Love Always, Damian (17 page)

“Come here,” he said.

In my black two-piece, I laid down beside him on the lawn chair that definitely hadn’t been designed for two people. But I didn’t care. The closer I was to him, the better.

My back to his stomach, I didn’t notice when he stuck his hand in the pitcher of ice tea behind him then slid it under my bottoms. He grabbed my ass, an ice cube tucked into his palm.

Oh boy!

“Cold. Cold. Cold!” I jumped up and danced around, digging the ice out of my swimsuit. “Damian!”

“
Now
you’re cold,” he said, laughing.

I glared at him, considering a sweet payback.

Smiling seductively, I sauntered toward him, making sure to work my hips the way he liked. “You are so naughty.”

He shrugged, sitting up in the chair. “Whatcha going to do about it?”

I straddled his lap and leaned down to kiss that smirk off his face. His fingertips trailed the neckline of my swimsuit until he found the clasp at the back of my neck. But by that time, I already had the pitcher of ice tea.

“This,” I answered, and poured the whole thing on his head as I gracefully dismounted from his lap. I stood back giggling.

Damian sat there, wiping ice tea from his arms and bare chest. He flashed me a devilish grin before he leaped up and tackled me to the grass.

On top of me, he slid the hair from my face. “I’m impressed, Elle. I didn’t realize you were
that
cold.”

Even now, under the blankets, the memory sends little shivers up my spine. I lived for those moments. For those little tastes of true happiness.

The shower shuts off, and I set the phone back on the nightstand. Wearing only a towel, Blake walks back in, grinning at me. I smile back because it’s what people do.

Naked, Blake joins me under the sheets and holds his arms out for me. I slide in beside him, letting his warm skin cover mine.

His lips press against my temple. “I love you, Elizabeth,” he whispers.

I have no reply.

Chapter 18

Damian

The sound of high-pitched screaming jolts me awake. Ripped from my sleep, I throw back the blankets and jump out of bed, searching for the source. It takes me a second, but I recognize the little voice piercing my ears.

I jog the few the steps to Lia’s bed. She’s sitting up, her favorite blanket clutched to her chest.

I kneel down and reach for her. “Hey. Shhhh. It’s okay. It’s okay.”

Cuddled up against me, she nods, but she’s crying. “I—I—I—”

“Shhh,” I say again to soothe her. It’s what my mother did whenever Liam or I had a nightmare.

“I had—a—a bad—dream,” she sobs.

“It’s all right. You’re all right.”

“I dreamed Mommy came back and took me away, and I never saw you again.”

Her words cut through me. The last few weeks have gone by so fast, and the only times Lia’s not with me is when I visit the cemetery. I kept Cassie’s phone number, but I haven’t called. I’ve been wrapped up in my time with Lia—I haven’t needed to call her.

I don’t talk to Ellie at all when she calls anymore. I taught Lia how to answer my cell and how to hang up, cutting out the middleman between her and her mother. Lia’s never said Ellie’s asked to speak me, so the arrangement works well.

Back to the way it was between Liam’s old girlfriend and me after she left—other than the fact I sleep restlessly because I’m wondering what she’s doing and with whom.

I guess Cassie didn’t completely fuck Ellie out of my head.

“Lia, Lia. That won’t happen, okay? I won’t let that happen,” I tell her.

She glances up at me, the nightlight brightening her eyes. “Can I sleep with you?”

I don’t even stop to consider. “Come on.”

I kiss her head before I pick her up. She cradles her blanket and sticks her thumb back in her mouth. As I carry her to my bed, she leans her head against me. She nestles in, and I hold her closer.

I lay her down on the mattress, her thick blonde hair spilling out over the pillow and tiny bare feet sticking out from under the sheet. While I tuck her in, her eyes fall closed and stay closed.

I round the bed and get back in, facing her. Both of her hands are by her face, her blanket held in her fists. Moonlight flows over her. She’s so precious, so innocent.

She reminds me of Ellie when she sleeps, except for the thumb. I smile as a memory rolls through my mind. I don’t recall why I woke that night, but when I did, Ellie had her head on my chest and one leg woven around mine. Blonde hair tickled my nose.

