Love and Truth (2 page)

“I can’t believe it, Nic. You’re a high school graduate. It’s hard to believe that just eighteen years ago you were a tiny baby in my arms.”

I didn’t see what the big deal was.

“Mom, you’re not old. You still look great and you did a good job raising me. Isn’t that the upside?”

“Nic, you’re too sweet, even though I don’t agree.”

Ever since my parents divorced last year she was totally self-depreciating. Dad came to my graduation ceremony and gave me a gift, but that was it. I was headed to his house tonight to stay for the remainder of the weekend.

I rarely saw him since the divorce. I was dumbfounded when I heard they were divorcing. Twenty years of marriage thrown away for no reason. They moved on so effortlessly that I was confused. This wasn’t how my friends described their parent’s divorces. It seemed
normal
for Mom and Dad, so painless. Other than Mom making a few comments here and there, she went on like everything was fine. All the while, I was feeling like I lost my whole family.

My mom went on being
supermom
; going to every school event and field trip, sitting on the school PTO board, and volunteering in my classes. She was always the Martha Stewart of moms, baking, cleaning and doing crafts. She was raised by my Gran, and that meant always striving for domestic perfection. As a little girl, I thought Mom had super powers, because she could do anything she set her mind to, just like Gran.

My dad had a girlfriend now, and I’m not her biggest fan. My dad knows it. He makes sure she’s nowhere around when I visit, and I never ask about her. That’s just a subject that I prefer to stay away from.

I threw my banana peel away, ran to the bathroom, and swept my long, thick brown hair into a tight bun. I threw on a leotard and tights, a pair of sweats, and my dance jacket. There was no need for makeup; I would just sweat it off after five hours of dancing. I wasn’t trying to impress anyone. I never thought about guys. My parent’s divorce solidified my opinion of
love
, and I wanted nothing to do with falling in or out of it. Their divorce convinced me that the idea of true love was a bunch of crap. I still didn’t know how two people who were together for twenty years could just move on, like all that time never happened. I didn’t have time for boys anyway. Dance took up all my time, and relationships were time-consuming. I watched many friends be overtaken by a relationship; it was nauseating.

I put on my shoes and opened the front door.

“Bye, Mom,” I hollered. “I’m headed to the studio and I’m going to stay at Dad’s. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Have a good practice,” she yelled back. “Say hello to your father.” It was too weird! It was like they were buddies or something. She always said to say hello, and I never did.

The studio was alive with people rustling around and getting ready for class. The
dance moms
were all huddled together, probably secretly thinking up new ways to stab each other in the back or how to make their kids better than the others. The other
dance moms
were reading books or chatting up friends. They’re the normal moms of the studio. They’re genuinely nice to each other and purely supportive of their kids and their dancing. My mom is neither, because she never comes to the studio anymore, not since the divorce. I changed out of my sweats and jacket, put on my jazz shoes, and headed into Studio A where my teacher, Ms. Jenny, stood waiting for me to show up for my private.

“Hey, Nicole,” she asked. “How was graduation?” She wore her yoga pants and studio logo t-shirt.

“I’m good and it was okay. Nothing spectacular.”

“Only you would be unenthusiastic about high school graduation,” she said, laughing.

I shrugged and started warming up. I didn’t know what she meant.

“Nicole, did you even go to any after graduation parties?”

Here we go
, I thought. She sounded just like Annie, who was probably hungover. I hadn’t heard from her today, but seeing as how it’s still early I’m sure she’s sleeping off her partying. “No, Ms. Jenny. I didn’t go to any parties. I had to be up early for practice this morning, and I knew it was best to stay in. Plus Mom and the family had a party for me at home.”

“You know, you could have scheduled your private for another day. I was confused when I saw it on the books.”

I knew she meant well, but it really didn’t matter to me what day it was. This was my routine and I always stuck to it, whether it was graduation or not.

“It’s fine. Really, Ms. Jenny. You know this is where I would rather be anyway. This is my second home.”

She smiled and pressed
play
on the stereo system Alicia Keys’s velvety voice flowed throughout the room and my heart smiled. I loved everything about the studio: the music, the smell, the mirrored walls staring back at me, showing me all I can be. We warmed up and the hard work began. My private sessions were so I could concentrate on my technique and improve on any weaknesses. My Dad always pushed me to be the best and told me never to settle for less.

“Perfection is not attainable,” he used to say, quoting Vince Lombardi. “But if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence.” I have always strived to catch excellence in every competition and every recital.

As I stretched, I suddenly remembered that this was my last week at the studio. It had been my second home for so long and I was going to miss it dearly. I was leaving for Japan in a week, but I forgot how fast that day was approaching. Of course, everyone expected me to go to Julliard or some other prestigious performing arts school, but for once I decided to think outside the box.

