Lottery (34 page)

“Navy blue, Per. That’s your color.”

The person looking back at me in the mirror is someone I know. It is me. I look like a policeman or a doctor. I look like a businessman. I look like Perry L. Crandall.

I do not look retarded.

A banquet is a big dinner. They give you fancy hot food and real napkins. My collar is tight around my neck and makes it hard to swallow my dinner. I am not used to suits. They make me walk funny. Gary has to make a speech, and Mr. Jordan from Everett Federal introduces him.

“I’d like to present this year’s Business Vision Award to Holsted and Crandall Marine Supply.”

When Gary stands up, he grabs me by the elbow and drags me up to the front of the room with him. White faces stare up at me. It is quiet. I cannot even hear our feet on the carpet and I have two good ears. I am still an auditor.

“I’d like to thank you all. Winning this award is a great honor. The person responsible is standing right next to me,” Gary says. "My partner, Perry L. Crandall.”

He pushes me in front of the microphone and whispers, “It’s okay, Per. Just talk to them like you talk to me. Go ahead.”

I have to say some words to a lot of people I do not know through a microphone that squeaks. I am so scared, I think I might wet my pants. I do not know what to say. All I see are faces. Then I hear them. I hear Gram. I hear Keith. They are saying words. Telling me what to do. But they are words I already know. And I am not scared anymore. I do not need them to tell me what to say.

"My name is Perry L. Crandall and I am not retarded.” I say this and take a deep breath. “My Gram always said the L in my name stands for Lucky. It does. I am lucky.” Some faces laugh because they know about the lottery, but that is not the luck I am talking about.

“I am lucky to be a businessman and I am lucky to have a family. I am lucky because I am a good worker. Being a good worker is very important. I learned how to work hard from my Gramp. I learned how to try hard and do words from my Gram, and I learned all about love from my friend Keith.” Some of the faces are smiling. Some of these faces knew Keith, some knew Gram, and some knew my Gramp.

“They would be happy that people get to know me now. They would be happy that after people get to know me, they decide maybe they like me, or maybe they don’t. But that’s okay. They get to know me. I am a businessman. That is so cool. Thank you.”

The people stand up and clap. They clap for a long, long time. Mr. Jordan hands Gary a wood thing to hang on our wall. It has both our names on it.

My picture is in the business section of the Sunday paper. I think I look goofy. Cherry tells me no.

“It’s a great picture, Perry. I’m cutting it out. We’ll put it in your book.”

The headline was at the top of the page.

The Chamber of Commerce is a bunch of businesspeople that give each other awards. That is what Gary says. He tells me I am a true businessman because I have won an award.

61

The money is all gone.

That is what the newspaper said when they printed the interview story. That is also what Louise said in the letter she wrote to ask me for more money.

They still do not know about my savings account.

“I think the publicity will help protect you from them taking advantage again. People like your brothers don’t like everybody knowing their business,” Gary said.

But they did not take advantage. He does not understand. I know the money is all gone. I knew it would be. Louise wrote me saying she saw my picture in the paper and asked me to sell my share of Holsted’s. I said no.

No.

It is what I decided.

Gram said no in my head. Keith is there with her. He said no. And Cherry is beside me and helped me write the letter answering Louise.

“NO WAY!” she wrote in giant letters on the outside of the envelope.

“No fucking way, Per!” Cherry yelled. She sounded exactly like Keith.

And then she went into labor.

Labor is when you work really hard to have a baby. I am glad he did not hear all the bad language she used, because he wasn’t here yet. He was still inside.

It took him fourteen hours to decide to come out.

He is a thinker. Like me.

Baby Keith was born the next day at noon. I was the second person to hold him besides the nurse. Her name was Carol. She was dressed all in blue.

Keith Perry George Crandall. Eight pounds and seven ounces.

He was huge. Keith would have been proud that he had the biggest baby in the hospital that week. I was hoping they gave a prize but they did not. That is such a gyp.

A week later, we are reading the paper and looking for Baby Keith’s name. He is listed in the paper on the back page under birth announcements. The front page has a photo of my cousin-brother John. Cherry is the one who found it.

“Perry, look at this! It’s your brother John. It says he’s in protective custody. He’s turning state’s evidence for some money-laundering scam. Holy crap!”

Cherry can say crap. That is not a bad word.

Cherry says protective custody means John is in jail. She says it means there are bad people out there that want to hurt him. The newspaper says that his brother David is gone. He has disappeared.

I do not feel bad for John, but I am a little sorry for David.

“What happened, Cherry?” I ask her. “Read me the rest.”

“It says here that David Crandall is wanted for questioning. He hasn’t been located. They think he’s left the country with the proceeds of the trust.” She laughs. “Like his father! He ran off. Vamoosed! He ditched that bitch of a wife of his, dumped John, and ripped off Louise. Grabbed all the money and dug out. Elaine, John, and Louise are left holding the bag. David took it all! Ha! Good for him, Per. Good for him!”

Holding the bag means somebody took what was inside and you have nothing.

Except for a bag.

“I wonder where he is,” I say.

“The Caymans. South America. He’s probably with your father spending all the money.” And she laughs again.

Baby Keith sucks on her boob. That is so cool. I did not know boobs gave out baby food.

Two months later, a postcard comes in the mail addressed to me. There is a beautiful picture of a white beach with palm trees. The postmark is from the country named after a nut. It is not signed but I think it is from David.

“It’s just like you said on TV, Per. Everybody should get what they want. Take care and God bless.”

“I don’t think you have to worry about any of them anymore, Perry,” Gary says again.

But I do not worry.

Gary says Holsted and Crandall is our future and we cannot sell it.

