Louise: A New Beginning (17 page)

“Same here,” I said between kisses.

“Does this mean you will stay with me tonight?”

“Maybe. . .”

“Why don’t we officially move you into my bedroom? I miss seeing you in my bed.”

“How selfish of you, Mr. Blair. Playing house always helps, right?”

“Exactly.”

I giggled, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I love you,” I said.

“I love you more,” he responded, bending to give me another kiss.

As much as he was trying to keep things light and teasing with me tonight, I still knew he was upset about everything we’d managed to find out about his father’s past and death. I also knew it would be even worse if we found out our suspicions about the accident were true. But we didn’t have any other choice than to keep trying to find out the whole truth; neither of us knew how to keep living in the dark.

It had been so long since the last time Will and I fell asleep in his bed, and it felt amazing. It was like I was finally back home after a long journey that at times felt endless and too lonely to enjoy.

I looked at the man sleeping peacefully by my side and smiled, trailing a line down his cheek and chin with my fingertips. We didn’t do anything but talk for the rest of the night. I knew Will needed me as much as I needed him. He wasn’t ashamed to tell me his fears, and he already knew all of my own.

We didn’t notice the moment we fell asleep, wrapped in each other’s embrace. And it felt so good, so natural, so easy.  . .

And now, watching him sleep, I couldn’t stop thinking about the things that I still needed to do. Will was right, my father had to pay for being a horrible excuse for a person, but I couldn’t let him hurt Will. I was sure Will would be the first person he would blame for ruining his dreams about being the next president of the United States of America. But it was common knowledge that hasty climbers had sudden falls. My father may not have realized it, but he deserved every single drop of the hatred I had for him. He couldn’t keep destroying everything and everyone on the way to his long-awaited glory. Someone had to stop him, and that someone was going to be me. . . I preferred for him to blame me, than to take revenge on Will. Maybe I was being a fool, but I hoped Montgomery wouldn’t hurt his own daughter, no matter how screwed his life just might get because of her revenge.

Morning came quicker than I expected it to. I opened my eyes and to my huge disappointment, I didn’t see Will next to me. His half of the bed was empty except a small sheet of paper with my name on it, lying on his pillow. I reached over, grabbing the note, opened it, and read it:

“My Dear Louise,

Waking up next to you has always been something beyond words. . . Even time hasn’t changed it. A part of my mind still feels like I’m living in a dream because you are finally with me again. And the rest can’t stop enjoying every second of it. . .

We never seem to be in the right place at the right time for me to tell you how much you mean to me. I love you more than I could have ever imagined loving anyone: too much to describe it, too much to let it go, too much to stop loving you. . .

And as thoughts of you start to invade my mind, my heart starts to race. It beats for you, for every breath you take, for every smile I see brightening your beautiful face, for every kiss I steal from your lips. . . Every time I can’t see you, I feel like drowning within the depths of my fears of losing you again. I lose my mind over you. . . So young and wild-tempered, you broke into my world like a hurricane, conquering my heart and my every thought within seconds.

Nothing makes sense without you. . . I’m helpless against the power you have over me. I don’t know how to be myself without you. And every time I’m with you, I drink in every single moment of our closeness, like there is no tomorrow, like there’s nothing at all but you and me, hidden from everyone’s eyes in a small world meant for the two of us.

When I am away from you, seconds turn to hours, days turn to months. There is no future for me without you. I live with the memories of my past, that sometimes seem nonexistent, because you weren’t always there. . .

And now, all I want is forever with you. To kiss you, to love you, to breathe you in. I’m tired of being broken. I am tired of being shattered into fragments that only you know how to put back together. I want to feel complete again, which is impossible without you. . .

The power of my love for you cannot be measured, but I hope you can feel it with your heart. . .

I’ll see you soon, My Love.

Forever Yours,

W.”

Oh, how I missed Will’s letters. They have always been so beautifully written, so deep and meaningful. Will had always been a man full of secrets, but when he wrote to me, he didn’t hide a single thought or emotion crossing his heart. In his letters, he had always been honest with me, maybe even more than he could allow himself to be in reality.

Christopher knocked at the door, saying from behind it, “Breakfast is ready!”

“Coming!” I shouted back, tucking Will’s letter into the draw in the nightstand.

I took a quick shower, got dressed, and went downstairs to have breakfast.

“Where’s Will?” I asked Christopher, disappointed to not see him in the dining room.

“He left for work.”

“On Sunday?” That seemed a little odd, especially considering he didn’t tell me he had planned on working today.

“No need to worry, it’s just an emergency at work. But I’m sure it’s nothing too serious. By the way, he asked me to take you to his office when you are done training at
Le Papillon
.”

“What for?” I asked, taking a sip of my steaming coffee.

