Lost Innocence (43 page)

Hearing the phone ring again, she went back to her room and to her relief this time it was Rachel.

‘Hi, how are you doing?’ Rachel asked.

‘Not too bad, thanks. Steeling myself for the whirlwind.’

‘What time are you picking her up?’

‘In about an hour. The family she’s been staying with will be on the same train, but they’re going on to Dorset.’

‘That’s worked out well. So, will you bring her over later? Or would you rather we came there?’

‘Either way. Actually, we’ll come to you. I need to get out of the house for a while, and away from the phone.’

‘No problem. Shall I invite Cameron? Dave would love to meet him.’

‘No,’ Alicia answered, knowing full well that Rachel was trying to matchmake and not going for it at all. ‘I don’t want Darcie getting the wrong idea, or him, come to that. Anyway, he’s gone to London for the weekend.’

‘Really? And you would know this because?’

‘He rang yesterday to thank me for dinner on Thursday and to ask if there was any news about Nat.’

‘Did you tell him he’d been charged?’

‘Yes. I’m not sure what he said now, because I was on the ceiling at the time, having just heard from Jolyon, but by the end of the call I think I was managing to sound marginally less hysterical.’ She took a breath as an all-too-familiar dread stole back into her heart. ‘It’s going to be fine,’ she said firmly, more for her own sake than Rachel’s.

‘Of course it is,’ Rachel agreed. ‘Now, before I go, what news from Robert?’

‘None really. He rang last night, after I sent him a text about the charge, to tell me to call if I needed anything, but I guess there’s not much more he can say at this stage. He’s in a horrible position, and I can’t imagine she’d take very kindly to him coming over here.’

‘It beats me why he stays married to the witch,’ Rachel grunted.

‘I think it’s called love, and as they say, there’s no accounting for it.’

‘Isn’t that the truth? Anyway, Oliver’s on the case now, so time for you to relax and let your sister-in-law start worrying about what she’s going to do when the police press charges against her daughter for lying.’

* * *

‘Annabelle? Are you OK? Can I come in?’ Sabrina said, putting her head round Annabelle’s bedroom door.

‘Yes, I’m all right,’ Annabelle answered, sweeping the hair from her face as she turned on to her back.

‘It’s gone midday,’ Sabrina told her, starting to pick up the clothes Annabelle had dropped on the floor.

‘Really?’

Concerned by how lifeless and disinterested she’d become these last few days, Sabrina went to sit on the bed and put a hand to her forehead. ‘Do you feel unwell?’ she asked.

‘No, I’m just tired and fed up with the way everyone keeps talking about what happened.’

‘Of course you are,’ Sabrina said, stroking Annabelle’s face gently. ‘It’s best to put it out of your mind now until Lisa comes to start preparing you for court.’

Annabelle’s eyes lingered on hers for a moment, then she let her head drift to one side.

‘Shall I run you a bath?’ Sabrina offered.

‘No.’

‘How about something to eat?’

‘Not hungry.’

‘So are you going to stay here all day?’

‘I might.’

‘What about coming to Babington tomorrow with me and June? Or we could go shopping if you like.’

‘I don’t want to do anything,’ Annabelle said, turning over. ‘I just want everyone to leave me alone.’

Understanding that the reality of what had happened to her, combined with what she was facing in the months ahead, was finally coming home to roost, Sabrina stroked her hair as she said, ‘Remember, you don’t actually have to go into the courtroom when the time comes. If you don’t want to see him, and I’m sure you don’t, you can give your testimony by video link.’

‘Will you just
shut up
,’ Annabelle seethed into her pillow. ‘You’re as bad as everyone else. I told you I don’t want to talk about it and you just go on and on and on. It’s not you who was raped. And it’s not you people are calling a liar.’

Sabrina frowned. ‘Who’s saying that?’ she asked.

‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘Yes it does. I suppose it’s Nathan’s friends?’

‘Yeah, and some of mine as well. They think I’m making it up because he… because he didn’t fancy me, but if that’s true then how did I get the bruises? And how did his, you know, stuff end up inside me? It can’t get there on its own, can it?’

‘No, of course not, but you don’t have to justify yourself to them. They’ll eat their words when he’s sent to prison, and by then you’ll have found out who your real friends are.’

