Lost Innocence (53 page)

Sabrina was appalled. ‘Who are they?’ she demanded, casting a nervous glance at Robert. Since he was paying for Annabelle’s education he’d surely take a very dim view of the kind of trouble the girls were getting into.

‘I can’t tell you that,’ Annabelle answered, starting to colour, ‘but don’t worry, they’re not at Bruton, if that’s what you’re thinking. Sadie Virran’s the only one who’s ever got pregnant there, and if she hadn’t been stupid enough to tell everyone she probably wouldn’t have been expelled.’

Sabrina’s eyes rounded. ‘Is that why she…? I thought it was to do with drugs.’

‘It was, but…’

‘We’re getting off the subject,’ Robert told them. ‘As much as I dislike the idea of Annabelle having to go through a termination, I think she’s right, it’s what needs to be done.’

‘Absolutely,’ Annabelle agreed. ‘I mean, I can hardly have a child at my age, can I? It would ruin my whole life. Plus, who’s going to look after it while I go to school and uni?’

‘Hang on, before we start making rush decisions,’ Sabrina said. ‘An abortion is a very serious issue, and not one to be taken as lightly as you seem to be…’

‘Oh my God, you’re not saying I should keep it, are you?’ Annabelle cried. ‘There’s no way…’

‘I know you don’t want it now,’ Sabrina interrupted, ‘but
later on, when your studies are over and you’re a little more mature, you might feel differently. In fact, I know you will when you see it, because every mother does.’

‘Yeah, I’m sure it’ll be really sweet and gorgeous and everything, but I can hardly walk around school with a great big pregnant belly, can I? And what about breast-feeding and stuff?’

‘All I’m saying is let’s consider this rationally. I understand that it’ll be inconvenient to be pregnant while you’re at school, you probably won’t be able to do games and a few other things, but it happens, other girls have…’

‘I’m not other girls! I don’t even want anyone to know, so…’

‘And after,’ Sabrina pressed on, ‘when the baby comes, you can fit back in with everything and I’ll be here to take care of it.’

Annabelle’s jaw dropped. Was this really her mother speaking?

‘I think you’re missing the point, Sabrina,’ Robert said. ‘It’s not about games and other things, it’s about how she came to be pregnant in the first place.’

‘I was raped, in case you’ve forgotten,’ Annabelle threw at her mother.

‘Yes, but this is a totally separate issue,’ Sabrina insisted.

Robert was stunned. ‘How can you say that?’ he protested. ‘They’re one and the same, and I can’t quite believe we’re having this conversation. Are you really saying you want her to carry a child that was conceived through rape?’

‘Well, it’s not as if Nathan Carlyle’s some kind of monster, or from the wrong sort of background, is it?’ Sabrina pointed out.

Robert’s shock hit new heights, until a horrible understanding dawned. He couldn’t continue this in front of Annabelle, but continue it he would, and Sabrina had better be prepared to start thinking straight or he’d be taking some drastic measures to make her.

‘What are you on, Mother?’ Annabelle cried. ‘One minute he’s the Devil incarnate and you can’t wait to drive him and Alicia out of town, now, suddenly, you’re going on like he’s …’ She stopped suddenly as the penny dropped for
her too. ‘Oh my God,’ she said incredulously. ‘You want me to have this baby because Nathan is Craig’s son.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ Sabrina snapped. ‘It’s got nothing to do with that.’

‘Yes it has. In your head you’re starting to think of this as the baby you and Craig never had.’ She looked at Robert and saw, to her horror, that he wasn’t going to contradict her.

‘Will you please stop talking nonsense,’ Sabrina growled angrily. ‘I’m only thinking of you…’

‘That is such crap. It’s yourself you’re thinking about, as usual, and…’

‘I’ve had enough of this,’ Sabrina raged, springing to her feet. ‘I’m just trying to get you to see alternatives and you start accusing me…’

‘Alternatives that suit you and no one else,’ Annabelle broke in.

‘They might suit you too, one of these days. You have no idea what’s going to happen in the future. What if, for some reason, you’re not able to have any more children? You’d really regret letting this one go then.’

‘And what if I told you Nathan Carlyle might not be the father?’ Annabelle shouted.

Sabrina’s mouth fell open as her face drained of colour.

Annabelle’s face was turning white too. It was too late to take that back, and she couldn’t think how she was going to get out of it.

‘So if – if it isn’t his, who else’s could it be?’ Sabrina stammered.

