Love and Devotion (33 page)

They split up at the garden centre; Eileen inside to mull over the vast choice of bulbs, and Bob and the children to the wooden-built ticket office for the train. Carrie was wearing her I‘m-too-grown-up-for-this face, but Joel was eager to be first in the queue. There was no queue, and they were greeted by a young lad whom Bob recognised as the boy who had carelessly sprayed him with a hose the last time he was here. ‘Two kids and an OAP?’ the boy asked, glancing up from a huge pair of breasts in the newspaper he was looking at on his side of the counter.

Bob hated being categorised as an OAP and had often lied about his age, preferring to pay the full rate rather than be labelled a poor old duffer. ‘Just two tickets for the children,’ he said, handing over a five-pound note.

The lad passed him the tickets and change, and grinned. ‘Better to play it safe. You don’t want too much excitement at your age, do you?’

The urge to ram his fist down the cheeky sod’s throat was so strong, Bob had to take a moment to compose himself before giving the children their tickets. He was vaguely aware that Carrie was asking him a question. She was always asking questions. Occasionally numbness set in and he ignored her.

Pulling himself together, he gave her his full attention. ‘There’s no need to shout, Carrie. What is it?’

‘Why was that man looking at a picture of a naked lady, Granddad?’

‘Because he’s a perfect example of the kind of low-life scum this world is full of. Now then, here are your tickets. Carrie, you make sure you sit next to Joel.’

‘Aren’t you coming with us?’

‘No, Joel, I’m not.’

‘But what if I fall out?’

‘Carrie will hold on to you.’

Joel looked at his sister doubtfully. Perhaps, thought Bob, the memory of his ripped silky was still too fresh in the boy’s mind.

The train came into the miniature station and a handful of small children with their parents stepped out of the fourseater carriages. The driver waited a full five minutes before tooting his whistle and letting rip with a blast of coal-fired steam. Carrie and Joel were the only passengers as the train set off on its mammoth eight-minute trek. They waved at Bob - Carrie’s hand barely moving, but Joel’s waving frantically - and all at once he was overcome with a desperate sadness. Never had his grandchildren seemed more alone. Oh God, he thought as he returned the wave, I’m going to cry.

 

Carrie wished it could be like this always. No school, no horrid letter, no spiteful girls, just lots of lovely days out. After the train ride at the garden centre, and a beans and sausage lunch in the café, they were now going into town. While Grandma was having her hair done, Granddad said he’d take them round the shops.

‘Can we go and see Will?’ she asked when they’d dropped off Grandma at the hairdresser’s and were parking the car.

‘Good idea; it’s a while since I’ve seen him.’

But Will wasn’t around. The man called Jarvis, who’d worn the funny slippers that day she’d run away from school, told them Will was at an auction. ‘Oh, well, tell him we called,’ Granddad said.

From there they went to what Granddad said was his favourite type of shop. ‘The thing about charity shops,’ he said, as he pushed open the door, ‘is that you never know what you might find.’

Carrie wrinkled her nose. ‘What’s that smell?’

‘The smell of too many things squeezed into too small a place. Do try and keep your voice down, won’t you? Now listen, there’s a section over there with books and toys; why don’t you both go and have a rummage?’

‘Where will you be?’ Joel asked.

‘I’ll be right here, sorting through this lot.’

Carrie looked uncertainly at the pile of junk her grandfather was already inspecting and took Joel up a step to the back of the shop, to the children’s area. ‘Look, Joel,’ she said, pointing to a low shelf, ‘it’s a train like the one we’ve just been on.’

‘No it isn’t. It’s broken. And it’s not the same colour. And it’s ... ooh, look what I’ve found.’ He held up a clockwork mouse. He turned the winder, then let the toy loose. It scuttled across the dirty carpet, and kept on going until it disappeared into a small, curtained area. They chased after it and dived under the curtain to find themselves looking up at a pretty blonde girl; she was just pushing an arm through the sleeve of a jacket. ‘I think it went under my bag,’ she said with a friendly smile. Embarrassed, they both slid out the way they’d just come. Within seconds the girl appeared and handed them the clockwork mouse. ‘I know you two, don’t I? You live over the road from my father.’

Carrie smiled. ‘We’ve just been to see him at his shop, but he wasn’t there.’