Annabelle rolled over and looked up at her. ‘I don’t think I’ve got any,’ she said tearfully. ‘Everyone’s turning against me. They’re all on his side and it’s not fair.’

‘I’m sure you’re exaggerating,’ Sabrina told her gently, ‘because Georgie keeps calling to find out how you are. Catrina too. They’re really worried about you…’

‘Yeah, but they don’t come over, do they, because their mothers won’t let them.’

Sabrina’s expression froze. ‘What do you mean, their mothers won’t let them?’ she demanded.

‘What I said. Oh God, don’t start going off on one. I couldn’t care less, OK? They can all drop dead as far as I’m concerned.’

‘Would you like me to speak to their mothers?’ Sabrina offered, incensed to think that anyone would spurn her child, as though she were in some way to blame for what had been done to her.

‘
No!
Don’t you dare speak to anyone. I’d rather be on my own anyway.’

Not ready to give up yet, Sabrina said, ‘Isn’t there someone else you can invite? You have so many friends, and it would show Georgie and Catrina’s mothers that not everyone is as stupidly misguided as they are. Do they think being the victim of rape is catching, or something?’

‘Will you just leave it?’ Annabelle growled angrily. ‘I told you, I couldn’t care less about them.’

‘Maybe not, but I find it utterly unacceptable…’

‘This isn’t about
you
.’

‘No, of course not, but I’m thinking of you, and how nice it would be for you to have some company tonight while Robert and I go to the Willoughbys.’

Annabelle looked up at her, a mix of resentment and pleading filling her eyes. ‘Do you have to go out?’ she asked, her tone suggesting she already knew the answer.

Sabrina sighed gently. ‘Darling, you know I’d stay with you if I could, but Helen Willoughby’s gone to a lot of trouble to…’

Annabelle turned over. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ she said into her pillow.

Sabrina sat looking at the back of her head, feeling exasperated and guilty and horribly torn. ‘It’s too short notice to let them down now,’ she said. She wouldn’t remind her that one of the minor royals whose book club she was hoping to join was going to be at the dinner, because she didn’t imagine it would go down too well right now.

‘You’d have to if you were sick,’ Annabelle pointed out.

‘But I’m not.’

‘You could always pretend.’

‘That would be dishonest, and as we’re already having an issue with that particular…’

‘Oh fuck off,’ Annabelle snarled. ‘I don’t know why you’re acting like you care when we both know you don’t. No, don’t touch me. Just go. I don’t want you in here any more.’

‘I’m not leaving you like this,’ Sabrina argued. ‘You’re not being reasonable, and it’s just plain silly to suggest I don’t care when you know very well that no one means more to me than you.’

Annabelle spun over on to her back. ‘You’re such a liar!’ she cried. ‘The only person who matters to you is
you
. And what about all those times you pretended to be ill after Craig packed you up? You didn’t mind about letting everyone down then, did you? You just lay in bed all day …’

‘What are you talking about?’ Sabrina cut in, aghast. She’d had no idea that Annabelle knew about Craig, and for it to be coming out like this now…

‘As soon as I knew about your affair,’ Annabelle spat, ‘all sorts of things started falling into place, like the rows you and Robert used to have, the way you wouldn’t eat and kept moping about the place, crying and saying you’d rather be dead. Did you ever stop to think how that made me
feel? You told me nothing mattered any more and there was nothing to live for. So that’s how much I matter to you. I’m not even worth living for. Everyone kept saying you were in a depression, but really you were all screwed up over him, so don’t you dare try saying you’re not a liar, because I know you are.’

‘Annabelle, listen…’

‘No!’ Annabelle raged. ‘Let go of me, I’m not interested in anything you have to say,’ and tearing herself free she leapt up from the bed and ran into the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

Dizzied by shock and guilt Sabrina continued to sit where she was, not sure what to do next. She couldn’t just walk away, but nor, unprepared as she was, could she explain anything to Annabelle. In any case, Annabelle was in no mood to listen. She turned round as Robert came into the room and her heart contracted.

‘Did… Did you hear any of that?’ she stammered.

‘Enough,’ he answered.

She pressed her hands to her cheeks.

‘Come on,’ he said, ‘leave her for now. I’ll try to have a chat with her later.’

Lifting her head to look at him, she felt her emotions swelling and roiling inside her. He’d always had a way with Annabelle, so yes, it was best to leave it to him. ‘I don’t deserve you,’ she said, going to him.