At first, I wanted to push her away. We had sex, period. Cuddling afterward wasn’t part of our deal.

Yet I didn’t make an effort to move.

She sighed in her sleep, snuggling closer to me, then her arm draped over me and rested against her face, like Lia’s is now.

“Damian,” she murmured.

“Yeah?” I answered.

She didn’t reply.

For a long time after Mom and Liam’s accident, neither of us slept well except when we were together, so I decided not to disturb her. She looked so peaceful, and sprawled out over me, she even kept me warm.

After that, whenever she turned to me in her sleep, I let her. By the time morning rolled around, she’d always be on the other side of the bed.

I’m still staring at my daughter when her thumb pops out. Her lips twitch, and her dimples expose themselves.

It’s crazy to think how Ellie and I did this. Together.

Two broken people created this amazing, special little person.

I scoot closer to her, fold my arm around her tiny body, and sleep better than I have in a long time.

~*~

Leslie has the week off, so Lia’s hair has been a tangled disaster every day, which sucks because tomorrow is Thursday, and we’re meeting Dad for dinner. Lia can’t go to a nice downtown restaurant with bird’s nest hair.

“How the fuck?” I pause the YouTube video and rub my temples.

“Daddy!” Lia says.

“Sorry. How the…crap?” I correct myself.

I study the picture, wondering how it’s the twenty-first century and YouTube still hasn’t given me the option to play these tutorials in slow motion. I slide the cursor back ten seconds and watch again.

And again.

“Daddy!” Lia whines, impatient.

“One more time,” I say, analyzing the way the chick’s fingers hold three pieces of hair at the same time.

“How’s it going, man?” Dylan asks, walking into living room. He peers over my shoulder. “Dude, what are you watching?”

“I’m trying to figure out how to braid hair,” I say.

“I didn’t peg you for the cosmetology type, but whatever floats your boat.”

“You’re an asshole,” I mutter.

“Daddy!” Lia exclaims.

Oh right.

“Sorry, I meant…”
Asswipe? Dickhead? Fucktard?
“Fart face.”

Lia giggles, so the ridiculous insult is good enough for me.

“Come here and make yourself useful,” I tell my lingering roommate. Then I say to Lia, “Turn around.”

She happily obeys and gives me her pink brush. Even though she’s gotten some of the tangles out by herself, it’s still ratty. She holds her head to keep it steady as I tug the brush through her hair. I swear, she has as much as Ellie does now.

“Why don’t you take her to a salon tomorrow?” Dylan suggests.

“Don’t have time. As soon as I get off work, I have to buy her a dress and be at the restaurant at 6:15 sharp. Now, hold this.” I pass him a small chunk of hair and check the YouTube video again.

I cross my two strands. Trade one for Dylan’s. Then repeat.

“Okay, okay. I think I get it,” I say.

“What about the rest of the hair?” Dylan asks, pointing to my laptop. “See how she’s adding it as she goes?”

“Shit.”

“Da—”

“Crud,” I say.

She nods smugly.

I brush out what I had and start over, consulting the tutorial after each move I make. This time, I add sections of hair to the strands Dylan and I hold.

“This is witchcraft,” I conclude.

One hour and ten braids later, I think I’ve done a halfway decent job. It doesn’t quite match the one in the tutorial, but it’s better than what Lia previously had. Dylan barely helped on the last one. My daughter’s exhausted though, slumped in her chair with her hands over her head.

“Are we done yet?” she asks through a yawn.

“Yep, babygirl. Go put on a swimming suit and let’s get you in the tub.”

Lia skips off to dress for her bath, and I head to the bathroom to run the water. I scoot the toys away from the drain. Weeks ago, I gave up putting the things in the box under the sink. It’s easier to just shove them all to one side when I shower than deal with a tired Lia whining about picking them up every night.

I dump a third of the bottle of bubble bath in. She loves her bubbles, and I figure the more soap, the cleaner she gets, so it’s a win-win situation. Except we go through a bottle every three days.