“I don’t know. You haven’t been there before, have you?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“How long will your training last?”

“Somewhere between two or three hours. I’ll call you when I’m ready to go, okay?”

“Sounds good. Now finish your breakfast, and I’ll drive you to the club.”

As always, Sunday training at
Le Papillon
was a hell. Kate was furious, and I couldn’t seem to figure out if it was because the girls couldn’t repeat the moves she had been trying to teach them, or because she was still in shock after yesterday’s conversation with Drew.

“For God’s sake, people! How in the fucking hell are you going to dance tonight if you move like turtles on the ice?”

I giggled, saying, “Easy, Kate, they are doing fine.” I had been watching the training for a half hour already. I wasn’t going to dance today, but I wanted to see Tess’s new dance.

“
Fine
is not what I want them to do, Lu. I need perfection! But look at them – they can barely stand on their own two feet without tripping every two minutes. God, I must have done something very wrong to get stringed with dancers like these. . .karma’s a bitch. . .”

The girls shared a knowing look. When Kate was pissed, she hated everything that was happening on the stage, no matter how good or terrible it was.

“Why don’t we take a break?” I asked.

Kate gave me a
‘you have got to be kidding me’
look.

“Just a short, two-minute break, okay?” I rephrased my question, smiling at her.

She cursed aloud, then said, “Fine. Two minutes, girls, then you get your asses back to work!”

I nodded toward the exit, hoping we would be able to talk in private.

“What’s going on?” I asked, when Kate and I entered Drew’s waiting room.

“Drew’s missing.”

“What?”

“I mean, I know he’s with your father, but I’m still worried about him.”

“He’s with my father?”

“I think so. Montgomery came here last night, to watch the show. Then he and Drew went to his office and talked for about two hours.”

“About what?”

“I wish I knew. . . Then Montgomery left, and Drew left shortly after. I haven’t seen him or heard from him since last night.”

“Did you try to call him?”

“I didn’t.”

“Why?” I asked, pulling my phone out of my pocket.

“I’m scared,” Kate said, wrapping her arms around herself.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Let’s call him.”

I dialed Drew’s number and waited. He picked up the phone after a few rings.

“Yeah,” he groaned into the handset. He sounded like I had just waked him up.

“Where the hell are you? We have been worried about you!”

He cleared his throat and said, “Sorry, Lu. I didn’t think I needed you to sign my permission slip to go out at night.”

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t be a jerk.” Obviously, my uncle was more than okay, alive, breathing, and probably holding another curvy lady in his embrace.

“You could have at least called Kate to tell her that you were fine.”

“I don’t need her permission either,” he said in the same sleepy-gruff voice.

“Whatever,” I snapped. “Next time, could you please be so kind as to tell us that you are not coming for the night? It will save us the stress.” Pissed, I hung up the phone.

“He’s with a woman, isn’t he?” Kate asked in a dry voice.

I sighed. I couldn’t lie to her. She knew Drew better than I did. “At least we know that he’s fine.”

“Son of a bitch. . . Of course, he’s fine.” She smirked. “How could I be so stupid? I thought he had gotten himself into trouble, when in fact, all he got into was another vagina.” She cursed aloud, and left the waiting room, slamming the door behind her.

I felt so sorry for Kate. She was still in love with Drew, and something was telling me that he loved her too, only for some unknown reason he didn’t want that love to be a part of his life. Or maybe he was simply scared of becoming emotionally attached to another person. He had always been alone, no wife, no kids, just work. He liked it that way, he was okay with that, and he didn’t want to change it. And Kate knew it. . . But like any other woman, she hoped that one day Drew would see a real woman in her, not just a stripper he could spend the night with, but a true woman, loving and able to right everything wrong in his messed-up life. And I, in turn, truly hoped Kate’s dream would come true. She deserved to be happy.

William

I had been waiting for Louise for about an hour already. Christopher called me the moment they left
Le Papillon
and I couldn’t wait to see my love. There was a surprise waiting for her in my office.

She had never been here before, but I wanted to show her around, to let her see my world from my point of view. After my father’s death, it took me almost a year to get used to being the new head of the company. I still couldn’t believe he was gone. . . And I also couldn’t believe all the responsibility for his company’s future was on me. I was too young, I knew so little about how to be the big boss. I didn’t want to be the boss, I just wanted my father back.

I spent about two weeks on the West Coast, hoping the coastguard would be able to find my dad where they had found the remnants of his boat. I kept believing if I was just patient, they would call and say that he was safe and sound. But that never happened. My world collapsed the day his body was found.

I returned to New York, broken and lost. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know how to live knowing that my father would never come back home again.

I don’t know how I finally managed to man up and take his place at home and at work. Mom thought it would be better if she left for Europe. Mainly because she was as broken as I was and she couldn’t imagine her life without my father. She assumed it would be better for both of us; she thought if I had to see her sad face, day after day, it would only make me feel worse.

