Love and Death in Blue Lake (14 page)

“What? When? Where?” She seemed genuinely stunned, ready to run up the stairs after Ruby. But they both heard the shower. “Is she okay?”

So she had heard him. “She is, but why are you still here? This seems like the worst place in the world for you two.” He wondered if he should tell her about the knife or let Ruby explain that part herself.

“This is my home. With or without you.” He saw grief sitting in her eyes. It felt bottomless. He listened for the shower. Still running. Ruby would need her mom to be strong. Could a person suffer and be strong? He shrugged. Life was suffering, pretty much.

He needed to leave. Somebody had to call Bob. So he changed the subject. “Are we divorced yet?”

He really didn’t know how this worked. She shook her head. “You’ll get final papers in the mail when it’s over. But…”

“What?” He just wanted to be on his way.

“Hang on for a sec.” She ran up the steps, ran back down, and handed the envelope to him. Same one he’d given her.

“She okay?” He knew she’d checked on Ruby. And the water was still running.

“She’s not, but I heard her crying, so she will be. Thanks.”

“She’s a good kid. Music will help her. I will help her with music.”

She simply nodded. Then took a breath and said, “I didn’t send them. I couldn’t…” He saw her straighten her spine, inch by inch. “Just—if you would—drop them in the mail. It’s addressed and stamped.”

They both heard the shower turn off in the silence that followed her statement.

“No problem,” he said. And then he turned, envelope in hand, and walked out the door.

****

Bob, for once, was glad of his family’s position in the town. Since Harlan was a family friend, the process of getting Lily out of the police station was over quickly. She’d made a signed statement, the particulars of which Bob was not privy to as of yet, but he did know she’d agreed to stay in town while the investigation was pending, and more importantly, she agreed to stay with Eva and Daniel. Bob had wanted to leave that house ever since he’d gotten home this summer, but if Lily was there, he was staying, too.

The four of them, including Eva and Daniel, said little in the car driving back to home base from the police station. Eva, Bob’s sister-in-law, was like a second mom to Lily. Back before college, Lily had come to town, a runaway who landed in Blue Lake. Eva had not been married to Bob’s brother, Daniel, then; she’d come to town to reopen her family’s compound, the now semi-famous Blue Heaven. Blue Heaven, it could be argued, was the reason that tourists were turning the town into a place where things like rape and killing could happen. But that wasn’t Eva’s fault. Life was change. Bob knew that. Lily would not let him touch her, so he had to be content sitting by her side in the back seat of Daniel’s Lexus.

If anyone could help Lily, it would be Eva. She’d taken Lily in five years ago, given her a roof and honest work, looked after her. Bob had tried to love her. But back then, Lily could not be loved. Even now, she would not let him comfort her. She shrugged Eva’s hand off her shoulder when they got to the house. She said she just wanted to sleep.

Bob felt useless as usual when it came to Lily. But there was something he could do. He could find that mechanic, the one who had inspected Mrs. Van Slyke’s car after the “accident.” He remembered Lily saying he’d been good buddies with the guy she’d shot, her cousin. He could get a confession, not the one Lily wanted, but one that would satisfy her, maybe.

****

Lily lay on the bed in one of the many guest rooms on the Bryman mansion. She felt light and dark all at once. It confused her. She needed Dr. Fass. Only a doctor could understand that she was happy she killed him, but also horrified, the two emotions warred within her, polarizing her, setting off sparks like firecrackers: joy, remorse, sadness, guilt, freedom, ease, redemption, revenge, a dark black hole, like looking down the barrel of a gun.

A knock on the door. Bob. She didn’t say anything, but he came in anyway. He would think he had the right now that they done the deed. Why had she done that again? Oh, the stupid plan. Her cousin hadn’t said a word before she shot him.

“How you doing, honey?”

“I need Dr. Fass.”

“Who? Courtney?”

“She’s my shrink. You know I’m a little crazy, right? You need to get out of this relationship.”

Bob didn’t know Courtney was a shrink but whatever. He needed to get Lily back in the game. “I’ll call her.” He sat on the side of the bed, and she didn’t push him off. A start. “I’m going to find the mechanic who inspected the car and said it was fine. We are going to get that confession. And this time I will not let you handle things alone. I should have been with you.”