She dances in, carrying a couple of ponies. Tonight’s suit has a tutu, so she stops and does a ballerina twirl.

I applaud her and she beams. She does another one before she climbs into the bathtub.

“Here, Daddy,” she says, giving me a pony.

“Rainbow Dash,” I say. I’m not asking because I know them all now. She’s the fastest flying pony in all of Equestria. Holding the pony in the air, I make her whizz back and forth over Lia’s head.

I can’t believe I’m doing this.

I do though, because this is great. Better than I ever imagined.

“Rainbow Dash!” Lia makes Pinky Pie say. “Come down! It’s party time!”

Our eight weeks together are almost over, and I have no idea what I’m going to do after that.

This little girl has changed my life.

~*~

Ellie

I have nine days left in the land down under, and I can’t look Blake in the eye. Not after last night when he told me he loved me. The silence was deafening.

But how could I answer that?

I’ve been in love twice in my life: with Liam and Damian.

And what I feel for Blake isn’t love.

I wanted to love him. God, I wanted to so badly. Stupidly, I thought last night would throw me overboard from like to love. Except all it did was strike me with guilt.

I couldn’t sleep, thinking about the way I used Blake. How I just did the same thing Damian did to me!

I’m such an idiot.

I shouldn’t have agreed to this relationship with Blake until I knew for sure I was over Damian.

The wind whips through my hair. I left it down for this very reason. We’re going farther offshore than we’ve ever been, and I’m grateful for this time to think. Most everyone else, including Blake, is in the lab below deck. Only a few of us remain to catch the scenery and fresh ocean breeze.

Miles and miles of water stretch out in every direction. The huge expanse between sea and sky is so distinguishable out here. It’s like the universe is reminding me how big it is and how little I am.

I sigh, tucking hair behind my ear. It comes free a split second later.

“Elizabeth?”

My head snaps in the direction of my name. Blake’s standing there, hands in his pockets. He pulls them out and motions to the spot beside me. “May I?”

“Yeah, of course.”

This morning when he woke up, he didn’t kiss me before he headed to the gym. In fact, this is the first time he’s spoken to me since his admission.

He sits and gazes out over the ocean. In total Blake-style, he cuts straight to the chase. “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot last night. It was too fast, and I’m sorry. I’ve had some time to think, and I, uh, don’t want this to get in the way of what we have. I can’t take back what I said, but I’m glad you know, even if you’re not there yet. I respect that.” He reaches out and brushes the back of his hand down my cheek. “I’ve waited this long. I can wait longer.”

The sudden urge to be honest with him overcomes me. “What if I never get there, Blake? What if…” I can’t finish. We’re in too deep, and I don’t want to hurt him.

Blake frowns, still caressing my face. “I’m here for you, Elizabeth. Whatever happens, I’ll be here.”

I nod. Something tells me I’ll be putting Blake’s promise to the test.

Chapter 19

Damian

I’ve never paid attention to the little girls’ stores at the mall, but holy fucking hell! I’ve never seen so many frills and shit in my life.

After a long day at the hospital, Lia’s dragging behind me. Olivia was there today, and the girls played all morning.

To add to her exhaustion, Lia woke up last night with another nightmare, the same sort of thing as before except in this one, Ellie never came back from Australia. And like last time, I let her sleep in my bed.

I sift through the dresses and find a pretty off-the-shoulder blue one with sparkly stuff. Girls like that, right? I turn around to show Lia. She’s sitting on the floor, moving her legs like she’s making half a snow angel.

“Get up,” I say.

“But I’m sooooooo tired,” she whines. Then she freaking lies down.

I pick her up. “Off the floor, Lia.”

She lands on her feet and hunches over. “My legs hurt.”

I scan the store and find an armchair not far from us where I still have the perfect view of her. It’s better than the damn floor. I carry her over and she slumps into the seat.

“Do you like this one?” I ask, holding up the blue dress.

“I don’t like blue.”