‘I don’t know. I…’

Sabrina reeled. ‘
You don’t know?
’ she cried. ‘How can you not know?’

Annabelle tightened her mouth and tilted her head away.

‘I want an answer,’ Sabrina demanded.

Annabelle looked at Robert, whose head was in his hands. ‘I don’t know, because I don’t want to tell you,’ she retorted. ‘Anyway, it could be Nat’s, but I bet you don’t want me to go through with it now you know I’m not sure.’

Feeling a desperate need to lie down, or at least to get away from her daughter, Sabrina said, ‘I think we should
all try to forget everything that’s been said in the last few minutes and carry on as we were before.’

She’d got as far as the door when Annabelle said, ‘Does that mean you’re going to make an appointment for me or not?’

‘If that’s what you want,’ Sabrina answered, keeping her back turned, ‘I’ll do it tomorrow,’ and before either of them could say anything else to stop her she left the room.

‘Wouldn’t you love us to have a baby together?’ she murmured, running a hand over Craig’s face as she gazed sleepily into his eyes.

He smiled. ‘You have the craziest ideas,’ he told her.

‘It would be so good-looking,’ she said. ‘And intelligent, and witty and sporty …’

‘… and unbelievably sexy, if it’s like its mother,’ he interrupted, touching his lips to hers.

‘If we were free to have children together,’ she said, after they’d kissed for a long and deliciously sensuous time, ‘would you want them with me?’

‘Of course,’ he murmured, and pulling her closer still, he kissed her again – and then he made love to her with all the tenderness of a man whose only thought was to create a perfect child with the woman he loved.

From the moment she’d collected Nat from Jolyon’s that morning, Alicia had sensed a change in him. Though he was obviously anxious about starting a new school next week, and still bound up in the horrible prospect of a committal looming only a week later, with her mother’s instinct she’d known right away that there was more. He wasn’t only quiet and withdrawn now, there was an air about him that made him seem even more strained and fragile than before, as though his whole body was cracking with the effort to hold on to his emotions. She was almost afraid to touch him in case he broke down, and yet in her heart she knew it was what he needed to do. The pressure on him was enormous now, and whether he was trying to prove himself a man by holding it all in, or if he was too
afraid to let go for fear of his entire world falling apart, she had no idea, but suspected it was both.

Throughout the day on Saturday he kept mainly to his room, while Alicia and Darcie went to Bath to buy all kinds of stationery and the requisite plain black shoes that couldn’t be ordered from the school shop. Being in the sixth form Nat wouldn’t have to wear a uniform, but there was still a long list of items he needed, sports gear, new shirts and trousers, a new holdall and coat. However, he showed no interest in coming to choose them himself, which wasn’t like the normally image-conscious Nat at all. He was cool about leaving it to his mother and Darcie, he said, as though they were going to a supermarket to choose something for supper.

To Alicia’s relief, when she and Darcie returned from their shopping trip just after six, Nat was in the kitchen making himself cheese on toast, and when Darcie began showing him what they’d picked out for him he was kind enough to tell her she had great taste. Darcie glowed, and after hugging him with all her sisterly might, she cut herself two slices of bread and stuck them under the grill.

‘I thought you two were having fish and chips tonight,’ Alicia commented, as she stuffed all the credit-card receipts in a drawer and prayed they’d have managed to pay themselves by the next time she looked.

‘We are,’ Darcie confirmed, ‘but I’m starving now, so I can’t wait that long.’

Alicia glanced at Nat who pulled one of his comical faces, but there wasn’t the usual light in his eyes. ‘Are you sure you don’t mind me going out?’ she said, aiming the question at Darcie, but meaning it more for Nat.

‘Of course not,’ Darcie answered, breaking a corner off Nat’s cheese on toast and scoffing it.

‘What are you going to do with yourselves?’ Alicia asked.

Darcie shrugged and looked at Nat. ‘Watch a movie, hang out, I don’t know,’ she replied.

‘Is Simon coming over?’ Alicia said to Nat.

‘No, he’s going to some party in Shepton.’

Still trying to keep it casual, she said, ‘If you want to go, I don’t mind cancelling this evening and staying with Darcie.’

‘You can’t do that!’ Darcie protested.

‘It’s fine, I’m cool hanging out with Squirrel,’ Nat told her.

‘You’ve been looking forward to tonight,’ Darcie reminded her, ‘and you can’t let Cameron down now. That would be mean – and rude.’

‘Is he leaving Jasper with us?’ Nat asked.

