Lost in Mist and Shadow: A Between the Worlds Novel (25 page)

His head snapped up, his worry hitting her like a physical blow, making her gasp slightly and struggle to reinforce her tattered shields. When he spoke though his voice held none of what he felt, sounding flat and emotionless. “And why would you need healing work?”

She took a big gulp of her coffee, feeling it burn all the way down, before answering. “It’s complicated but I…am having a hard time since getting hurt. I’m hoping he can help me heal some of the…non-physical injuries.”

“Non-physical injuries,” he repeated, bitterly.

“Bleidd…” her voice trailed off, unsure what to say.

He stood up abruptly, moving with the extraordinary speed of the Fey. The legs of the chair squealed against the floor in protest. Allie kept her head down, avoiding his eyes, as he walked over and dropped his bowl into the sink. He turned on his heel and walked towards the hallway but stopped in the door. She could feel his emotions heavy in the air: anger, grief, worry, love, jealousy. The mix and intensity made her stomach turn and she regretted drinking the coffee. Swallowing hard she pushed her cup away.

He spoke in that same flat voice, “I have to work today but tomorrow I will go with you to the store. Jason and I have already discussed it and I will stay with you on the days I am off of work while he will remain with you the rest of the time.”

“Do I get any say in this?” she asked, nettled that they’d had this entire conversation about her, without caring what she thought.

“No,” he said, disappearing down the hall. A moment later she heard the door to his room close.

Frustrated she lay her head down on the kitchen table. Deep down she knew that her friends were only trying to help her but after spending so much time during the previous investigation being shadowed by the Elven Guard, the idea of once again being followed around everywhere was galling. She did not want anyone, even her friends, going everywhere with her, and she really didn’t want to have to check in with them and report all her movements. Groaning she sat back up, and then stood, deciding she’d skip the coffee today. She had to get ready for Brynneth anyway.

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She lay perfectly still listening to him move around in the other room. Her wrists and ankles ached constantly now where the ropes had chaffed the skin raw and she tried never to move anymore. Moving made everything hurt more.

She held her breath as the sounds outside came closer to the door, than moved away.

She heard another sound, a voice pleading. Another girl. She felt a wave of guilty relief. He wouldn’t bother her then, not now, he had someone else.

She was certain now this was Hell and she was never getting out again.

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Brynneth arrived just past noon, alone. Although Allie would normally have been glad to see Jess she had to admit under the circumstances she was relieved that he hadn’t come along.

“Welcome,” she greeted him in Elvish, “Come in. I thought this might best be done upstairs in my room.”

Brynneth inclined his head in an elven shrug, “Greetings. Wherever you are most comfortable would be the best place, I think.”

She ushered Brynneth into the house trying to subtly hurry him up to her room, the only place she could have any real privacy with most of her roommates home. She knew that Liz especially would not approve of her having the healer alone in her bedroom, but she wasn’t entirely sure what this kind of healing was going to entail and she was nervous about trying to do it in front of an audience. Particularly given that Shawn was likely to stand there and ask a million questions. Her stomach was still upset, either from her disagreement with Bleidd that morning or from anticipating the healing, so she had skipped lunch, which made her feel more on edge.

“So how does this work?” she asked as soon as they reached her room, closing the door behind them.

Brynneth smiled reassuringly at her, “Peace Aliaine - Allie. Have you never had non-physical healing before?”

“No, never, although I know it can be done.”

“Ah, I see. Well it is much the same as physical healing for the one receiving it. You can lay down somewhere comfortable and relax and I will take a moment to assess what needs to be done and decide the best approach. In some circumstances it is enough to simply channel healing energy into the body and let it go where it is most needed. If the injury is more complex or severe then I may use a spell tailored to address that specific need.”

Allie nodded. “Do I…will I need to talk to you about what happened?”

His face softened losing a little of the businesslike reserve he normally had. “No, although you should know that during any healing I become aware of whatever events caused the trauma.”

She mulled that over. “So when you do a physical healing you know what exactly caused the injury?”

“Yes,” he said watching her face carefully.

She looked down, feeling her fists clenching, but when she spoke she managed to keep her voice level, “Well then, since you saved my life…afterwards…you already know everything.”

“It might be good for you to talk about it. When you are ready to,” he said, still watching her carefully.

She inclined her head, unconsciously imitating an elven shrug, to avoid saying anything in response. The last thing she wanted to do was talk about what happened, with anyone. She stepped towards the bed, the only place to lay down in the room besides the floor, and then stopped. “Does Jess know?”

“We have never discussed it. As far as I am aware he knows only what he saw for himself when we found you, or guessed, and what you may have told him. How much he may have guessed I do not know,” Brynneth said.

Allie felt relief wash over her; at least there had been no secret conversation about what she’d suffered through. As far as she was concerned the less Jessilaen knew about the details of that night the better. She climbed onto the bed, lying down in the center, and he sat down next to her.

“Are you comfortable?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said, wishing now that he’d just get on with it.

“Allie, you need to relax.”

“I am relaxed,” she said, and then seeing his reproving look, she added, “I’m trying to relax.”

“You will not feel any discomfort, nor will you be forced to relive any of the events,” he promised, placing one hand over her forehead and the other over her heart. “You may feel sleepy, and if you sleep all the better; otherwise you may let your mind wander. For now just rest and release the tension you are holding so that I can connect to you and see what needs to be done.”