It was only partially true. I blamed myself for failing to recover my dad’s body from the cold ocean water. I know it wasn’t really my fault, I couldn’t do anything to save him…

And so my mother left, saying I was strong enough to take my dad’s place in his business. She believed in me, and so did Christopher. He didn’t leave me even for one second. He had been watching my father work for years, he knew a lot about the company’s deals and partners, and with his help, I managed to become the man I was today.

There was one more thing that helped me keep going. Louise. . . Even though she didn’t really realize it, she was most of my motivation. If I allowed the company to go under, I couldn’t take care of her; and if I couldn’t take care of her, our relationship would go under as well.

I don’t know why, but I never stopped believing one day we would meet again. And when that day came, everything in my life suddenly made sense. For the first time in years, I felt like I had something to fight for again, for the first time in a long time, I felt happy – high even – it was as if she had bewitched me. I couldn’t shake my need to be with her.

In the blink of an eye, Louise became my life. And no matter how heartbreaking it felt sometimes, I was still happy to know that she was with me again. I couldn’t lose her, not now that we knew how close our lives had always been; it was like we were always walking side by side, but never crossing each other’s paths, until the day we met at the train station.

A soft knock at the door brought me back to reality. I went to open the door and smiled, seeing Louise standing behind it.

“What is all the secrecy about?” She asked, stepping into the office.

I kissed her on the lips and said, “I thought you said you missed your Mr. Secret. I wanted to remind you of all that time you spent with him.”

She smiled. “I did miss him. A lot. But why are we here?” She looked around, curiously.

“Because I wanted to show you the world I live in. This place is very special to me.”

“Okay. . . And what are we going to do here?”

“Any ideas?”

She shook her head, still smiling.

“Then why don’t we start with a small excursion?”

She left her bag on the couch in my office and we went to see the rest of the company’s headquarters.

“Here’s the conference room,” I said, opening the doors for her. “I remember the first time I had to give a speech in here, it was terrible. The entire committee was here, and I was so nervous.”

She laughed. “Why?”

“Outside of a few classes in college, I hadn’t even spoken in front of big groups of people. And these weren’t just any people, I felt like I needed to impress them. It is a good thing they understood what I was going through at the time because they pretended like I gave the speech flawlessly, even though I couldn’t take my eyes off the paper my words were written on, and when I did, I couldn’t remember a damn thing I was supposed to say.”

“It couldn’t have been that bad.”

“Trust me, you would have laughed if you had seen me. I don’t think I had ever felt so small in my entire life. There were people who were at least twice my age; they were more experienced than I was; and they were definitely smarter than I was. But the most surprising thing was when my speech was over, they started applauding as if they had never heard anything better. Their support meant the world to me. I suddenly felt like I had grown up from a two-year-old boy afraid of his own shadow, to a man full of confidence and determination.”

“I never doubted your talent,” Louise said. “In managing the company or whatever. . .”

I laughed. “Or whatever?”

“You know. . . Like making coffee, or helping me get out of another mess I make for no apparent reason other than the thrill of doing it. . .”

I looked at her, smirking. “And that’s all? Don’t I have other talents that you might like as well?”

“Well. . . There are a few things I wouldn’t mind you doing with me. . . Just to make sure you are good at them too.”

I pulled her into my arms and kissed her deeply.

Whenever she was around, I wanted to touch her, to kiss her, to hold her in my arms and never let her go. Probably because I was still afraid of losing her.

That’s why I wrote a letter for her before I left for the office this morning. There were things I never felt brave enough to say aloud, but I wanted her to know how I felt about the things going on in our lives now.

“There’s one more place I want to show you,” I said.

We walked down the hall and stopped at the door, leading to a small cinema.

“What’s in there?” Louise asked.

“Your life before me, your life with me in it. . .”

After what happened in the hotel, I knew I needed to explain myself and everything that was going through my mind at that time.

“Come on, Will, open the door!” She said impatiently. “You’ve intrigued me.”

I opened the door and we entered the dark room.

“Can we turn the lights on?” Louise asked.

I didn’t respond. Instead, I took a small remote out of my pocket and pushed the power button.

The screen in front of us turned on, glowing brightly in the dark room.  I pushed the play button on the remote and the screen began to flip through different pictures of Louise, one by one.

“What is this?” She went closer to the screen, and took a seat in one of the chairs. I sat down next to her.

“Keep watching,” I said.

I could see tears glistening in her eyes. She couldn’t take her eyes off the screen.

