Love At Last (Lily's Story, Book 3) (5 page)

He grinned. “I just like to look at you.”

I decided to go for it. “I like to look at you too.”

His grin widened. “Is that right?”

I suddenly felt shy. “Yes.” I hesitated. “I really like you, Marcus.”

A mix of emotions swept across his face, then he bit his lip. He looked at Natalie, then across the room, then finally at me. “I have to be honest, Lily. I’m not sure exactly how I feel.”

My heart sank. I had told him my feelings too soon.

He glanced at his hands in his lap before looking back at me. “Don’t get me wrong, you mean a lot to me, but . . . I’m just not sure if we can be more than friends.”

Devastated, but also confused, I shook my head. “Then why do you say those things?”

“What things?”

“Like a minute ago, when you said you like to look at me. What was that?”

His face reddened. “I guess I like to flirt with you.”

“Is that what ‘just friends’ do? They flirt?” I shook my head and turned away, then looked at him. “I just feel like you’re sending me mixed signals, Marcus.”

“Maybe I am.” He shook his head. “I don’t know.” He looked at Natalie for a moment, then back at me. “It’s just that I don’t feel ready to be in a relationship yet. After Marissa . . . well, ever since we broke up, I just don’t want to put myself out there like that.” He gazed at me, and his brows pulled together. “To be one hundred percent honest, I’m not sure
you’re
ready. I mean, a few months ago you were still married. Yeah, you were separated, but . . . I don’t think I even want to go in to how complicated all of that was.” He looked away again, then back at me. “Right now I think it’s best if we’re just friends.”

His comments sent me reeling. Who was he to say what I was and wasn’t ready for? Or was he right, and I wasn’t ready for anything more than mere friendship? Either way, he clearly didn’t want to move beyond friendship with me. Disappointment shot through me, which surprised me. I hadn’t realized how much I’d been hoping he would respond with feelings similar to mine.

I tried to hide my dismay as I forced a smile on my face. “I understand.”

He looked relieved. “Do you still want me to take care of Greta while you’re on your cruise?”

I nodded. “If you don’t mind.”

“No, I don’t mind at all.”

“You can stay here, if it would be easier.”

“Okay.”

We chatted a little while longer, then he announced that he needed to get going. I walked him to the door and he opened it.

“Thanks again for dinner, Lily. It was delicious.”

“You’re welcome. Thanks for being willing to take care of Greta.”

He left a moment later and I locked the door behind him. Natalie started fussing and I picked her up. “Are you getting hungry, baby girl?” Her crying got louder and tears sprang to my eyes. “I know, sweetheart. I know. I wish he felt towards me like I feel towards him, but there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Before I knew it, tears were cascading down my face. I held Natalie close and patted her back and she began to quiet, then I took her into the kitchen and placed her in her baby seat. My tears stopped and I wiped my face, then fixed her something to eat.

That night as I lay in bed and breathed in Marcus’s fading scent from the pillow, loneliness washed over me, making me cold. I pulled the blankets up to my chin and snuggled into the warmth of the bedding. I missed having strong arms around me, and longed for Marcus to return the feelings I had for him. I remembered the close physical contact I’d had with him before Natalie had been born, when he’d taught me self-defense moves.
 

Maybe it’s time for a brush-up course, I thought as I drifted off to sleep, a smile growing on my face.

Chapter Five

I waited two days to call Marcus to ask him if he’d be willing to teach me a refresher course on self-defense. He said he would have to check his schedule and get back to me, which I found surprising. Before, he’d always seemed available to come over whenever I asked. He called back a short time later and said he could come over on Saturday.

Bright and early Saturday morning he appeared on my door step. It was early in July and very hot, so we had agreed to have the lesson first thing in the morning while it was still relatively cool.

“Good morning,” I said as I let him into the house.

He wore a pair of sweats, along with a t-shirt that hugged his biceps. “You sure you want to do this today? It’s already pretty hot.”

“Are you wimping out on me, Marcus?”

He grinned. “I was only thinking of you.”

“Uh-huh. Well, I’m fine, so unless it’s too hot for
you
, I’m ready to go.”

He laughed. “Okay then.”

