Love Beyond Words (City Lights: San Francisco Book 1) (39 page)

Mama,
Julian prayed, tearing the car down the darkened street,
if you're watching over us, guide me to her. Before it’s too late.
He’d felt no answer to his plea and desperately chose Eagle Point because—his stomach roiling with terror at the thought—it was close to a high cliff with rugged shoreline below.
Anything. I’ll do anything. Let it be the right place. Let me reach her in time.

The Mercedes was fast. It took everything Julian had not to floor it, and when he hit the long straightaway of Geary Street, he did.

Natalie took the stairs slowly, both for fear of the final destination, and for the more banal reason: it was a dark, moonless night, and she didn’t want to turn an ankle. As if it still mattered. The stairs that zigzagged up and down the seaside park of Land’s End were notoriously steep. She’d hoped to hike them someday with Julian, to take in the breathtaking view of the Bay, walk the labyrinth of stones at Eagle Point, and watch the waves crash on Mile Rock Beach below. She’d have liked to do a lot of things with Julian, she thought; fill the years together. But that was not to be.

“Where is he?” she asked over her shoulder. David limped behind her, the gun a dark shadow in his hand. “Do you think he has any idea what you’re doing right now? That you killed—” her breath hitched, “—you killed a man and you’re going to kill again? Do you think, wherever he is, he can even imagine it?”

“Shut up,” David said dully.

“I don’t think he could fathom it,” Natalie said, her voice sounding strange in her own ears, too calm for what was about to happen. “Julian’s too full of love to imagine that someone close to him would be capable of ending a life. Never mind two. You think he won’t know it when he sees you? That he won’t read it in your eyes?”

“I said, shut up.”

“I think he will,” Natalie said. The ocean crashing against the shores of Mile Rock Beach was louder now. They were almost there. “I think it will be the first thing he sees when he looks at you. Whatever you think might happen between you and him died when…when Marshall did.” Her breath hitched. “It died with Marshall.”

“He’ll never know,” David said. He sounded numb. “It’ll be weeks before he gets back. By then, I’ll have gotten used to…what I did.”

“Where is he, David?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Then tell me.”

“Croatia.”

Natalie stopped. “Croatia.”

“That’s what I said.” David nudged her with the gun. “Move.”

Rijeka,
she thought, and the tears came now, blurring what little vision she had in the deepening dark.
To make amends. To make peace.

She stopped and clutched the railing, sobs wracking her, her legs threatening collapse. “Don’t do this, David. Please. I can’t…I don’t want to die. Don’t take me away from him…”

David made a strangled, tear-choked noise. “Now you know what I’ve been feeling. Now you know
exactly
what it’s been like for me, watching the two of you...” He sniffed, wiped his eyes, and pushed the gun into her arm. “Keep going. We’re almost done.”

#

The labyrinth’s stony pattern was hardly visible in the meager light of a night that seemed so black and dark. She could just make out the ankle-high rocks that curled and turned and coiled toward a center. She’d hoped there would be people walking it and taking in the view of the Golden Gate Bridge, but it was late on a cold Sunday night. There was no one.

“Okay,” David said. “This is it.”

Natalie hugged herself in her thin gray sweater, her dress swirling around her knees in the frigid wind. Below, white-capped waves crashed and gnawed on the rocky shore.

“Get…uh, get on your knees,” David said. The gun in his hand trembled.

“David, don’t,” Natalie said. “You won’t be okay in a week or two. I promise you. Julian will know because it will be there, written in your eyes. If you do this…he’ll see it.”

“Shut up.”

“I know because I’ve…I’ve seen it.”

“You’ve seen what?”

She looked up at him and even in the darkness, she could see the terror behind his glasses. The desperation.

“My parents. I watched them die and it doesn’t leave. Not after two weeks, not after two years, or three or four
…
” Natalie clutched her sweater, staring, as the terrible memory that crawled out of its grave, whole and unbroken, all at once.

“The screams came first. Screams and screeching tires. I turned around and saw my mother…my beautiful mother. She turned too. She saw the car coming and reached her hand out to my father. He sprang on his heels as if to push her out of the way but it was too late. That drunk man barreled his big ugly green car into them…that huge, heavy machine they had no chance of withstanding, and they broke and bent like straws against it and under it and I saw the life knocked out them…I
saw
them alive one second and then dead the next. I saw it.”

The pain of that horrible day flared and then settled to a dull ache, like an open wound finally sewn shut. She sighed and let it go, feeling as if a shadow had been lifted from her, a heavy burden set down.

But too late. I’m too late.
“Don’t do this, David,” Natalie said. “You know how bad it is…you saw Marshall…”

He shook his head. “No, I turned and ran. I ran before…” He heaved his own breath, steeling himself. “It’s too late,” he said, echoing her words. “Too late for me if I turn back now. That makes it too late for you. Let’s get this over with.”

Natalie felt the tiny spark of hope burn out. She dropped to her knees beside the curls of stone, shaking until she thought she’d break apart. David took a step closer. Then another. Natalie waited for calm, for a sense of peace to fall over her but it didn’t. Instead, anger mingled with fear, and her hand curled around one of the labyrinth’s rocks beside her.

“I’m sorry,” David said, raising his arm. “I know you don’t believe me, but I truly am. I didn’t want this to happen. I…”

Natalie clutched the rock, tensed and ready. It probably wouldn’t work. He’d probably kill her anyway but at least she’d die fighting. And then a voice came out of the dark, a slender figure in black raced toward them, like a shadow or ghost.

“David! Wait!”