There were pictures of her when she was a child, the ten-year-old girl I remembered meeting at the train station. Then there were the pictures of her as she grew up: dancing, walking down the streets of New York or talking to Tess, eating ice cream at a local ice cream parlor. There were pictures of her and Tess, laughing and playing. Tess was still living at
Paradise
; there were pictures of Louise when she was finally able to leave the orphanage; there were pictures of her walking around Paris, from our trip together; there were pictures from the first night we spent together. . .

I didn’t say a word, I just watched her while she watched the slideshow. She looked lost in her memories, I didn’t want to break into her thoughts with unnecessary questions.

After a few silent minutes, she spoke, “I remember that day.” She pointed to the picture flashing on the screen. “It was the day Tess left
Paradise.
” The picture showed Louise standing at the gates of the orphanage. Her eyes looked so sad in the picture. She looked like a little girl who just lost her best friend, and that was exactly what the picture was showing:
she was losing her friend.

“I didn’t want her to leave,” she said. A lonely tear ran down her cheek. “A part of me was happy for her. She was finally free, she could do whatever she wanted, and I had to wait two more years before I could leave
Paradise
. But it was hard to believe I would have to spend those two years without her. Back then, I didn’t know if we would meet again or not, I always hoped Tess would come and get me when my day came, but she didn’t. And I had no idea Marlena sent her to
Le Papillon.
Then, when I got to the club, I saw a new Tess, a stranger. She was as cold as ice, being around her felt like hell could be freezing over from the coldness she showed me. She had changed, so much. . . I didn’t recognize her. I was so happy to see her, and then she told me she never actually saw me as a friend. She said in
Paradise
you couldn’t be friends with anyone, because everyone had to defend their own interests, and she always defended hers. . .she said she used me. It hurt so bad.”

“Do you remember that day?” I asked, pointing to the screen with a different picture. It was the picture of Louise that Christopher sent me when I was in Paris, almost six months ago.

She smiled, nodding. “It was the day I was supposed to be free. Or at least I thought I would be free anyway. . . Later that day, I went to
Le Papillon
, and realized that freedom was the last thing I would be finding when I got there.”

“But then you met me again.” I took her hand in mine, and she leaned closer and put her head on my shoulder, watching the pictures on the big screen in front of us.

“Yeah, then I met you again. . . And it changed everything. . .
You
changed everything.”

I kissed her on the top of her head, saying, “Have you ever. . .regretted meeting me again?”

She responded immediately, “Yes. . .especially the day I had to leave you. But I never regretted all those wonderful moments you and I have shared.” She looked up at me, her eyes filled with the emotions she was feeling. “I never regretted falling in love with you, William Blair. No matter how wrong it felt at times. I think I fell in love with you the very first time we met, at the station.”

I smiled. “Which means you have loved me for many years.”

She smiled too. “It was one of those things that made every day I had to live at
Paradise
– which was hell, by the way – better. Even though, back then I didn’t realize it was love. I lived in my memories from our first meeting, in the memories of you giving me your gloves, and me promising you I would never let anyone hurt me. I kept remembering our short conversation, playing it over and over again in my mind. It gave me more strength. Sometimes I felt like I could do absolutely anything I wanted to do, I felt like I could get anything I needed. All thanks to you. . . You inspired me, you made me believe that life doesn’t necessarily have to be sad. You helped me believe in myself. And I will always be grateful for that, because without you, I would have probably never been able to fight for my dreams as much as I have.”

“It doesn’t have to be hard, Louise. You know that, right?”

She nodded, saying, “I do. I do know that you will never let me down. And I think I know why you wanted to show me all of these pictures today. Most of them were taken by Christopher, right?”

“Yes. I told you I never stopped looking after you, and Christopher has been my partner in that small crime. He could always be where I wanted to be, when I couldn’t be there.”

“Before we entered this room, you said I would see my life before you and my life with you in it. . . And now, I can see the difference between them.”

“By no means did I mean to offend you by showing you these pictures, Louise. All I wanted to do was to show you that past doesn’t always mean you can’t have the future you want for yourself. It doesn’t mean you can’t move on, leave it all behind and start a new life, different from what you used to have before. I want you to leave your past behind. God knows, there’s nothing more important to me than making you happy.”

“I know. I never doubted that, Will. I know everything you do, you do for me. And it’s priceless.”

“Then how about we leave all those memories from your past in this room and go start something new, together?”

She moved closer to me, put her palms on my cheeks and kissed my lips with hers. There was so much tenderness and love in her kiss. It was like she wanted to tell me everything she couldn’t bring herself to say with that kiss.

“I’m all in,” she then said, breaking the kiss.

“Good.” I brought her hands and to my lips, and kissed them, one and then the other. “Have you eaten anything today?  I mean other than breakfast?”

She grimaced. “No. And I am starving.”

“I’ll call Christopher and ask him to cook something special for us. Or would you prefer to eat somewhere in the city?”