Lily didn’t say that she had been avoiding him since they’d had sex. Sure, he’d been by the bungalow, but she had work to do with the reunion video and made excuses not to go out. She hadn’t seen or talked to anyone in days. She’d needed some filler footage for the video, and that’s the only reason she’d been hanging out in town when he saw him take Ruby. She didn’t want to think about it. It was all she could think about.

“Okay,” she said. “Please find him. But be careful. When my dad finds out what I did…”

“What? You stopped a rapist! He might have killed Ruby. If that knife had gone a hair deeper, she’d be dead instead of just traumatized. I guess it’s good her mom is a shrink.”

Lily had forgotten about that. Dr. Fass would be busy with Ruby. That was good. “Just be careful,” she said, after telling Bob how to get to the mechanic’s garage in her hometown.

Bob left on his mission, and she was alone. Truth was, she was scared. That’s why she’d agreed to stay with Eva and Daniel. Her dad was not going to be pleased with this turn of events. He had never believed her about her cousin. Maybe he’d believe her now. Because of what had almost happened to Ruby. But somehow, she doubted it. He’d find a way to twist things and blame her. She wanted Dean.

Another knock on the door. Eva asking if she could come in. Lily didn’t answer, and Eva turned the knob. Lily lay on the bed in the room letting the emotions flow. She’d had to trap her feelings inside for hours at the jail as she told her story, over and over. And just like he’d said at the crime scene, the police chief called it a justifiable homicide.

Justified, like the television show. There was no television in the room. Eva was apologizing about that very thing. Lily hadn’t noticed. She felt the old quilt on her cheek. Eva loved old things. Odd comforts like the mug of warm tea Eva set on the beside table for her, urging her to drink.

Eva sat on the edge of the bed. The dent Bob had made was still warm. Hell was other people. Who had said that?

“Daniel called your father.”

Lily shuddered. Somehow deep inside she felt her dad had been complicit in everything. A cohort. He didn’t believe she was raped, he didn’t believe Mom had been murdered, he had loved her cousin and not her, just because he was a boy, a man. Would he love the corpse more than his living, breathing daughter? Of course he would.

Eva pulled a blue flowered handkerchief from her pocket and gave it to Lily. She had not been crying, but tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes. She felt no remorse in this moment, but it would return, ping-ponging back in a minute or an hour. This had been her life since the rape, and she only felt whole when she was planning revenge, gun in hand. But she had never planned to shoot it at anything other than a paper target, only use it to force a confession. Who would believe her? Even she didn’t believe it now. In that moment she had wanted to shoot him and she had. Simple awful truth.

“Bob’s gone to find the mechanic who inspected your mom’s car. He’s bringing him back to make a statement, and he’s going to find the car and have it reexamined, and I don’t know what all else. Probably punch your father. Although Harlan, I mean Chief Tucker, asked Daniel to call your dad and tell him to come down here, not to say why, but that he was needed on an urgent matter regarding your cousin. He’ll have to ID the body.”

Eva gasped, realizing what she had said. “I’m so sorry, honey.”

Lily shivered and Eva tucked a soft throw around her.

“I can call the doctor to come over and prescribe something for you, to help you sleep.”

“No. I need Dr. Fass.”

“Honey, you’re in shock.”

“Call her for me, please,” Lily begged. “Tell her she can bring Ruby. Or not. Maybe not. I don’t want Ruby to have to think about it. Never mind, I need to call Dean.”

“Dean?”

“He’s the guy who taught me to shoot. Not film, guns. He’s an ex-cop. He can help Bob.”

“Eddie’s with Bob. They’ll handle it. Drink your tea, honey.”

“Eddie is Dr. Fass’s husband. Ruby told me. Can you call Dr. Fass?” Lily obediently sipped the tea. It was laced with whiskey and honey. “This is good. But I think I need some meds. Dr. Fass knows my other doc. We had a session when I first got to town.”

“Shhh, honey, listen, Courtney, Dr. Fass, just lost a baby a few days ago.”

“No!” Lily sat up and peered at Eva. Her eyes felt heavy and sore. “Bet that news spread through town quick.”

“Everyone suspects the baby was Eddie’s even though Courtney—Dr. Fass—has been in town less than a week.”

“Well, I guess justifiable homicide will trump that lie.”

“Honey, you didn’t mean it. Bob told us your plan to force a confession. Of course we all believe you. That man you killed, he was a monster. You saved Ruby! If you were an officer of the law, that would be your sworn duty. In fact, Harlan was pretty impressed with you.”