In the short time we’ve been together, I’ve learned two things about my daughter. Number one: she’s cranky when she’s tired, like Ellie warned me about. Number two: hell hath no fury like a sassy three-year-old when she’s dissatisfied.

“What color do you want then?”

“Pink,” she states.

“That’s it? Only a pink one?”

“Yep.”

I shoot a glance over my shoulder and do a quick inventory. “I don’t see any pink ones. How about one with pink on it?” I ask, even though I’m not seeing any that meet that criteria either.

“All pink!”

I hate shopping.

“Okay, stay right here. Don’t move. I’ll see what I can find.”

I go back over to the dresses, checking behind me to where Lia sits. She has her head on the arm of the chair, watching everyone in the mall pass by the store.

My plan is to gather a couple of options, let her pick one, and get the hell out of here. I’ll have to braid her hair again too it looks like.

I plow through the racks, yanking off anything with any amount of pink on it. Lia’s on her stomach now. Her feet are crossed at the ankles, dirty flip-flops sticking up as she people-watches.

Shit. She’s gonna need shoes too.

I’m about to give up, say “screw this,” and buy the blue one when, hanging up on a hook above my head, I spot a row of dresses covered in silver roses. In the very back, there’s one with a pink bow.

The perfect dress for my little princess.

I’m fucking excited over a dress. How is this my life?

I drop the few I have in my arms so I can figure out how to reach the one I want. Thankfully, a saleslady walks by.

“Ma’am, I’d like that dress up there,” I say, pointing.

“Sure.” She grabs a hook on a pole leaning against the wall. Extends it upward. “Pink or white?”

“Pink. Size, uh, four,” I tell her, remembering what Ellie told me weeks ago.

Balancing the hanger on the hook, the lady brings it down. “There you go. Can I get you anything else?”

“This is good. Thanks,” I say.

I shove the reject dresses on a random rack, then twist
to show Lia. But the chair is empty.

She’s not there.

I walk forward, thinking she’s out of my line of sight. The area in front of me widens, and I can see all the way from the store entrance to the cashier at the back. People are everywhere.

Just not the one I care about.

“Lia?” I say, searching the armchair for any sign of her.

There’s nothing.
Nothing.

Panic is rising in my chest. Pulsing through my veins. Within seconds, it’s shaking me to the core.

“Lia?”

I drop the dress and run to the store entrance that leads into the mall. Shoppers crowd the hallways for Independence Day sales. My eyes dart around. Left. Right. Left. Right.

I don’t see her anywhere. “Lia. Lia.”

I don’t know what to do next. I’m frozen in place, waiting for something to come to me or for something to happen—for Lia to grab a hold of my leg and say, “Here I am, Daddy!”

Nothing.

Everything speeds up. Patrons walk faster, some bumping into me as they pass. But I stay rooted.

I lost my daughter. I fucked up again. I fucking fucked up!

My mouth is dry. Precious minutes tick by before I come to my senses. And when I do, I’m a fucking tornado. I spin around and run back into the store. There has to be security cameras somewhere. She can’t have gotten far.

There’s one woman in line at the cash register. I shove her aside.

“Hey!” she yelps.

“My daughter is missing,” I spill to the worker, ignoring the other lady. “I need to see your surveillance.”

“I’m sorry, sir, we can’t allow you that information, but I can call the police.”

“Then what the fuck are you waiting for?”

As she picks up the phone, I scour the store again. I can’t sit here doing nothing while my little girl is God knows where. How did this happen? One minute she was there; the next she was gone. I looked away for a second!

Ellie. Oh, God. What am I going to tell Ellie? I can’t think straight.

A pair of little flip-flops sticking out of the dressing room catches my attention, and I freaking fly. Rip back the curtain.

“AHHHHH!” the half-dressed girl who isn’t Lia shrieks.

“What do you think you’re doing?” the woman I assume is the girl’s mother screams, hitting me.

“Sorry. I thought…” I back away, but I don’t know where I’m going.

“Sir?”

A mall security guard is in front of me now. He’s a black, burly guy who looks like he means business.

I point to the dressing room. “I didn’t know. I thought my daughter was in there.”

