Lost in Thought (6 page)

“And Lainey and I are going to the bookstore after final hour, so bitches stay home,” she announced, rather loudly. “You too, Caleb,”

she added.

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I swore everyone there gave me a knowing look, but it wasn’t only my table giving me the eye. From two tables over, a girl I hadn’t seen on campus before, but could only describe as the future Miss America, was glaring at me while leaning down to talk to the almost-but-not-quite as pretty girl next to her. She stood, picking up her tray and making her way to the double front doors, and I amended my original assessment. Maybe Miss Universe. She was so perfect, I almost had to shield my eyes.

Oddly though, we didn’t look entirely dissimilar. From the back, we might have been sisters. She had long brown hair, almost the color of mine, but it was layered with the most subtle amount of waviness, an effect most girls spent hours at the salon to achieve but I imagined came to this girl naturally. She was about my height and equally slender, with perhaps more natural curviness than I possessed and a sway to her walk that told me she knew how—and wasn’t afraid—to use every inch of those curves. Her face was patrician and perfectly proportional with deep brown eyes that were sultry and memorable. This girl’s beauty was epic, and I figured I knew who she was.

Everyone was already staring at her—I didn’t seem to be the only one who noticed the glare she’d given me, and I figured everyone always stared at her anyway—so I ventured, “Uh, so I guess that’s Jill?”

Amy looked confused for a second. “Huh? Oh! No, that’s Alexis Morrow. She’s as big a bitch as she looks—hey, if I looked like her, I’d probably be a bitch too, unlike you, Ms. Young and Gorgeous—but most of the guys don’t care. Right, Caleb?”

Caleb had the good grace to glance over and grin—a very cute grin, I didn’t fail to notice, and I was pretty sure Amy ate it right up—but his attention was clearly elsewhere for the moment. Honestly, I was amazed he even heard her. I completely ignored her seeming comparison of me to Miss Universe and tried to get to the bottom of this mystery. “So, that’s not…uh, the guy from the bookstore’s girlfriend?”

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I tried for casual but didn’t fool anyone. Hell, I’d already tipped them off by asking about the mysterious Jill in the first place.

Amy looked at me with exaggerated sympathy. “No darling,” she said, patting my arm, “that’s not ‘the guy from the bookstore’s’ girlfriend,”—after two days, she could imitate me perfectly, which would have been irritating if I hadn’t liked her so much—“though believe me, Alex has campaigned harder than anyone for the title. But Jillian’s over there.” And she gestured to a lone girl at a table near the edge of the room.

It was the blue-eyed girl from swim practice.

TRUE TO HER word, Amy collected me from our room after our last classes, practically pushing me out the door after throwing first a hair brush then lip gloss at me and refusing to relinquish my over-sized hoodie from where she’d snatched it off my chair and stuffed it under her pillow.

“Oh no. No shapeless sweatshirts for you today. I mean, Caleb and Jason were practically drooling on my desk by the time I sat down in first hour, after they’d seen you and your assets at swim practice. We’re taking them on display over to Penrose’s and seeing if we can’t turn some heads. Half the guys at the Academy hang out there…and there’s always some local talent to consider,” she added with such an adorable wink I completely forgot I was supposed to be annoyed with her.

“Only two days here, and you’re already a real pain in my assets,” I fired back. Then I added, in complete honesty, “And I’m pretty sure Caleb wasn’t drooling over me.” His eyes might have strayed to Alexis during her grand exit, but they’d lingered on Amy repeatedly throughout our lunch.

She giggled and grabbed my hand before dragging me out the door.

“C’mon, Heartbreaker.”

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We stopped at the coffee shop on the other end of the block before making our way into the bookstore. Mochas steaming, we snagged a couch near the fireplace I was surprised was empty, whether out of some unspoken rule or the younger kids’ awe of Amy, I’d never be sure. But I didn’t care either, since it had stayed cool enough outside that the fire was lit and I’d been forced to freeze without my sweatshirt. I couldn’t get close enough.

We spread our books on the table in front of us and got to work.