‘I think so.’

‘Great, we can take him for a walk before it gets dark.’

Knowing she didn’t have to remind him about his limits, or his curfew, she dropped a kiss on his head, and went off upstairs to put the new clothes away. Then she’d really have to get her skates on if she was going to be ready by the time Cameron came to pick her up.

An hour later, hearing Cameron arriving with Jasper, she slipped on her silver slingback shoes, applied a few quick dabs of Hermès Faubourg Vingt-Quatre, and stood back to survey herself in the mirror. The instant she saw her reflection, a feeling of resistance tugged at her. This was the first time in months that she’d dressed up to go out, and seeing herself looking so elegant in the figure-hugging grey metallic dress with its sparkly chain straps and low-cut back that she’d last worn to a charity banquet with Craig, was unsettling her badly. For a fleeting moment she almost gave in to the urge to strip it off again, but she was rescued by a spark of common sense reminding her that there was nothing to be afraid of. It was only a party, and it wasn’t as if she’d never been to one without Craig before, so this wasn’t the first time…

Hearing a knock on the door, she spun round and called for whoever it was to come in.

‘It’s me,’ Nat said, putting his head round. ‘Cameron’s downstairs.’

‘Yes, I heard him arrive. I’m ready now. So,’ she said, giving him a twirl, ‘will I do?’

‘You look great,’ he assured her. ‘Your hair suits you up. Are those the earrings you had for Christmas last year?’

Touching the small diamond drops, she felt a flush of colour in her cheeks as she nodded. He knew they were a gift from Craig, and she couldn’t help wondering how he was feeling about her wearing them tonight.

‘Come on, or you’re going to be late,’ he said, and turning away he went back out to the landing.

Grabbing her purse, she checked she had everything she needed inside, and after coating her lips in a soft pink shimmer she picked up her wrap and followed him downstairs.

‘Has anyone seen my phone?’ she said, to cover her embarrassment as she walked into the kitchen.

‘It’s here,’ Nat said, unplugging it from the charger.

‘Mum, you look ay-mazing,’ Darcie cooed.

‘Jasper, no!’ Cameron cried, grabbing the dog as he came bowling in from outside.

Jasper’s eyes were gleaming as he regarded Alicia, his tail wagging so eagerly that Darcie gave him a shove as it thumped her legs.

Feeling Cameron’s eyes on her too, Alicia quickly dropped the mobile in her bag. ‘OK, I’ll leave my phone on in case you need to get hold of me,’ she said. ‘The Friary should be open by now, so if…’

‘Mum, will you just go,’ Darcie told her.

‘Of course. So you’ll be all right?’ she asked, needing to be sure.

Darcie looked at Cameron and rolled her eyes.

Apparently amused, Cameron said, ‘I can’t promise to have her home by midnight, but I’ll try.’

‘Do it,’ Darcie told him seriously, ‘because honestly, you won’t want to see what she turns into at the strike of twelve.’

With a cry of laughter, Cameron handed Jasper’s lead to Nat, and taking a scowling Alicia by the elbow he steered her towards the front door.

‘Your carriage awaits,’ he told her as they stepped outside, ‘and by the way, you look stunning.’

The Roswells’ end-of-summer party was one of the county’s major events. Everyone who was anyone was invited, from the landed and titled, to political high-flyers and A-list celebrities, to the very rich and stupendously well connected. Robert always made the list thanks to his frequent hobnobbing with presidents and prime ministers, and as his wife Sabrina was naturally expected to come
along too. In fact, no amount of wild horses – or wayward daughters – could have kept Sabrina away tonight, because being present at this event was absolutely vital to a couple’s standing in the county. And for her and Robert to have the right standing was of paramount importance to Sabrina.

Though it had rained on and off throughout the day, now, as the two hundred or more glittering guests mingled about the stately mansion’s superb long gallery, the south wall of French doors was thrown open to allow access on to the terrace for an excellent view of the gardens and sunset.

As Sabrina wandered through she was chattering away gaily with Archie Roswell’s sister, Camilla, whose husband was being tipped as the next British Ambassador to China, a position of immense significance in today’s new world. At the mermaid fountain, which had recently been restored at great expense, they paused to admire the sinuous stone sirens with feathery jets spurting from their upturned mouths, before moving on to join Felicity and Bodwin Singer-Smythe. The Singer-Smythes were closely related to one of the country’s most prominent dukes, and were known to be worth somewhere in the region of half a billion.