Lost to You (18 page)

Thick laughter jutted from his throat as he took me in.

I bit back a smile as another rush of heat flared on my face.

This morning when I’d talked to him on the phone, he asked me to wear the same thing I’d worn to the party last Friday. I knew under his coat he’d be wearing the same tight black T-shirt, and that his dark jeans would be a taunting me from where they hung low on his hips

He wanted a redo.

I wanted one, too.

“Come here,” he said under his breath, one hand reaching out to beckon me forward. I didn’t hesitate to nestle into his chest. He wrapped both arms around me, rocked me as he hugged me close. Gentle lips pressed to the top of my head. “You look amazing.” I felt his laughter rather than heard it. “Why didn’t I just tell you before?” His voice dropped as he burrowed his mouth farther into my hair. “Why couldn’t I just tell you I wanted to make love to you?”

Tingles shot down my spine with his words, and I nuzzled my nose deeper into his chest.

“Why didn’t I tell you I was confused and scared by everything you made me feel instead of running away from you?”

Shaking my head, I looked at him. “I don’t regret it at all, Christian. I’m mean, don’t get me wrong...last week hurt...and I hate having spent those days without you, but I have to believe it finally forced us to admit things we were too scared to see. If it hadn’t have happened, I’d probably be sitting on your couch instead of standing here like this with you.” I clung to him and whispered, “And this is really where I want to be.”

Christian’s hands came up to cup my jaw, gently prodding. I lifted my eyes to his. Emotion softened every hard angle of his face, and that place reserved for him fluttered inside. He dipped his head and pressed a sweet kiss to the edge of my mouth.

“This is the only place I want to be, Elizabeth...with you.”

My forehead fell back to his chest to hide the heat that rushed to my cheeks. I breathed him in, loved the way he smelled, loved everything about him.

There was no more holding back, no more questioning what we were or where we were going.

“Are you ready to get out of here?” he asked.

“Yeah.” I stepped back.

“Be sure to grab a warm coat and a scarf. It’s freezing out there.”

I nodded and turned back into my studio to gather my things. Christian followed right behind and stood in the middle of my apartment. Just watching me. I kept glancing up at him, and each time it was the same. I’d catch him with the same expression on his face, the one that fluttered my pulse and sent a tumult of butterflies tipping through my stomach.

Hands shaking, I struggled to pull my heavy coat over my sweatshirt.

He stepped to me, his voice all breathy and matching everything I felt inside. “Here...let me help you with that.”

He slipped the coat over my shoulders and tugged at the collar to straighten it, grinning when it caused me to stumble forward into him. Leaning in close, he reached behind me to free the hair trapped in the confines of my coat, and ran his long fingers through the length with a satisfied smile coming over his face.

“Do you have any idea how many times I’ve imagined my hands in your hair.” He lifted a handful and slowly let each piece fall away, the strands tickling at my neck as his sweet breath trickled over my face.

I couldn’t help but laugh as I buttoned my coat, my brow cinching with a playful scowl. “Oh, I distinctly remember them being there before. Have you forgotten so easily?” I was surprised by the tease that found its way from my mouth.

But I didn’t want that night to be remembered as an obstacle, when in reality, it’d been our launching pad.

A throaty chuckle seeped into the room, and Christian shook his head as he placed his hands on my hips. “No, Elizabeth, I haven’t forgotten. That night has been ingrained in my mind as one of the best and worst nights of my life...the night I first kissed you and was foolish enough to lose you in the same heartbeat.” All pretenses fell from his face, and his hands tightened their hold. “I promise you—that will never happen again.”

I believed it—I wouldn’t accept him any other way.

Something like distress darkened his eyes. “I mean it, Elizabeth. This is it for me.”

My fingers came up to coax his worry lines away from his brow. “I know, Christian.” My palm slid down his cheek to rest on the steady tick of his pulse in his neck. I wet my lips, and made my own promise. “
I trust you
.”

Relief flooded him, loosening his tense muscles and chasing the storm from his eyes, my words the cure for whatever vestiges of doubt that still remained.

Taking one step back, he grabbed my hand and brought the back to his lips. The heavy moment was gone. In its place, I sensed his thrill. It spilled over onto me.

“Come on.” He hauled me toward the door. “I want to take you out. You denied me this before, you know.”

A smirk arched his brow, this playful ease coming over us, one we’d shared so many times, but with our barriers still set firmly in place.

This was liberating.

I squeezed his hand and worked to keep up as I followed him out the door. “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.” He tossed a grin back at me, and I pulled the door shut behind us.

He led me out and down the hall, didn’t let go as he dragged me into the stairwell. As always, it was dim, the walls seemingly compressed, the air instantly tight. Just being in its confines, alone with him, escalated my heart rate.

I gasped when Christian abruptly turned and pushed me up against the wall. His mouth crashed into mine as he covered me with his body. This kiss was hot, demanding, filled with every ounce of the desire we’d kept restrained for far too long. My fingers dug into his neck as his fingers dug into my backside.

And I loved it, every second. God, I loved him.

When he pulled away, much too soon, he was panting, his blue eyes wild and his mouth dancing with a smug, satisfied smile. “Do you have any idea how many times I wanted to do that? This fucking stairwell has been the bane of my existence for the last four months.”

A strained laugh fluttered from my mouth, doing nothing to disguise the intense need that tightened my voice. “You felt that, too, huh?”

He laughed and shook his head, his posture softening as he drew me closer and completely wrapped me up in his secure arms. “You don’t even understand, Elizabeth. You’ve pretty much made me think I was losing my mind since the moment I met you.”