“If someone ever asks you to sell, they are trying to take advantage of you, because they think you’re retarded. They’re making a big mistake when they think that. A very big mistake.” He laughs. “You’re definitely not retarded, but you know what, Perry? It wouldn’t make a damn bit of difference. You’re still one hell of a businessman.”

We are going to open another store in Anacortes next fall. It is another place with lots of boats and people who need boat stuff, just like Everett.

Gary asked my advice and I told him. It was my idea.

“Lots of other boats stop in Anacortes on their way to the San Juan Islands. Those boaters always forget something. We should have a store there,” I say.

“That’s what I mean, Per, one hell of a businessman,” Gary says.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart said, "Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.”

This was written inside the card Cherry got me for my birthday. It was tied to the collar of a brown puppy.

“He’s chocolate Lab and something else. The lady didn’t know what,” Cherry told me.

That was so cool. I was so excited I bounced, and my puppy did too. Just like me.

“Everybody should get what they want,” Cherry said, and kissed my bouncing chin. “Especially you.”

A dog! He licks my face and follows me around. I named him Bounce because that is what we both do when we are happy. He knows his name and I already taught him to sit. He is very smart. He comes when I whistle and asks to go outside when he has to poop and pee. I take him for walks and do not even need a leash. That is so cool. Even Gary likes that we have Bounce. He says dogs are good for security and can bite robbers in the ankle and chase cats.

When I look deep into Bounce’s eyes, when I pet his soft head, I see Gramp there. I see Gram. I see Keith. I see them all in his eyes.

The card Cherry gave me sits on my desk at work. I read it every day. I do not understand the first part, but I understand the second.
Love.
It is something that cannot be taken. I think that is true. I keep the card to remind me that I have what I want. I have always had what I wanted. Love. I have always had love. When I was young, I had Gramp and Gram. When I got older, I had Gary and a job. Older still, I had Keith. And now I have Cherry and Baby Keith. And Bounce. I finally have my dog.

Baby Keith will be one year old next week.

I play with him every morning when I help change and feed him. He started eating real food like us. He only has four teeth. Cherry says he will get more soon, but I am not sure. I never saw a baby grow up before.

We do the same games that Gramp and I did. Hide the nose. Peek-under-the-blanket. Bouncy-bouncy. We do the last part with Bounce. Whenever Baby Keith cries, he stops right away when I pick him up. That is so cool. He started walking at nine months. That is fast for a baby, Cherry says. If he falls down or is hungry, he will stop crying just for me.

“He loves you, Per.” Cherry will watch us and smile. “Like me,” she says.

I know this.

Baby Keith says, “Da. Da. Da.” He grabs my hand and puts it into his mouth.

“He’s beautiful,” I say, and my fingers brush his cheek the same way Gram’s brushed mine. Cherry kisses me hard and says I am the beautiful one.

Baby Keith comes into Holsted and Crandall’s every day. He is quiet and looks around with wide brown eyes. I know what he is doing. He is studying what he needs to do when he grows up. He is practicing for the time he will work at our store. I help him walk around and give him boxes to push and cardboard to tear.

Cherry and I are married now. I thought about this for many months.

First, I heard Gram’s voice.
Are you going to marry her, Perry? Are you?

Then Keith’s voice.
Marry her, Per.

“Should we get married?” I ask. I want to, but I do not know if it is something she wants or needs.

“Why?” she asks me. “What difference would it make?” Then she kisses me and says, “But I will if you want to.”

That is a good answer, I think.
If you want to
is a very good answer. People should get what they want.

“I want to, Cherry,” I say. “Baby Keith needs a mother and father with the same last name so when he goes to school nobody will tease.” This is very important for Baby Keith, I tell her.

She takes my hand and says, “You’re right, Per. You’re absolutely right.”

Absolutely means very sure. It is like
echt.
It is true.

We get married on
Diamond Girl
and have something called a honeymoon. It is a tiny trip that you take after you get married.

We do not go far. We sleep on
Diamond Girl.
She stays tied to the dock. The water laps against the hull and Baby Keith sleeps between us. Bounce stays up in the cockpit. He is too big for down below now. He grew fast because his paws were too big for his body.

Cherry and I talk about Keith. She still loves him best and so do I. That’s okay.

Life goes on,
Keith says in my head.

Life always goes on
. Gram agrees with him.

Their voices stay with me always.

Diamond Girl
is mine. Keith left her to me. I scrub her gelcoat and wax and polish her sides like I always wanted to do for Keith. I do it for us now, for Cherry and me. She shines now like a real diamond, both her and Cherry.

A lawyer told me I was Keith’s beneficiary. A beneficiary means your best friend died. I would rather have Keith alive, but a sailboat is cool. I also got seventy-five thousand dollars from Keith’s life insurance policy from Holsted’s. It will be for Baby Keith’s education. He will go to college. He is smart and not at all slow.

Cherry and I invest together.

“Almost a quarter of a million dollars in the savings account now.” That is what Cherry says. “A quarter of a million. That’s a lot of money.” Then she looks at me and smiles. “But it’s only money, isn’t it? It doesn’t really matter. It is us that matter. It’s us. That’s just for our future.” She says that just like Gram.

“For our future,” we both say.

She knows it is not just for mine alone. It is for hers too, and Baby Keith’s.

We are a family.

I am teaching Cherry how to sail. Out on Puget Sound the waves are green. The sky is blue with gray clouds over Whidbey Island. It is warm and there is just enough wind. Baby Keith is asleep, wrapped in his life jacket and harness. He lies sideways on the floor of the cockpit. Bounce sits next to me looking for seagulls. He is a good seagull finder.

“No, Bounce,” I tell him. “Quiet,” I whisper. “You will wake Baby Keith.” And he looks at me and does what I say. That is so cool.

I am very careful with Cherry and Baby Keith. Sometimes I worry.

“Am I too slow?” I ask Cherry. “Am I too slow for people?”