Love Bomb (9 page)

So that didn’t help.

I can’t ring Kat, and Bill’s already given me his Shakespeare advice so that leaves Bea … or Dead
Mum. Bea doesn’t answer her phone so I have to go with Dead Mum. I know which letter I want to read:
The one where I fall in love
.

I don’t want to open the letter if there’s a chance Dad could walk in. I haven’t told him about the letters and I’m enjoying having a secret from him. I decide that the safest place is in the bath.

Ten minutes later, I’m up to my nose in wolfberry bubbles (gift from Poo to my dad – I use half the bottle) and the door is locked. After carefully wiping my hands on a towel, I open
The one where I fall in love
and pull out two crisp sheets of paper. Three papery petals fall into the bath. I sink down into the bubbles, keeping my hands up high, and start to read.

Dear Plumface,

Being in love can be very confusing, especially the first time you experience it. It’s a bit like the London Underground.

The first time I fell in love was with Rich and I was eleven years old. Every breaktime for a week, Rich gave me a Curly Wurly. Just in case Curly Wurlies don’t exist any more and you’re thinking I was getting an exotic love bite, don’t worry, a Curly Wurly is a twisty bar of toffee covered in chocolate. If I’m honest, back then they were just about the cheapest chocolate you could buy, but it was still enough to make me hold Rich’s clammy hand under the desk and to scratch ‘I l
ve Rich Musher’ on the lid of my Ghostbusters pencil tin.

With the benefit of hindsight, I wasn’t actually in love with Rich, I just really liked Curly Wurlies. I am so glad I didn’t marry him, Betty. Imagine it, Lorna Musher.

The first time I
really
fell in love, I was fifteen and it was with Carlo Ferrari.
Lorna Ferrari
… now that’s more like it! Carlo moved to our school
from Wales. The moment he walked into my classroom, I fell for him big time. He had these huge brown eyes that made my internal organs dissolve and just looking at his fingers made me blush because I wanted them to touch me so badly. Not in a rude way, just in a holding hands, pushing-a-strand-of-my-hair-behind-my-ear type of way. Best of all, he was brave.

There was this girl in our class called Eleanor who had spots. Every single day, when she walked into our tutor room, Jamie Watts called her Pizza-Face. The rest of us just watched this happening because we were so relieved he wasn’t calling us Pizza-Face. On Carlo’s first day, he heard Jamie doing his Pizza-Face routine and he walked right up to him, stared into his eyes, pointed a finger at him and said, ‘Shut it, boy!’ (Remember he came from Wales.) Jamie never called Eleanor names again.

When Carlo became one of my best friends, I still loved him. When he started going out with Eleanor a year later, I still loved him. When I went to university, I still loved him. I never told anyone that I was in love with Carlo Ferrari … until now.

These petals are from a rose he gave me. A while after he stood up to Jamie, we were walking home from school when he disappeared into someone’s garden and then reappeared holding the most beautiful pink rose I had ever seen. He handed it to me and there was this amazing moment when the world stood still and I knew I was seconds away from discovering what it felt like to hold Carlo’s wonderful hand. Then I said, ‘Thanks,’ and shoved the rose in my bag like he’d just given me a 10p Curly Wurly. I was so in love with Carlo I couldn’t believe he would like me … even when he gave me a rose. A
rose
, Betty! The international
symbol for ‘I Love You’. Two weeks later, he started going out with Eleanor.

I was way funnier than Eleanor. I would have been a great girlfriend for Carlo.

But who is this waiting round the corner …? It’s Nick Plum: painter-decorator, lover of soul music and the bravest man on the planet … oh, and your dad, of course. Now that was love alright, but it’s a whole different story.

I’m not sure who you’ll fall in love with or when it will happen. Right now you are in love with me and your dad so you’re in safe hands.

Reading over this letter it all seems to make sense, but at the time, when Rich said he wouldn’t give me any more Curly Wurlies unless I kissed him, and when I saw Carlo and Eleanor holding hands, I felt totally lost. If you feel lost when you fall in love, stay where you are, don’t panic and think. Just like
you would if you were lost on the London Underground. I’m sure you’ll find your way home.

Love you always,

Mumface xxx

I put the letter on the edge of the sink and try to scoop the rose petals out of the water, but they disintegrate into nothing. My bath’s gone cold so I turn on the hot tap with my toe and sink under the churning water. Thanks for that, Mum:
stay where you are, don’t panic and think.
Worst advice ever. But then again, what did I expect? I chose
The one where I fall in love
because I hoped she’d somehow help me understand what’s going on with Toby. But how could she have predicted that I’d fall in love with a supernaturally hot boy who would invite me to Brighton and then throw me out of his garage?

It looks like I’m going to have to work this one out on my own.

‘Mint, Betty?’ With one hand on the wheel, Toby’s mum turns round and waves a packet of Polos in my direction.

‘I’m fine, thanks,’ I say. Really, I’d like her to concentrate on the road. Toby and I were supposed to get the bus to Brighton, but as I was waiting outside Aldi, a blue sports car roared up and Toby stuck his head out of the window and told me to jump in. Now I’m sunk down low in a black leather seat listening to R. Kelly.

Every now and then, Toby’s mum’s eyes flick up to
the rear-view mirror, checking me out, and I smile and try to look nice and friendly. I don’t think she’s that impressed. From studying her eyes, I can see they are perfectly made-up and each of her lashes is curved and defined. I rummage in my bag to find a way of improving myself and pull out a tin of cocoa butter Vaseline. I take off my black-rimmed specs – I don’t need them, but I think they make me look clever – put them in my bag and then run my fingers through my hair.

‘Are you two OK to make your own way home?’ she shouts over the music. I nod and smile a glossy smile. ‘It’s just I’m staying over in Brighton tonight.’ I smile again. Suddenly, Toby turns up the music and, in perfect synchrony, they both start singing, ‘Sex Me’.