“Dean.”

“Who?”

“Dean. Ex-cop who taught me to shoot. I need to speak to him. They kept my phone, didn’t they?”

Eva was calling somebody on her cell, probably a doctor to give Lily meds, and probably not Dr. Fass.

Eva absently patted her and spoke quietly into her phone.

“I killed the bastard. He deserved to die. I’m fine it was me who did it.”

Lily didn’t care who heard her.

“Shhh.” Eva hung up the phone. “I know.”

“They’ll say it was premeditated. I mean, I had a plan. It included a gun.” Lily wondered what Dean would say. She just needed to hear his voice. “But Dean knows I never meant to kill a living thing. I wanted to protect myself from him and guys like him. They’re everywhere. Especially at college. I didn’t even know he was in town. He was stalking me! He took Ruby because he knew we were friends, kind of. I like the kid. So he showed me what can happen to things I like.”

“That makes perfect sense to me. Here.” Eva handed over her phone. “Call Dean. And call Dr. Fass to see if Ruby’s holding up okay if you want to.”

“Where is my dad going? To the cop shop? He’s not coming here?” She scrunched her body around the phone and sobbed.

Eva was so sweet. She stayed and let her cry it out. Didn’t take long. She needed Dean. Now.

“Drink your tea. It will calm you down so you can make your calls and then the doctor will be here with some meds.”

Eva closed the door on her way out, but only after Lily picked up the ugly-ass old cup and finished the tea. It hit her stomach and eased things a notch. She set it down and called Dean. His cell rang and rang and then went to voice mail. She screamed and threw the phone across the room. Dean had promised to always take her calls. It took a few minutes for her to remember he would not know the number on his screen.

She peeled herself off the bed. Her body felt ancient, full of arrow wounds. She limped over to the phone. It had not broken, thanks so much. She had to control herself. She needed her shrink, and it really wasn’t fair to Dr. Fass to call her right now, but if she could just remember some of the coping mechanisms. Close eyes. Roll pupils to top of head. Take deep, even breaths. Just a few. Okay. Call Dean again. Leave a message.

“Dean. It’s Lily. I have a new phone. I got into some trouble with my gun. I shot him. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, but he was…he was…call me.” Scenes of the near-rape flashed in front of Lily’s eyes as if she was there, on the bike trail. They mixed up with scenes from her own rape, just the way they did right before she shot him dead.

The phone rang in her hand. Dean.

“Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.”

“Oh.”

“Where are you? I’m coming. I’m already in my car. Got my trailer hitched.”

“There’s a state park where you can set up.” This felt surreal. She needed him, and he was coming. “Thank you.” She told him where to find her and then she hung up, relief flooding her body. She knew what to do now. Yes, PTSD. The flashbacks. The strobe and sparks. Did Dr. Fass know about PTSD? No matter. Dean was an ex-cop. He spoke their language. He would save her from his little silver trailer, the one he took on road trips to help with his own PTSD.

She didn’t have her purse or her phone, what had happened to her phone? Evidence, because she’d kept the voice recorder part on even though nobody said anything and you really couldn’t hear anything except her one shot and then Ruby being hysterical and Lily saying over and over, “You’re okay, you’re okay.”

She needed her phone, damn it. She didn’t know Dr. Fass’s number by heart like she knew Dean’s. She wanted to make sure Ruby was okay. With a shrink for a mom, she might be. And that dead bastard had never actually got inside her, didn’t get as far as he had with Lily when she was maybe a year or two older than Ruby. Maybe Ruby would be okay. Lily would never be okay. Not now. Something happened to a person when they killed another person. Even an evil person who deserved to die. It changed you. She was changed. She wasn’t like Bob and Eva and Daniel anymore. She was like Dean.

Being with Dean might help…being with Bob didn’t anymore. She didn’t know why. It was like he was too innocent. Dean had killed more than one scumbag. It made you different, he’d said once. Now she knew it was true. She’d rather stay in Dean’s little silver trailer where they had talked the nights away than here in this mansion surrounded by people who loved her, but whom she could not seem to love back, no matter how much she tried.

Loving Bob like a normal girl had been her only goal, well, besides the big one, the confession. Poor Bob. She was goofed up about intimacy, had confused love with sex. Okay, be cool, she told herself. Bob knows you love him. Just not like that. Not like she loved Dean, even. But then, that was hopeless too. Two crazies do not make a sane.