Love Again (21 page)

After almost two years of seeing Doctor Brenton I felt like my life was finally starting to get back on track.  I moved out from my dad’s house and rented an apartment.  The security was excellent and it was in a gated community of it’s own. 

I still volunteered at the youth center and was still a part time Para professional at the school.  The kids were a huge help in my recovery, they reminded me every single day how precious life is. 

Corrina would visit me when she had time, with the museum in full swing and her modeling jobs increasing.  She was busier than before. 

One evening while we were out eating supper she was telling me funny stories about her and Trevor.  They weren’t dating, she said didn’t want to date anybody until life slowed down for her.  “So one night we decided to sneak into Dominque’s…” she pinched her eyes shut and stopped talking.  “Sorry.” She said.

“Finish the story!” I insisted.

“No,” she shook her head.  “It’s not that funny.”

“Corrina, Dominique isn’t the one that caused me any pain.  It’s okay to talk about him.”

She looked up at me, “You have no idea how hard he’s tried to move on, Lennie.  He didn’t do anything to you, but you ripped his heart out.  I still don’t understand why you cut him off, why you couldn’t just talk to him.”

My mouth fell open, Corrina had never once talked to me like that.  “I…” I wasn’t sure what to even say.  Corrina stood up from out table and walked out of the restaurant.  It was pouring down rain when I got out there. 

“What are you doing?” I yelled and wrapped my coat around myself.  I stood under the awning and tried to get Corrina to move under it. 

“He loves you so much, STILL, after you pushed him away.  He still loves you!  He’s got a girlfriend you know?  Hannah, they’ve been together for about six months and still have yet to have sex.  He’s kissed her but won’t take things any further with her.  Why can’t you just call him?  Tell him it’s okay to move on, that you don’t love him?” Her mascara was running down her face and tears filled her eyes.  “I love you to death Lennie and so does he.  Don’t you think he deserves a simple phone call?  Did you ever read his letter?”

“What fucking letter?” I asked.

She gave me a look that I knew was her ‘are you serious’ look, “The one I put in your purse the day you left!” She threw her hands in the air and slapped them down on her waist.  “You never read it, did you?”

“I forgot about it!” I said with hot tears falling down my face. 

Corrina hugged me, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.  I just had to get it off my chest.  Please don’t hate me.”

I could never hate her, “I’m such a horrible person.”

Corrina pulled away from the hug, “Stop it!  Don’t say that ever again.  I should have never said anything.”

She raised her hand for a cab, inside the both of us shivered all the way to my apartment.  “Do you hate me?” she asked.

“No, I just don’t know what to do.  I can’t just call him.”

“Do you know where it’s at, the letter?” she asked.

I shook my head, “I’ll have to look for it.”

The rest of the ride was filled with silence.  I was lost in my own thoughts, thoughts of Dominique and how much he probably hated me. 

Corrina paid the driver then we went inside, “Get some rest, look for it tomorrow his number hasn’t changed.  I never gave him your new number, trust me he tried numerous times to get into my phone.”

We both laughed a slight laugh. “I’m going to go shower, what time does your flight leave in the morning?”

“I have to be there at eight.  You get some rest and call me tomorrow, okay?”

I nodded, “I love you so much.” I hugged her tighter than I ever had.