‘Mum’s a big R. Kelly fan,’ says Toby as the track ends and I see her eyes flick up to the mirror.

I smile enthusiastically and desperately try to remember the name of an R. Kelly track. ‘I love “Black Panties”!’ I yell, very pleased with myself. Her eyes
widen and then flick back to the road as I’m drowned out by the next track.

I decide to shut up and look out of the window. I’m feeling a bit guilty sitting here zooming along the fast lane towards Brighton. When Dad asked what I was doing today, I said
we
were going to go to Brighton, knowing he’d assume that ‘we’ was some combination of Bea, Kat and Bill.

It’s only since I’ve been in Year Ten that Dad’s let me go to Brighton with my friends and there’s no way he’d let me go with Toby because he doesn’t even know he exists. He knows I’m performing in the Autumn Celebration, but that’s it. Luckily he’s too distracted by his love affair with Poo to notice my world’s been turned upside down.

I’ve kept a record of this week’s Toby-love in Dennis:

1.   Monday, he gave me the bigger half of his Snickers.

2.   Wednesday – rehearsal – he looked at me while I was singing then looked away quite quickly.

3.   Thursday, he called me ‘The T-Dog’s one and only B-Cakes’ in front of Kat, and after rehearsal held my finger (OK, he kind of grabbed it to stop me touching his new guitar, but he didn’t have to keep hold of it for as long as he did).

4.   Friday, he said Saturday would be ‘wicked hanging with my mates and the B-Cake’.

‘Mates’ turns out to be ‘mate’ and his name is Nat. We meet him in the Lanes and Toby does a complicated handshake-punching thing with him, before saying, ‘This is Betty,’ and nodding in my direction.

‘Hi,’ I say, giving a wave. Nat is like a blond version of Toby. They’re both wearing low-slung skinny jeans, shirts and Diesel jackets. And they’re both tall. Standing next to them, in my panda hat, cut-offs and DMs, I feel like their scruffy little sister.

‘Alright,’ says Nat, then he grabs Toby round the neck and rubs his knuckles into his scalp. ‘I missed you, T-Dog!’

‘C’mon,’ says Toby, shaking him off, ‘I need some trainers.’

We spend the next hour wandering around looking for the perfect pair of trainers for Toby. I love shopping in Brighton, and Bill and I come whenever he’s not windsurfing and one of us has some money. We always do the same thing: go to Dave’s Comics (best comic shop in the world), drift around the second-hand shops and find funny objects, go and play with Lego in the Lego shop, then buy a doughnut from The Mock Turtle. They’re massive – the size of a baby’s face.

Today, we walk straight past Dave’s Comics, but I don’t mind. I’m just happy being seen next to Toby. At one point, as we cross the road, I catch our reflection in a shop window. In slow-mo, I see him drop his arm across my shoulders and leave it there for a couple of seconds. I get double electric shocks because I see it happen before I feel it. My reflection grins and I look like one happy panda.

Toby drags us round a series of shoe shops, and it’s only when I glance at my phone and realise it’s twelve that I start to worry about missing Bollie’s dance. It was supposed to start at midday. I find Toby by the hi-tops. ‘Can we go to Churchill Square now?’ I ask.

‘Betty’s friends are dancing there,’ Toby tells Nat. ‘They do, like, ballroom.’ He starts walking up and down the shop in a pair of grey Nikes. They’re really expensive, but his mum gave him a little wad of notes as we got out of the car so I guess he can afford them. ‘Nat, do I look like a chav?’

‘Nah, mate,’ says Nat.

‘It’s jive,’ I tell Nat. ‘And some of my friends are going to watch. I said I’d meet them there.’

‘Sure,’ says Nat, ‘Burger King’s that way.’

‘I’m just gonna try these in blue,’ says Toby. I glance at my phone. I’ve got a message from Bill:
They’re on … where are you?

‘Can I meet you there?’ Suddenly I really want to see my friends, especially as I know they’re only a few minutes away.

‘Chillax, B-Cakes. We’ll see you there in five.’

‘Don’t miss it,’ I say as I head for the door. ‘They’re really good.’

‘Five minutes,’ he says, taking a pair of Vans off the shelf.

I leg it up the hill and hear the music before I see the crowd. There are so many people I can’t see any dancers, so I squeeze my way to the front and just manage to catch the last minute of Bea and Ollie’s dance. Bea is wearing a red spotty dress. I can’t take my eyes off her as she bounces, spins and twirls. Neither can the audience. Ollie’s clearly the perfect partner because everything he does just shows off Bea’s amazing dancing. They finish with Bea rolling over Ollie’s back and popping back up through his
legs. Then the applause starts, and Bea’s in Ollie’s arms, eyes shining.

The music starts again and they join the other dancers, going round the audience and encouraging everyone to join in.

That’s when I spot Bill and Kat. They’re sitting on a low wall, the sun shining on their blond heads. Kat’s saying something to Bill and I see his serious face break into a smile. Then she gets up and heads into the middle of the crowd, doing a little dance all on her own. Kat doesn’t usually like to stand out, and I can tell from her face that she’s desperately hoping Bill will join her. And Bill is so nice that he does. Shaking his head, he goes to her and they hold hands and they do the most hopeless jive I’ve ever seen. Their feet are all over the place and they keep missing each other’s hands and bumping into the people around them. They can’t stop laughing.

Slowly, I back away. I can’t push my way through all the dancers, tap Bill and Kat on the shoulder and say,
‘Stop having fun – I’m here!’ Especially as Kat probably still hates me. Where is Toby? I glance around the crowd then check my phone. He’s sent me a message:
Find us in b-king b-cakes i got you a whopper xx t