She closed her eyes, trying to force her muscles to relax with very little success. His voice was calm when he spoke again, “This will be much easier if you can allow yourself to let go. The biggest difference between this type of healing and physical healing is that your mind needs to be willing to let me help you.”

“I want you to help me,” she whispered.

“I know that you do, but you are not letting me in. If you find a calm place within yourself it will be easier for me to connect. I do not want to force such a thing with you and create more mental trauma that must then be undone,” his words were perfectly reasonable. Sensible. She tried to force the tension from her body by sheer willpower.

She heard Brynneth sigh and she tried harder, with predictable results. His voice floated in the darkness behind her eyes, “Allie, in the past it helped you to draw on other people’s emotions did it not?”

“Yes, sometimes,” she replied carefully. “When I am really overwhelmed or tired it can help to connect to other people, to ground me and…it’s almost like it restores my energy.”

“Would it aid you now in relaxing to connect to my emotions?”

“Oh! I couldn’t…I don’t think…I mean that’s not…”Allie stammered, flustered. She kept her eyes closed, not wanting to look at him.

“You did as much before when you needed it,” he said.

“Yes, but...I just don’t know if it’s right to do it, you know? I feel like I’m using people and that feels wrong,” she fought to put into words the nebulous uneasiness surrounding her ability to use her empathy to pull energy from other people’s emotions.

“How can it be wrong to take something that costs me nothing and which I am freely offering to give you?” he asked in that same reasonable voice.

She bit her lip, not sure how to get him to understand why it bothered her. Even Jess didn’t understand that, and she couldn’t seem to explain to anyone the way it reminded her so strongly of the Dark court creatures who fed on people’s fear and pain. She lay there with her eyes tightly closed, unsure what to say as the seconds stretched out into minutes.

Brynneth began to sing, quietly at first, his voice a soft tenor. She recognized the song immediately. It was a lullaby, one that her own mother had sung many times. The familiar words, the rhythm and melody, wove around her and she let herself get lost in them. As her barriers began to lower, without thinking, she reached out with her empathy and allowed his emotions to flow over her. She felt his healing gift, similar and yet so very foreign to her empathy, reaching out to her along the lines of her own gift. It was an odd feeling but she tried not to fight against it, instead focusing her attention on his voice, now repeating the song for the third time.

She remembered her mother singing those same words, rocking her in her arms even when Allie was older. Her mother had been like a goddess to Allie, beautiful and strong, always there to protect her from anything. She thought of the way that her mother’s hair, the same exact dark blond as Allie’s own, would sway as she sang and rocked, covering Allie like a curtain. The way that she would tuck her head against her mother’s shoulder and breathe in the smell of blackberries and mint that always seemed to linger around her…feeling safe…

She did not realize she was falling asleep until Brynneth was waking her up. She was still connected to him, his emotions blending into her own so that at first she could not tell who was feeling what. The cool wetness of tears on the side of her face was unexpected and she reached up touching one side to be sure it was there. It was disorienting, even after she realized she was crying because of what he was feeling, not because she herself was sad.

She wanted to ask him why he felt such sorrow, but she was afraid of what he might say, and also that the question was too intrusive. Instead she gingerly extricated herself from his emotions, pulling back until she was certain that her feelings were her own. She decided not to mention the crying unless he brought it up.

“Thank you Brynneth – Bryn – for this. I can feel the difference already,” she breathed deeply, feeling lighter, as if a weight had been taken away that she hadn’t even realized was there.

“It will take more than a single session to fully heal all the damage, but I did make significant progress today,” he said, standing up and stretching. “You should find that you are no longer overwhelmed by the memories, at the least.”

She realized that she had no idea how much time had passed, but her stomach growled, complaining that she had skipped breakfast and lunch.

Hearing it he added, “You should try to eat and rest more than usual for the next day or two and drink plenty of water. It might be best if you spent the remainder of the day here, allowing the spell to fully settle.”

So it was bad enough to need a spell
she thought not sure how to react to the knowledge. On the one hand it made her feel that she had bargained well to ask for the healing, but on the other it made her worry that she was more badly damaged than she had feared. She wanted nothing more than to stay in her room all day and nap, but with the layer of healing between her and the worst of her anxiety she realized that she needed to listen to Syndra. She owed it her friend to try to find out why she was unable to move on but also unable to go to where she’d died.

She sat up, rolling her shoulders to get some of the stiffness out, then said, “I would like to do that, but I work tomorrow and am supposed to be helping the Guard with the investigation tomorrow after work. There’s something I need to do and if I don’t do it today I don’t know when I’ll have time.”

He looked unhappy, “It would be better to rest today, and run your errand some other time.”

“I know, but I don’t know how much more of Syndra showing up in my dreams I can handle,” Allie said without thinking, swinging her legs over the side of the bed.

Brynneth froze. “You…have been dreaming of officer Lyons?”

“Hmmm? Oh, yes,” Allie said, her mind catching up with her mouth and realizing what she’d just said. “Only a few times. But she’s insistent that I need to go and visit the site of the murders.”

“Why?” he asked, his voice that odd neutral tone that she was starting to understand elves used when they were trying their hardest not to show what they were feeling. She couldn’t help reading him then but didn’t know what to make of the disturbed and uneasy feelings coming from him.

“Because she says that she can’t go there because it has some strange wards on it that aren’t from the elves. She wants me to go see what’s going on out there and find out why she’s stuck here but kept away from there.”

“I do not think it is wise for you to go out there alone.”

“Are the elves working on cleaning up the site? Magically I mean?”