Love and Glory: The Coltrane Saga, Book 3 (50 page)

“Accident at the mine.”

He came alive at once. “Tell me! How bad?”

Sam held up his hands. “Hold on. It’s not that bad. Goddamn cave-in. Nobody’s dead, but Horace Rigby, one of the new workers we hired last week, got hit when a beam collapsed. I just come from the hospital. They’re checking him out now. He’ll probably be all right. Maybe some broken bones.” He paused, chest heaving, then rushed on. “What I came to find you for is to tell you we need to get back out there and oversee the laying of a new tunnel. We’ve got to get some support beams put up quick in the one that collapsed. Otherwise we could have another cave-in. If we dig a new tunnel into the old one, we’ve got to hit it in just the right place or it’s going to be dangerous as hell. You studied the maps Odom made when he laid the place out. So you’ve got to be out there when they start the new dig. I’ve borrowed some men from Sacks’ mine, and I sent somebody over to Youngblood’s place to see if he’ll loan us a crew. We need to get on this right away.”

“Aw hell!”

“Travis, there ain’t time for you to get riled. What if this had happened when we was back in Kentucky? You’re the only one who knows the layout of the way Odom dug that mine, and you’ve got to get your ass out there.”

“Can it wait a little while?” he asked quietly. “I’ve got business to tend to here, with the bank.”

Sam hesitated, then said, “An hour. No more. I’m going to get some things we’ll need, and I’ll wait for you at the hotel. But hurry, Travis.”

He rushed out.

Fifteen minutes later, the old Latford place paid for, Travis tucked the deed in the inside of his brown leather coat and left the bank. He was going to tell Marilee.

When he entered their suite, he found her sitting on the floor of the parlor, papers and books scattered all around her. She flashed him a big grin and said, “I’m so glad you’re home early, Travis. I want to show you these materials that arrived today all the way from Boston. They are just what I need for the children! The latest history books…” Her voice trailed off as she saw the strange way he was looking at her. She scrambled to her feet and ran to slip her arms around his neck.

He pushed her aside gently and walked over to seat himself on the sofa, patting the place next to him. “Come here. There’s something I’ve got to tell you. It’s good news. And I hope you’re going to be just half as happy as I am.”

She hurried over, heaving a sigh of relief. “Thank heavens it’s not anything bad. Really, Travis, you have a funny way of bringing good tidings.” She laughed and kissed his cheek, then withdrew as she realized he was still being guarded.

Taking the deed from his coat, he handed it to her without a word. Slowly, almost hesitantly, she took it from him, unfolded the crisp sheets, and began to read it. He watched as her eyebrows raised, lips parted slightly, and then she gave a little cry and stared at him in horror before exclaiming, “Travis, why did you buy land so far from town? I mean, this is on the Carson River. That’s a good way below us, and you’ll have a long way to travel to keep an eye on things. Goodness”—she paused to laugh nervously—“it’s bad enough that you have to travel back and forth so far to the mine, and—”

“Marilee, listen to me!” He spoke sternly yet gently, for he knew she had already guessed the truth but was not willing to accept it. “The land is up near Silver Springs. And that is a long way from here. Too far for me to travel just to ‘keep an eye on things,’ as you say. I didn’t buy this land to keep an eye on it, anyway. I bought it to live on.”

“Live on?” she echoed, stunned.

“Me, you, and John. There’s a cabin on it now, and I’m having it fixed up. We should be able to move there next week. Later we’ll think about a house. A nice house. As big as you want. The main thing is to get out of this hotel.”

She rose to her feet stiffly, face set, brown eyes flashing like red coals. “You can’t do this to me, Travis,” she said, unwavering. “I came with you all the way out here to this…this wilderness. I left everything I’ve ever known behind me. You never knew how miserable I was.”

“Marilee, listen to me.” He stood and reached for her, but she jerked away, giving him a look so furious that for an instant he was shocked into silence.