Amy pulled out some ridiculous-looking physics problems, which she actually seemed to enjoy. She even hummed a little while her pencil flew over the pages. It occurred to me then that when she’d joked about being a genius it hadn’t been a joke.

Studying at the bookstore turned out to be a lot of fun, like social hour with a few books thrown in. None of Amy’s friends from lunch, including Caleb, showed up, but Miss Universe was dominating a small, talkative group behind us. I could physically feel the dirty looks burning the back of my head.

I leaned over to Amy and spoke softly. “Uh, what’s that Alexis girl’s deal?”

Amy glanced over her shoulder and smiled broadly at her. I almost wanted to duck to avoid the killing look she threw at us next. “Like I said earlier, Alex is a bitch, a really pretty one. That’s about her whole story. She’s a super-rich only child who has been spoiled every minute of her life. She doesn’t like anyone to be the center of attention unless it’s her, and believe me, Lainey, that title has gone to you the last few days. It also doesn’t help that I overheard her complaining to one of her bitchy friends that
she
overheard someone say Carter asked Jill about you. Nothing’s secret at Northbrook, by the way, at least not for very long. Since Alex considers Alex the most beautiful girl on the planet, and Carter the only boy around here worthy of her attention, something she’s made
abundantly
obvious, she can’t understand why

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she doesn’t have him. Seriously, for a girl who’s such a good actress, she’s not very subtle. Oh, and also, she hates me,” Amy added, her sweet smile never diminishing.

What I thought was,
Carter asked about me?
but what I said was, “Why does she hate you?”

“Eh, because people like me, I think, even though I’m not tall and skinny”—she gave me a meaningful look, to which I stuck out my tongue—“and I do better in all our classes than she does. She might be pretty, and a bitch, but she’s not stupid. In fact, she’s smart. Very smart, even, not that it matters, since her future clearly does not lie in academics. But Alex hates to lose at anything, which is precisely the reason we’re sitting here.”

I was instantly suspicious. “What’s
that
mean?”

“Well Lainey, I happen to like you.” She punctuated her words with a grin I could only describe as devious. “I also happen to like Carter Penrose, as a person I mean, not just as the piece of fine man that he is. And I absolutely
love
to goad Alexis. So, genius that I am, my plan is to, in one brilliant move, catch you a hottie, hook Carter up with my lovely roomie, and absolutely ruin Alex’s probably whole year, all while enjoying every minute of it.”

“Wow. You’re a real mastermind.” If she heard my heavy sarcasm, she ignored it.

“Don’t forget it,” she replied cheerfully. “Oh, and no need to thank me, either. I don’t do my good work for the glory.” I threw my napkin at her and went back to my book, but I was secretly pleased. I hated myself.

I didn’t have long with my poetry homework before her plan went into motion. Carter himself strolled into the lounge a few minutes later with an armload of wood for the fire. I’m not sure how he managed to carry it along with the weight of all the longing gazes he drew, but he

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made his way toward the fireplace with ease, saying hi or a few words to almost everyone he passed.

He paused a little longer at Alexis’s group, and I heard some flirting so blatant and uncreative—“I see how you keep so fit, Carter, carrying such big wood around all day”—I nearly groaned aloud. After a few more exchanges, he finally brought his haul over to our dwindling fire.

“It’s about time, Penrose; we’re catching a chill over here,” Amy launched at him as soon as he got close.

“I wouldn’t want you to freeze your tiny brain, Moretti, so I brought a few extra pieces to stoke the fire,” he offered back, along with one of those mesmerizing smiles. Clearly Amy and Carter were better friends than she’d let on. I caught myself smiling back at him, like an absolute idiot, and immediately returned my attention to my book.

Not fast enough though. “Welcome back, Lainey,” Carter said, ducking down to catch my eye. I thought I blushed.
Again.
I
really
hated myself. “I was sorry to see you leave so quickly yesterday. Looks like you’ve had the bad luck to land yourself with Moretti here. Let me know if you need my help getting her to leave you alone.”

“Very funny, Penrose,” Amy retaliated. “Ms. Young happens to have the good fortune of being my roommate, and I am here to protect her from the likes of pretty boys like you.”

