the door of Boston’s Logan International Airport and hailed a taxi. He’d told no one he was coming, not even his mother. Instead of sending Charlie a text when changing planes in New York, letting her know that he was on his way to Boston, he should have called and told her everything.

So call her now, you dumb shit.
Taking out his phone, he clicked on her name and stared at it, wondering what to say. How to explain that he wanted a future with her, but until he put Kathleen and the past behind him, his wife would always be between them. Charlie deserved better from him.

He missed her. His finger hovered over the Call icon.

“Where to?” the taxi driver asked.

He stuck the phone back into his pocket, and before he thought better of it, he gave his parents’ address. Then, “No, take me to the Marriott on Long Wharf.” The hotel was reasonable, but more importantly, close to where Kathleen’s jewelry store had been.

If he showed up at his mom and dad’s door, they would be thrilled to see him, but there would also be questions he wasn’t ready to answer, especially from his mother. She had eyes that could see into her children’s souls. What he had in his, he didn’t want her to see.

He would take the first few days home to do what he needed to do, then spend some time with his family. After checking in, and throwing his go bag on the bed, he opened the curtains in his room and looked out at the harbor marina. He tried not to think that he had possibly ruined whatever he and Charlie might have had. In a corner of his mind, he held on to her promise to wait for him.

The next morning, and after a sleepless night, Ryan showered, shaved, and dressed. The last time he had slept well was with Charlie. Before he left his room, he called her, got her voice mail, and disconnected without leaving a message. What he needed to say couldn’t be left on a machine.

His first stop was at Kathleen’s father’s house. “Hello, Donal,” he said, hiding his shock at how much the man had aged. The last time he’d seen Donal had been at her funeral, and although that had been only a little over a year ago, his father-in-law looked ten years older.

“Ryan?”

Of course he was Ryan. Why was that a question? “Can I come in?” he asked when Donal stared at him as if not pleased to see him. They had always gotten along, so why did he not feel welcome?

“Of course. Of course.” Donal stepped back, his slippers scraping over the tiled foyer.

Offered a cup of coffee, Ryan accepted and followed his father-in-law into the kitchen, a place he’d spent many hours. Now it felt as if he were a stranger to the old man. The tingle at the back of his neck that he’d long ago learned to trust sent off warning signals. Any doubt he’d had that Kathleen’s father knew more than he’d let on vanished. The two of them had been close, as much friends as father and daughter. Somehow Ryan had to find a way to get the man to reveal Kathleen’s secrets.