“No!” she hissed. “You listen to me. I never told you how miserable I was. How homesick. I love you. I love your son. I think of him now as
our
son. I have tried to be a mother to him. I have tried to be a wife to you, even though you refuse to forget another woman.
God knows I have tried!”

She clenched her fists, took a deep breath, and rushed on. “I finally found something that gave
me
happiness, real happiness. The Indian school. They need me as much as I need them. You can’t take that away from me. You can’t make me move miles away to live on some godforsaken wilderness just because you feel smothered by town, smothered by society, smothered by decorum, and—”

“Marilee, stop it!” He grabbed her shoulders and shook her. When she was quiet he made his voice gentle. “This is for the best, believe me. Virginia City is no place to raise a child. A hotel is no place for a family. We are not going to a wilderness. We’re going to an empire, an empire that you and I are going to build together. We will have hands to help with the livestock. We’ll have servants to work in the house. There will be people around us. It won’t be a wilderness. All we’ve got to do is get out there and work.”

“The school…” she moaned, swaying.

“Hell, Marilee!” He was losing patience fast. “Start another school out there. There are Indians all over the place.”

“I love some of these children.”

“You will learn to love others just as much.” He stepped away, running his fingers through his thick black hair. Whirling, he cried, “Damn it, woman, you’re my wife. You’re going to do as I say. And I don’t have time to argue with you about it anymore.”

Her eyes sparkled once more, and he knew sadness was being covered by anger. “You don’t have any regard for my feelings at all, do you?” she said in a deadly voice. “And what about John? Have you asked him how he feels about moving so far out? Leaving his friends? He loves it here as much as I do, and it isn’t fair to keep uprooting him. He needs a home.”

“I’m building one for him. And for you, too,” he cried. Damn it, he hated it when he felt himself getting this mad. He knew all too well the consequences of losing his temper. He squeezed his eyes shut, reminding himself that there was, after all, no point in arguing. The decision had been made. The land was his. He was going.

His eyes flashed open. He stared at her thoughtfully for several moments, then murmured, “You don’t like it here, Marilee. You have never been happy as my wife.”

“Yes, I’ve been happy as your wife,” she spoke up quickly, making a move toward him. Then she checked herself. Clasping her hands at her bosom she said cautiously, “Even though I know I live with a ghost and always will.”

A nerve jumped in his face. “You knew that when you married me.”

“You might have tried a little harder, Travis. I found out all too soon that there was no love for me in your cold heart. You find things in me to admire. You enjoy my body—perhaps not as much as before, but you find satisfaction with me. Other than that, you feel nothing for me.”

He cocked his head to one side, as though understanding all of this for the first time. “You really believe what you’re saying?”

She nodded. “I also fulfilled a need for your son.”

“You have been a good mother to him, Marilee,” he said readily. “I can’t fault you for a thing.”

Her smile was sad. “Except that I’m not Kitty. And you’ll never love
me.
You’ll never care about
my
wants.”

Suddenly he faced her with the look of a man who has finally come to terms with himself. Taking a deep breath, he said with finality, “I think you should go home, Marilee. I think we should get a divorce.”

“Divorce?” she echoed, hands moving to clutch her throat. “But why, Travis? Because I don’t want to move to the desert or give up teaching the children? I don’t understand.”

“I can’t make you happy, Marilee. Not the way you deserve to be. And I don’t like seeing you miserable.”

“I…I haven’t been miserable,” she whispered softly. “I have loved you with all my heart, Travis…the way I have prayed you would one day love me. You can’t want a divorce.” She began to shiver but he didn’t see it. He stared down at the carpet for a long time before looking up again.

He gestured at her. “Look at you. You don’t look healthy. You’re pale, sickly. Look at what this life is doing to you.

“As for John,” he went on, feeling like a heartless bastard but unable to help himself, “in time, he’ll understand. Maybe in the summer he can visit you.”

Without quite looking at him she whispered painfully, “This is what you really want? For me to leave you?”