We brought Natalie’s swing outside and set it in the shade of the porch, and I placed her in it, then locked Greta in the house. The first time Marcus had given me self-defense lessons, she’d gotten upset and growled at him.

“I think we’re all set.” I walked out into the middle of the backyard and waited for Marcus to join me.

A moment later he stood in front of me. “What brought on this sudden desire to review your self-defense moves?” A look of concern filled his face. “Is someone bothering you, Lily?”

His sincere worry touched me deeply, and I smiled. There was no way I would admit the truth. I wanted these lessons for two reasons: One, an excuse to spend time with him, and two, a good reason to have physical contact with him. The more I thought about how little touch I got in my life—besides Natalie, but that was different—the more I wanted it. “No. It’s just been a while and I, well, I do live alone out here.”

Relief spread across his face. “Okay.” His eyebrows pulled together. “You would tell me if someone was bothering you, wouldn’t you?”

“Of course.” Although in reality, I didn’t know if I would. What would he do about it if there was? Not that there was any great likelihood of anyone stalking me—I hardly interacted with anyone lately.

“Good. Let’s get started then.”

I smiled, ready for this.

“Turn around and try to forget I’m behind you. I want to see how much you remember.”

“Okay.” I turned my back to him and tried to forget he was about to grab me, which was nearly impossible as I was eager to feel his touch. Trying to be a good student, I ran through the moves in my mind, preparing to respond to his ‘attack’. A moment later it came, catching me off-guard. For a moment I froze as I flashed back to Trevor’s attacks only a few months before, then I went into action, running through the steps I’d learned. A moment later I was free.

Marcus faced me, a wide smile on his face. “Very good.”

Pleased by his compliment, I beamed. As I looked into his striking green eyes, my body warmed and I was glad I had thought of this reason to invite him over.

“Let’s try an attack from the front,” he said.

I glanced at Natalie and made sure she was okay, then nodded to Marcus. He moved toward me and grabbed one of my arms, but I immediately went through the moves I knew, and broke free. We went through a few more attacks from the front and I was able to break free from all of his attempts.

“I don’t think you need a refresher course, Lily. You seem pretty solid.”

“Thanks. After what happened with . . . well, a few months ago, I run through the different defensive moves in my mind from time to time.”

“That’s great.”

“But it’s nice to actually go through the steps once in a while too. I don’t want to get rusty.”

“True.” He paused. “Let’s try one more. Turn around.”

I did as he said, wondering what attack move he was going to try next. Suddenly his arm wrapped around my throat. This time I froze as I had a vivid flashback to the night a few months before when Trevor had nearly strangled me to death. Panic pumped through me, and my heart began to race. I squeezed my eyes closed for a moment, then opened them and focused on the row of flowers planted along the fence, anchoring myself in the here and now, which calmed me. I grabbed Marcus’s arm, then I went through my moves to break free. He dropped his arm to his side as I turned to look at him for approval.

“You hesitated that time. Is everything okay?”

We were standing just a few inches apart and I gazed up at him. “For a moment I remembered that night, and I froze.”

Worry and sadness filled his eyes. “I wish I’d gotten to your house sooner that night. I feel so guilty that I didn’t answer your phone call right away. If only I’d been there, things might have turned out different.” He looked past me and frowned, then looked at me. “I should have been there for you, Lily.”

I shook my head. “It’s not your fault. You had no idea what he was capable of.” I smiled. “Anyway, Greta saved the day and I’m okay now.”

He gazed at me and his eyes sparkled with unshed tears. “I can’t even allow myself to imagine what would have happened if Greta hadn’t come in at that moment. You would have
died
, Lily.”

Our eyes locked and an overwhelming feeling of love swept over me, and without thinking, I threw my arms around his neck and pressed my cheek against his chest. After a brief hesitation, his arms went around me, pulling me close. I relished the moment, memorizing the feel of his body pressed against mine. I didn’t move, never wanting for him to let go, but a moment later Natalie started fussing, and reluctantly, I pulled out of his embrace.

I looked at his face and saw the same mix of feelings I’d seen the night I’d told him I really liked him, and I wondered how firmly he wanted to stay in the friend zone.
 

“Motherhood calls,” he said, his expression smoothing out.

“Yep.” I walked over to Natalie and took her out of her swing. “Are you getting too hot, baby girl?”