‘Tell me about it. I was supposed to be having lunch with him, but an auction came up. I’m Gemma by the way. I hear that my dad’s offered my sister’s services as babysitter for you two.’

‘Really?’ asked Carrie.

‘Don’t look so scared. She’s quite friendly. See you.’

Carrie watched the girl go and pay for whatever it was she’d been trying on in the changing room. ‘She was nice, wasn’t she?’ she said to Joel.

‘Why do we need a babysitter? We’ve got Harriet and Grandma and Granddad. We don’t need anyone else.’

Carrie sighed. She was getting fed up of Joel’s constant worrying. ‘Even when we had Mum and Dad, we still had a babysitter,’ she reminded him. ‘Don’t you remember Mum used to say it was important she and Dad went out without us sometimes? She called it grown-up time. Come on, let’s ask Granddad if we can have this mouse.’

As they went to find their grandfather, Carrie had a sudden memory of her mother getting ready to go out one night. Dad had been away, and Carrie had been surprised that her mother was going out on her own. ‘This is Mummy time,’ she’d said with a happy laugh. ‘Do I look nice?’

‘You look lovely,’ Carrie could remember saying. ‘Where are you going?’

‘To see a friend. A special friend. Kiss me goodnight and be extra good for the babysitter.’

That night seemed a long, long time ago.

They were leaving the charity shop when Carrie saw someone she recognised from school, and panicked. Emily mustn’t notice her! But before she had a chance to slip behind her grandfather, Emily looked across the road and saw her. Their eyes locked and, in an instant, the day was ruined.

 

During the drive home, Joel sat behind Grandma, whose hair was all stiff and smelling of hairspray and kept thinking about what Carrie had said. That their parents used to go out without them. He had only one memory of them going out at night, and that was the night they never came back. Then, from nowhere, he recalled something he must have forgotten about that night. Dad had been angry about something. But what could Daddy have been angry about?

 

‘Have you and your wife ever thought about bereavement counselling?’

Bob closed the door on the wood-burning stove, stepped over Toby and sat down on the bench seat. At the other end of the table, Jennifer was mixing herself a hot toddy. He’d been here for less than ten minutes, but already the strain of the day was slipping away. And it had been one hell of a day. First there was his anger with the ignorant oik at the garden centre, then the heart-wrenching sadness he’d felt for the children, and then, for no reason at all, Carrie had turned into the monster from hell, refusing to eat her tea and kicking up the dickens of a row when Eileen said she wouldn’t be allowed to go to Maywood to the bookshop on Friday if she didn’t behave. But here, on board the
Jennifer Rose,
he at once felt rested and calm. ‘No,’ he said finally in answer to Jennifer’s question. ‘Eileen wanted to, but ... but I couldn’t bring myself to discuss something so personal, not with a stranger.’

‘But you’ve done it with me.’

He thought about this. ‘This may sound odd, but you’ve never felt like a stranger.’

She stopped what she was doing and looked at him. ‘That’s probably one of the nicest things anyone’s ever said to me. Thank you.’ She went back to stirring the hot toddy, then took a cautious sip. He could smell the whisky from where he was sitting.

‘If you’re not feeling well, I ought to leave you,’ he said.

‘Perhaps you’re right. I do feel rather tired.’

He reluctantly got to his feet. Toby stirred, rose up on all fours, arched his back and shook himself out, ready for action.

‘Don’t we all wish we could do that ourselves,’ Jennifer said. ‘Just shake all our troubles away.’

‘Don’t bother to see me off,’ he said, as she moved towards the door of the saloon and the engine room. ‘Stay in the warm. Is there anything I can fetch you in the morning?’

‘I’ll be fine.’

‘Milk? Bread?’

She laughed. ‘Stop fussing. It’s nothing but a cold.’

He kissed her for the first time. Just a fond peck on the forehead. ‘Sleep well.’

Out on the towpath, the chill of night seeped into his bones. He buttoned up his coat and walked as briskly as his knee would allow him. When he was level with Will’s house, he looked up at the house and saw a bedroom light on. There were no curtains at the window and it was embarrassingly easy to make out the two figures and what they were doing. Feeling uncomfortably like a peeping Tom, Bob hurried on. Good luck to them, he thought, with a stab of envy.