‘No,’ he answered, turning from her kiss, ‘I don’t think you do.’

She looked at him uncertainly, but he only stood aside for her to pass, and once she was out on the landing he closed Annabelle’s door and started back down the stairs.

‘Robert,’ she said.

‘Not now,’ he replied.

She watched him until he’d disappeared from view, feeling disoriented and afraid and angry with herself for not knowing what to do. Everything was going horribly wrong. Her life seemed to have so many cracks running through it that it might disintegrate at any moment. Somehow she had to hold it together. She needed Robert to understand that none of this was her fault. She hadn’t
made that boy attack Annabelle, nor had she meant any of the things she’d said to Annabelle after her break-up with Craig. She hadn’t been in her right mind then. Robert knew that, so surely he couldn’t blame her for what was happening now.

Once alone in her own room she began pacing up and down, trying to think what to do about Annabelle, but it was as though Annabelle’s accusations had opened a flood-gate, because her mind, her heart, her whole body was filling up with Craig and how much they’d meant to one another. To those on the outside the way she’d gone to pieces at the end of their affair might have seemed too dramatic, an overreaction, even a monstrous self-indulgence, but if they’d understood how intense it was, how desperate they’d always been to see one another, how they’d never been able to get enough of one another and then to be torn apart the way they were…

‘Sabrina, it’s me,’ he said quietly. ‘I have to see you.’

‘Of course,’ she murmured. Two weeks had gone by since Alicia had found them together, and a week since he’d told her it was over, but the only good it had done was to make their mutual need burn hotter than ever. ‘When?’

‘Tonight. I won’t be able to stay long. Can you meet me at the motorway service station?’

‘The same one we met at before?’

‘Yes. It’s driving me crazy not seeing you.’

‘It’s the same for me. I think about you every minute of the day and night. When Robert touches me I have to pretend it’s you. It’s the only way I can bear it.’

‘Don’t tell me about him. I want you all to myself.’

‘That’s how I want you. We should be together, always.’

‘Yes.’

‘We can make it happen.’

There was a pause. ‘Be there tonight,’ he said softly. ‘Don’t wear anything under your coat.’

Their reunion that night had been fiercer and more tender than ever before. Passing cars had filled theirs with light, illuminating the insatiable demands they made on each
other. She hadn’t cared who saw them, she wanted the world to bear witness to how wildly and passionately she loved him.

They’d gone on meeting after that night, knowing it was pointless trying to stay apart. But then Alicia had started snooping around Craig’s mobile phone and credit-card statements, and it hadn’t taken her long to come up with the truth.

When he’d called to tell her for the second time that it was over she’d begged him to see her, but he wouldn’t. He’d known what would happen if he did, they’d never be able to let each other go, and because he couldn’t risk it, he made himself say goodbye on the phone. She’d felt certain he wouldn’t be able to go through with it, that like the last time he’d soon be on the phone to her again, but as the days passed and he hadn’t rung or texted, or taken any of her calls, the awful truth of how impossible it was going to be to continue without him had started to dawn.

Somehow Annabelle must be made to understand that what had happened during those terrible dark months after Alicia had stolen Craig back had been a desperate, agonised fight for survival. Without Craig her life had lost all direction and meaning, nothing seemed worthwhile, all that mattered was getting back what was rightfully hers. Which wasn’t to say Annabelle hadn’t mattered too, it was simply that, at the time, Sabrina had been incapable of showing it.

‘Mum!’ Darcie yelled, waving from an open window as the train pulled into Castle Cary station. ‘I’m here.’

Laughing as the door was flung open and Darcie leapt on to the platform, Alicia ran to scoop her into her arms. ‘Hello darling,’ she cried, squeezing her tight, then holding her back to get a good look at her. ‘Wow, what a tan,’ she declared, cupping Darcie’s lively young face between her hands, ‘and your hair’s so blonde,’ she added, bouncing the wayward clusters of silky white curls. ‘You look gorgeous.’

‘I do my best,’ Darcie chirped. ‘Where’s Nat?’

‘He’s in Bristol for a few days.’

‘What? You mean he’s not here to greet me? That really
sucks. Wait till I see him, I’ll really…Oh my God, quick, we have to get my luggage.’