My head dropped to his chest, my fingers playing along the buttons of his coat as I averted my gaze. I loved hearing him voice it, to touch me and tell me he had felt the same way I did. “I’m pretty sure I do.”

I risked peeking up at him. God, he was beautiful. Every inch, angle, and curve.

“How did we manage to stay away from each other for this long?”

My hands fisted in his jacket. “Honestly, I have no clue.”

Grabbing my hand again, he guided me down the rest of the steps and out into the cold. The sun had set a couple hours earlier and the city had come alive. Cars and taxis filled the streets, the lights glowing overhead in the frosty air.

I shivered, and Christian wrapped an arm around my waist. I cuddled into the warmth of his side. He planted a kiss on my temple.

I exhaled and snuggled closer.

This was nothing short of perfection.

We walked down to the intersection where it was easier to find a cab. I hopped in the first we could find, Christian laughing as he climbed in behind me. He pulled me right to his side, sloppily kissing me under my jaw.

Everything soared, a sensation of weightlessness washing me in joy.

“Where to?” the cabbie asked.

Wide eyed and teasing, I jerked my head to face him. “Yeah, where to?”

Christian rambled off the address as he draped his arm over my shoulder.

Downtown.

The ride was short, and I was laughing outright by the time Christian was pulling me from the cab and running us in the direction of The Rink at Rockefeller Center.

“We’re going ice skating? Are you serious?” I yelled at the back of his gorgeous head as he twisted us through the crowd, his hand firm on mine, never letting go.

He looked back at me, so carefree.

My best friend.

His hands were in my hair, pressed to the sides of my head when he whirled around to kiss me in the middle of the roving crowd. “Where else would I take my girl except where she wants to go?”

He paid for our tickets and skates, both of us fumbling, cracking up as we put on our skates and tentatively ventured out onto the ice. His hands were never far, his mouth at my neck, at my ear, and at my mouth. Our words were flirty, easy, exactly what I wanted us to be.

My best friend.

He kissed me against the railing, when I fell and he helped me up, when we returned our skates and wandered hand-in-hand back out into the city.

He stopped in front of a large window at a little pizza place. Candles glowed from each round table crammed into the small space. “How’s this?”

“Looks good.”

We were seated toward the back. It was quaint inside, nothing fancy, just the two of us and a natural flow of conversation. Effortless.

We ordered a pizza to share, neither of us hesitating to dig in as soon as it was served.

Under the table, his hand rested on my knee, his thumb a constant caress.

He took a bite of pizza and glanced up at me with affection swimming in his eyes.

Never had I imagined ending up with someone like him. What I had pictured, I wasn’t quite sure. Safe, I supposed. Simple and plain. Someone who worked hard and loved just because he should. Someone who wanted a family and an easy life. Someone who I’d meet years in the future.

But Christian was none of those things. He was complicated, both selfish and kind, thoughtful and mindless, generous with a tendency toward greed.

And he was anything but plain. This beautiful man stole my breath with a simple look and had me shaking with the mere brush of his hand.

Once, Christian had been a mistake I couldn’t afford. Now, he’d become someone I didn’t want to live without. My pulse stuttered as I looked at him.

He looked so much like the type of guy I’d sworn never to give myself to. My heart recognized the risk. He could so easily crush me, but Christian had become my welcomed complication.

Black hair brushed over his forehead as he cocked his head to the side in a silent question, obviously wondering where my thoughts had wandered.

“It’s nothing,” I mumbled low, dragging a napkin over my mouth to cover the emotion building there.

Crinkles lighted at the corners of his eyes as he mildly frowned, and he only squeezed my knee.

Christian chatted on as if we’d been together for years. Plans for our future were made without thought, where he would take me and the different things he wanted us to experience together. How different school would be now that we didn’t have to pretend, how our lives seemed fated as they had finally aligned.

The waitress brought our check and Christian set a credit card on the tray. After he paid, he silently rose and extended his hand.

My chair squeaked on the tile floor as I pushed back from the table and accepted Christian’s waiting hand. He said nothing as he helped me back into my coat and wrapped my scarf around my neck, the gesture quietly intimate.

All traces of the light mood from earlier had evaporated, a charge igniting the air.

“Ready?”

Swallowing, I intertwined my fingers with his. “Yes.”

In silence, we snaked between the tiny tables filling the dark restaurant. Christian held the door open for me, and I stepped out. Cold increased its hold on the city. A chill slid down my spine, and I hugged my arms across my chest.

From behind, Christian cocooned himself around me. Covering my hands with his, he drew me tight against him and hooked his jaw over my shoulder. His breath washed over me, so thick and warm—sweet and kind—his nose nuzzling behind my ear, his lips sending shivers down the sensitive skin.

Then he pressed his cheek against mine.

“I love you, Elizabeth.”

It was said so easily, bled so naturally. I harbored no questions of its truth.

“I love you, Christian, so much.” The words filtered out ahead of us and mingled with the night air.

Christian had stolen my heart and held it in his hand.

Without letting go, he edged us forward, said nothing as he lifted his hand to hail a cab. He opened the door and gently eased me down into the back seat. Soundlessly, he slipped in and wrapped me back in his arms.

He murmured my address into the darkened cab.

The driver pulled into traffic.

Turned to the side, I rested my cheek over the beat of his heart. One of his arms held me close, his fingers playing in my hair, his other hand gripping mine on his lap.

I could feel it, the strained ripples of need coursing between us, this new uncertainty, another question.

Tension ricocheted between us. His hand tightened in mine, and he turned to whisper in my ear. “Come home with me, Elizabeth. I don’t want to take you home.”