“I think we’ve done enough today, don’t you?” Marcus asked as he stepped onto the porch.

“Yeah, I suppose I should bring her back inside. Do you want something cold to drink?”

“Sure.”

We went into the house, and with Natalie on my hip, I poured a cold glass of lemonade for both Marcus and myself. “Here you go.” I handed him the glass and he gulped it down.

“That was exactly what I needed. Thanks.”

“Help yourself to more.” I drank mine and watched as he poured himself another. I wondered what he was thinking—had he enjoyed our embrace as much as I had? Had it made him reconsider our relationship status as only friends? Or had it confirmed to him that he wasn’t ready to go beyond friendship?

He acted like he always did—as if nothing unusual had happened—and I decided I must be the only one who felt something. Sharp disappointment flooded my heart, but I forced it away, focusing on the fun time we’d had. I fixed a bottle of water for Natalie, worried she might be thirsty after being outside in the summer heat, but she didn’t seem interested in drinking it. I smiled at Marcus. “Thanks for running through those moves with me. I’m glad to know I still remember how to do them.”

“Anytime, Lily. I had fun.”

I tried to read between the lines, but decided to just accept his comment on its face. “Me too.”

“I’d better get going. I promised my parents I’d help them with some things around the house today.”

I nodded. “Tell them I said hi.”

He tilted his head to one side. “Why don’t you tell them yourself? They just live next door.”

“I don’t think your mom approves of me, Marcus.”

His eyebrows pulled together. “Why do you think that?”

I gave him a look like,
Isn’t it obvious?
 

He shook his head. “What?”

I wasn’t sure if he was being dense on purpose, or if he really had no clue. “Don’t you think she was just a little . . . I don’t know . . . disappointed in me, when she found out I’d been lying about myself for all those months?”

“I’m sure she understands why you did it. You had a crazy husband trying to find you.”

“I don’t know. And to be honest, I’m kind of embarrassed about the whole thing. I mean, your parents were so nice to me and I lied to them about my marital status, even my name.”

He laughed. “I’m sure they’re over it by now, Lily.”

I wasn’t so sure, but I shrugged to show that there was nothing left to discuss. “Thanks again for coming over.”

He grinned. “Like I said. Anytime.”

I felt a rush of desire as I looked at his smile, then heat spread across my body as I thought about being in his arms only moments before. I walked him to the door, then waved to him as he backed out of my driveway and drove away.

The next morning Marcus’s mother, Trish, called. “How are you, Ka . . . uh, Lily?”

I cringed at her near-use of my alias, embarrassed about the lies I’d told her. “Good, Trish. How about you?”

“I’m fine. I was calling to invite you over to lunch today. I haven’t really spent any time with you since your baby arrived and I’d love to see you and to get to know her.”

I wondered if Marcus had put her up to this after the conversation we’d had the day before. Though I feared the lunch would be uncomfortable, Trish was my neighbor as well as Marcus’s mother, and I decided it was better to break the ice now, rather than put it off. “Sure, that sounds great. What time would you like me to come over?”

“Would twelve thirty work?”

“Yes. Natalie will be between her morning and afternoon naps then, so that will work fine. Would you like me to bring anything?”

“No, no. I’ll take care of it. See you then.”

I set my phone down and looked at Greta, who lay on the floor at my feet. “Well, girl, this should be interesting.”

She looked up at me, her tongue hanging out, then stood and pressed her nose against my hand.

“You want to play? I think we have a little while before Natalie wakes up from her nap.” Greta followed me as I went out back, then I picked up her favorite ball and threw it for her. She ran to pick it up, then trotted back to me and dropped it at my feet.

“You’re such a good girl.” I scratched her head and she seemed to smile in her doggy way. I threw the ball for her over and over until my arm was tired and I knew she needed to take a break. “Let’s go inside and cool off.”
 

I made sure her bowl had plenty of water, then cleaned up and checked on Natalie, who was awake, but happy. As I changed and fed her, I thought about the lunch I would be having with Trish in another hour, and imagined myself explaining why I’d had to lie to her and her husband. I pictured Trish’s reaction going one of two ways. Either she’d forgive everything and it wouldn’t be a big deal, or she’d lecture me on why I should have told her the truth from the start.