“I love you too, I’m so proud of how far you’ve come.  When you smile, I can tell that you’re truly happy.”

~~~~~~

The following day I tore through box after box for that white envelope.  “Ahh, where could it be?” I said out loud to myself.  “You really need to unpack the rest of that stuff too.” I continued to talk to myself.  My bedroom looked like the Tasmanian devil had ripped through it, I stood in the middle of the room my arms crossed over my chest and one hand rested under my chin.  I tapped my lips trying to think of where else it could possibly be.  Then it hit me, I still had a couple of boxes in the closet at my dads house.  I ran out of the room and through my apartment, grabbed my keys out of the basket on the island in the kitchen and hurried down to my car. 

Dad and Jennifer were sitting on their front porch drinking coffee and reading the newspaper when I showed up.  I gave them each a quick hello as I ran into the house and upstairs.  I dropped to my knees and lifted the bed skirt up but the boxes were no longer under there so I walked over to the closet.  They were stacked neatly in the back.  I ripped the lid off of one and dumped everything out, when I didn’t find I grabbed the other one and did the same thing.  The last thing to fall out was the envelope. 

Sitting on the bed I slid my finger under the flap and pulled the letter out, a cd fell in my lap when I unfolded the paper
.
 

Dear Lennie,

I’m writing you because you won’t see me.  I wish I could say that I understand why you don’t want to, but, in all honesty it’s killing me.  I know you’re going to leave and that there’s nothing I can say to keep you here.  I just have some things I want to tell you, so I’ll get started. 

When I told you that I loved you I meant it and I still do.  You somehow broke through the wall I put around my heart.  I don’t think you even knew that you were doing it, but with every touch and kiss we shared I knew it was happening.  Now it feels like the wall pulled my heart down with it.  I would give anything to be able to be there for you every step of the way as you start your road to recovery.  I knew the very second our eyes connected in the hospital that you were going to push me away. 

You said that I don’t need this kind of “mess” in my life, but you’re wrong!  So very wrong, I can’t stop thinking about you.  I know you’re even more scared now than what you were before, what do I have to say or do to make you see that you mean the world to me? 

When the doctor told me you miscarried the baby because of the stress your body had been through, I wanted to scream.  It felt like my heart had been ripped out of me.  I see your face every time I close my eyes…how am I supposed to just let you go--not knowing when I’ll ever be able to kiss those beautiful lips again?  I miss the feel of your skin under my fingers and the way you smile at me when I kiss the top of your head while your reading or relaxing in my arms while we watch TV. 

In time you’ll be a stronger person than you were before, I can only hope that some day you will tell me why you wouldn’t let me be by your side.  This all feels like a really bad fucking dream, I went from being the happiest & luckiest man in the world to the most pissed of and hurt.  I’d give anything for you to at least talk to me. 

I want to be able to; hold your hand when you need the warmth, to be able to hold you tight when you need a strong shoulder to cry on, to be able to dry away your tears when the pain is too much.  I want to hold you at night and protect you from the nightmares and memories.  You fixed me now I want to fix you, I just want a chance to show you that together we can get through this.  Please?

I heard this song the other day and it made me think of you…actually us. 

I miss you and I love you Lennie.

Love always,

Dominique

“What have I done?” I was crying so hard I hadn’t even heard Jennifer and dad walk into the bedroom. 

Jennifer sat down beside me when I put the CD in the radio on the nightstand, a piano played a smooth intro before a woman started signing.  ‘Just Give Me A Reason’ with Nate Ruess and Pink.  The tears fell faster down my cheeks, my shoulders shook and my heart hurt—for Dominique. 

As the song faded and the room fell silent, Jennifer handed me a Kleenex.  I wiped my eyes and looked at her.  She was wiping her own eyes,  “Wow…that, I’m sorry.” She sniffled.  “I’ll leave you and your dad alone.” She started to get up. 

I stopped her, “No, stay…please.”

Jennifer sat back down beside me and dad knelt down in front of me, “Talk to us Lennie.” He spoke softly.

I showed him the letter, his eyes scanned it, “Oh!”

“I really hurt him.” I sobbed. 

The doorbell rang, “I’ll get it.” Dad stood up and kissed the top of my head. 

“How old is that letter?” Jennifer asked.

I shook my head, “Old enough that I’m sure he doesn’t feel the same way.  He gave it to Corrina the day I moved here.”

We sat there in silence, then dad hurried in to the room.  “Lennie, there’s an officer here that needs to talk to you.”

“Me?  Why?” I wiped my eyes.

I followed dad downstairs, unsure why a cop was at the house. 

“Lennie, I’m officer McBride.  Detective Bison called our precinct today.  I’m sorry to inform you that Justin Ericson was found dead in his cell around six o’clock this morning.  Apparent suicide.  Bison would like for you to call him at your earliest convenience.”