I was born in Okinawa, Japan. My Dad was a government contractor, and he worked overseas on the Japanese island, where I was born at a Naval Hospital. I was only six months old when we moved back to the States, but I always wanted to visit the place where I was born. At the beginning of my senior year, I began researching dance academies and host family programs overseas. Annie thought I had fallen off the deep end.

“Holy Santa Claus shit, Nic!” she screamed. “
Japan
? What the fuck for?”

I loved Annie. She had an x-rated mouth, was funny as hell and could always make me laugh. She had a heart the size of Texas, and I could always count on her.

“I was born there and I want to see the place where I was born. I’ve read a lot about it and you should see this place. It’s magnificent, truly beautiful.”

“Nic, there are plenty of fucking beautiful places right here in America. You don’t have to go traipsing off to Tokyo. You were only a baby. All you did was eat, cry and shit there for six months. I get that you were born there, but you were an infant. You lived there for six months. Actually, no you didn’t. You ate, slept, shit...then ate, slept and shit some more. That’s all you did. You were a baby! It’s not like you’re going to go back and reminisce about your childhood. Oh, wow, look over there, that’s where I was born, in that hospital and look, there it is, the nursery where me and a bunch of other screaming, crying, eating, and shitting babies were kept until our parents took us home!”

I looked at her and shook my head. Annie was never afraid to say what was on her mind. We laughed and I continued pleading my case to her.

“First of all, it’s Okinawa, not Tokyo. And yes, you’re right. I was just a baby, but it’s still my birthplace. Plus it’s exotic and the culture there is amazing. I’ve lived my entire life in a perfect little box, all wrapped nicely with a pretty bow on top. I’m ready to rip that shit off and go out in the world to see new things and meet new people. I want to find myself.”

She didn’t argue anymore but she had to put one last bit of wisdom into the mix. “Okay, I can see that you’re set on this bat shit crazy adventure. You want to go
Eat Love Pray
, I can follow that. But for the love of baby Jesus, please get laid while you’re there. Then, as soon as you do, I want a full report. Those military guys over there are everywhere. It’s probably like a hot guy convention on a daily basis, and you know those Marines are just dripping with sex appeal. Actually, the more I think about it, the more jealous I am that you and your fine ass will be over there for a year soaking up the sand and sun with
The Few and The Proud.
”

Here we go again
, I thought. Annie was always trying to push me into having sex. Not that she had much experience in that area. She had sex with one guy and now she acted like Dr. Ruth.

“Really, I’m not going there to have sex with a bunch of jarheads. I’m going there to learn about a new culture and to dance. That’s it. You know how I feel about the whole relationship scene, it’s not for me. I’m never going to end up like my parents. Never!”

“Nic, you don’t have to get married to have sex with someone. I mean, holy hell, it’s not the end of the world to like a guy. If you tried it, you might actually enjoy the company of the opposite sex.”

“Maybe one day,” I said. But that was the last thing on my mind. Once I started reading about Japan, I knew it was what I wanted. My parents were stunned when I told them.

“If you think that I’m allowing my 18-year-old daughter to live overseas,” my dad said, “you’re out of your ever-loving mind.”

For her part, my mom shook her head silently.

“Dad, Mom, I love you both, but this is my decision. I’ve never given you any reason to not trust me. I’ve earned this and I want this.”

“Nicole, I know you’re responsible and I know you’re trustworthy,” my dad said. “What you don’t understand is that this world is unsafe and you’re a beautiful young woman who’s vulnerable to the crazy people out there. You’ve never been away from home for longer than a weekend at a dance competition or to dance camps in the summer. There’s a hell of a lot more for me to fear for you than whether you’re going to be responsible or not.”

I knew right away this was going to be a tough sell, but the look on my dad’s face told me it was going to be harder than I originally thought.

“Dad, I’m not going to be alone. I’ll live with a host family. People do it all of the time. Just like exchange students.”

His brow creased and he rubbed his temples. “Nic, I just–”

“Bradley, I think we should let her do this,” my mom interjected. “She’s apparently thought a lot about this and she has her mind made up. She is a good girl and we shouldn’t stand in her way. As long as we ensure that she’s placed with a stable host family, I think we should let her go.”

My jaw dropped in disbelief as I was rendered temporarily speechless.

“Lara, I don’t believe you’re gonna undermine me in front of Nicole,” he said, shaking his head. “You never cease to amaze me lately, you know that?” I had seen this look before. He stormed out the front door and we heard his truck’s tires squeal out of the driveway.

“Mom, what’s going on with you and Dad?” I asked. “You’ve been weird lately and I’ve never heard him yell at you like that before. I’m really sorry, this is my fault.” I said as tears started running down my face. She got up and put her arms around me.

“Honey, your father and I are going through some stuff right now. It’s not your fault in the least.” I looked up at her eyes and could see that she was distraught.