 

Will was doing his best. But after the day he’d had - a fruitless auction and a wild-goose chase covering most of Shropshire for an oak dresser that didn’t exist, it later transpired - he just couldn’t summon the energy for what Sandra expected from him. Disentangling himself from her voluptuous body and coming up for air, he rolled over onto his side.

‘Oh no you don’t,’ she said, ‘you come back here.’

‘I need the bathroom,’ he lied. Before she had a chance to grab hold of him, he hot-footed it out of the bedroom and across the landing. Just to be sure, he locked the bathroom door and leaned against it in a drowsy fog of exhaustion. He wondered what the hell he was doing. Why had he agreed to see Sandra again, after they’d both admitted that the fun had gone out of their ... their what? Their fling? Their mindless coupling? Oh, come on, he told himself, now standing in front of the mirror, what man in his right mind would turn down the chance of uncomplicated sex? He turned on the tap and splashed cold water onto his face.

But uncomplicated sex, he decided, was not without its complications. Hearing Sandra calling to him, he closed his eyes and tried to prepare himself for a convincing performance.

He didn’t know whether to be humiliated or relieved when twenty minutes later Sandra was throwing on her clothes in a huff of frustration. ‘You know what your trouble is, Will? You’re getting old. You’re past it.’

‘I think you might be right,’ he murmured as she was clattering down the stairs and shouting that she never wanted to hear from him again.

He stood in the shower till the scalding water ran cold. In his bathrobe, he went and stood on the landing by the window that overlooked the front garden. The light from the street lamps cast an attractive glow over the road. Further up was Dora Gold’s house with its showy plumes of pampas grass in the front garden, which somehow seemed so appropriate from what he knew of the woman. And then there was the McKendricks’ house, where the severely pruned bushes and shrubs looked as austere as Harvey McKendrick had appeared to Will when he’d come over one day to welcome him to the neighbourhood - he’d been civil enough, but no more.

Will had long since decided that he liked living in Maple Drive and probably wouldn’t sell the house on as quickly as he’d originally planned. Fast bucks were a bit like uncomplicated sex — easy come, easy go. What he wanted in his life was something with a bit of permanence and substance to it. He smiled and thought how proud Marty would be of him for making this alarmingly grown-up leap of maturity.

Looking across to number twenty, he wondered how Harriet was. He’d enjoyed their evening together. Compared to the one he’d just had it seemed perfect. He wondered if he could get away with asking her out for dinner.

Why not? he asked himself.

Because she’s so much younger than you, you idiot!

It would only be dinner, he argued back. Just dinner.

But even as he thought this, his body betrayed him with a stirring that would have solved all his earlier problems with Sandra.

Shocked, he turned away from the window, tightening his bathrobe. What the hell was going on? Harriet Swift was not his type at all.

She was too young.

She was too thin - where were the sexy curves he always went for?

She wasn’t blonde. Not even a pretend blonde.

So what was it, then?

He remade his bed and lay on top of the duvet, his hands clasped behind his head. Okay, she was smart, pithy and honest, attributes he did like in a woman. She was also fiercely detached, which he found oddly touching. And, of course, there was that whole hedgehog thing he’d found so amusing initially, and which he now found endearing, knowing that her prickliness was actually due to a need to disguise how vulnerable her new situation made her. She took her role as Carrie and Joel’s guardian very seriously — perhaps too seriously at times. It meant that occasionally her judgement was clouded. Nevertheless, he couldn’t help but admire her. She had real guts.

So was that it? Did it all boil down to being in awe of her?

There was only one way to find out. He had to get to know her better. Would it be pushing his luck to say he had a spare ticket for the Jools Holland concert next month? He could always make out he was being neighbourly.

Why not? And anyway, the age gap wasn’t
that
big.

 

 

 

 

That night Harriet dreamed she was in a pine forest, lost. She wasn’t scared, but she was concerned; she couldn’t remember where the children were. She’d had them with her a moment ago, but now they were gone. She ventured further into the heart of the forest and could hear her name being called, faintly at first, but then louder and more distinctly as she drew near its source. She came to the edge of a clearing where sunlight filtered through the towering pine trees and where the ground was soft and blanketed underfoot with pine needles. In the centre of the clearing, sitting on a wooden picnic table with her legs swinging, was Felicity. ‘There you are,’ Felicity said. ‘We were waiting for you.’