“WHAT?!” Dad, Jennifer and I all asked in shock.

I shook my head and wrapped my arms around my mid section, “I’ll call him, thank you.”

He pinched his lips together and nodded before he turned and walked out. 

“I left in such a hurry to get over here, I left my cell phone at home.” I stared at the door.  “Can this day possibly get any more crazy?” I asked.

I chose not to attend Justin’s funeral, although I had mostly forgiven him for what he did I still couldn’t bring myself to go mourn him at his final resting place.  I knew that I wasn’t ready to see his parents either, I could only imagine what they thought of me and figured they would blame me for what happened.

One month later Corrina called me, “I just thought I would invite you to the biggest and the best gallery expo.”

I laughed, “At the museum?  First you should tell me what day and the time so I can book a hotel.”

“You didn’t let me get that far!  You’re not staying at a hotel, you’re staying with me.  Unless you’ll need the privacy…in that case you have some explaining to do.  As in—who the lucky guy is?”

“Ummm no, no guy, I’m still very single.  I figured YOU would be the one that needed the privacy.”

“Nope, still happily single here.”

While on the phone I booked a list minute flight back to Chicago. 

I finally realized that I was only hurting myself by holding on to the shred of hope that Lennie would ever come back and we would start our relationship over.  I locked away the memories of her and decided that Hannah actually made me happy. 

News that Justin had committed suicide before being sentenced to prison, spread fast.  I didn’t go to the funeral and I didn’t send a sympathy card to his family.  As far as I was concerned he was going to burn in hell for all the heartache he caused so many people. 

Between my work schedule and Hanna’s we mainly seen each other on weekends and took turns flying out to see each other.  One weekend she would fly to Chicago and the following weekend I would fly to Dallas, Texas.

“Corrina’s not mad that we didn’t come to the gallery at the museum?” Hannah asked.

“She tried to call and cancel my flight, thankfully she wasn’t successful.” I said then kissed her.

She kissed me back, we were lying in her bed after getting back from supper.  “I’m so glad you’re here.” She breathed out against my neck. 

I smiled, “How glad?”

Hannah reached over to the nightstand and flashed a foil pack in front of me before she ripped it open with her teeth.  “So very, very glad.”

I knelt with my knees on each side of her hips and moaned when she stroked my hardening cock before rolling the condom on. 

“God I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of how amazing sex is with you.” She breathed out when I pushed inside of her.  With her legs wrapped around my waist I slowed my pace and tried to drag out her orgasm for as long as I could.  When I pulled out she rolled onto her side and lifted her leg to my shoulder, with this angle I was able to rub her clit and penetrate deeper.  Her tits jiggled so she grabbed them and pinched her own nipples.  “I’m going to come, oh god Dominique…”

I thrust faster and harder, her pussy walls squeezing at my cock until I was filling the condom.  I blew out a breath and slowly pulled out of her.  “I use to have stamina at one point in my life.” I said with a laugh.  I tossed the condom into the trashcan and flopped down beside her. 

Hannah rolled over laid her head on my chest and rest a leg over mine, “We’re both tired we have all weekend to do that some more.”

I reached up and flipped switched the lamp off, “I could use some sleep for sure, I think the kids I’ve been working with at camp have been eating solid sugar all week.  They’ve been hyper and their attention span is about a millisecond.”

We both laughed before yawning.  Hannah fell asleep before me, like always, I laid there thinking about work and what I had scheduled for the upcoming week.  When I wasn’t able to fall asleep still, I grabbed my phone and clicked on the social media icon.  I scrolled through a few different updates until a picture stopped me and I almost dropped my phone. 

Wearing a long black halter top dress with her hair braided and pulled to the side was a picture of Lennie and Corrina at the museum gallery showing.  I clicked on the picture and zoomed in.  Lennie looked thinner but the curve of her hips was still beautiful.  I scrolled through more pictures.  Trevor wearing a tuxedo and dancing with her, Leenie standing by a Van Gough painting talking to a tall blonde haired guy and both smiling at each other.  My heart skipped a few beats with each picture of her I looked at. 

I slid out of bed, careful not to wake Hannah up.  I pulled on my sweat pants and went downstairs to the patio.  Corrina had posted the pictures so I clicked on her profile, just to torture myself a little more, so I could see more of Lennie.  In one of the pictures she was looking at her cell phone while the tall blonde guy looked at his, Trevor photoboming them with a big goofy smile and two thumbs up. 

Before I could stop myself I called Trevor.

“Sup man?  How’s Miss Texas doing?” He asked and I could tell he was on his way to being drunk.