Suddenly he knelt before her, both hands reaching to clasp her hands in his. “No,” he answered honestly, “it isn’t. I care for you. But I don’t want to hurt you.”

She bit down on her lower lip, forced her eyes to meet his unwaveringly. Taking a deep breath, she said, “I am not leaving you, Travis. I will not divorce you. I will give up the school and move to the desert with you, and I will continue to do my best to make you happy. But I will not leave you. Not now. Not ever.”

He knew she meant every word. With a deep sigh, he got to his feet and walked over to the window. It was not, he knew now, ever going to work out. He would spend the rest of his life worrying over his inability to love her, fearing she was being hurt, always unable to do anything about it. But she had said she would not leave, and he could hardly force her. But damn it to hell, where did all this leave him?

He realized she was speaking. Very slowly he turned, head tilted slightly as he realized that he had heard her correctly.

“I’m going to have your baby,” she repeated.

Outside the door, Sam stood, rigid. He had been about to knock, but had heard them fighting.

He shook his head from side to side and struggled against the horror rising within him.

Marilee was going to have a baby. Dear God in heaven, how could he go ahead and tell Travis what he had just found out? He couldn’t. He turned away. He could not tell his friend. He would have to carry the heartbreaking secret all by himself. It was, he told himself sternly, the only way.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Travis glanced over at Sam as they rode out of town to the mine site, clouds of dust swirling around the horses’ hooves. Sam did not look well. “You sick?” Travis called out.

“Hell, no,” Sam retorted, staring straight ahead.

“Something’s wrong. Did the doctor give you a bad report on Rigby?”

Sam winced. “He’s going to be okay. A few broken ribs. Plenty of bruises. A few cuts. He was lucky.”

“Then what is it?”

“Nothing. I’m worried about getting that new shaft dug.”

Travis continued to stare at him. He had known Sam too long not to know when there was something eating him. “Sam, what in hell is going on?” he asked sharply. “I know there’s something.”

Sam kicked his horse, moving him into a faster gait, but Travis kept up. “Will you slow down?” he cried, annoyed. “It’s too hot to run these horses like this.”

Sam slowed, but only a little.

“Marilee is going to have a baby.”

Sam nodded.

Suddenly, Travis reined to a sharp halt. Damn it, what was wrong with the man? He waited until Sam realized he was no longer beside him and stopped.

Travis kneed his horse to a trot. “You didn’t say a goddamn word. Now just what the hell is going on, Sam? Something is wrong, and I want to know what.”

Sam took a deep breath. He could not, would not, tell him. “I’m just worried about what happened at the mine,” he lied. “I also overheard you telling Marilee you wanted a divorce. I was about to knock when I heard you yelling, and I guess I just eavesdropped. I’m sorry.”

Travis shrugged. “I would have told you sooner or later. I do think we’d be better off if we went our separate ways. It was a mistake and it’s worse for her than for me. But it’s too late now. If she’s going to have my baby, then that settles everything. I’ll just have to try harder to make things work out.”

“Didn’t you love her at all?” Sam suddenly exploded, and Travis stared, aghast. “I thought you did. Hell, I knew you’d never care for her the way you did Kitty, but I was sure you felt something. If she hadn’t told she was in the family way, would you have kicked her out?”

“I don’t like putting it that way, Sam,” Travis said, shaking his head. “I would have sent her back to Kentucky. She’s wealthy, but I would never have let her lack for anything. As for loving her—no, I don’t. I never will. I care for her, respect her, admire her. That’s as far as it goes. Being the mother of my child will naturally cause me to feel something more. But love? No.”

Sam’s eyes narrowed. “Are you happy about the baby?”

Travis had not really thought about it. He nodded slowly as he began to let it sink in. “Yeah, I am, Sam. I never thought of myself as a family man, but I love John and I will love another child just as much. Maybe now that I think about it, it happened for the best. Marilee deserves better, but I’ll just try to treat her better.