“Sir, please, I understand. We have the mall on lockdown. No one in or out until we find your daughter, but I need to ask you a few questions. Is that all right?”

It takes a moment to realize he’s not busting me for the dressing room incident. He’s here about Lia.

“Yeah, of course.”

I follow him to the front of the store, where two police officers wait for me. They have notepads, ready to take my statement.

I’ve calmed down. Reality has sunk in, and I’m helpless. So fucking helpless.

I had one job: protect my own flesh and blood.

“Uh, Damian Lowell,” I answer the first question. “Her name is Lia. Lia Kathryn Van Zee.”

“Do you have a recent photograph?” one of them asks.

I pull out my wallet and give them the only picture I have. The one that fell out of Ellie’s purse the day she told me about Lia.

“How old is she?” the other officer asks.

“Three and a half.”

“And where was the last place you saw her?”

I point to the armchair. “She was sitting right there, then I turned around and she was gone.”

“About how long ago was this?”

“I don’t—I don’t know,” I answer. “Maybe twenty minutes?”

“We’re going to find her, okay?” the female officer assures me.

An hour later, the mall opens back up and no one knows where Lia is. I called Dad half an hour ago, and he’s on his way. My mistakes of the night are stacking high, so I’m glad he’ll be here soon.

But I haven’t called Ellie. I can’t bring myself to make
that
phone call. Not yet, not until I know something solid.

The female officer—Officer Kane—strides up to me. “Come with me, please. We think we may have found your daughter in the parking lot surveillance.”

Relief and panic slam into me.
The parking lot?

The small security office is crowded, but everyone’s focus is on the one screen. Pointing, Officer Kane shows me the tiny image of a little girl, barely in the shot. She’s holding someone’s hand.

The girl is clearly Lia.

“Who’s she with?” I ask. “Is there anything else?”

“No, it seems they cut through here and started for the street. We’re checking traffic cameras in the area now.”

A replay shows Lia’s not scared. In fact, she’s smiling.

“Is there anyone she’d willingly go with? Anyone at all?” Officer Kane asks.

Only three people come to mind, and none of them seem plausible. Dylan, Ellie’s mom, and my dad.

I shake my head. “No, no one.”

“Most kidnappings happen with people the child knows and is comfortable with. Are you sure?”

“The only family she has in town is my dad and her other grandparents, but due to illness, they rarely leave the house.”

“How about friends? Anyone who may want to hurt you?”

I think back to Toby Stanton and our brawl. He saw Lia with me. Would he go so far as to kidnap a child all because I fingered his girl?

“There’s a guy I go to school with. Toby Stanton. We got into it a few weeks back. Lia was there.”

“Do you have an address?”

“He lives off campus up in Ames, but I don’t think Lia would go with him.”

She writes down the information anyway. “Anyone else?”

“No, no that’s all.”

“We’re going to look into this guy. There’s nothing else we can do here, so why don’t you come down to the police station.”

“Can we issue an Amber Alert or something?”

“Not until we have sufficient cause to think she is at risk of being injured. Don’t worry, the majority of child abductions end in the safe return of the child. I have no reason to believe this won’t be the case with your daughter. We are doing everything we can to find her.”

“Thank you,” I say, but I don’t hear myself.

Out in the main mall, Dad rushes toward me. He says a bunch of shit that sounds like he’s talking underwater. I barely hear him, because right now, I’m drowning. In fear. In pain. In guilt.

I should have never let her sit there, so far away from me. Should have gone with one of the other dresses. Should have fucking let her lie on the goddamn floor!

I’m outside, getting into Dad’s car, but I don’t remember walking out here. I pull out my phone. The screen lights up with Lia’s chocolate mustache face.

I failed her.

Just like I failed Mom. And Liam. And Kate…and Ellie.

I thumb through my contacts until I find her name. I don’t want to call because I don’t want to disappoint her. I don’t want to prove to her that she was right about me—that I can’t do this.

Still, she deserves to know.

I swipe a finger over the screen, put the phone up to my ear, and hold my breath.