I came to my senses and started acting like the normal Lainey Young. “It’s true,” I broke in. “She’s got my best interests firmly in hand. I’m not allowed to date until I’m at least twenty-two.”

“Well that’s a shame,” Carter replied. “Moretti, why don’t you tell her about your dating history, hmm? I’m sure that will scare her off from it for at least five years.”

“Build my fire, Penrose, I’m busy doing Physics,” she said, and this time
she
threw my napkin, which he dodged, and we all watched it sail into the fire. It combusted instantly.

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Carter stoked the fire then sat on the arm of the couch next to me, leaning over toward Amy’s notebook. “What are you working on?” he asked with obvious interest. “Need help?”

He smelled good, like fresh-cut wood and boy soap. Suddenly
I
was in danger of combusting. This was getting a little ridiculous. It wasn’t like Carter was the first hot guy I’d ever seen. I mentally chastised myself, but it didn’t really work since he was so close to me. He hadn’t
had
to sit on my side of the couch. He could have sat next to Amy, but no, he purposely sat next to me, and leaned over in a way I’d usually interpret as flirtatious. Huh. This day kept getting more interesting.

Amy snorted. “Not today, and not from you, buddy. I’ve got it well under control,” she said. “But, just to amuse you, it’s kinematics. I know you love that. And since I’m perfectly capable of managing this without you, why don’t you help Lainey with poetry. That’s way more confusing than mechanics any day.” She pulled a horrified face and Carter laughed.

“I
do
love mechanics,” he said, then turned to me, “but I’m not so bad at poetry either. What have you got?”

“Well, I’m pretty sure I’ve got it under control too, but I don’t mind sharing. It’s Ezra Pound.” I held up my book for him to see.

“A good one,” he said. And then he recited the whole poem.

Without looking at it.

I was struck stupid, and stared at him for a moment, probably with my mouth hanging open. Amy, however, was grinning and muttered,
“Showoff!”
under her breath.

I recovered. Sort of. “Wow. Guess you like this one, huh?”

Now he grinned. “You could say that.” He looked ready to say more, but the service bell at the register gave its little ring. Carter rose and waved toward the counter at the far end. “Sorry to run off, but

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duty calls. More poetry some other time?” he asked me, not even sar-castically, but in a way that seemed genuinely hopeful.

Amy, naturally, answered for us. “You’ll see us here again, Penrose, don’t worry. Now go help your customers before they steal something.” He headed off to the register and she turned to me, absolutely radiating pleased-with-herself-ness. “Well,
that
went even better than expected.”

he next several weeks sped by in a predictable pattern. I got up and swam, went to classes, hung out with Amy, studied at the bookstore, made friends, completed my weekly hours T

of service at the library, and tried not to get in trouble while looking for it over the weekends. In a word, I became normal.

And it wasn’t boring. In fact, I kind of liked it. More than kind of. I thought it was great. Maybe it was novel to me, after so many years of constantly changing scenery, but there was something nice about waking up each morning and knowing where you had to go, what you had to do, and, especially, that you’d do the same the next day and the day after that. Amy swore I’d be bored out of my mind by Christmas, but I didn’t believe her. I was surprised most of all that being stationary was almost as liberating as moving all the time, just in a different way.

By the end of about my first week and a half, I completely abandoned the antidepressants I’d been prescribed. I knew they were important for some people and it wasn’t that I was embarrassed to take them, but besides not believing they’d cure my problem, the last thing I felt at Northbrook was depressed. I’d easily found my place with Amy and her group of friends as well as fallen into the comfortaL O S T I N T H O U G H T | 47

ble rhythm of classes and studying. I was quite possibly as happy as I’d ever been.

I missed my Aunt Tessa, of course, some days pretty badly, but she sent me a small care package—fresh cookies, a little antique trinket, a new book she thought I might like—or a letter every single week. At first she was calling almost daily, but I put a stop to it quickly. I needed to learn how to live independently, I told her. I think she cried a little at this, but she understood. We made a standing date to talk on Sunday evenings. I looked forward to each call, which I’m sure she could tell and not-so-secretly pleased her. But she could also tell that I was happy at Northbrook, and that pleased her more than anything.