David gasped. “Julian?”

Natalie didn’t dare look at him, but kept her head bowed as
fear and hope clashed within her, both giving her strength. She clutched the rock at her knee more tightly and waited.

#

She was still alive. Even before he’d finished tearing down the endless stairs, Julian saw the two dark figures at the cliff’s edge; Natalie kneeling at David’s feet and David’s arm, rising.

“David! Wait!” Julian raced across the labyrinth, to the center, keeping his eyes trained on David; if he even looked at Natalie he’d falter and the tiny flicker of a plan he’d formed would die. And so would she.

“Julian?” David breathed. “How…how are you here?”

“I couldn’t stay away,” Julian said. “I couldn’t get on the plane and leave you. Not without first telling you…” He paused to catch his breath, to quickly find the words, any words, to save Natalie.

“Tell me what?” David asked and his words were so saturated with hope and love that despite everything, Julian almost felt sorry for him…Almost. The gun in his hand was pointed at Natalie. It took everything Julian had to inject his voice with longing and regret and not race forward and tear his throat out.

“For six years, I was searching for something, never realizing it was right there, right in front of me the entire time.” Julian took a step forward until there were ten feet between him and David. “But you don’t have to do this.” He waved his hand in Natalie’s direction. “You don’t have to prove anything to me. I know the depth of your devotion. Let me prove mine. Let her live so that I can choose, David.” He took another step closer. “You will be so much happier, so much more
certain,
to know that I could have had her but I chose you instead.”

There was a silence but for the relentless wind. Julian held his breath until his pulse crashed in his ears like the waves below. He could practically feel David’s yearning, like a tidal pull.

David sniffled, tears flowing freely now. “I want so badly to believe you,” he said, “but I think you’re lying….” He cocked the hammer back on the gun aimed at Natalie’s head.

“
No!
” Julian screamed and then fell back, choking with relief as David didn’t shoot but swiveled the gun toward him.

“Pretty words,” he sobbed. “Smart words, but see? Lies. All lies. She still has a hold on you, despite all.” He raised the gun higher, at Julian’s head. “You, her, me. Like I promised her. So she could see what she did. How she ruined everything.”

Julian knew he was going to get hit but he might still be able to save Natalie. His eyes met hers for a split second, the shortest goodbye…but before he could spring forward, Natalie gave a little cry. She surged up, driving into David, and slammed a jagged rock into his knee. His scream joined the wind as his leg bent at a sickening angle, and he fell hard to the ground.

The gun’s report was loud and Julian actually felt the wind of the bullet streak past his cheek as he dove forward, and then he and David were tumbling, wrestling, rolling toward the cliff’s edge.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” David cried, even as he tried to turn the gun on Julian.

“Why?” Julian slammed David’s hand against the ground, and the gun tumbled away. “Why did you do this to her? You were my friend!” He struck him once across the face, sending David’s glasses flying, and then his hands went around David’s throat and began to squeeze. David scratched and struggled, his face bulging, his eyes, bloodshot and streaming. They met Julian’s, wordlessly pleading for mercy, and cloudy with pain and longing.

A rush of raw grief rose in Julian’s throat. “Damn you, David, you were my friend…”

His grip loosened. David hurled a handful of dirt into Julian’s eyes and slammed his elbow into his already bloodied chin. Blinded and reeling, he felt David roll out from under him and then give a startled cry. They were too close the cliff. Julian shot forward, onto his stomach, blindly groping. His hand caught David’s wrist and then he thought his arm would be torn from its socket as David swung over the side and started to slide down the rocky incline.

“David, no!” Julian gritted his teeth, his shoulder screaming. David’s wrist was already slipping through his fingers.

“I can’t, Julian,” David cried. “I can’t just be your friend. I tried…For six years, I tried.”

“We’ll get you help,” Julian said. He slid toward the cliff’s edge. He scrabbled his feet against the loose rock while panic lanced down his spine like a cold blade.
I’ll go over too…
He heard a small grunt from behind him and Natalie’s hands around his shoe, pulling. His slide toward the edge slowed but David’s hand was slipping..

“David,” Julian said through gritted teeth. “Hold on…Climb up.”

“No,” David said. The water churned and thrashed below, like a hungry shark. “You have to let go, Julian, because I can’t. I can’t let go...”

Julian held on with every bit of strength left to him, and still David’s hand slipped through his. The intense pull on his shoulder vanished; Julian felt the emptiness of his hand and heard the roar of the waves below. Slowly, he got to his hands and knees and peered over. He saw nothing but frothy water and jagged rock.
I’m sorry, David. I’m so sorry…

Soft hands gripped him and pulled him firmly away from the edge. Natalie.

She knelt beside him, the wind battering her, swirling her hair. He saw blood—black in the night—staining her cheek from a cut above her eye. He raised a shaking hand to her face, touching her lightly. He felt warmth and softness, and a strangled sob escaped him.

“Natalie…”

“I can’t believe you’re here,” she said, her hands pressing lightly on his chest, as if to prove he was solid. “I thought I’d never see you again. I thought…I thought…”

He wrapped his arms around her, held her fiercely. “I did this to you. I should have listened. I should have believed you. You never trusted him. Never.”

She shook her head. “You couldn’t have known how bad it really was. He was your friend. But oh god, Julian…” She shuddered against him. “He killed Marshall. He killed him and…”

Julian’s chest tightened. “What? No, Marshall’s not dead.”

“He’s…he’s not?” Natalie looked up at him. “Are you sure? No, he told me…David told me he killed him.”