“It looks like the gallery is pretty exciting.” I stated with irritation.

“Man it’s awesome, Corrina did amazing setting this event up.”

“Who’s the guy?”

“What?”

“The guy…” I repeated.

“You’re creeping me the fuck out, are you standing behind me or something?”  I have known Trevor long enough to know that he just spun a complete circle looking for me.

I chuckled, “No, I’m in Texas.  But all the social media hype is in Chicago.  Is that her boyfriend?”

“Ohhh, now I’m on the same page.  I hate how you do that vague bullshit!  Why didn’t you just ask if Lennie brought somebody?”

“Because I didn’t know she was going to be there.  Imagine the shock I got when she showed up in my newsfeed.”

“Hang on just a second.” Trevor said. 

A set of hands slid around my waist and up my chest, Hannah rested her head against my back. 

I heard a woman laugh, “Hello?”

My heart about stopped completely at the sound of her voice. 

She laughed again, “Trevor you need to switch to water there’s nobody on the pho…”

“Yeah there is.” I interrupted her.

The line fell silent but I could still hear music in the background so I knew Lennie hadn’t hung up.

“Dom…Dominique?” She stuttered out. 

“Yep.”  I knew there was no way that Hannah could miss the way my heart sped up and felt like it was going to beat out of my chest since her hands were resting on my pecks.  It had been two years and just the sound of Lennie’s voice brought back all of the memories I had buried deep inside of me. 

The line fell silent for again, “How are you doing?” she asked.

“Not too bad, how about yourself?”

She laughed nervously, “I’m good, you should be here.  Trevor is keeping us all entertained.” That laugh of hers was like music to my ears.  I could just picture the tiny dimple in her left cheek as she smiled.

“It appears that way,” I hung my head and my hand tightened around my phone.  I had so much I wanted to say to her but with Hannah right behind me I couldn’t.  “Well, keep Trevor out of trouble.  Tell him to call me tomorrow please.”

“Okay,” she paused, “Night Dominique.” She said softly before disconnecting the call. I stared at the screen until it faded to black. 

I turned in Hannah’s arms, the look in her eyes told me that she already knew who was on the phone.  “Did you call her?” Hannah asked.

“No, I called Trevor.  He’s had a few too many drinks and gave her the phone.”

Hannah nodded her head, “I felt the way your heart sped up when she was talking to you.”

I pulled Hannah in tightly against my chest, “I think a part of me will always love Lennie, it’s probably not fair to you.  I still have a lot of unanswered questions that only she can answer.”

She nodded against my chest, “I’ve known all along that you’re still in love with her.  I was just hoping that in time you would give me the same chance.  I told you a long time ago that if we couldn’t be in a relationship and only be friends that I would be okay with that.  I’m still okay with that Dominique.  Maybe we should take a break until you and her talk, if you need somebody to vent to you can call me.”

I placed my hands on her face and looked down at her, “It was just a short phone call, I’m trying to move on—thought I had. But it sounds like you’re pushing me away because of her.”

Hannah’s eyes filled with tears and she placed a hand over my heart, “I felt it right here, I heard the pain in your voice.  You still love her more than you think you do.” Her hand was resting against my chest.  “Why don’t we go back to bed, tomorrow you can leave early and go home to talk to her before she leaves?”

I searched her eyes and wiped away a single tear that fell out of the corner, “What if she doesn’t want to talk to me?  Where does that leave our relationship?”

She gave a small smile, “I’m still going to be here, I’ll be your friend forever Dominique.”

I hugged her tightly, “I’m sorry, I don’t like knowing that I’m hurting you.  When I looked at those pictures everything I thought I had tucked away came back.”

Hannah pulled away and held her hand out to me, “Lets go to bed.

I didn’t get much sleep that night, leaving Hannah made me feel like a complete asshole.  I had feelings for her too but I knew it wasn’t fair to her that I was staying with her and thinking about Lennie.

She was still asleep after I had showered and dressed, I leaned down and kissed her lips, “I’m sorry.” I whispered. 

The cab I had scheduled last night was waiting when I got downstairs and the pilot had text me to let me know that he would be ready and waiting for me to arrive. 

On the ride to the airport I text Trevor;

Me
:  On my way home.  Is Lennie staying with Corrina?

Trevor
:  It’s not even 8 yet…go back to bed!

Me
:  Answer the question or I’m punching you in the dick when I see you.

Trevor
:  Christ your violent! Yeah she’s at Corrina’s.

Me
:  Any idea what time she plans on leaving?

Trevor
: Dude my head hurts and you’re annoying me…not until this evening.

Me
:  See you shortly—don’t tell her I’m coming.

Trevor
:  Will you please let me go back to sleep?

Me
:  You’re a whiney bitch!

Trevor
:  And you’re a pussy…see ya later Domino.

I laughed, he hadn’t called me that in years and only called me that when he was drunk and couldn’t say my name.  I guess he was still drunk from the night before.